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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Why would a teenager hallucinate? Apart from medication, drug abuse, or alcohol, what could cause visual/audial hallucinations?

Schizophrenia. My brother had that. I witnessed him even on medications, laughing and talking to someone who wasn't there and he saw things that weren't there.
The only other explanation could be of a spiritual nature, if the teenager was exploring for fun things of a dark magic or evil nature and having opened them self to having a bad spirit talk to and show themselves just to that person. I know some people think of this as mumbo jumbo and not real but there are lots of things we can't see that are there...like air, we can't see it, only see the effects it has on other things.

The way to know the difference is to find a true honest psychic able to deal with dark energies and see if the psychic can sense any thing like that hanging around the teen. If they sense nothing, then it is Schizophenia for which I suggest the teen seeing a professinal Psychologist.

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So after I’ve read your advice on how to slowly but surely overcome social anxiety I wanted to ask you how can I deal with overprotective parents? They’re the reason (mostly my mom) why I’m not putting myself out there. I’ve tried multiple times getting out of my comfort zone like I went to my schools orientation week in my first year of college by myself. Long story short my mom didn’t let me go to any of the other events that took place so the friends I made there forgot about me, I even tried reaching out to them online and no response. It’s my second year (I’m done second year next month) and no progress with my love life cause like I told you before I’m super shy, awkward and reserved. I can talk to girls no problem but guys it’s just so hard for me. I wanted to join clubs cause I think that’s the best bet I could meet people since I’m not a freshman anymore however, all the clubs at my school meet around 6pm which is late for my mom so I have to be off campus and on my way home. So now that second year is basically done I wanted to be an orientation leader because I heard from people that’s how they made tons of friends because it forces you to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people you don’t know. My mom flat out said no because she doesn’t want me on campus that late. She’s controlling my life she’s the one who forced me to go to this school I didn’t want to go here, she didn’t let me live on residence but she’s letting my younger sister live on residence (I think it’s because of the depression and lonlieness I went through for not having any friends that she’s allowing her to live there) she’s the one that forced me to take a job in fast food I didn’t want to work there. We even have a joint bank account where she just takes my money that I want to save up to pay bills. I don’t know what to do about her everyone I’ve talked to said I’m not living a college experience at all which is true, I think I’m a very boring person cause all I do is stay home, study, go to school/work and the cycle continues. I dont really have the friends to go out with I have my friends from high school but they never invite me out anymore. Please help and thank you in advance

I am going to take a guess on history here: When you were a teen, the parents probably didn't slowly give you the chances to start making some decisions for yourself while they still had the parenting role to teach you and prepare you for adult hood. They likely made all the decisions for you. Then when you graduated High school, they panicked, realizing you were not prepared to go out into the world and be a adult, or at least they thought you weren't. They unfortunately misssed their chance to teach you to be an adult and instead of apologizing to you for that and letting you know, they'd like to act as your sounding board for you to run your ideas past them to get another perspective (such as you're doing here) they/one or both of them became controlling. Both are bad behaviors, being overprotective and controlling. While you were under 18, you could not do anything about it. However after you turned 18, you became an adult. This means, you should now be making all your own decision. However, you are so used to the parents doing it all, its like your mind was lulled to sleep about it. It's long overdue for you to have a talk with the parents.

However, if you try to assert yourself and take back the reins of leadership now of your own life, you most likely will have a nasty battle on your hands.
So your choices are as follows:

Continue to allow MOm (and Dad) to meddle in your life and choose everything from where you live to who you are allowed to date to whom you marry and only become free of this when they both die and that means 30 or more years of this. So you will be 60 or so and never have had the chance to be an adult and run your own life. I know this doesn't sound appealing but quite a few make this choice. I recently met a 65 yr old woman who talked all about her adult son age 40 or so who lives with her and has never lived on his own or married, etc.

If you are having your schooling paid for by the parents, they can threaten to not pay the rest, thus making it look like they have the control here. This will feel like a no win for you and that you have to continue to dance to their will and be quiet and just finish school. If you have 2 or more years yet, then it's that much more time of them feeling they'll never lose control over you and will be all the harder for you to break away.
If their home is where you live while attending school, again they have one over you, and can insist you follow their wishes or they might hold the threat of kicking you out over your head. Yes, some parents do this, hoping the adult child will comply due to fear of having a place to live. Some parents may never actually do this, but its a heck of a way to find out to find yourself kicked out as many have done. Your option, start already now looking for a place you can stay for no cost. This means having a relative with an extra room or allowing you to stay in a rec-room and make it cozy. Or another option would be working part time and finishing school later if you are paying your way in school and paying a little money to an elderly woman with her own home who needs extra money and will give you a bedroom. You could always post at school you are looking for a roommate or two and be ready for that in fall. I know all this may mean putting off graduating in time that you might wish for but the trade off is gaining independence from your parents.

Your independence is not just a matter of moving out of the home into another place because Mom will likely be calling you all day long to check on you or showing up at your door to check up on you. If this happens, you let the parents know you will call once or twice a week and set the day and time and let them know that the only time other than that where they can call is for emergencies
. If they abuse it, then change your number and don't give it to them or anyone else you think might try to get it for them.

Another thing parents do is mention that if you live in their home after graduation of HS, that you are bound to follow their rules. This needs to be clarified if you run into this while declaring that you will be making your own decisions while living there. House rules since they own the place, are within their right to have no matter how dumb they are. If they say, no friends or men over, you abide by it, no noise after whatever time, same thing. Share in doing the chores, yes, you must do them, but just your share, not all of them and end up tied to their place because you are acting like their slave and waiting on them hand and foot.
I would say that having been so sheltered might be part of your problem with meeting guys but it is also part of things you have done or failed to do that is causing you to have problems with self confidence. It takes a lot of guts to stand up for your right to be an adult and have control of your life. Meeting a guy right now when you have not accomplished this lesson in life and made a stand,and continued to make a stand to be independent means you could be looking at trouble. If by chance you did meet a guy who seemed to be into you without you learning the self confidence needed, means you are easy prey to a boyfriend who might turn out to be controlling. Men like that seem to be able to spot people like yourself very easily. Yes, he might provide a place for you to live to get away from your parents but that could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. He could control you to the point you can not leave the his house and physically beats you for no good reason. So before I even start to give you insight on how to find a bf, it's best you find independence at whatever sacrifice you have to do to get it. For all I know, you are also dependent on MOm for transportation or she says you can't ride public transportation. Lots of things need to change hon. I remember being 20, and back then I didn't know as much as I thought. I might have been smart school wise but I had no experience being on my own yet although I owned my own car. I was not street wise either. And lack of experience due to my age plus naivity was what caused me to accept marriage to a nice church guy at age 20 who turned out to be verbally and emotionally abusive. I stayed with him 30 years! If there is anything I can say or do to help you avoid such mistakes, I wish to do so. So write me again but this time go to my column and choose to contact me from there as I can't answer you if you ask something on the place where you leave comments and scoring. I'll be glad to be your sounding board so you can continue to update me with your situation and how things are panning out. YOur situation could go all sorts of ways I can't foresee, so do feel free to contact me again if need be.

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I am on a time crunch. It is almost summer, meaning I will not bring enough income during the summer.

I left my teaching position because I wanted to find a job that I I would love. But after three months of job searches, I haven't had much luck. I know I should've been more prepared, but because of the lack of support I received at my teaching position, I had zero time for myself let alone to search for a backup position. I was miserable.

Now because of the time crunch, part of me wants to go back to teaching. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I kind of miss it. But then I realize that if I go back, I'd probably hate it again. Maybe because it's familiar? Maybe I'm looking for a better environment/support? I have no idea.

I am currently offered a legal admin assistant position, that wants me to start in two weeks, if I take the admin job at the legal office, I honestly don't think it'll pay enough to where I'll need it until years later, whereas teaching will give me what I need immediately, and I'm pretty much guaranteed a position.

I don't want to take the legal job, burn the bridges I currently have, then burn that bridge realizing I'd probably go back to teaching because of the pay. Plus, once I take it, I don't know if I'll be able to find the time to go in from interviews for a teaching position.

I have an admin assistant interview at a university on April 4, and that's the one I really want. However, based in my experience, i feel they will choose someone who has more experience than me. I feel like if I don't get this one, I'm probably going to go back to teaching.

