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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hi, I know this is a little strange, but I've been struggling with an issue lately and I think you might be the perfect person to help me with it. I've seen you answer questions in a manner that leads me to the conclusion that you are a devout Christian and this is a question I need answered by someone who knows the Bible well.

My question is, does the Bible support the idea that God loves men more than women? Until recently, I never believed that God would favor anyone over anyone else, but around a year or so ago, I learned that it is a semi popular belief that men are more important, more valuable, and more loved by God than women are and it bothers me tremendously.

I know that God created men and women differently for different purposes and that some people misinterpret certain verses as being sexist when they're not, such as Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Timothy 2:11-12, or 1 Corinthian 14:34-35 and other such verses. I've always heard that there were reasons for these verses that had nothing to do with favoritism towards men. Basically, I've heard that most verses interpreted as being anti-woman were just written to establish the different roles God gives men and women. However, there are other verses that don't seem so easy to explain. Last summer, I found a list someone wrote of Bible verses that appear to support the idea that God might love men considerably more than women. I know this is not helpful, but for the life of me, I can't remember what exactly those verses were. I've tried to find the list again, but I can't seem to do that either. That's why I want someone who is well educated about the Bible to answer this question.

Something else I haven't been able to find is cold hard proof that the Bible supports the idea that men and women are equal in God's eyes. There is Galatians 3:28, but I've heard that this verse doesn't actually mean what people think it does. I know it's stupid to research this kind of thing on the internet, but I have and every time I find a site that tries to disprove the idea that God loves men more than women, this author doesn't seem to have any proof. They seem to just give their opinion on the matter and then men flock to those sites just to try to prove THEIR opinion that God favors men. What's particularly upsetting is that they tend to make better points than people who believe in gender equality do.

It seems to make some men very angry when women want to believe that God loves both genders equally. They don't want Him to love everyone equally, they want Him to love men much more. They tear apart almost every argument anyone makes for gender equality. If someone says that Adam and Eve were both responsible for the fall, they argue and say that Eve single handedly caused the fall and Adam did nothing wrong. If someone says that both men and women were created in the image of God, they argue and say that men were created in the image of God and women were created in the image of men, which makes men seem even more special yet as, if this were true, men would be the only creatures created in God's image and they'd have another creature created in THEIR image. If someone says that God created Eve to prevent Adam from being lonely and created a bit after Adam to let him BECOME lonely so he'd appreciate her more, they argue and say that he created Eve to be Adams slave (so to speak) and created her after him as more evidence that He favors men over women. Men dwell on the fact that women are commanded to submit to their husbands, but ignore the commandments he gives to husbands or reject that those commandments mean what people think they do. I've been told that men are to protect their wives with their lives. That if a husband and wife are in a life and death situation, the husband should sacrifice his life for his wife, but there are people who reject this, saying that "it's not fair to men."

A lot of men get irritated with other men for not understanding the reason God did give men authority over their wives. These men believe that the relationship between a husband and wife should mirror the relationship between Christ and the church. Women are expected to obey their husbands just as the church is expect to obey Christ. Men are expected to sacrifice their lives (if needed) or their well being for their wives just as Christ sacrificed his life for the church and sacrificed his well being at times too by doing things like skipping meals to witness to someone. One man wrote an article about what a Christian marriage should look like. He wrote that while a wife should submit to her husband, a husband should obey the commandment to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He believed this DOES mean that husbands should sacrifice their lives for their wives if needed, but more than that, he theorized that husbands are to love their wives more than wives are to love their husbands. He seemed to believe that since women are not given the same commandment to love their husbands as Christ loved the church, and since God, and therefore Christ, have a greater capacity for love than we do, then Men are to love their wives more than wives are to love their husbands. He also believed that if a man loves his wife as much as he's commanded to, then he will take excellent care of her, protect her, and care more about her wants than his own, making marriage a lot men pro woman the people think it is. But this is the kind of thing that men love to tear apart. They argue that men have authority over their wives because wives are to be their husbands slaves and men are not expected to put their wives' wants or needs ahead of their own because the whole reason women were created were to tend to men's wants and needs.

I know I'm probably making too big of a deal about this, but this is very important to me. I didn't have a great father. He was abusive, selfish, uninvolved, unconcerned, and absent from much of my upbringing. He was a terrible leader for my family. for years, he never went to church with me, my mom, and my sister, and taught me virtually nothing about the Bible. Also, he set an abysmal example of what marriage should look like, which has damaged me for life, and favored my sister greatly over me. Before I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior, I was told that when I did so, I'd be getting a new, perfect, flawless father who would love me more than my earthly father, or anyone else for that matter ever could. I was in desperate need for a good father and have always taken comfort in knowing I had one in God. So yes, it upsets me more than anyone understands to hear people claim that while God created me as a female, He discriminates against me for being female. It also upsets me to worry that this is never going to end. One men claimed that men will have a more special place in Heaven than women will, which would mean that this feeling of inferiority will never end. Men and women will never be equal, God's favoritism of and special treatment towards men will last for all eternity.

I just want to know the truth. I want to know how God feels about me as a woman. I want to know how he feels about women in comparison to men. I apologize for the length of this question, but if you could help me with this issue, I'd appreciate it more than you could possibly know. Thank you in advance.

