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Is there something wrong with me?
Hello. 21/F. I felt like I needed to vent somewhere but I can never tell anyone my true feelings. I am already 21 y/o but I have never had a relationship with anyone, I have never even kissed. My younger brother has already had countless girlfriends and has done it all. My youngest sibling, my sister, has just recently been kissed by the boy she likes. While I am very happy for her, I just felt this deep wave of depression come over me. It was awful. I have liked so many guys but never managed to have any of them reciprocate the feelings back. Recently I was beginning to wonder if I should just resign to the fact that I will probably stay alone for the rest of my life. I'm not very sociable, and its very hard for me to be in social situations, so its easy for me to become lonely after a certain period of time. The few guys who have shown interest in me I have not seen that way, are too old or young for me (usually ends up just creeping me out).
This is when it occurred to me... that maybe I just wasn't that interested in guys. This past year I began to question my sexuality because I started to notice that I've never had a boyfriend and usually the guys I'm interested in are unattainable in some form or way. I started to try and imagine myself being with a girl... and was surprised to find that I didn't really mind the idea. My family though... is not very supportive of the LGBT community. I myself was supportive before I started questioning myself, but now I'm scared. If it turns out that's who I really am I don't know if I'd ever be able to tell them. I don't think I could. But I still don't know because I haven't dated either sex, and personally, I believe in falling for a person for who they are, not for their gender. I'm very confused and don't know what to do next because this is giving me a lot of anxiety.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is someone out there for you. Just you wait.
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You are simply disappointed at still being alone and so are willing to try anything else that might remotely help you find love. But you are not lesbian. Why? Lesbians can see hunky chunky guy and it never gets the juices flowing and experiencing sexual attraction or thoughts about the guy. That's reality though most don't get too graphic about what goes on internally. If you had said, 'I have liked so many girls but they never reciprocate . . .' then you would be lesbian. You don't have to have been with a guy or gal to know which sex you are attracted to. The only exception is people who are equally sexually aroused and attracted to both sexes in which case you would be bi-sexual. You are not that either.
A problem may be that guys are not attracted back simply because of something you haven't thought of as an issue. You did say, I'm not very sociable.
Depending on what you meant to tell us, or using the wrong words to do so, your phrase could mean anything ranging from preferring to be a home-body and not go places, to being the quiet, reserved type of personality who doen't like big groups of people--just a few close friends, to having a social anxiety.
So I have a question for you to ask yourself: Have I been attracted to the more outgoing, friendly guys or the quiet, introverted types? Heres why I feel thats important. I used to be socially anxious and it doesnt go away by ignoring it. The cure however is simple, easy and if its the case for you, I can share the cure.
You either have one of the first two descriptions true for you which is part of who you are and if you are attracted to the more visual, easily seen guys because they are so social, then you may be too different from their personality type for them to find any return interest in you. If however its social anxiety, or shyness as it used to be called in my past, then again you don't stand out. I remember no guys interested in dating me in HS cus I wasn't cured til the end of my last year and only because that was when I finally got tired of being like that and asked God for help. The help I was told is exactly what I've found in todays books for that issue by psychologists so its not a vague thing I think I heard from God but what Drs. realize works. Looking back, if i was outgoing, self confident and was looking for a guy I was attracted to, I had to admit, I would not have looked at the quiet silent introvert types, they would not have stood out for one thing and they would have seemed boring. Theres' nothing wrong with it being a personality type. But you'd have to be looking for someone close to the same personality type. Even in a relationship, if one is talkative and the other only internalizes their thoughts, never sharing, one would be irritated that the other doesn't communicate enough while the other feels put off that their partner is always yammering at them and trying to get them to answer.
We should probably talk more. It would be good to know your age as some of the issues can be age related due to the fact of life experience or not. I remember my teen years and early marriage and then again, dating after a divorce. It would help if you could describe whether its your personality type and give details, or whether it's social anxiety so I can attempt to better help you. There is a logical way to go at this to get what you want dear. If you want a job, you have to jump through their hoops but biggest to catching their attention first off is your resume in which you highlight your self, describing your strengths and weaknesses, what skills you have to bring to the table, etc. So this is as much about knowing yourself as knowing what you need in a man and want in a man. Need and want are two different things. I can address that if need be and explain. But I need to know more before I share more. I have tricks for gaining self confidence even if need be besides curing social anxiety and how to find Mr. Right. But advice right now can't be specified to what you actually need and you may not need half the things i share while guessing. SO its your turn hon. I don't mind long detailed messages. They're actually more helpful to me.
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Dating is never easy. I am 28 years old and I struggle with it. I read up on books on guys and articles about guys all the time. They are fun to read and quite useful. I am currently reading "Playing Hard to Get by Dr. Cindy Pan & Bianca Dye." They sell the book online on Amazon. It has helped me with the little dating that I do.
Everyone goes through depression and the thing is to distract yourself with things that you love. Find hobbies, be with healthy people.
I get a lot of guys that I am not interested in too! I think other girls get discouraged too and might want to date their own sex. As a joke, I sometimes tell that myself too, to date a girl. But, I'm too boy crazy for that.
There are too many guys out there. Does not seem like it but there is. The best thing to do is work on yourself, focus on things that make YOU happy and without thinking about it a guy will come along.
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Let’s start with the fact that you are not a lesbian. Doctors and scientists have finally agreed on this one fact Homosexuality is how you ae born. It is not something you wake up one day and decide you are Gay. Now Bisexuality is something that is still questioned and the belief is that a heterosexual can enjoy a bisexual arrangement while still claiming to be heterosexual.
Now as to the other problem you write about. This is something we cannot truly help you with in this type of forum as it really requires a one on one discussion to find out more about you and why you are the way you are. What I can do and will do is point out what I think could be holding you back and what you can do about it.
You’re not alone in this situation; yours is probably the third letter this month I have answered from girls your age and older who have never been kissed. There are a variety of reasons for this ranging from those who have concentrated exclusively on their education and never learned how to date to those who are extremely introverted or they have commitment problems. I would guess you fall somewhere in between these points. Your brother and sister have managed to avoid these pitfalls and balance school and social activities as well as have learned how to make friends.
If you are shy and introverted, which I believe you are, then talking with a phycologist will be very helpful to you. Now I’m guess but as the older child in my family I was tasked with watching my younger sister as both my parents worked. I did so until she was old enough to care for herself and by that time I was a senior in high school. Upon graduation I went into the Air Force and as anyone who has served in the military will tell you there is nothing like a Drill Sergeant to bring you out of your shell. What the Drill sergeant did for me a psychologist can do for you in a much nicer way and help you understand the how and why you became this way so you don’t back slide. Under the present health insurance laws if either of your parent health insurance programs has an EAP program the program will pay in full for the first few visits then health insurance takes over.
You also probably have some very specific ideas as to what you want in a man to have a relationship with. Again you are not alone in this area. My son had commitment problems after a long term relationship broke off. Couple that with the fact he has a dangerous job and he needed a specific type of women. He found her using a dating site.
I suggest you look into the Dating sites such as Match.com. BE honest with just what you are looking for in a relationship. And in the same manner be honest about yourself but not to judgmental or harsh.
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