Thoughts?

Some times as an adult when we are under pressure to make a decision, it is scary because we fear we may not make a good decision or the best one. All we can do, is to follow our heart and try to first fulfill what needs to be done to practical purposes, and for you, that would be having an income to pay bills. Don't look back at things that didn't pan out as failures. You already know those things didn't work so you dont have to try them again.
Now you have actually less options to try out. If another one doesn't pan out, then you keep whittling down the options, until you find something that works for you. Yes, it is a slow painful process for many of us.
Just remember that if you were hiring someone for a position, you would be hiring because the person has the schooling and qualifications for the job, just lacking a long past experience in the field. And that can not be helped. Everyone has to start somewhere. Sometimes, people are not hired because they have lots of background experience but becuase the person hiring actually likes how they carry theirselves, a dedicated type, the self confidence that oozes from them, being an outgoing, people person, all stuff that goes a long way toward a person hiring someone with those qualities when a prior person had experience but lacked these qualities. That is the picture you would do best to keep in your mind when going for interviews, is that the previous person lacked these qualities but you have them and so regardless of lack of experience, you still have just as good a chance as anyone else. Attitude often will help get you the job, especially if the job will require you to interact with other people all day long. That is even more crucial in my eyes than an experience in that field, and harder to find in potential applicants for a job.

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My mom has a victim mentality. She never accepts responsibility for her behavior and lies to make it seem like she is the victim and someone else is the perpetrator. Anytime I try to offer help, even if its watching a video or to go see a shrink, she'll say we are criticizing or attacking her. When she is backed into a corner where a normal person would have to admit fault, she'll get angry and storm out, or say "DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!" Or she'll say "don't yell at me." (even if nobody even raised their voice, let alone yell). Anything and everything we try is met with hostility or she'll play the victim, saying we're attacking her. She uses her victim mentality to manipulate us into doing what she wants or she'll throw a tantrum, if the tantrum doesn't work, she'll go more extreme like cutting herself or try to stab herself. She has heart problems, so now she'll say she's sick or has chest pain. So we all go running to help, and predictably, she'll refuse help and refuse to go to the hospital or call an ambulance and blame us for "doing this to her". Even if its something as dumb as that we made her wait 10 minutes at the buffet while we finished eating.

She has childhood trauma so I'm guessing that that's where it started. She is a combination of hubris and self-loathing and instantly goes into victim mode anytime she doesn't agree with what is happening or if she disagrees with you. She can be rather evil at times.

She has admitted herself that what happened to her as a child might be affecting the way she acts and thinks. Then I suggest a shrink, she'll make excuses or blame others for why she can't, or she'll just get mad and throw a tantrum. (Or she might realize that getting help would mean not getting the attention she gets now through her tantrums and drama. So she refuses.)

What I'm gonna try to do is try to remove the excuses as to why she says she won't go to a shrink and try to find a way to get her to go.

Any advice would be appreciated. Even if you don't have anything to add, thanks to all the advicenators who spend their time on here helping people.

What you describe of your Mom reminds me much of a relative with same things and it was discovered they have mental illness. Yes childhood trauma can give a start to such issues but in the case of the person I know, the things traumatic to this person are things that normally are not traumatic at all to any normal person and its because they were seeing things through a distorted cognitive ability. SO no matter what is causing this in Mom, for both situations, she should be examined by a mental health professional. However, due to being an adult, she can refuse to go or like the person i am thinking of, refuse to believe anythings wrong with them and that it is everyone else who has issues and pointing out to others what they believe are the issues with everyone else. This is a natural defense mechanism that people with mental health issues will do to take the focus off themselves, they can't help doing this. No one can talk her into going to see a Dr.
However, as Adviceman said, the one thing you can do is call 911 every time your Mom calls complaining about her heart. If it never ends up being a true heart issue, there will be a record of how many times medics have gone to check her out. For all we know, she may be feeling severe panic attacks and could be interpreting this as a heart problem. Eventually, if her heart seems fine every time she is checked out and she doesn't end up in the hospital, you could mention to 911 how many times they've gone before and it turns out she checked out fine so you think maybe she's having panic attacks. That can be scary to the person having them. So at some point, medical officials will check her out for other causes and catch the panic attacks which are anxiety based and will fall under a need to have a mental and emotional health evaluation. She may only require anxiety medication but it could turn into something more. The only way that can happen is if you don't go to Moms but use the tough love action and do what is really best for her and call 911. I was with a client when I was a caregiver and she had a panic attack and also said I was not supposed to be in her house and called the police. The police who showed up recognized her very well as a mental health patient who did strange things and had to check on her and told me she did this all the time. SO don't worry about having to call to get help to check her out. They do this all the time and expect it sometimes. Plus they have the law and the call behind them to decide whether to take her against her wishes to the hospital if she seems to be in danger to herself, mentally if there is anything physically wrong. I know of a friend who got so depressed over a situation in life that she took pills and lots of alcohol to try to kill herself. Family and friends got there and saw the condition she was in and then called 911. The police and medics were there and took her to the hospital and she had to stay until they determined she was no longer a threat to herself.

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Wanting a boyfriend has been occupying my mind all the time and it’s getting annoying now. Ever since I was 15 I’ve always wanted a boyfriend but I never got one only because I was too awkward and shy but the thought of having one didn’t occupy my mind almost every second of the day as it is now. It’s all I can think about, obviously I know I’m lonely and I don’t really have much friends in the first place but as I get older (I’m 19 now) I just want to be in a relationship not just to be in one but to have that campanionship, someone who’s there for you but more than in a friend way but in a romantic way too. I guess if I can’t fight the thoughts I might have to deal with it sooner or later and find a boyfriend but like I said I was shy and awkward but I still am. I’m very picky I don’t want to seem desperate or anything. Any tips on how to find something else to distract me from always thinking about a relationship or tips on how to meet guys my age without being scared to approach them?

I have been where you are. Social anxiety kept me from being able to have a bf in HS. However last yr of HS near graduating, I realized that my anxiety would hinder my ablilities to make it in an adult world, at work and elsewhere, not just relationships.
I no longer have that anxiety but sense you have it too, thats its not just feeling awkward around guys, but affects other friendships and things as well.
I can give you tips of how to overcome it in very little time. But you need to be willing to do the steps and stick with it. If really applying yourself, then you can be rid of it maybe as soon as I was, in 2 months. Maybe less...as it's a go at your own pace thing. Just write to my inbox asking for the overcoming social anxiety info and I will send it to you.

Now having been there, I must tell you something that may sound like I am picking on you but you need to realize that 'getting your mind off wanting a relationship is not really addressing your issues. You already know that deep down. Taking your mind off the want to be more normal in that area only feels safer/less scary for the moment but along with it feelings of loneliness and unhappiness will still exist. What you need to do is push yourself beyond your comfort zones and while that may sound scary, I prayed to God for help and was given steps to take that were so little tiny steps, that although it was scary doing each step, they were pretty easy and it was not a race to overcome my fear. I would do each step until the fear was gone and I could do that step comfortably and then I was given a new step that was a bit more effort involved so it was scary to me again but still easy to do. Imagine my surprise when in recent years I found that same recipe for overcoming social anxiety in a book by a psychologist who teaches CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. SO it's not just that I heard it from God and it may be wrong, it actually works and psychologists know it. It is something you have to do yourself and do not need a Dr. for as it simply involves getting past distorted thoughts that hold you back from even trying to talk to people. Once you've done this, if you want more help on how to approach people and learn conversation starters, or plain old what to say if anything, I can help there too. Then there is a third thing for you. Once feeling self confident and able to meet people, I also have a document to share on how to meet Mr. Right. It involves knowing yourself well enough to let a potential mate know exactly who you are, like a resume for dating. It will help you to know and define exactly what kind of guy you need based on who you are and perhaps your past experiences and where you are currently. You make a list of what you need in a man and let the males know it too. It may sound picky to others but if you don't do this, how will you recognize the right guy when he comes along. I married at 20 knowing very little in life experiences so what I thought was harmless quirks I know now were warning signs of problems. The ex used to verbally abuse me to let you know what I am talking about. As you can see, I have much to share but you have to be willing to work at it step by step starting with SA social anxiety. There is no successful way to hop ahead to having a wonderful relationship with a guy and skip everything I mentioned learning and getting good at. I'll be here, waiting to hear from you. All my best, Dragonfly