Thank you so much for believing in how well versed I am in The Bible. I am afraid I may have to disappoint you a little in that I have heard not only from books, but various pastors that although
the Bible is the word of God, it is also full of man's interpretations of the Bible. As you have found, it can be disturbing and also there can be doubt that what some religious people are claiming is pretty far off the mark of what God really meant for us to understand and believe. One visiting pastor once told us something about the word "Sin". In archery where you try to hit the bullseye with your arrow, anywhere you hit other than the bullseye is called 'Sin'. Sin truly means to have missed the mark or in relation to Christians, to have misinterpreted or truly missed the point of what God is really saying. Jesus had to speak parables in stories that people could relate to in the day he was walking in a mortal body on earth. In that day, wives were considered property. Just because men believed it didn't mean it was Gods will. Jesus had so many concepts to teach mankind that went against so many of their beliefs that they became angry with him real easily. When I wonder what is important to God for me in todays time, I have asked Him and gotten answers. In fact, my launching point on being able to really hear God talking in my mind to me, was when a visiting Lady minister came to our church to teach us some ways that God speaks to us. Some people are more visual, while others are more into what they hear and so on. God can get messages across to us in ways that work best for us. What I want to do is encourage you to first start as the lady pastor said to us, to exercise that part of our brain that catches the voice of God. It is like a spiritual muscle that requires exercising to get stronger and thats when you have no trouble hearing and can ask a question even internally without speaking and get an immediate answer often. If you are interested in hearing more about the simple exercises, let me know and I'll share in a separate message. The reason I seem to have gone off point and seem to not be answering your question is because I have read enough and as I said, even a few pastors have said that the most important source we have for any spiritual questions is going to the source and of course that would be God. Over time, man kind has messed with the Bible, taking out things that originally were a part of it and changed some things before we got the Bible we have today. It happened when Constantine, a Roman emperor became a Christian. There were many Christian sects around, not one unified belief and so there were many that fought amongst each other. Constantine created the council of Nicaea who decided what stayed in and stayed out of the bible. I can't say all of original writings were burned as we are told. There may have been a handful of books with the original writings. I never took any theology studies or such, only books I've read by theological scholars. And there are a few original books that are so old they may crumble at being touched and are under glass. Or for any scholar to actually look up anything in them is maybe one in decade and they must be extremely careful to not destroy these few books or documents. So there may be some of the original stories that were copied from there but they were not accepted by todays church because we are under the assumption that the Bible is whole and things haven't been changed. I read once that one of the things changed which the few scholars allowed to see these old manuscripts have discovered is that before the council of Nicaea, that the Holy Spirit used to be referred to as a 'She', not a He. It actually makes more sense. Once I read that, it rang as true to me, although I did ask God. When he described man being made in his Image, we have to realize that God took many of his traits and characteristics and put half of them into man and half into woman. So does that mean God has a wife? No. But the Holy Spirit part of God is the entity that already had all the female characteristics. It is said that when God said, let US create the earth, and so on, that it wasn't just what we can relate to as male traits but the female traits that came from God. It is said God or the Sonwere like the architect who came up with the plans but the Holy Spirit part of God is who did the actually creating going by the plans God wrote/spoke out. So it is no wonder that God made females with the ability to create like the Holy Spirit. It is limited in comparison but only females have the ability to create another mortal body for one of Gods souls to come inhabit. A female creates a home out of whatever place she is given to live, she takes separate foods, and puts them together in ways to create meals. This does not mean that men can't have a natural creative bent. It isn't that God favors men above women but that men back in the ages when the Bible that we use today, carefully went over the whole Bible and took out enough positive references to women and changed the Holy Spirit from she to he so that there would be nothing left that could positively show that like Jesus and the Holy Spirit work together as a team, men and woman too are equals. Man is only physically stronger than women and unfortunately that has been used to put together the beliefs we have today. This is why there is no real good documents or sources I can turn you towards to study. And this is why I can't stress enough how important it is that you practice and strengthen your spiritual muscle. It was quite a process for me. I started as a teenager, but it wasn't until I was a Mom with children of my own that God became to test me in ways that I could learn to trust him, I had to learn to trust him more than what I read in the bible because the parts left, were left on purpose because they could be taken many ways or misinterpreted so that today we get the things that you have heard. It was all done on purpose. It is funny/odd that they actually left that passage in Revelations where there is a warning to people to not change or omit anything from the bible. I think it was put in to make sure no one tried to change it back to what it should be in case any surviving manuscripts did exist that they missed finding and destroying.

Heres another thing for you to think about, as far as the male and female attributes, we are told we have an earthly father to give us an idea of the relationship we should have with our Heavenly father. When we are young, that is the first image we get of a father. However the bible says nothing of the fact that we have a mother and that she is also a representation of the God, the nurturing, healing, teaching part. Yes some Dads can do that but for most, it isn't part of their nature. I believe there used to be verses about God in heaven being like our earthly father AND mother but mother is not mentioned. God didn't leave that out, men did. You may think this is all my own opinion too as I have no books or verses to direct you to, but God is telling me that the best thing I can tell you is to allow God to start teaching you what He wants to know. We are told that we may hear things that are not defined in the bible and that it may be the Devil placing such thoughts in our heads. I think that is another terrible warning created by Mankind so that people would not trust when they do truly hear the truth from God. I understand that like being in school with all the grade levels, that souls are like in school as far as what they believe and some are not ready to hear certain things and God is good enough to show us only what we can comprehend, even if its not the full truth but pointing you in the right direction. ONe time in prayer at a ladys retreat GOd told me he had something to tell me but that I wasn't ready yet because I would think I was hearing from the devil. I found in my testing that I believed God sometimes and doubted my ability to hear from him on others. Yeah, my response is equally long but I think at this point, sharing an example of how I doubted God will help you see what I am saying. We were told at a ladys retreat to ask God to give us the name of a person he wanted us to give a message or a word to. We had to spend some quiet time trying to hear. At this point, I had no trouble hearing from God, I just doubted my ability to hear 100% correctly. SO I asked God to give me a person. HE answered SHelly. I was already scared. I was in awe of Shelly. I felt she was so far above me as far as Christian experience, a womans Aglow leader, Womens bible study group leader, and principal of the christian school among other things. Does it have to be her I asked, Yes I heard back. Okay what word do you have for me to share with her? I asked as I was thumbing idly through my bible. "Simplicity." I began to freak out in my mind. I meant a word as in a bible verse God. I didnot literally mean one word. He said, "You asked for what I have for you to share with her, that is it." "But it's one word. I can't go up and tell her just that one word, she'll think I am crazy or stupid." I protested. "You don't have to do it. You asked me, I told you. So I answered. You go share the word if you want." God wasn't going to force me. I fumed for a couple minutes and then in a mental huff I said, "Okay, fine, I'll just go tell her and make a fool of myself for you. I can handle the embarassment." (Remember when Jesus told a story of the man who says Yes LOrd but doesnt do what God said, versus the man who whined and comlained but in the end did what God said and how the latter was the one who no matter how he got there, he did the right thing. I was feeling like that person remembering the verse and comparing myself to it. So I knew I had to follow through. So I walk up to Shelly and tell her God gave me a word for her. SHe saids, okay what is it. "It's literally just one word, not a scripture." She didn't looked confused, just encouraged me, "Okay, that's fine, what is it." "Simplicity." The moment I spoke the word she became so excited I couldn't believe it. "Oh my gosh, In my private time this God, I wrote something in my journal that God told me. You'll never believe it If I just tell you. Wait here while I go get it. She came back and showed me. God had told her she had too much on her plate and that she needed to simplify her life, especially since she was engaged to be married a second time and GOd would leave it to her as to what responsibilities she gave up. So not only did I learn by sharing that I did hear 100% correct from God but in sharing with her, she also learned she had heard for sure correctly from God. I have many such examples in life where God tested me, never scolded me for doubting because it was a process, as long as I learned in the end, that was all He wished for me. No, this example doesnt share what GOd has to say about men and women being equally loved, and that both are equally important and needed to make an effective team, but it does share that we can eventually get to a place where God is the one we turn to and get the truth from. It is all about having a personal relationship with God. We say we do. I did. But I finally realized, hey, I talk to my mom and dad and they talk to me in conversation but I truly didn't have that with God. With conversing missing in our relationship with God, we are left open to be tormented unnecessarily but what we are told is Gods words or wish for us when it may not be. The bible has truths but it also has parts that are now misleading with some of it left out and destroyed. So for you to have peace and know that what God tells you is the truth, no matter that the Bible says differently or seems to be vague on some things, God slowly brought me to a place where I have no fear of people and what they will think, I don't decide to do what I do for God because I am more worried about seeming like a heritic or back slidden to church goers, but like King David, my one desire is to always be pleasing God. In fact on two occasions, God spoke to two different ladies, one not even from my church to tell me, I know this might sound strange but God asked me to tell you something, its that He is still pleased with you. It doesnt make sense to me. Then I told the people that it made perfect sense to me. It was like basking in the praise you get from Mom or Dad when you were taught how to do something and you finally did it right.

