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Please help, no time,college,career choice, baby
Hello, thaks for your help. Ive made pros and cons lists for years about which program in college to stick with and when to have a baby. Ive always wanted to do the masters of Occupational therapy but got denied twice at a top school nearby. I have a good chance of getting accepted to a college thats 1 hour and 20 minutes away but it is monday through thursday 8 to 530. I want to have a baby asap because I am 27 and have lived together with my boyfriend for 6 years. Ive been putting off children for school because I have bipolar disoprder that spirals into mania if i dont take my medication and get too stressed and i cant handle a program with those hours and a child. Thats the masters of OT ill, be done in 2 years because i already have my bachelors and ill be done with school forever after that. On the other hand I can do the assistant program of occupational therapy its more flexible and I can have a baby its only 2 classes a week for 2 years but then i definitely want to get my masters in OT and have to work for a year first if i do the assistant program then 2 years of online work for the masters. I dont know if i should do the assistant program now and have a baby then do the Masters later or wait another 3 years to have a baby but ill have my masters and ill be finished in school. aI say 3 years because both programs start in september 2018. To throw a curve ball i like nursing but hate the hours they make more money i would be able to support myself and a child on my own with the assistant in occupational therapy degree ill make 40,000 to 58,000 with a masters ill make 80,000 and with nursing ill make 60,000 to 67,000. If i do the nursing program that also starts next year and would be able to have a ch8ild because i took all the classes except 8 nursing classes as well as for the assistant in ocupational therapy program i would have only 8 classes left but they would both still take 2 years.
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I know plenty of couples non married who have kids together. What's important first is that you are sure that the boyfriend also wants to have this child. You have only stated that you want a child. Be sure before going down that road because guys don't stay because of a child, they take off if they are not committed to being a Dad and raising one for the next 18 years and just pay child support if you're lucky. I say this because I've raised 3 girls and my youngest now has a baby 5 months old. I have been over to watch baby many a time because even with the two of them taking turns, there are still many sleepless nights. So no matter which way you go, having a baby is like gambling, you never know what you're gonna get. Some first babies are no trouble at all, others are colicky all the time and cry and fuss, while still others seem to never get on a good sleep schedule. My granddaughter for example got to the point of sleeping all night and we thought great, we made it. But as she got a couple months older and more curious about her environment, she wanted to stay awake more and will nap 15 20 minutes max right now and stay awake an hour to hour 1/2 in between. I've witnessed this over and over. With a schedule like that 24/7, her parents are exhausted. I am sure you know that hon, but experiencing it and being in the middle of it, is a heck of a lot worse. You will of course need a daddy to help you out loads and loads. Then you need to take into account being able to pay for diapers any baby related things that run out and need to be repurchased often. If you are worried about your age for starting with a child, lots of women are waiting to have kids. I live on the west coast and my husband and I see so many couples in their 40s with their 1st child, we asked. So it wasn't grandchild. I had mine at 27, 30, and 33. I didn't feel I was too old, in fact I was even more mature as a person and more patient so that helped a lot. If you choose the asst thing instead right now cus its easier, then if you have kids, once they are older and in grade school, you could go back to school and work toward the masters, maybe seeing if you can now work PT at the asst. job but the BF needs to be willing to do whatever he has to, to help take care of the kids so you can do this, which could include working an extra part time job, making lunches for school, dropping off or picking kids up, etc. He has to be willing now, before you guys get there cus he will also find it as hard as you will. You can of course wait 3 yrs and go the other route and start trying to get pregnant close to the end of last year of school. Keep in mind, with that masters, you will want to work full time to pay off any school loans and be able to pay for childcare fulltime which is really expensive and I've heard the bad stories of Moms who had their kids in a licensed daycare but had really bad experiences, so a great daycare can be hard to find as well and I also discovered they can only have so many kids under the age of two or lose license so that made it harder for me to find childcare. If you were paying off loans and childcare on the lesser paying degree, it will eat up more of what you bring in.
Everything that you have said in here, I hope you've discussed with the BF. I don't know you two. But through my kids and others, I have seen plenty of young couples with and without kids and I see two individuals who work together as a team and are extremely in love and committed to each other. The commitment is important, in action, not the words I am committed to you, because when the hard times come and life gets more complicated when adding a kid, mothers maternal instincts make them stick with it and slog through however they can, but guys if not truly committed to you in their hearts and to the child, will find it too easy to leave the stress and disappear forever.
Sorry to harp on that hon, but I see so many young ladies on here who want to know what to do because the guy left them. So I see that as one of your big obstacles to consider. IF you haven't talked it over in depth with him considering all angles and thinking ahead of all the possible problems that could arise, you need too.
Since you're a list maker, I am sure you are terrific at considering all details and will even start now checking how many diapers a kid goes through in a day and round the number up cus it's always more when there are accidents, and take into account the cost of disposable or cloth and diaper service and come up with a total, check into the costs of childcare now and find how quickly the cost goes up as the years go by and consider that as well. And also come up with realistic ideas of what you might have to pay in school loan payments after you finish. If you have a car payment as well, you may want to pay that off before school loans start and take the place of the car loan so you don't have extra going out in bills. Hope this helps you in deciding. Best wishes dear.
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It is not our place to make a choice for you. What we do and what I do is try to clear the water a bit so you see things more clearly. In you case as I am a bit troubled as I am not sure which side of you're bipolar disorder is talking. From your writing it sounds a bit like the more manic side is taking.
Since I have this feeling what I am going to suggest is you discuss this with your psychiatrist first and psychologist as well if your seeing one as well. They know you best and know just what you can handle as far as stress is concerned.
I agree with you that a round trip drive of almost three hours is out of the question. I also think that until you have firm plans for school having a baby should be put on hold.
I also think that you should be married before having a baby. Being a single parent is tough and can be stressful at times. Being bipolar you need a partner, a husband, to be there to help and to watch you and to protect both you and the child. Once again you plan for potentially being a single parent should be discussed with you doctor and therapist as they know you best.
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