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17/f
When I was 13, I had an eating disorder. It wasn't really full on starving myself - I would basically eat some dinner every night and sometimes a pack of jellybeans. I recovered after a year. I just wanna know if they could've effected me with anything later in life, like I have low iron levels, am really pale, have mild ibs - I'm literally always either constipated or have dirrhea I'm never normal. I also used to be pretty tall for my age, I was the tallest in my class and I went through puberty early - I started getting boobs when I was 8 and my entire family has big boobs (sorry this is random) but I just haven't been growing height and boob wise, I'm one of the shortest in my class and have the smallest boobs. Could it have impacted my growth? For a while now I've had headaches everyday and I get dizzy easily, but I eat a lot and don't have an eating disorder anymore. I basically still have the same mindset - i hate my body and would rather just not eat and relapse but right now I haven't. When I was 13, I became extremely pale, and my paleness never fully cleared up, im not as bad as I was then but even if I tan I just don't go darker. My marks also dropped alot, I was always super smart getting 90s and I was failing a lot of my tests when I was 13. My marks have improved since I recovered and I'm back to 70s-90s. If someone has an eating disorder, what would be ways to keep marks up? How do eating disorders impact people after they've recovered and can my things be because of it? Especially since my eating disorder wasn't extremely bad?

A good thing to do right away is to choose an online (eating disorder support group). Here is one for you but you can put in a search for words I put in parenthesis.
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/support-groups

This one says its focused more on recovery. This way you can hear from others who've gone this way before you and can discover what issues they've faced or learn things to do that help and what won't.

Since you didn't get the nutrition your body needed during its crucial growth change of older child to teen/young adult, there is probably no way to catch up. Some people still change subtly after high school, our bodies filling out more, I know I did until mid twenties. But since you started puberty early, I don't know if you're stuck with your size. Just ask others. But even healthy people don't grow much in height after they reach age 18-20. I only know of one guy in HS who was barely an inch taller than my 5'2 and at only reunion I was able to attend, my 40th, was shocked to see he had shot up to over 6 ft all. He towered over all the other guys. That is an exception to the rule. So while you might still grow in height, I wouldn't count too hard on it. Try the support group or find your own. Best wishes.

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I'm 14, my crush is 15. So I've known this girl about a year, and she's smiled and stared at me in the hallways before we ever formally met. We met at a party, where she already knew my name. Even while I was talking to other people, she was staring at me with her head in her hand. So that night we did dance together and I wrapped my arm around her, which caused her to go "oh" and burst into giggles. I thought that meant I was making her feel uncomfortable so I removed my hand but she then gave me a dissapointed look.

I know from people closer to her she's apparently very socially awkward. I've caught her staring a bunch after that, and once in the hallway I asked her how she was doing and she stuttered for a bit before saying good.

A friend of mine who has been friends with her for a while talked to her and brought me and my buddies up, and she responded by saying we are all very nice and she wants to talk to us more-especially me-and is thinking about trying to talk to me.

Today I texted her on snap, and I think it went OK. We had a pretty casual conversation though I feel like I had to prompt most of it. I was talking about an English assignment I had about Romeo and Juliet. One of the options was create a social media conversation between two characters so I decided to have Tybalt send Romeo the navy seal copypasta and she responded by saying 'wow' and I ended the conversation by saying I had to go but I would like to talk to her more and she said 'ok' which I thought was pretty weird.

I wonder if she doesn't like me or she's just awkward?

At your age, did you ever think for a moment that you might be the awkward one or acting 'weird' as you said of her, and all of it being due to having little to no experience at talking to and starting relationships with the opposite sex or same sex depending on which way you go. It's not your or her fault. You don't have background experience to rely on but everyone has to start somewhere. My take on this all is that when you touched her during dance and she let out a surprised exclamation, is that was her positive reaction to being touched by you. It was probably the first time for her and I'll bet it feel good to her. All you have to do if you're not sure a lady doesnt like something you did is to check, and a good way is to stop and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask, is this okay with you?" And the lady will tell you. You'd have to explain your perspective to me so I can understand why you thought her saying okay she'd like to talk more with you was weird. I grew up during a time when there were no computers or cell phones. So I had to talk on the phone or face to face and I assume it was one or the other for you. While you may be more used to texting, the better way for any relationship to become more solid and close is to talk face to face and on the phone.
When we first start paying kattention to others we're attracted to around the time hormones start flowing, you don't automatically know what to say or do. Never be afraid to ask for opinions as you did here. That was a amart move. Asking other students who know as little as you is bound to give you bad information. I don't think what little you shared says she is awkward, just a more quiet and introverted person. That doesn't mean she can't open up and be friendly and talkative with any people she has a chance to warm up to and get to know. I was like that at your age. Came across as shy. Actually had social anxiety then, no longer do. But I still had a small circle of friends. I'll bet she does too. Observe her as to how she is around close friends or family if there is that chance and I am sure you will see a totally different girl than the one you think she is. All teens have some kind of anxiety or worries of not being liked or accepted or fear being teased or what. This is something almost all people will outgrow. give her a chance to get to know you and the best way is to talk to her and do some activity like the dancing or a bike ride, etc that she likes as well as you. going to a concert or movie is entertainment but you both will not be talking at such an event. So keep it to something where you can talk. At your ages, it is hard to see each other away from school. As I told all my daughters, if they made friends with a guy from school who wanted to be around them, date them, that they should invited him to come hang at our house when one of us parents were home to keep an eye on things. Why Would I let them only have female friends over and even for BBQs or a camping trip and not do the same for a male friend or more. How else do two young people get a chance to really be themselves, and not have to worry about teasing from their peers if dating. See if you can get the okay from her parents after a while to go to their house. If you do, be sure to pay them some attention and not ignore them if you want to make a good impression and be allowed to come over again.

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I'm 29 and got married when i was 22 and divorced after two years , in those 5 years i had these lazy relationships maybe because of me i think too much i analyze and question everything , and now it's been 3 month i'm with this guy who is six years younger than me o.0 i know if maybe he was older with the same age difference then maybe i wouldn't be thinking this much, he acts like a gentleman he treats me like a queen ,we're having the best moments together , recently i've been thinking about it and decided to open up to him ,and his reaction was like this,, ( the things that you're thinking right now are the things that i was thinking when we first started,the problems that you're having right now , i had it before and im totally fine with them, i know that you're at the age of starting a family, having kids and all that ,im all aware of the fact that i still can do mistakes but you can't, and i can't promise you anything ,but if you're happy with me then let's see where things can go ,let's not think about anything and live and see, because no one promises you anything even if you met someone in your age) . How am i not going to think??? do you think he might be right or im just convincing myself that he is..

I don't know the age of your ex or what brought that relationship to divorce but if it is anything like my reason for divorce, the guy wasn't treating you right or you were too badly mismatched in too many things. Both reasons were why I finally divorced. My ex was closer to my age, 4 years older, but he treated me like crap, emotional and verbal abuse. Anyone can treat a person wonderful or like crap no matter what their age. My second husband is one year younger and treats me like a Queen. When I sought relationships after the divorce, I suppose you could say I analyzed and questioned everything too. I have had someone else recently call herself too picky. Yes, that is possible, but would probably mean the gal is being shallow too. However there is a good point to being picky as long as you haven't blocked yourself off mentally from being able to trust. Trust isn't instant and that is why it will take time to spend with your younger guy. He's a young adult but adult all the same. There seems to be an unspoken assumption that it is okay for a male to be with a younger woman but a woman can not be with a younger man. My husband has always liked older women for their maturity and self confidence and when the age of your guy, was dating divorced women 10 years older or a bit more. He never had to beg a woman to date him. They watched how he treated women in general in public and saw that he was mature and they all hit on him. He never had a lack of women to date. I am telling you all this because other than men who simply think it would be a fun experience to be with an older woman or cougar as the term goes, in your age, theres not enough age difference for it to qualify in my eyes.
Some younger men who happen to be mature, are not going to want to wait 5 to 10 years for the women their age to mature and grow up. So they can have that alone for a reason to date. Apparently from his answer to you, he sounds very mature and you say he treats you well. If he is okay with dating you, then probably it gets down to having trust in each other and that has nothing to do with age.