As a result of how I have had my life touched in the ways it has been by hearing from Him, I feel like attending church is now like going back to Kindergarten. Not bragging as I know I have a far way to go but its what is talked about in some scriptures like 1 Corinthians 3:1,2 "Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly -- mere infants in Christ. 2 I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. (My belief is that in most congregations, it is geared only for babies and the teachings are there, much like parents train us to do everything from how to go potty, to hold a spoon, ride a bike, how to treat others, etc. It is the basics. I have checked out so many churches and they are all the same. You find maybe 3 people in each who are where I am spiritually in what they hear from God. When I've asked why they still stay, they tell me because God told them to stay there, not for themselves but to be there and be ready to share something with another person so they can learn to trust God and have that personal walk with Him. In that case, they are doing what they should be.

Another verse: Heb 5:12 By now you should have been teachers, but once again you need to be taught the simplest things about what God has said. You need milk instead of solid food. (half the problem is that even church leaders, pastors themselves struggle with the knowledge of hearing from God and moving on from baby stuff to a more advanced part of our walk with God. The basics are important and it is important to have fellowship, thats like kids in a daycare learning how to play nicely with others. Once you know that, its time to move on to higher levels of teaching. I had a pastor not share a sermon one Sunday but admit that he had no idea what to tell us because he wasn't able to hear from God any longer. He said he could once upon a time but everytime he asked God what was wrong, God only said, Go back and do what I told you to do the last time I asked." He said he couldn't remember and looked helpless. I was shocked. What I realized from that is that is Gods way of teaching him something, something I had learned already straight from God. I am not a church leader and God is harder on those who lead others because HE wouldn't want someone to be leading people astray. So while I was given a choice to share that word with Shelly or not, our Pastor may have not fully trusted God or his Ability to hear from God and chose not to do something very important he was told to do. It may have been something that he must do to learn, before he can progress to the next 'grade' level for souls. God doesn't let us pass on to the next grade level like schools do today because they are worried about kids feeling being hurt. God will allow you to stay put at whatever level you are at or progress on as fast as you learn from God and really get it. There is no time limit like a test in which you have to complete or get it. Again, I fear I may not be answering your question but it is what I feel God is telling me to share with you hon. I am hoping that what I have shared gives you hope. It is not an easy or instant answer to your spiritual questions or the one in particular. But I know no better source than going to our Creator to learn and be taught. The church just isn't structured to show us how to advance in our growth as believers. I am closer to God now than I was during the days I attended church. Not saying church is bad, unfortunately it seems to be set up only for , lets call it, stage one in our christian life. The fact that something doesn't make sense to you and hearing such differing opinions means you are where I was at when God knew I was ready to learn to not only hear from him but learn to trust myself that I could hear correctly because sometimes we may hear something we don't want to hear but know its from God. Same as parents tell us to do something or lay down the rules we don't want to hear. Please do write me again with your thoughts of what I've written and if you feel ready to take that next step of spiritual growth to hear and trust God 100%. Only then will you get the answers you seek. If God tells you like he tells me that He can't give me an answer right now because my soul isn't ready yet, then I am content to wait. I certainly don't want the stress of trying to jump from 2nd grade to Senior year of high school and skip all else between.

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I've been through a lot in my life, and a lot of people have hurt me. I've been sexually harassed/violated/abused, I watched my brother be brutally abused for several years, I've dealt with mental illness and eating disorders, I've watched my friends attempt suicide, I've had friends kill themselves while I'm on the phone with them--the list goes on.
My problem is that I forgive people too quickly. I can't help but still want to be friends with the people that have hurt me. I was "best friends" with the guy(s) that sexually abused and violated me, to the point where my legs were always bruised and I was covered in cuts and scrapes. They were my best friends until one of them moved and the other told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore for some reason. Also, the person who abused my brother has always been both a huge negative influence on me and also a role model.

Whenever I'm with these people, I feel an attraction to them that I can't shake off, but I also have constant flashbacks to what they've done that are triggered by tiny things.

I'm not even in high school yet, and I've already experienced a lot of things that not even grown adults have gone through. Maybe it's the hormones that confuse my brain and make me feel this way about the people. Maybe it's the substance abuse.

Why do I still feel an attraction to the people that have wronged me so much and scarred me for life? Should I let them go even though I care for them so much?

I have a little different of an opinion. Forgiveness is important. Not forgiving can eat you up inside. It's a state of mind and heart. The nice thing is you don't have to tell the person you forgive them. Most the time they don't see they've done anything wrong and they don't have to accept your forgiveness for you to reap the benefits of peace.

However, I also believe that there isn't such a thing as forgiving too soon or too late. What you are calling 'forgiving too soon' is a matter of actually trusting a person too soon. Trust is the word of importance here.
I will give my life example to shed light on what I mean.
My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. After 30 years, I finally left him. If I was like many people, I had plenty reason to feel bitter against him, wish the worst things to happen to him and suspect all other men of being the same. I did not. I have to admit here that I am a spiritual person and that had an effect on how I worked through this. In talks with God, I realized that I had done nothing wrong to warrant the treatment the ex gave me. I also asked God why He had told me to go ahead and marry this guy when I asked. I see life on earth as settings in which our soul can grow and mature. That doesn't happen with an easy cushy life. The same with diamonds. They are formed under great pressure in the earth. If I didn't experience the pressures of some awful things, there would not have been the ability for my soul to grow and mature. So I realized that some one had to play the part of 'Judas' and that was my ex. It could have been worse where I was physically beaten as well. SO I choose to see my marriage to him as an opportunity to grow. If you are curious and want to know what I learned from it, you can message me from my column.

So I did forgive him, but that did not mean I would trust him again. My eyes were opened to see that he had not changed. No matter how many times he said he was sorry, it was empty words. It was due to my being able to spot other men like him by subtle signs that helped me avoid dating any after the divorce.

