|
It's really difficult for me
Hi 18/F
My bf and I have been togheter for 3 monthes now but it's getting a bit difficult for me because he is not affectionate but I am. I try not to push him too much but it makes me sad sometimes and I feel he doesn't care. I really like him. On top of that my mom is forcing me to break-up with him. Help me plz?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are 18 so you do not have to break up with him if you don't want to.
]
Guys are funny.
I'm in my 20's and I read books about men. They are quite fun to read if you're interested in reading one.
"Playing hard to get" by Cindy Pan, Bianca Dye
This has helped me with dating in general.
If he doesn't like what you are doing or doesn't care then you need to talk to him.
You should also ask your Mother why doesn't she like him? You may not agree with what she says, but, there might be a good reason why she doesn't like him.
I'm in my 20's and sometimes I listen to my Mother- haha. Sometimes hearing her out may solve some issues.
Guys might get bored because you put out too soon or weren't a challenge for them. I don't your situation on that. But, I've learned from experience to wait a while before anything. That way they respect you more.
I'm sorry if I sound like your mom haha. But you should talk to him. Ask him why aren't you affectionate towards me anymore? If you can't reason it out then maybe he isn't worth it?
]
Have you heard of chemistry in a relationship or anything about pheremones. It certainly applies here so I will explain the connection.
Pick any two people. If one doesn't feel the same as the other, just one person interested and willing isn't going to make the other magically fall for them. If the two make the perfect best friends, there may not be any attraction for one person, like your guy, to feel the romantic connection. And both are needed to make a successful relationship, although at 18 you're both still just learning and another 5to 8 years of learning what to do and what not to do in relationships is part of what you'll need to go through. Those things are important as well. But think of the best friend part followed by being each others romantic equal or for other people with different circumstances, each others sexual equal. These both make a solid foundation for any relationship. Then you need to build upon that.
If he is not as affectionate as you wish, you may be with the wrong guy. I've heard the same thing with he'd not as communicative as me, or I am being neglected due to his gaming. All of these and more similar situations show that something is wrong. Do Oil and water mix? No. Now think of shaking a container with oil and water, trying desperately to make it mix even a little. It may look like oil broken into globs but those meld again with the rest of the oil in seconds! Some relationships are like that. The more different your pheremones, the more you'll find you do not fit well as a couple. Here's an article on it:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Many sites you check will refer to 'animals' only, not humans but the fact is we are mammals, same as any animal that feeds milk to its young and the same applies to us. Heres a good example on the difference of what it feels like when kissing someone you have a real close pheromone connection with vs non at all. I have personally experienced this myself. I know when I kissed someone I had lots of connection pheremone wise, It was heavenly, exciting and I wanted more. I have also kissed someone I had no connection with at all. It felt as gross as having a romantic kiss from Dad or another male relative. Yes, gross! You can't know this ahead of time. That's one thing bad about LDRS. you can be a perfect fit mentally and as each others best friend but if you've never met yet in person, you can't know if this one little thing will end the relationship. I'll give another example using a scale of 1 to 5. This describes existance of pheremones being similar. One means non existant, 2 a few are the same, 3 half are the same, 4 more than half are the same and 5 totally the same. There are married people who are a 3,4 or 5 with their partner. The 5s are perfect, 3 and 4 is often strong enough for most people. But unfortunately there are many people who are not aware of the importance of pheromones and believe its just a matter of changing something in the relationship or changing the person's character. We can not change people, just accept them as they are currently. We also have no way of changing our pheromones. So if you are with a guy who is only a 1 or 2 on the scale, that is most likely the reason he is not affectionate, he just isn't drawn to you that way. There is always a chance he grew up in a family that was not very affectionate and easily can be still seen at this age but when he grows older, most males find a way to be affectionate with a female they are crazy about, but then just that one person. So it's up to you if you want to stay without affection or go looking for it else where. Keep in mind, guys this age think more along the lines of lust than love and will say and do anything to convince you they care and theres a great connection.
If you ever find a strong connections just dissapates over a few months, then it wasn't the real thing but NRE, new relationship energy, that heightened excitement, like a kid at christmas getting the toy they wanted. If its not perfect for their age or interests, then the newness of it fades quickly and so do relationships. Once the newness wears off, one or both will feel that connection no longer exists because in fact it really wasn't there in the first place.
Notice I didn't mention your Mom cus you learning what you like and don't like in a relationship is non of her business. She can be right about some things, seeing a potential problem with a guy because she or her friends went through the same thing, but thats not always a good gauge. My parents were happy with my ex but once we married he began to misstreat me and thats something they didn't see coming to warn me. What I've shared doesn't tell you to stay or go but gives you the important info to make your own decision
]
More Questions: |