How does he get your trust? By being consistent in who he is and claims to be, his good points are always there. This doesn't mean he won't make mistakes and theres no guarantee that you won't despite your age. What matters is whether when he or you realize you've made a mistake or been told an action or thing you say has hurt the other, that both of you are willing to accept that you did make an error, and be willing to change because neither of you can stand to see the other hurting because of something you did, even unintentional. That is how my relationship with my 2nd husband is. One time he did something that to me was too overt and obvious a PDA, not that I'm a shrew, I just did not want people in public bothered by it and explained to him. I love any show of attention from him, even if its a bit too much for in public and made sure he understood I liked it but just not in that venue. At first he continued to tease and not take me serious until he saw my tears and his attitude sobered up immediately and he wanted to know what he had done to hurt me. He realized it was him not taking me seriously that bothered me most and to this day he has never repeated a anything that ever bothers me. He learns from the first time. These are the kinds of errors and mistakes I talk about and are natural to occur whenever two people are in a relationship. Look for his consistency. If your guy can treat you like a Queen about 5 days out of 7 but two of the days pressure builds and he snaps at you, speaks harshly or treats you different but does say he's sorry, straightens up for a few days and then repeats the negative behavior, then there is a problem. Whenever a bad trait raises it ugly head and it affects you, you can bet there is more where it came from and you can count on seeing it again and again. With my ex, as he got older, the bad traits happened more often until there no longer was any kiss and make up honeymoon cycle to our dysfunctional relationship. I hope that sharing a few things about myself have helped you gain perspective. If you ever see anything or experience something with your guy that you question, you can write me and talk it out. I do have something I will end with because besides treating you well, it also matters that he really loves you as much as you are happy with. So I have an online test I found and added my own stuff to as it wasn't detailed enough and at the end, by how you can answer the seven points to know how much a guy loves you, you should be sure he loves you whether he says the word or not.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

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Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know how to take that.

Well thats different. I've heard only the opposite all my life. When a person says "I don't deserve you." And by that, meaning that they know they aren't anywhere near the kind of person you need and want but they love you and choose you anyways.
If you are sure that is not what he was meaning to say, then I am afraid the best way to know exactly what he meant is to ask. Yes, a person can ask days, weeks or months after someone said something you don't understand. ANd no, it doesn't sound odd if you say, Hey, for some reason I was thinking about what you said (mention days or weeks ago) that you deserve me. I realize now that I didn't give it much thought and wondered what you meant by it." Otherwise, it's only your or my best guess. And going around telling someone or people that you 'deserve' someone or something sounded boastful, and thats not good

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She says she has no time cause she works 4 days a week. She literally spent 8+ hours today in the living room eating and watching the news but she has no time to keep up with my younger brother or teach my baby sister how to read (instead of the iPad). She asks why I don’t do these things instead, when I’m busy with schoolwork. Why is she like this? She cares so much about the news and celeb gossip and then blames my siblings and I for problems we’re struggling with due to our life of neglect from them. I’m in my early 20s making strides in my life. I’ll finally get to move out when I transfer from a cc after getting a near 4.0 gpa. Learning what’s important in life, how to be a good student, how to eat healthy, how to make friends... all things my parents neglected. They are so unaware of how things have hurt me since i was a young child and the internet addiction I’m now struggling to overcome. It scares me to start to see it with my young siblings. Why did my parents have more kids than they have time for? It’s like they think once they pop them out they should be able to parent themselves, ourselves. When I try discussing how I’ve learned from strategies of how to raise successful kids and am applying them to my own life to empower myself and understand prior setbacks, it pisses her off. Why are celebrities more important to her than the celebrities of her own family? My dad is similar but busy with work and his hobbies. I don’t want to be this kind of parent. I want to improve myself a lot and live more to prevent a lot of the issues that made my teenage years an extremely lonely, unproductive hell. And my mom really has the audacity to say “everyone has a rough time.” She discounts any pain I speak of the past. I’m used to talking to her about things but it saddens me to have to limit it because of the toxic effect she has on me that she doesn’t see. Parents provided the basics, food and shelter, but I’m a human being and I’m learning how to better exist in this world from other sources

It's a personal choice where a parent chooses to make time. Your mom is not that busy. NOw if you'd said your is a single Mom working two jobs and taking night classes to get a better job, then I'd understand that she has no time. There are plenty of people who think that having a kid is going to be fun but when the child has outgrown the baby stage or as with animals, the kitten or puppy stage, all of a sudden they are not as cute and fun any more. Never the less, as long as a parent is providing the basic needs of food shelter and appropriate clothing, Child protective services can't interfere unless it is gross neglect and the parent is never at home and the child always alone. No matter what the difference, in both cases a child is pretty much raising themselves.

So in your case, I think it would be beneficial no matter their ages, for your siblings to get involved in the Big Brother-Big Sister program. It won't solve everything but can make things a little better for your siblings. The program has people of all ages but usually you see young adults working the program. If personalities don't click with one, you can always try other. I've heard the stories of these becoming life long relationships. As well, if there are grandparents or aunts who would like to spend time with the kids if possible, they need to be made aware of whats going on. You can't force an adult who needs it to go for counseling but if it's relatives spending time with the kids, that may be more palatable for Mom. SO since you have a full plate and can't spend time with siblings to fill the gap, it's better that you do the one thing you can and get relatives involved, even if it was a Friday night through Sunday night thing. And you might talk to the parents and tell them you would like their permission to get your siblings involved in the Big Brother Sister program. If MOm and Dad don't go for it, call upon the relatives who know the situations and ask them as adults to speak to your parents. Parents often take counsel from adults that they won't from their own children even if the children are right. Hope this helps.

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25/f

I have a best guy friend of 8 years. We have been there for each other so many times. Through all of our breakups, relationship advice, career advice, school help, etc. He has dated one of my best friends 6 years ago, I've met his girlfriends, etc.

I thought it was strictly platonic between us, until today. I guess the first time I hinted something was 6 years ago, he was protective of me at a party. I wouldn't say to other guys, but he was watching over me when I was drunk. He made sure that I was taken care of even though he was drunk. He cuddled me and kept me warm and when I told him not to get near me because I smelled like throw-up, he said I smelled like "perfume." But knowing how he is, he's flirty when he's drunk. I thought it was just a thing he did.

Next two years or so, it was back to being platonic. We both had relationships, we both led our own lives for a bit but kept in touch. Then we went out again, and I got drunk and he just put me down in his bed, placed a glass of water by me, and kissed me on the forward. That was it after that.

The next few times, we just spent time together and there were no signs that he was interested in me.

Today, he was being possessive. His friends started hitting on me, he got in between us and told his friends that I was "off-limits," he dragged me everywhere with him (either holding my hand or his arm wrapped around me), every time I was talking to someone else, he came right back. He was dancing with other girls, but once his friend was talking to me, he came back, again. At this point, he was definitely drunk and my goal was to make sure he got home safely. But later on, he kissed me for the first time. I asked him if he was still drunk but he said he was pretty sober.

What confused me the most was he was talking to me about his ideal date and how he hasn't met the person who is potential in what he's looking for, etc. Then he kisses me. Afterward, he starts saying that he can set me up with another friend of his. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

I can't stop thinking about it. I can't keep wondering what just happened and especially why 8 years later.

Part of me thinks he didn't do anything because he mentioned himself that everytime he spoke to me, I was always in a relationship. That's true. I am always in a relationship. This is the first time when I'm not.

I don't want things to get weird between us, I don't want to lose him as a friend (even if it were to be pursued). I don't know what to say to him and am debating if I should just give him time and space. It feels like a delicate situation where if I say something, it can be interpreted as something negative.

I'm very confused. What should I do?

From the way you write, it sounds like you are not interested in him romantically, only as a friend.