Since you say you are not in HS yet, I can share something that will help you understand why you are not making the best decisions for yourself'

The prefrontal cortex of the brain is a little immature in teenagers as compared to adults; it may not fully develop until your mid-20s [source: Kotulak]. ... An area of the teenager's brain that is fairly well-developed early on, though, is the nucleus accumbens, or the area of the brain that seeks pleasure and reward. So that is why young people will seek instant rewards and what feels good, like having a bf so others may envy you. The part of brain that isn't mature yet, means you are a bit crippled as far as making good decisions for yourself and being able to see repercussions of any of your actions down the road before you even make a choice. Therefore I would recommend you stop dating. This doesn't mean you can't have male classmates as friends. However, you need to be very picky in who you even have as friends. There isn't a way to turn off attraction to others. Attraction is a normal process for people as long as they are being attracted to good traits in others whether for friends or bf. When at your age, you will start to notice a trait you like in someone. Write down what it is. By time you reach your mid twenties, it should be a very full and precise list of what you are looking for in a life long mate or husband and father of your children. ANd no, its not too early to start. You will change your list over time, removing things and adding others. So lets say you discover you are more attracted to blonde guys than brunette, put that on your list, you like the sound of a guys voice or laugh, you like his sense of humor, thats all good and goes on the list. But deeper things are important too like slow to anger, builds you up with words instead of tearing you down, is patient, never raises his voice to you, etc...
If a guy has one or two good traits, but the rest are bad, this doesnt mean its okay to be with him. Your attraction is to the few positive traits. He is also immature in the brain area and making bad decisions. Hopefully he becomes a better person in the future but then again, such a person may even become worse as time goes on. The thing to keep in mind as you experiment with dating is to learn what you do like and don't like in a guy. Yes, make a list of all the things you don't like. As for all the other unrelated but terrible things you have experienced so far, I can only guess that perhaps God is putting on the pressure to get you to wake up and want to change your life in this area for the better. You don't have control over friends committing suicide for example but you do have the ability to affect your own life in a positive way.

Now about the 'bad Guy effect'. Many females feel attracted to the bad guy type. As a female myself, My opinion is that women want something from males that is often easier to find in the bad guy type. That does not mean he is a good choice. Lets examine what examples of things a female might be attracted to in this link to an article on bad boys versus nice boys:

https://www.majorleaguedating.com/traits-bad-boys-nice-guys/

If you read the things females are attracted to, it makes sense. I like all those things too. However, a female can find those traits easier in a bad boy than in a nice guy. It takes more hunting and looking around to find males who are positive loving caring people deep down inside and also have these traits a bad boy has but it wells up from a personality that is inherently a good person. Self confidence for example attracts men to women and women to men more than even the actual looks of the person according to psychologists and many tests done on people. I am self confident myself and I am a positive loving nurturing type of person instead of negative, looking to create fights or tension or bitchy all the time. I would not be attracted to a man without self confidence and the body language that shows he's comfortable in his own skin/body. I am attracted to a guy who is not afraid to tell it like it is without sugar coating, who trusts me enough to be himself. But that does not mean I want a guy who chooses negative words and verbal attacks and verbal abuse of me as I experienced with my ex. Before taking action to date someone, get to know them as just a friend, and that way you don't have to go through breaking up with them. If a guy isn't willing to go through this stage with you, he isn't worth it. If there are situations or guys behavior you are not sure about, don't think it has to be a one time thing where you ask here. Just write to me from my column and explain what's going on and get my opinion. It would be even better if you had some adults in your life that you trust and feel comfortable enough to talk to in detail of all this stuff. But if it must be here only, please just write any time you are not sure about something a guy says or does. I might not be able to explain what he meant by it or what was going on in his mind, but I hopefully can share enough to help you be able to make the best decisions for yourself. Yes, I am older, but I raised 3 daughters so I am familiar with current day relationships and dating.

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Why would a teenager hallucinate? Apart from medication, drug abuse, or alcohol, what could cause visual/audial hallucinations?

Schizophrenia. My brother had that. I witnessed him even on medications, laughing and talking to someone who wasn't there and he saw things that weren't there.
The only other explanation could be of a spiritual nature, if the teenager was exploring for fun things of a dark magic or evil nature and having opened them self to having a bad spirit talk to and show themselves just to that person. I know some people think of this as mumbo jumbo and not real but there are lots of things we can't see that are there...like air, we can't see it, only see the effects it has on other things.

The way to know the difference is to find a true honest psychic able to deal with dark energies and see if the psychic can sense any thing like that hanging around the teen. If they sense nothing, then it is Schizophenia for which I suggest the teen seeing a professinal Psychologist.

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So after I’ve read your advice on how to slowly but surely overcome social anxiety I wanted to ask you how can I deal with overprotective parents? They’re the reason (mostly my mom) why I’m not putting myself out there. I’ve tried multiple times getting out of my comfort zone like I went to my schools orientation week in my first year of college by myself. Long story short my mom didn’t let me go to any of the other events that took place so the friends I made there forgot about me, I even tried reaching out to them online and no response. It’s my second year (I’m done second year next month) and no progress with my love life cause like I told you before I’m super shy, awkward and reserved. I can talk to girls no problem but guys it’s just so hard for me. I wanted to join clubs cause I think that’s the best bet I could meet people since I’m not a freshman anymore however, all the clubs at my school meet around 6pm which is late for my mom so I have to be off campus and on my way home. So now that second year is basically done I wanted to be an orientation leader because I heard from people that’s how they made tons of friends because it forces you to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people you don’t know. My mom flat out said no because she doesn’t want me on campus that late. She’s controlling my life she’s the one who forced me to go to this school I didn’t want to go here, she didn’t let me live on residence but she’s letting my younger sister live on residence (I think it’s because of the depression and lonlieness I went through for not having any friends that she’s allowing her to live there) she’s the one that forced me to take a job in fast food I didn’t want to work there. We even have a joint bank account where she just takes my money that I want to save up to pay bills. I don’t know what to do about her everyone I’ve talked to said I’m not living a college experience at all which is true, I think I’m a very boring person cause all I do is stay home, study, go to school/work and the cycle continues. I dont really have the friends to go out with I have my friends from high school but they never invite me out anymore. Please help and thank you in advance

I am going to take a guess on history here: When you were a teen, the parents probably didn't slowly give you the chances to start making some decisions for yourself while they still had the parenting role to teach you and prepare you for adult hood. They likely made all the decisions for you. Then when you graduated High school, they panicked, realizing you were not prepared to go out into the world and be a adult, or at least they thought you weren't. They unfortunately misssed their chance to teach you to be an adult and instead of apologizing to you for that and letting you know, they'd like to act as your sounding board for you to run your ideas past them to get another perspective (such as you're doing here) they/one or both of them became controlling. Both are bad behaviors, being overprotective and controlling. While you were under 18, you could not do anything about it. However after you turned 18, you became an adult. This means, you should now be making all your own decision. However, you are so used to the parents doing it all, its like your mind was lulled to sleep about it. It's long overdue for you to have a talk with the parents.

However, if you try to assert yourself and take back the reins of leadership now of your own life, you most likely will have a nasty battle on your hands.
So your choices are as follows:

Continue to allow MOm (and Dad) to meddle in your life and choose everything from where you live to who you are allowed to date to whom you marry and only become free of this when they both die and that means 30 or more years of this. So you will be 60 or so and never have had the chance to be an adult and run your own life. I know this doesn't sound appealing but quite a few make this choice. I recently met a 65 yr old woman who talked all about her adult son age 40 or so who lives with her and has never lived on his own or married, etc.

