S_C's advice column

Hey Everyone :) I'm Kate and a level 2 mod on here. I've had this account since July 2004, so I've been on here since I was 13! Wow ... crazy for me to think how long ago that was. I will admit I don't check in as often as I once did, but being away at college, being in a sorority, and having a job when I'm not at school is very time consuming. I still try to help out as much as possible, and if you send me a question I WILL answer it. This site helped me a LOT when I was in high school and had a lot of questions, and I'm here to help anyone who needs it :) Feel free to write in my forum or send me a question any time!

advice

I'm 15 years old, and 2 months ago, I was involved in a serious car accident. My friends and I were out having fun, the car that I was in had 5 people in it, and I was in the back, there was 3 people in the other car. It was about 11 at night so there wasnt really anyone on the roads so they decided to race. We were going about 80+ side by side on these curvy roads and it was icy because it was after a snow storm. After a couple minutes it started to get really scary and I was just getting really nervous because my parents had no idea where I was, and I kept screaming Slow down. They wouldnt slow down. The next thing I knew I woke up on the ground next to my boyfriend in a lot of pain and crying. I realized that we had gotten in an accident, I laid there trying to wake my boyfriend up. I heard sirens after what seemed to be an hour later, but was really only a couple minutes. I got rushed to the hospital with minor injuries, and after I got taken care of, I got the worst news of my life. The only survivors of the crash, were me and my best friend who was the driver of the other car, and my boyfriend but he was in a coma. I stayed with my boyfriend everyday and just cried and cried, he didnt wake up, he never woke up. His parents decided to just let him go because they wanted him to go peacefully and not have to deal with any pain. It is soo hard dealing with this, I look at pictures of the accident everyday just reliving that whole night, I'm sorry this is long but I was just wondering if anyone has had an experience like this and wondering how you dealt with it..? Please and thank you..

Wow! Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. I've been through something like that. Me and some friends were driving back from a party after drinking. Most of us took a cab but one friend didn't want to leave her car at the party. She drove home, and then well... she got into a wreck and passed away. Not as many people know, because she didn't go to my school, and it wasn't like all over the news or in the paper or anything like that. But I asked a question on this site on how to get over the guilt (I was supposed to be in the car with that girl, and I was trying to talk her into riding with us, but I just wasn't pursuasive enough, and we were all underage drinking, I was only 13 when it happened back in October) If I were in the car with her, she would have survived, and I would have died. The passenger seat hit the tree and b/c of the impact she was DOA to the hospital, and the rest of us were safe in a cab.
Here's a poem that somewhat helped me that I had found

Forever Stay in My Heart
It was late when I heard the phone ring
I didn't know then the grief it would bring
She was killed by one thoughtless mistake
A few of her friends decided to make
I can't understand what they had been thinking
The driver of the car she was in had been drinking
Now all I can do is think about her and cry
And wonder again and then again why
I cherish all the memories that we shared
And remember how much she loved and she cared
*I forgot the line that goes here :-(*
And that's why forever she'll be in my heart.

I miss her a lot, but you just have to realize that it's something that takes time, but you'll never get over it. The best thing you can do is just reminisce about the times ya'll had together. I anonymously e-mailed some teachers and one of them was (though it might not have seemed like it) a lot of help. She eventually found out it was me, it was hard not to. She's seriously my favoritest person in the world!! I now know I can talk to her about anything. Like I stay after with her and grade papers and stuff (kinda off subject) But what I'm getting at is you probably need to talk about it. Have you gotten his parents to tell you it's not your fault? If not then you probably have feelings of extreme guilt, tell his parents you feel guilty for his death (if you do) and hopefully they'll say it's not your fault. Talk to and spend time with his parents, bring back the good times. Stay as close as you used to be. You and you're other surviving friend should talk about it. It's real, it happened, and you need to do something. "Just because something happens in the past doesn't mean it should stay there" (my friend Jessica is who said that to me)
If you want someone to talk to, feel free. And I hope I've helped. I am full of empathy for you (if that makes any sense)
Lots of Love, and good luck with anything. Feel free to e-mail me (Basketball_Babii_08@yahoo.com, Maniac_Munchkin@yahoo.com, or Bull_Dawg_Babii@yahoo.com)
Or just drop something in my inbox!!!!!!!!!!!!!