He on the other hand really sounds like he has been willing to remain a friend because he believes he is in love with you and has been hoping for a chance to date you. Since you are always in a relationship, there's been no chance until now.
Drinking will shed our inhibitions and often that which is buried hidden within us and can sneak out and reveal itself. I believe it was the alcohol that gave him the guts to kiss you. Following it with talking about setting you up with a friend, was probably to get your attention off what he'd just done. He is as afraid of losing you as a friend as you are with him but for other reasons. Yes, he may date gals but it seems from what he says, that he's already made his mind up that he will not allow himself to get serious with any of them because he's holding out for the day you start treating him like 'more than a friend'. Right now, this is one of those 'friend zone' stories. If you do think you'd want to see if you can be attracted to him and want to try dating, then you are going to have to say something, because he is not going to force you to become his romantic partner. If you don't want that and choose to tell him that you have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him and wanted him to be sure and that its not just about the kiss, then you may see him decide it is too painful to remain your best friend when his love is not reciprocated. So you might lose him. If it was the other way around, I am sure you can understand if you were in love with a guy but he only wants to be a friend, and how hard it would be on your feelings to have these feelings around the guy but not being able to do anything about it.

I can't tell you his is the right one for you. However, I can tell you that the most successful relationships have the same solid foundation in place which is being each others best friend and second, being each others sexual equal and by that I mean you do feel aroused by each other, have the same kind of libido and like the same things. Right now he is the best friend and with the other part missing, he would not be a good choice for you.
IF however, you have never allowed yourself to find out if there could be anything romantic between you simply because you did not feel a strong desire when you first met him, don't let that stop you. Not all relationships have couples who felt great desire right from the get go. For many, instead of love being like instant flames, it grows slowly over a while, from a glowing ember to a blazing fire. If you are willing to try something with him at all since I've told you this, theres no guarantee yet that it will work out for you. He would need to understand that. And the way for you to initiate it is to say to him, We get along so well as friends, I wondered how we would do as more than friends. I can't guarantee the outcome but would you be willing to at least try? This way he can say yes if interested and grab his chance. Or if not interested in you, he will say, no I don't think so because I only have friend feelings for you. Then you would know for sure. If you gave dating him and love a chance but it still doesn't feel right to you, he can only respect that at least you tried and decide if he's willing to be relegated back to friendship status or cut off interaction with you as a friend. Either way, he's miserable now and would be miserable later if you still say no. So don't stop just because you fear it will hurt him because there is that percentage of chance that something may come from it after all.
Most telling is that he is telling all the guys that you are not available. Sounds like he really wants his chance but may be too afraid of losing you instantly to even ask and so he remains in the friend zone.

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I've recently assumed the duties of a treasurer for a career-related organization. Recently, I received a spoofed email allegedly coming from our organization's president asking me to send money to a vendor. It turns out that this was fraudulent, and unfortunately I transferred the money to a potential scammer. I don't know if I can recover the money or not; there is a strong possibility that I may be unable to do so. The organization is aware of this, and so far, they seem to be okay with it. However, as a result, I believe that my credibility and judgment with this organization are ruined permanently, and I think it would be best to submit my resignation from the treasurer position of this organization. Please let me know what some options are and if resigning is the best course of action that I should take.

I don't see your embarrassment over being duped to be a good reason for wanting to resign. As you said, the organization is aware of this and your words are that they are okay with this.

If they are okay with it, I don't believe they hold you responsible. All it was is a wake up call to them that their email can be hacked or faked really well for fraudulent purposes. They most likely realize from seeing it themselves that any one of them could have been fooled. If they are really smart, they will learn from this, and so would you, to double check with the person you recieved the email from, in person in case somehow a hacker is monitoring the emails and replying instead of the president. They may have to find a way to create safeguards for their computer system and create new rules.
If you don't believe me, I guess the best way to find out if they still value you as an employee is to set up a meeting with HR and the President and let them know how you are feeling due to this situation, as if you've failed them and how you are feeling that maybe you should resign because of it. You wouldn't after all be thinking of resigning if this never had happened. Maybe they haven't talked enough about it to calm you down so you don't fear what they think of you. Its high time you all talked it out. You can ask, saying you want to know if they feel they can no longer trust you in that position. You just want to know where you stand. If they value you, they will let you know and probably tell you something like I did, that any one of them could have been duped by a scam like this and that they see it as an opportunity to learn from and put better security and procedures in place in the organization. If they can say this easily, they are telling the truth. If they hedge about it and don't want to give you any reassurances, then something is wrong. An employer has to have good grounds to fire an employee. So obviously they are not seeing this scam and what you did as grounds to fire you or they already would have. You can't go running and hide every time in life that you make an error. Those who run and hide may never learn from their mistakes. However you are the employee and its rests as much on their shoulders as the owners, bosses, to have good procedures and safe guards on their computer system to prevent this happening ever again. I worked somewhere where the IT dept guy told me once that they don't just fix glitches on our computers but any emails coming onto the system, external or internal were seen by them first and they got an extreme amount of scams every day that they rejected or whatever they did with them. So talk to them. I think they are reasonable and good jobs are hard to find. Just let them know you'll be willing to help in any way to prevent this happening again once they've protected the company.

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There is a guy I met last month at a mutual friend's bday party. At the party we danced a lot. We talked some but not a lot. Then we all went out again 2 weeks later to another party. We all started out by the bar sitting having drinks when he came in he came straight towards me and we talked a little and he invited me to another party that he was going to. He didn't see when I went off to the bathroom so when I came back he asked where I went. We went to the second party there we danced some but ended up dancing with other people. Then this weekend we all got together again at my house but we didn't get to talk much either. Its kinda hard I guess with other people around. But the next day I sent him a message on facebook thanking him for coming and he said no problem and he hope to again soon and added a smiley face. I like him but I'm not sure if he does or not so I'm trying read into things too much since I don't have much to go by. What do you think? My friends say not to worry these things take time and to just let things happen naturally but I feel like I'm missing out on opportunities.

I wouldn't use the word 'like' yet as you both don't know enough about each other yet but there is a level of interest. This doesn't mean you can count on him automatically making some kind of commitment to be your boyfriend. I am older and have had enough experiences in life to know that. The next steps are important to understand because lots of women expect that because a guy paid them attention and spent time in their company at a few occasions that it meant more than it did. It is though a precursor to ending up liking each other. Since you've barely gotten started here, I recommend spending time with him 'as friends' hanging out and talk alot, find out more about each other. One can tell in talking and how the other responds to the interest you have and share about if you have a lot in common, think the same way, your morals, or beliefs are very similar, etc. For your benefit, I will list the steps to a relationship, a document I've put together that explains the levels a person goes through with another. Often guys are scared away when they meet a girl who is barely at the first level with him and she seems to want to jump to the last one. It's a process, and though guys can enjoy a girl for lust right from the start, he isn't as likely to love you and want to trust you with his heart until he has worked through every step slowly and naturally with you. Only then will they be ready to commit to you for the rest of your lives. So here's those steps:

The Normal steps to a Relationship


Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheromone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.(or too little talk and time alone to do so)


Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.


Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.

Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. (for those 18 and older) There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself. IF there are no further warning signs and all is wonderful, then the next step is making a conscious decision to commit ones life to the other .

Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.

At any point along the way, you or he may decide that somethings come up that is a deal breaker for them, like if you know you want kids some day and he hates kids and never wants to have any. Marriages have broke up over this because the girl thought she could change his mind. Find someone who you can be happy with just as he is right now, without hoping to change anything about him. It should be the same for him with you. Don't change who you are for him.

So, contact him and go out for coffee to just talk or something like that. Going on a date to the movies is not conducive to chatting and getting to know each other, and neither are parties. Thats only a way to meet someone, not get to know them. Best wishes dear.

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Alright so I've been talking to this guy on and off for years. I want to see him but I also want to lose my weight before seeing him. My question is do you think he likes me? We talk off and on and he's called me a tease, asked me if I wanted his number. He mentioned we've talked for years, it;s nice but its a tease. He has also asked me what my type was and teased and asked if I liked girls. He said he's shy and shy around girls. He doesn't talk much, but he does respond to me. But I am not sure if he's interested or not.He has invited over to his place before and I had to turn him down because of it being late. He respected that and didn't push me. He has been ballsy at times but not all the time and he hasn't been ballsy in quite some time. He occasionally messages me before I do. Should I give up on this guy? I've been told by other people saying he likes me, but I am very unsure. Any advice? I want my weight off to feel confident around him. Sorry if there is grammar and mistakes on here.