If you are having your schooling paid for by the parents, they can threaten to not pay the rest, thus making it look like they have the control here. This will feel like a no win for you and that you have to continue to dance to their will and be quiet and just finish school. If you have 2 or more years yet, then it's that much more time of them feeling they'll never lose control over you and will be all the harder for you to break away.
If their home is where you live while attending school, again they have one over you, and can insist you follow their wishes or they might hold the threat of kicking you out over your head. Yes, some parents do this, hoping the adult child will comply due to fear of having a place to live. Some parents may never actually do this, but its a heck of a way to find out to find yourself kicked out as many have done. Your option, start already now looking for a place you can stay for no cost. This means having a relative with an extra room or allowing you to stay in a rec-room and make it cozy. Or another option would be working part time and finishing school later if you are paying your way in school and paying a little money to an elderly woman with her own home who needs extra money and will give you a bedroom. You could always post at school you are looking for a roommate or two and be ready for that in fall. I know all this may mean putting off graduating in time that you might wish for but the trade off is gaining independence from your parents.

Your independence is not just a matter of moving out of the home into another place because Mom will likely be calling you all day long to check on you or showing up at your door to check up on you. If this happens, you let the parents know you will call once or twice a week and set the day and time and let them know that the only time other than that where they can call is for emergencies
. If they abuse it, then change your number and don't give it to them or anyone else you think might try to get it for them.

Another thing parents do is mention that if you live in their home after graduation of HS, that you are bound to follow their rules. This needs to be clarified if you run into this while declaring that you will be making your own decisions while living there. House rules since they own the place, are within their right to have no matter how dumb they are. If they say, no friends or men over, you abide by it, no noise after whatever time, same thing. Share in doing the chores, yes, you must do them, but just your share, not all of them and end up tied to their place because you are acting like their slave and waiting on them hand and foot.
I would say that having been so sheltered might be part of your problem with meeting guys but it is also part of things you have done or failed to do that is causing you to have problems with self confidence. It takes a lot of guts to stand up for your right to be an adult and have control of your life. Meeting a guy right now when you have not accomplished this lesson in life and made a stand,and continued to make a stand to be independent means you could be looking at trouble. If by chance you did meet a guy who seemed to be into you without you learning the self confidence needed, means you are easy prey to a boyfriend who might turn out to be controlling. Men like that seem to be able to spot people like yourself very easily. Yes, he might provide a place for you to live to get away from your parents but that could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. He could control you to the point you can not leave the his house and physically beats you for no good reason. So before I even start to give you insight on how to find a bf, it's best you find independence at whatever sacrifice you have to do to get it. For all I know, you are also dependent on MOm for transportation or she says you can't ride public transportation. Lots of things need to change hon. I remember being 20, and back then I didn't know as much as I thought. I might have been smart school wise but I had no experience being on my own yet although I owned my own car. I was not street wise either. And lack of experience due to my age plus naivity was what caused me to accept marriage to a nice church guy at age 20 who turned out to be verbally and emotionally abusive. I stayed with him 30 years! If there is anything I can say or do to help you avoid such mistakes, I wish to do so. So write me again but this time go to my column and choose to contact me from there as I can't answer you if you ask something on the place where you leave comments and scoring. I'll be glad to be your sounding board so you can continue to update me with your situation and how things are panning out. YOur situation could go all sorts of ways I can't foresee, so do feel free to contact me again if need be.

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I am on a time crunch. It is almost summer, meaning I will not bring enough income during the summer.

I left my teaching position because I wanted to find a job that I I would love. But after three months of job searches, I haven't had much luck. I know I should've been more prepared, but because of the lack of support I received at my teaching position, I had zero time for myself let alone to search for a backup position. I was miserable.

Now because of the time crunch, part of me wants to go back to teaching. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I kind of miss it. But then I realize that if I go back, I'd probably hate it again. Maybe because it's familiar? Maybe I'm looking for a better environment/support? I have no idea.

I am currently offered a legal admin assistant position, that wants me to start in two weeks, if I take the admin job at the legal office, I honestly don't think it'll pay enough to where I'll need it until years later, whereas teaching will give me what I need immediately, and I'm pretty much guaranteed a position.

I don't want to take the legal job, burn the bridges I currently have, then burn that bridge realizing I'd probably go back to teaching because of the pay. Plus, once I take it, I don't know if I'll be able to find the time to go in from interviews for a teaching position.

I have an admin assistant interview at a university on April 4, and that's the one I really want. However, based in my experience, i feel they will choose someone who has more experience than me. I feel like if I don't get this one, I'm probably going to go back to teaching.

Thoughts?

Some times as an adult when we are under pressure to make a decision, it is scary because we fear we may not make a good decision or the best one. All we can do, is to follow our heart and try to first fulfill what needs to be done to practical purposes, and for you, that would be having an income to pay bills. Don't look back at things that didn't pan out as failures. You already know those things didn't work so you dont have to try them again.
Now you have actually less options to try out. If another one doesn't pan out, then you keep whittling down the options, until you find something that works for you. Yes, it is a slow painful process for many of us.
Just remember that if you were hiring someone for a position, you would be hiring because the person has the schooling and qualifications for the job, just lacking a long past experience in the field. And that can not be helped. Everyone has to start somewhere. Sometimes, people are not hired because they have lots of background experience but becuase the person hiring actually likes how they carry theirselves, a dedicated type, the self confidence that oozes from them, being an outgoing, people person, all stuff that goes a long way toward a person hiring someone with those qualities when a prior person had experience but lacked these qualities. That is the picture you would do best to keep in your mind when going for interviews, is that the previous person lacked these qualities but you have them and so regardless of lack of experience, you still have just as good a chance as anyone else. Attitude often will help get you the job, especially if the job will require you to interact with other people all day long. That is even more crucial in my eyes than an experience in that field, and harder to find in potential applicants for a job.

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My mom has a victim mentality. She never accepts responsibility for her behavior and lies to make it seem like she is the victim and someone else is the perpetrator. Anytime I try to offer help, even if its watching a video or to go see a shrink, she'll say we are criticizing or attacking her. When she is backed into a corner where a normal person would have to admit fault, she'll get angry and storm out, or say "DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!" Or she'll say "don't yell at me." (even if nobody even raised their voice, let alone yell). Anything and everything we try is met with hostility or she'll play the victim, saying we're attacking her. She uses her victim mentality to manipulate us into doing what she wants or she'll throw a tantrum, if the tantrum doesn't work, she'll go more extreme like cutting herself or try to stab herself. She has heart problems, so now she'll say she's sick or has chest pain. So we all go running to help, and predictably, she'll refuse help and refuse to go to the hospital or call an ambulance and blame us for "doing this to her". Even if its something as dumb as that we made her wait 10 minutes at the buffet while we finished eating.

She has childhood trauma so I'm guessing that that's where it started. She is a combination of hubris and self-loathing and instantly goes into victim mode anytime she doesn't agree with what is happening or if she disagrees with you. She can be rather evil at times.