Has it been talking with no Skype or good full person photos and close ups? I know when I was single after a divorce, I had male friends I'd chat with and those that hung around longest also traded photos with me so we would know what the other looked like. Everyone is different in what they like in another person. When I went looking for a new mate, I only cared about someone weight and weight proportionate. I have seen skinny guys with anywhere from a bit chubby to really obese females and you could tell by how they treated each other that the guy really loved her. It's easier to find someone who looks cute but lacks alot in the personality and character department than it is to find someone whom you admire traits on the inside and don't mind so much the outside. My 2nd husband is a bit overweight. He loses some and gains some back but despite it, in general his overall appearance was still appealing and attractive to me. I was more concerned with his inner character as the last husband looked handsome on the outside but treated me like crap(an abusive marriage)
Yes, It may be harder to find a guy who doesn't mind what you look like currently. But it is not impossible. You already know he likes who you are on the inside so you have half the battle won or actually I consider that more than half. A persons appearance will change over the years. We either put on some weight, get wrinkled, lose muscle tone and go gray. No one can avoid that. So you want someone who is okay with how you look right now. Then if you do lose some weight, you don't have to worry about the process of losing it and being so stressed over it or worry of gaining it back. I am certainly not as skinny as I was when I met my 2nd husband but no matter that I have some rolls on me now, his eyes don't lie, he still looks at me with passion and desire.

Hon, if a guy hangs around as long as yours has in just on line chatting, he must be attracted to your character. I vote for giving him a chance and meeting in person. Yes he likes you, or at least that part of you. If he doesn't like what you look like in person, then its his loss.
But there is one thing you can do, act as if you feel pretty. In tests done on single men and women, men were intially attracted to talking to the bombshell women but most of them worry still about how they look, can be drama queens or very shallow minded as most the men explained what they experienced later. Most the men naturally gravitated over to the average to chubbier women and spent more time with and actually enjoyed them and found they were attracted to them. The deal in this test is that only really self confident women with average or less than average looks were in that test. It was determined that men truly are attracted to a confident woman, and confidence about her looks is important. If that hasn't convinced you dear, then you need to see Amy Shumers lastest movie, I feel pretty. This movie what it would be like if a plus size woman all of a sudden gained self confidence. It is a comedy but I want you to know there is truth in it.

This clip has her on Ellens show talking about the movie with a clip of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKbFHK05Jks

The next one has a few more clips from when she meets and attracts a guy with her self confidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi60f1jPfto

If you feel you may be larger than Amy, this still applies dear. I've been to some nudist places a few times and one time there were two really obese women there. One was not prettier than the other but one had lots of people gathered around her and there was laughing and chatting while the other was pretty much alone and no one seemed to want to talk to her. I am a female, not bi, not gay but even I was affected by the difference in the two. One lacked self confidence and wasn't able to embrace her looks and love who she was. The other sent out this signal of self confidence and one of the affects it had on me was that I found her to be a person you want to get to know. I was drawn to the gathering of men and women around her and saw for myself how happy and animated she was as she spoke. Self confidence oozed from her and I found myself thinking in my head that she was truly very pretty, despite the fact she had lots of extra weight on her. I kept blinking, looking away and back and yet even I saw her as pretty. That saying about 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is so true but you can help it along with changing those vibes you send out of how you feel about your looks. If you confidence is going to be only in a number you see on the scale, then that kind of confidence is not bound to last. As the movie shows, even the pretty girls who have no reason to lack self confidence in their looks, still battle lack of self confidence. This is generated within you and largely due to how you think. Where your thoughts go, your emotions and feelings will follow. So self confidence doesn't magically come and stay when a girl loses weight. I know the world can be cruel. I am older, have wrinkles and lots of gray in my hair. I am definately not a bombshell or a model type. But where ever I am, I think the thoughts daily of how attractive I am for my age and walk with confidence, smile and talk with confidence. A great many men do not look at me twice. But I still do get admiring glances from those who are attracted to my self confidence.
How to trick your mind into gaining self confidence. I've tried this myself and it works. Think of a feature of yours that you do like, maybe its your laugh, or sense of humor, maybe it's your hair, for me It was my eyes. Think of a celebrity with the extra weight and whom you can identify with one trait on and then picture yourself as being her every day before you leave the house, enter another building and picture people responding to you as they would to the fact a celebrity like her was in their midst. I was shocked at how favorable the results. I didn't hate my looks before but it sure boosted my self confidence. When I began to recieve comments from both men and women on how pretty my eyes were, that actually boosted my own self confidence and that was all I needed to blossom on from there. You can do it too.

For another good example hon, if you have netflix, there's a show I just finished watching all the season of called "Drop Dead Diva". I highly recommend this to help with how you think of yourself in your mind vs what those thoughts do to transform you on the outside. The premise is that two women die at the same time in different accidents. One finds a way to return but not into her previous body but the one of a lawyer named Jane played by Brooke Rlliot. In past life she was a model. In the new body, she's a lawyer. It was great to see the model mentality come out and transformed what the old Jane looked like into the new Jane. It used to be on Lifetime but is on netflix now. This is another I recommend seeing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlC5glEWtOY

I hope all this helps dear. Good luck.


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I want to switch from Metropcs because the service is crappy. I can't use my gps when I need it sometimes, the internet goes down and I can't make phone calls sometimes. When I try to make phone calls, it doesn't go through and tells me that I can use wifi calling. Wifi calling doesnt even work. Plus, when I pay my bill they tell me that I didn't and cut my phone off. Is Cricket better than Metropcs?

I don't know if cricket is better but I have metro pcs and can tell you that most the problems I had with my phone that was a Samsung bought brand new was due to issues with the phone having so little memory that it couldn't recieve its updates. NOt enough memory to download even one update. So I began to have problems that got worse until a year in. I thought some of it was due to MetroPCS but it wasn't. From talking to others, I learned that my phone had the problems. All my commands and instructions for retrieving mail had switched to Spanish and I don't speak or understand it. When I got an Apple iphone SE, my problems disappeared. Do I ever have calls that don't go through? No, but sometimes I don't get texts until the next day. However my husband has a different network, Verizon through his Dads family plan and that happens to him often enough too. I know Verizon is one of the better ones but I can't afford it right now. So what I am saying, be sure that most your problems are not due to the phone you have. Do some research where consumers can write in and mention what issues they have with a particular items. I don't know if it's in Consumer Reports but hopefully you can find something to give you an idea. If you can be sure that most your problems are not related to just your phone, then start researching both networks on line.

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I was diagnosed with diabetes 6 months ago. I pee a lot. The problem with me holding my bladder has been going on for 2 years and it started when I was put in the hospital for sepsis. Back then the doctor said that there was something wrong with my kidneys but never explained. I wasn’t diagnosed with diabetes then. Sometimes I can barely make it to the restroom without peeing on myself and I try to hold it.

I agree with seeing a Urologist. However, I think for insurance purposes, that is considered a specialist so you probably need to be referred to one by your regular family doctor. I suggest you start with making an appointment with your family doctor, telling them everything you've told us and asking for a referral to a specialist.

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21/male from Nigeria... since I was 10 years old i have a problem with my eyes they are constantly sensitive to light or anything bright.it just happened suddenly it's not like I hurt my eyes or anything.... I have gone see an eye doctor and he says it is caused by a refraction and he prescribed transition glasses.. I got the glasses but it did not help at all so I just stopped using it.

Am embarrassed to say this but I have not always practiced good oral hygiene,I brush my teeth once a day but not with the right technique because I had tatar and my gums would bleed when I brush.... so three years ago I discovered that four of my front up teeth and four of my down front teeth are loose/shaking so I went to a general hospital to see a dentist and did teeth cleaning (scaling and polish) and the dentist assured me that as long as I practice good oral hygiene my teeth will be healed and strong again.... I have been doing everything the dentist told me to do but my teeth is just getting worse, I go for regular cleaning every six months... But there seems to be no change..... Three months ago I went to a dental clinic for consultation after a couple of tests the dentist told me I have chronic periodontitis that the bone surrounding the affected teeth are being destroyed,he said that I have to do a root canal surgery....All this years I have been really depressed and I have a low self esteem ....am suppose to enter school this year but I can't because I want to use my tuition money for my treatment....I have problem with my eyes and now this! a lot of thoughts have floods in and out of head... . (Thoughts like all of this is my fault, what if I lose those teeth, what if I do the surgery and it fails, should I just end my life?I don't want to die, but if I end up losing those teeth I might not be able to bear the embarrassments the shame, I will literally become an outcast) at times I just sit in my room and cry.