She has admitted herself that what happened to her as a child might be affecting the way she acts and thinks. Then I suggest a shrink, she'll make excuses or blame others for why she can't, or she'll just get mad and throw a tantrum. (Or she might realize that getting help would mean not getting the attention she gets now through her tantrums and drama. So she refuses.)

What I'm gonna try to do is try to remove the excuses as to why she says she won't go to a shrink and try to find a way to get her to go.

Any advice would be appreciated. Even if you don't have anything to add, thanks to all the advicenators who spend their time on here helping people.

What you describe of your Mom reminds me much of a relative with same things and it was discovered they have mental illness. Yes childhood trauma can give a start to such issues but in the case of the person I know, the things traumatic to this person are things that normally are not traumatic at all to any normal person and its because they were seeing things through a distorted cognitive ability. SO no matter what is causing this in Mom, for both situations, she should be examined by a mental health professional. However, due to being an adult, she can refuse to go or like the person i am thinking of, refuse to believe anythings wrong with them and that it is everyone else who has issues and pointing out to others what they believe are the issues with everyone else. This is a natural defense mechanism that people with mental health issues will do to take the focus off themselves, they can't help doing this. No one can talk her into going to see a Dr.
However, as Adviceman said, the one thing you can do is call 911 every time your Mom calls complaining about her heart. If it never ends up being a true heart issue, there will be a record of how many times medics have gone to check her out. For all we know, she may be feeling severe panic attacks and could be interpreting this as a heart problem. Eventually, if her heart seems fine every time she is checked out and she doesn't end up in the hospital, you could mention to 911 how many times they've gone before and it turns out she checked out fine so you think maybe she's having panic attacks. That can be scary to the person having them. So at some point, medical officials will check her out for other causes and catch the panic attacks which are anxiety based and will fall under a need to have a mental and emotional health evaluation. She may only require anxiety medication but it could turn into something more. The only way that can happen is if you don't go to Moms but use the tough love action and do what is really best for her and call 911. I was with a client when I was a caregiver and she had a panic attack and also said I was not supposed to be in her house and called the police. The police who showed up recognized her very well as a mental health patient who did strange things and had to check on her and told me she did this all the time. SO don't worry about having to call to get help to check her out. They do this all the time and expect it sometimes. Plus they have the law and the call behind them to decide whether to take her against her wishes to the hospital if she seems to be in danger to herself, mentally if there is anything physically wrong. I know of a friend who got so depressed over a situation in life that she took pills and lots of alcohol to try to kill herself. Family and friends got there and saw the condition she was in and then called 911. The police and medics were there and took her to the hospital and she had to stay until they determined she was no longer a threat to herself.

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Wanting a boyfriend has been occupying my mind all the time and it’s getting annoying now. Ever since I was 15 I’ve always wanted a boyfriend but I never got one only because I was too awkward and shy but the thought of having one didn’t occupy my mind almost every second of the day as it is now. It’s all I can think about, obviously I know I’m lonely and I don’t really have much friends in the first place but as I get older (I’m 19 now) I just want to be in a relationship not just to be in one but to have that campanionship, someone who’s there for you but more than in a friend way but in a romantic way too. I guess if I can’t fight the thoughts I might have to deal with it sooner or later and find a boyfriend but like I said I was shy and awkward but I still am. I’m very picky I don’t want to seem desperate or anything. Any tips on how to find something else to distract me from always thinking about a relationship or tips on how to meet guys my age without being scared to approach them?

I have been where you are. Social anxiety kept me from being able to have a bf in HS. However last yr of HS near graduating, I realized that my anxiety would hinder my ablilities to make it in an adult world, at work and elsewhere, not just relationships.
I no longer have that anxiety but sense you have it too, thats its not just feeling awkward around guys, but affects other friendships and things as well.
I can give you tips of how to overcome it in very little time. But you need to be willing to do the steps and stick with it. If really applying yourself, then you can be rid of it maybe as soon as I was, in 2 months. Maybe less...as it's a go at your own pace thing. Just write to my inbox asking for the overcoming social anxiety info and I will send it to you.

Now having been there, I must tell you something that may sound like I am picking on you but you need to realize that 'getting your mind off wanting a relationship is not really addressing your issues. You already know that deep down. Taking your mind off the want to be more normal in that area only feels safer/less scary for the moment but along with it feelings of loneliness and unhappiness will still exist. What you need to do is push yourself beyond your comfort zones and while that may sound scary, I prayed to God for help and was given steps to take that were so little tiny steps, that although it was scary doing each step, they were pretty easy and it was not a race to overcome my fear. I would do each step until the fear was gone and I could do that step comfortably and then I was given a new step that was a bit more effort involved so it was scary to me again but still easy to do. Imagine my surprise when in recent years I found that same recipe for overcoming social anxiety in a book by a psychologist who teaches CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. SO it's not just that I heard it from God and it may be wrong, it actually works and psychologists know it. It is something you have to do yourself and do not need a Dr. for as it simply involves getting past distorted thoughts that hold you back from even trying to talk to people. Once you've done this, if you want more help on how to approach people and learn conversation starters, or plain old what to say if anything, I can help there too. Then there is a third thing for you. Once feeling self confident and able to meet people, I also have a document to share on how to meet Mr. Right. It involves knowing yourself well enough to let a potential mate know exactly who you are, like a resume for dating. It will help you to know and define exactly what kind of guy you need based on who you are and perhaps your past experiences and where you are currently. You make a list of what you need in a man and let the males know it too. It may sound picky to others but if you don't do this, how will you recognize the right guy when he comes along. I married at 20 knowing very little in life experiences so what I thought was harmless quirks I know now were warning signs of problems. The ex used to verbally abuse me to let you know what I am talking about. As you can see, I have much to share but you have to be willing to work at it step by step starting with SA social anxiety. There is no successful way to hop ahead to having a wonderful relationship with a guy and skip everything I mentioned learning and getting good at. I'll be here, waiting to hear from you. All my best, Dragonfly

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17/f
When I was 13, I had an eating disorder. It wasn't really full on starving myself - I would basically eat some dinner every night and sometimes a pack of jellybeans. I recovered after a year. I just wanna know if they could've effected me with anything later in life, like I have low iron levels, am really pale, have mild ibs - I'm literally always either constipated or have dirrhea I'm never normal. I also used to be pretty tall for my age, I was the tallest in my class and I went through puberty early - I started getting boobs when I was 8 and my entire family has big boobs (sorry this is random) but I just haven't been growing height and boob wise, I'm one of the shortest in my class and have the smallest boobs. Could it have impacted my growth? For a while now I've had headaches everyday and I get dizzy easily, but I eat a lot and don't have an eating disorder anymore. I basically still have the same mindset - i hate my body and would rather just not eat and relapse but right now I haven't. When I was 13, I became extremely pale, and my paleness never fully cleared up, im not as bad as I was then but even if I tan I just don't go darker. My marks also dropped alot, I was always super smart getting 90s and I was failing a lot of my tests when I was 13. My marks have improved since I recovered and I'm back to 70s-90s. If someone has an eating disorder, what would be ways to keep marks up? How do eating disorders impact people after they've recovered and can my things be because of it? Especially since my eating disorder wasn't extremely bad?

A good thing to do right away is to choose an online (eating disorder support group). Here is one for you but you can put in a search for words I put in parenthesis.
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/support-groups

This one says its focused more on recovery. This way you can hear from others who've gone this way before you and can discover what issues they've faced or learn things to do that help and what won't.

Since you didn't get the nutrition your body needed during its crucial growth change of older child to teen/young adult, there is probably no way to catch up. Some people still change subtly after high school, our bodies filling out more, I know I did until mid twenties. But since you started puberty early, I don't know if you're stuck with your size. Just ask others. But even healthy people don't grow much in height after they reach age 18-20. I only know of one guy in HS who was barely an inch taller than my 5'2 and at only reunion I was able to attend, my 40th, was shocked to see he had shot up to over 6 ft all. He towered over all the other guys. That is an exception to the rule. So while you might still grow in height, I wouldn't count too hard on it. Try the support group or find your own. Best wishes.

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I'm 14, my crush is 15. So I've known this girl about a year, and she's smiled and stared at me in the hallways before we ever formally met. We met at a party, where she already knew my name. Even while I was talking to other people, she was staring at me with her head in her hand. So that night we did dance together and I wrapped my arm around her, which caused her to go "oh" and burst into giggles. I thought that meant I was making her feel uncomfortable so I removed my hand but she then gave me a dissapointed look.

I know from people closer to her she's apparently very socially awkward. I've caught her staring a bunch after that, and once in the hallway I asked her how she was doing and she stuttered for a bit before saying good.

A friend of mine who has been friends with her for a while talked to her and brought me and my buddies up, and she responded by saying we are all very nice and she wants to talk to us more-especially me-and is thinking about trying to talk to me.

Today I texted her on snap, and I think it went OK. We had a pretty casual conversation though I feel like I had to prompt most of it. I was talking about an English assignment I had about Romeo and Juliet. One of the options was create a social media conversation between two characters so I decided to have Tybalt send Romeo the navy seal copypasta and she responded by saying 'wow' and I ended the conversation by saying I had to go but I would like to talk to her more and she said 'ok' which I thought was pretty weird.

I wonder if she doesn't like me or she's just awkward?

At your age, did you ever think for a moment that you might be the awkward one or acting 'weird' as you said of her, and all of it being due to having little to no experience at talking to and starting relationships with the opposite sex or same sex depending on which way you go. It's not your or her fault. You don't have background experience to rely on but everyone has to start somewhere. My take on this all is that when you touched her during dance and she let out a surprised exclamation, is that was her positive reaction to being touched by you. It was probably the first time for her and I'll bet it feel good to her. All you have to do if you're not sure a lady doesnt like something you did is to check, and a good way is to stop and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask, is this okay with you?" And the lady will tell you. You'd have to explain your perspective to me so I can understand why you thought her saying okay she'd like to talk more with you was weird. I grew up during a time when there were no computers or cell phones. So I had to talk on the phone or face to face and I assume it was one or the other for you. While you may be more used to texting, the better way for any relationship to become more solid and close is to talk face to face and on the phone.
When we first start paying kattention to others we're attracted to around the time hormones start flowing, you don't automatically know what to say or do. Never be afraid to ask for opinions as you did here. That was a amart move. Asking other students who know as little as you is bound to give you bad information. I don't think what little you shared says she is awkward, just a more quiet and introverted person. That doesn't mean she can't open up and be friendly and talkative with any people she has a chance to warm up to and get to know. I was like that at your age. Came across as shy. Actually had social anxiety then, no longer do. But I still had a small circle of friends. I'll bet she does too. Observe her as to how she is around close friends or family if there is that chance and I am sure you will see a totally different girl than the one you think she is. All teens have some kind of anxiety or worries of not being liked or accepted or fear being teased or what. This is something almost all people will outgrow. give her a chance to get to know you and the best way is to talk to her and do some activity like the dancing or a bike ride, etc that she likes as well as you. going to a concert or movie is entertainment but you both will not be talking at such an event. So keep it to something where you can talk. At your ages, it is hard to see each other away from school. As I told all my daughters, if they made friends with a guy from school who wanted to be around them, date them, that they should invited him to come hang at our house when one of us parents were home to keep an eye on things. Why Would I let them only have female friends over and even for BBQs or a camping trip and not do the same for a male friend or more. How else do two young people get a chance to really be themselves, and not have to worry about teasing from their peers if dating. See if you can get the okay from her parents after a while to go to their house. If you do, be sure to pay them some attention and not ignore them if you want to make a good impression and be allowed to come over again.

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I'm 29 and got married when i was 22 and divorced after two years , in those 5 years i had these lazy relationships maybe because of me i think too much i analyze and question everything , and now it's been 3 month i'm with this guy who is six years younger than me o.0 i know if maybe he was older with the same age difference then maybe i wouldn't be thinking this much, he acts like a gentleman he treats me like a queen ,we're having the best moments together , recently i've been thinking about it and decided to open up to him ,and his reaction was like this,, ( the things that you're thinking right now are the things that i was thinking when we first started,the problems that you're having right now , i had it before and im totally fine with them, i know that you're at the age of starting a family, having kids and all that ,im all aware of the fact that i still can do mistakes but you can't, and i can't promise you anything ,but if you're happy with me then let's see where things can go ,let's not think about anything and live and see, because no one promises you anything even if you met someone in your age) . How am i not going to think??? do you think he might be right or im just convincing myself that he is..

I don't know the age of your ex or what brought that relationship to divorce but if it is anything like my reason for divorce, the guy wasn't treating you right or you were too badly mismatched in too many things. Both reasons were why I finally divorced. My ex was closer to my age, 4 years older, but he treated me like crap, emotional and verbal abuse. Anyone can treat a person wonderful or like crap no matter what their age. My second husband is one year younger and treats me like a Queen. When I sought relationships after the divorce, I suppose you could say I analyzed and questioned everything too. I have had someone else recently call herself too picky. Yes, that is possible, but would probably mean the gal is being shallow too. However there is a good point to being picky as long as you haven't blocked yourself off mentally from being able to trust. Trust isn't instant and that is why it will take time to spend with your younger guy. He's a young adult but adult all the same. There seems to be an unspoken assumption that it is okay for a male to be with a younger woman but a woman can not be with a younger man. My husband has always liked older women for their maturity and self confidence and when the age of your guy, was dating divorced women 10 years older or a bit more. He never had to beg a woman to date him. They watched how he treated women in general in public and saw that he was mature and they all hit on him. He never had a lack of women to date. I am telling you all this because other than men who simply think it would be a fun experience to be with an older woman or cougar as the term goes, in your age, theres not enough age difference for it to qualify in my eyes.
Some younger men who happen to be mature, are not going to want to wait 5 to 10 years for the women their age to mature and grow up. So they can have that alone for a reason to date. Apparently from his answer to you, he sounds very mature and you say he treats you well. If he is okay with dating you, then probably it gets down to having trust in each other and that has nothing to do with age.