As you know now, the first doctor who cleaned your teeth said everything was fine but another says you have problems with your teeth.
I don't know what health care is like in Nigeria, but in the U.S. if we are having problems and the first doctor says we are fine, then we go to a 2nd or 3rd Dr. for their opinions. Wish my Mother had done that. Her Dr. told her that the pains she had were all imagined in her head. She did not go to any extra Dr.s for their opinion. Turns out, years later she ends up in Emergency of a Hospital where she learns the pain she's had all along was cancer, which killed her. Just because someone had a medical degree does not mean they can be wrong. Sometimes, others just want the money from their job and will say you have more problem than there really is so they have more billable hours.

I am light sensitive too with my eyes but have been that way all my life. Also am near sighted and wear glasses for that. Also come to find in last couple years that I have an astigmatism of the eyes. But my particular kind should have been caught when I was a child, because then, there was therapy that could fix it. Now that I am 59, it is far too late and I have to live with a little double vision. Just telling you all this so you don't trust everything a Dr. tells you. I am guessing there is no health insurance for you.
In the U.S. if the parents have children under health insurance, the child is no longer covered once they become 18 and are considered an adult. However if that grown child goes on to college, they can continue to be covered under parents insurance policy as long as they are in school, no matter that they are now adults. I don't know if there is any such thing in your country or if there is even health insurance. You might see if there is any kind of insurance you could qualify for as a student entering college. A good thing might be to go talk to counselors at the college you want to enter and let them know you plan to be a student there but also need some teeth work and eyes examined. Ask them if they can point you toward any special health insurance for students or dentists that take low income patients and will charge less than the usual rate. I was in that situation once, needing a root canal, had just moved and didn't have a new job and income yet. Just so you know, a root canal is not related to periodontal disease. Getting one if you need it, will not help with loose teeth. I've been told that I need to have teeth professionally cleaned more often due to them being crowded and a toothbrush and floss not being enough to get to all the places of build up. I was told thats why my gums have receded a bit in places but that I am not that bad off and brushing of the gums too will help them. I don't know if you have just a little since you're still young, or if you really do have a problem with loose teeth that will eventually come out with all that bone loss. But I do know that people don't have to live without teeth if their case is that bad. I know someone who is having the rest of her teeth pulled since she's lost many and will be having dentures/false teeth made to wear. SHe's older but its possible that is also done for younger people depending on how bad off they are.
There must be some kind of offices in your country that offer social and health services. We have that here. They cover all sorts of things, from helping provide food stamps from the government so you have food to eat, to actual health care referrals, advocates for any situational. So not just those with a right mind but those with mental illness can get help and housing too even. Start asking people you know if you have no idea if there are any such help agencies in your area.
Also try not to focus your thoughts on jumping to conclusions that you will be a reject and feel forced to kill yourself. think positive that it is only a matter of time before you bump into the right help, insurance and low cost Drs that can truly help and aren't out to just make a living off your problems.

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I just want to start by saying that I do drink more than I should. With that being said, I want to know when I should take a pregnancy test because I don't want to keep drinking and risk anything if I am pregnant. I was expected to have my period Feb. 20- Feb.26. I had unprotected sex Feb. 20 and Feb 24. my periods are a long cycle but usually pretty regular. i've been having sex a couple times a month for the last few months and then i didn't have sex January but i had sex Feb. so it would make sense that it put my cycle off but it also was only a few weeks between sex so i'm not sure why it would mess up my cycle. i haven't been stressing. the one and only time i got pregnant years ago resulted in a miscarriage but it happened while i was on my period. so i am worried that having sex near my period expected date that maybe i got pregnant cause i didn't have my period for February and i still haven't started and it is march 5. i have been feeling bloated my breasts started feeling a little sore the other day, and the last week i feel like i have eaten more than i have all month. i'm not even eating because i'm hungry i'm just eating because something sounds good. i'm wondering if maybe i am overthinking or if its possible it happened. but my question is when should i take a test? should i take it anytime now that i already skipped a period or do i wait to see if i miss my period for march? i just don't know what to do and if i am pregnant i would want to make sure that i stop drinking and smoking so that i wont harm the baby. so i don't know when will be a good time to take a test to get an accurate reading. any advice will be greatly appreciated. thank you in advance.

I looked online to be sure there wasn't any new info from health experts and it says to wait until a week after your expected period to take a test.
I don't know if some women are different than others in how long it takes to build up enough of the hormones in your body that can be detected by a test. If your test is negative, take another test in a week. You are around 2 weeks late if going by Feb 20th. So as I said, to be sure if this first test is iffy or negative, do another in a week. If I were you, I wouldn't wait until a test says I am pregnant. I would stop the drinking and smoking now and wait until I can be sure. You certainly have all the symptoms of being pregnant. You didn't mention taking any birth control. But if you just started taking the pill, I know that it can mimic all the signs of pregnancy because that is how it works, it fools the body into thinking you are already pregnant with those synthetic hormones that signal a baby growing so your body won't ovulate. If you recently started the pill, and a test says you aren't pregnant, you may want to see your Dr. to try a different brand of birth control that won't give you these side effects, as it doesnt happen to all women. Some birth controls give side effects and others don't.

If you are not pregnant, I would suggest you seeing your Dr. and getting on a reliable form of birth control asap! just because you don't have sex regularly, doesn't mean its a waste to get on birth control. If you haven't checked out the IUD, that is a device placed into your womb by a Dr. and remains there for many months or longer depending on the brand. Once in, you can forget about needing to remember to take a pill, or rely on just condoms, it is as carefree as it gets but you have the best protection out there, as good or better than the pill.

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17/f
So in grade 8 when I high school (14 years old) this teacher started at our school and it was her first year teaching so she was young (she's 26 now). She taught me biology and since grade 8 we were close and she was always there for me and knew about me than my friends and family and knew things like sexual abuse from a family member in the previous years and just everything. She left in 2016 to go teach overseas but I had her number and we still kept in contact and she said I must still always go to her and I did sometimes but not often cause I didn't wanna bother her. She always says I'm like her little sister because she isn't close to her sister and I definitely see her like another big sister. A few weeks ago I spoke to her when I was having a break down and I admitted a lot - I think I'm depressed and I relapsed with cutting a few times and we spoke for a couple hours and she said I need to keep her up to date with how I'm doing. I've just been feeling worse and the cutting has gotten worse and she's the only person I can talk to but I don't want to bother her with this because she's on the other side of the world and she's 9 years older than me even though she says I can and I believe her I just don't wanna get annoying but I really wanna talk to her. But even if I do it's difficult because there isn't necessarily something specific making me feel like this I just do so I can't even explain how I'm feeling. What do I do? Do I message her? What do I say if I do?

Let me ask you a question not for you to answer me but just to clarify a point in your mind.
She said to keep her up to date with how you are doing. If that is the only thing she could tell you, how is it helping you to get better and get rid of your depression? Does her listening to you only, as that's all she can do from where she is, not just make you feel temporarily better but help you overcome and get rid of your depression? Has she suggested that you tell someone else, suggest any professional help? When someone feels like family to you and you to them, they are of course going to care how you are doing and what is happening in your life. But unless a family member is a trained professional, all they can do is give love, show concern and be a listening ear and urge you to get some professional help.

I understand not feeling you have anyone you can talk to about it. That's the terrible thing about depression once you've got it, it makes you more often not willing to share it with a single soul and try to keep it to yourself. Now a personal story of mine on the matter. My oldest daughter developed depression around your age or younger. She never told me, she never cut herself, she didn't tell any friends or siblings, and there were no signs of it to clue me in. And I was a MOm very involved in my kids lives. They knew they could talk to me about anything, even dating, friend problems, sex and such. And they had no problem sharing such things with me, but the depression, nope...she did not say a peep. It wasn't until she was about the age of your teacher now, when she had a newborn baby and I was living with her while her husband was out at sea in the navy, that she confessed she had a problem. It scared her now because it wasn't just herself involved but she had a child to care for. Yet her depression was still there and even worse due to post partum depression which a fair amount of healthy women end up getting for a while after birth. For her it was a double whammy. She confessed she had thoughts of killing herself and her baby even though she knew that wasn't right and confessed she'd been depressed since HS.
As her Mom, my heart hurt so bad that she had robbed me of the chance to be her Mom and step in and help her get professional help. I took her to her doctor and she got on meds and that helped her. But I was so sad that she had to suffer it all alone and hadn't allowed me to help. It still bothers me to this day after 10 years. I have read that teens do sometimes commit suicide due to untreated depression. And I have read what happens to parents who lose a child that takes their own life. They blame each other for not seeing any signs or maybe causing the depression which is not true, and end up splitting up because of the stress of the situation. Parents who lose a child, find the health of their marriage threatened, no matter how the child died but its worse when its suicide. You must have parents or at least one. I beg you to tell your parents and ask them to help you get at least appointments with your family Dr. to get a referral to a specialist. If you are still in HS, then you are on their health insurance. If you have started college, college students, though adults at 18, still qualify to remain on the parents insurance as long as they are in college. YOu should seek professional help dear. Don't rob your parents of the chance to help you. If you can't bring yourself to speak to them, write them a note fully explaining what you are going through and hand it to them and leave the room or house for a bit. Have them know where you'll be or to call your cell if you have one once they are ready to talk. They may need a bit of time to get over the shock and come to grips with it, but you must understand, it is not your fault or anything you are doing wrong, even the cutting. That is part of the depression which you would not be doing if you did not have depression.
ONce you're getting professional help, keeping your 'big sister teacher friend' in the loop as to how you are doing and how you are getting treatment is a good thing. At 26, she may not have the knowledge yet to know how to deal with getting a person pointed in the direction where they can get help. But if she really cares, she will be happy to learn you followed my advice and talked to the parents. If that fails, then you must talk to school nurse or counselor. This is something not new to them. Its probably not advertised that you can go to them with such issues but they get this all the time. There are many other student who will have depression or a terrible home life or are being abused, so they know what to do and whom to contact to get you in touch with help, even if you end up choosing not to tell your parents. But please think about how it might affect them if they are not allowed to be part of your help and recovery by being supportive at least.

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I’m a female, 13 years old. My mom hasn’t bought me any clothing since I was 10, she just suddenly stopped. I sometimes once in a while ask her for clothing but she would always make up an excuse not to buy it. She buys things for my little brother and she used to always buy clothes and shoes for my sister (she’s an adult now) A few days ago I asked if I could get a new pair of sneakers since the one I had was a hand me down from my sister, but she said no because she doesn’t know where to buy it/ it was too expensive. So I just shrugged it off without saying anything. About 2 days later she asked me if I wanted sneakers because she was going shopping and I said yea sure! She also added that if she couldn’t buy me them then she’ll buy sandals but when she came back she never bought any shoes for me, so I just shrugged it off again because I didn’t want to be mad about a pair of shoes. Later on I asked her if she could buy me some leggings because all the ones I have are ripped and old and she said ask your sister to buy you a pair or wear hers. I couldn’t do that since my sister is over protected over her clothes and if I asked her to buy me something she obviously would tell me no since she never buys any clothing for me. I can’t buy myself anything because I don’t have the moeny for it and I can’t go out to a mall or anything. All my other friends have brand new clothes and shoes while I’m stuck wearing hand-me-downs and clothes from years ago. Literally half my wardrobe is hand me downs from either my sister or mother. It’s not like I have a problem with them or anything but I just want something new for once in a while.

I can't begin to figure out why your MOm would provide clothing for everyone else without a fight but not you. There seems no apparent logical reason.
Now if none of you had proper clothing and shoes to wear for the current weather, then that would indicate money problems. Either money is being mismanaged or there simply isn't enough.

I don't know if you live somewhere other than the U.S. but here, a parent has the responsibility by Law, to provide you with a roof over your head, sufficient clothes in good shape, and consistant healthy meals. If they choose to not reach out for help with any of that, then the fault lies with them and there are agencies that can step in and make sure it happens, like CPS. Child protective services is more concerned about finding way to teach and help parents rather than take their kids away. So don't worry if it comes to this, that Mom gets in trouble, its actually a way to get her the help she needs.

First ask her if there just isn't enough money to get you clothes. My kids wore lots of second hand clothes when growing up. But these were choics of theirs, in good condition at a second hand store. Theres nothing wrong with that. Kids also need to be able to express their own self in clothing choices such as their favorite colors. My youngest from age 5 on, was always attracted to sparkly clothes, like some glitter, sequins, bead-work or metallic threading through the clothes. Due to money issues, we shopped second hand first, then discount racks, or stores and lastly bought other things brand new like shoes, underwear and tights or leggings as those do get snagged and ripped easily and can't be found in second hand stores.
While in grade school, the teachers referred parents of students from low income families to a local charity for school kids where you could go every so many months to get free items. They had coats, brand new underwear, and clothing of all sorts. Signs instructed how many of each you could take. I don't know if your school knows of any such thing in existence in your area but its worth a try to ask teachers or a school counselor. Hand me down shoes is not a good idea for the main pair you will wear every day. All people will wear down the heels of their soles in different places due to something off in their skeletal frame or bad habits. For another person to wear worn shoes, can cause them to develop problems too, due to having to over compensate for wearing shoes with worn soles. A pair of sandals that may be worn only occasionally in summer or to the beach, we may have got second hand but it wasn't our main pair worn most the time.
If you let another adult at school know that you need some new clothing and Mom can't afford it, I am sure they can let Mom know of some agencies that can help. My kids also qualified for the hot lunch program free due to our income. And if there is help that the school officials make your Mom aware of, and she still does nothing to provide you with some new clothing, clothes appropriate for your age and in good condition, then it will probably take having an agency that looks after all kids welfare, that they are getting their basic needs met, getting involved. The school counselors can do that for you. If no one does however, you can call them yourself. Just research the office of CPS for your area in your state and let them know whats going on. There may be some issues that you are unaware, strange ones that cause your Mom to mentally decide to favor other siblings. No matter what her reasons, it is not normal and you shouldn't be shrugging it off as unimportant. In case there is dysfunctional thinking or even some mental disability causing your Mom to treat you as she has, having an agency step in and become aware of whats going on, can help Mom get put in touch with whatever proper help she needs.
When I was a kid, my parents were tight on money but we always got our basic needs met and never had to go without proper clothes. However, once I starting babysitting neighborhood kids at 15, I saved up and began to buy the special clothes I wanted that the parents couldn't afford. You might consider also doing something like that in the future, however you shouldn't have to worry about working now to get your own clothes. Thats Moms job. When the money is your own, you start to look differently at what is a basic need and what you don't want to spend your hard earned money on. One of my daughters wanted a brand name sneaker that many of her friends wore. She had birthday and christmas money saved up. I wasn't going to make her spend that. I knew my duty to get her new shoes as she needed them. So at the store we looked at the prices. The brand name was twice the amount I could afford. So I told her, I would put forward the amount of the cost of what the regular pair cost if she'd use her money to make up the difference to get the fancier brand name. She didn't go for that offer. Suddenly, the brand name didn't sound so good if she had to invest in it. I just mention this, so you keep an idea in your mind of what is reasonable and what is not. You do not live in the times of "Little house on the Prairie" where clothing stores were not readily available and people worn clothes too small or big for them and had to alter and mend what they had. You don't live in that time and there is plenty of help available so you should no longer have to be content with wearing your Mothers hand me downs. That is pretty disgusting. Were her clothes ALL second hand when she got them? I'll bet they weren't except for maybe one or two pieces. If she can spend brand new on herself but not you, that is wrong dear. SHe's putting herself first. Most parents would rather go with food or new clothes to make sure all their children have what they need. The more I think of it, something definitely is not normal with Mom. She may love you in her own way, but something needs to change and quickly. Reach out at school for help dear. I know it may feel scary but I assure you that you are not the first kid to have problems like this and school officials have encountered much much worse. This should be an easier and hopefully quick fix. Please let me know in the future how things turn out for you. I do care and will pray for you

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