How does he get your trust? By being consistent in who he is and claims to be, his good points are always there. This doesn't mean he won't make mistakes and theres no guarantee that you won't despite your age. What matters is whether when he or you realize you've made a mistake or been told an action or thing you say has hurt the other, that both of you are willing to accept that you did make an error, and be willing to change because neither of you can stand to see the other hurting because of something you did, even unintentional. That is how my relationship with my 2nd husband is. One time he did something that to me was too overt and obvious a PDA, not that I'm a shrew, I just did not want people in public bothered by it and explained to him. I love any show of attention from him, even if its a bit too much for in public and made sure he understood I liked it but just not in that venue. At first he continued to tease and not take me serious until he saw my tears and his attitude sobered up immediately and he wanted to know what he had done to hurt me. He realized it was him not taking me seriously that bothered me most and to this day he has never repeated a anything that ever bothers me. He learns from the first time. These are the kinds of errors and mistakes I talk about and are natural to occur whenever two people are in a relationship. Look for his consistency. If your guy can treat you like a Queen about 5 days out of 7 but two of the days pressure builds and he snaps at you, speaks harshly or treats you different but does say he's sorry, straightens up for a few days and then repeats the negative behavior, then there is a problem. Whenever a bad trait raises it ugly head and it affects you, you can bet there is more where it came from and you can count on seeing it again and again. With my ex, as he got older, the bad traits happened more often until there no longer was any kiss and make up honeymoon cycle to our dysfunctional relationship. I hope that sharing a few things about myself have helped you gain perspective. If you ever see anything or experience something with your guy that you question, you can write me and talk it out. I do have something I will end with because besides treating you well, it also matters that he really loves you as much as you are happy with. So I have an online test I found and added my own stuff to as it wasn't detailed enough and at the end, by how you can answer the seven points to know how much a guy loves you, you should be sure he loves you whether he says the word or not.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

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Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know how to take that.

Well thats different. I've heard only the opposite all my life. When a person says "I don't deserve you." And by that, meaning that they know they aren't anywhere near the kind of person you need and want but they love you and choose you anyways.
If you are sure that is not what he was meaning to say, then I am afraid the best way to know exactly what he meant is to ask. Yes, a person can ask days, weeks or months after someone said something you don't understand. ANd no, it doesn't sound odd if you say, Hey, for some reason I was thinking about what you said (mention days or weeks ago) that you deserve me. I realize now that I didn't give it much thought and wondered what you meant by it." Otherwise, it's only your or my best guess. And going around telling someone or people that you 'deserve' someone or something sounded boastful, and thats not good

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She says she has no time cause she works 4 days a week. She literally spent 8+ hours today in the living room eating and watching the news but she has no time to keep up with my younger brother or teach my baby sister how to read (instead of the iPad). She asks why I don’t do these things instead, when I’m busy with schoolwork. Why is she like this? She cares so much about the news and celeb gossip and then blames my siblings and I for problems we’re struggling with due to our life of neglect from them. I’m in my early 20s making strides in my life. I’ll finally get to move out when I transfer from a cc after getting a near 4.0 gpa. Learning what’s important in life, how to be a good student, how to eat healthy, how to make friends... all things my parents neglected. They are so unaware of how things have hurt me since i was a young child and the internet addiction I’m now struggling to overcome. It scares me to start to see it with my young siblings. Why did my parents have more kids than they have time for? It’s like they think once they pop them out they should be able to parent themselves, ourselves. When I try discussing how I’ve learned from strategies of how to raise successful kids and am applying them to my own life to empower myself and understand prior setbacks, it pisses her off. Why are celebrities more important to her than the celebrities of her own family? My dad is similar but busy with work and his hobbies. I don’t want to be this kind of parent. I want to improve myself a lot and live more to prevent a lot of the issues that made my teenage years an extremely lonely, unproductive hell. And my mom really has the audacity to say “everyone has a rough time.” She discounts any pain I speak of the past. I’m used to talking to her about things but it saddens me to have to limit it because of the toxic effect she has on me that she doesn’t see. Parents provided the basics, food and shelter, but I’m a human being and I’m learning how to better exist in this world from other sources

It's a personal choice where a parent chooses to make time. Your mom is not that busy. NOw if you'd said your is a single Mom working two jobs and taking night classes to get a better job, then I'd understand that she has no time. There are plenty of people who think that having a kid is going to be fun but when the child has outgrown the baby stage or as with animals, the kitten or puppy stage, all of a sudden they are not as cute and fun any more. Never the less, as long as a parent is providing the basic needs of food shelter and appropriate clothing, Child protective services can't interfere unless it is gross neglect and the parent is never at home and the child always alone. No matter what the difference, in both cases a child is pretty much raising themselves.

So in your case, I think it would be beneficial no matter their ages, for your siblings to get involved in the Big Brother-Big Sister program. It won't solve everything but can make things a little better for your siblings. The program has people of all ages but usually you see young adults working the program. If personalities don't click with one, you can always try other. I've heard the stories of these becoming life long relationships. As well, if there are grandparents or aunts who would like to spend time with the kids if possible, they need to be made aware of whats going on. You can't force an adult who needs it to go for counseling but if it's relatives spending time with the kids, that may be more palatable for Mom. SO since you have a full plate and can't spend time with siblings to fill the gap, it's better that you do the one thing you can and get relatives involved, even if it was a Friday night through Sunday night thing. And you might talk to the parents and tell them you would like their permission to get your siblings involved in the Big Brother Sister program. If MOm and Dad don't go for it, call upon the relatives who know the situations and ask them as adults to speak to your parents. Parents often take counsel from adults that they won't from their own children even if the children are right. Hope this helps.

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25/f

I have a best guy friend of 8 years. We have been there for each other so many times. Through all of our breakups, relationship advice, career advice, school help, etc. He has dated one of my best friends 6 years ago, I've met his girlfriends, etc.

I thought it was strictly platonic between us, until today. I guess the first time I hinted something was 6 years ago, he was protective of me at a party. I wouldn't say to other guys, but he was watching over me when I was drunk. He made sure that I was taken care of even though he was drunk. He cuddled me and kept me warm and when I told him not to get near me because I smelled like throw-up, he said I smelled like "perfume." But knowing how he is, he's flirty when he's drunk. I thought it was just a thing he did.

Next two years or so, it was back to being platonic. We both had relationships, we both led our own lives for a bit but kept in touch. Then we went out again, and I got drunk and he just put me down in his bed, placed a glass of water by me, and kissed me on the forward. That was it after that.

The next few times, we just spent time together and there were no signs that he was interested in me.

Today, he was being possessive. His friends started hitting on me, he got in between us and told his friends that I was "off-limits," he dragged me everywhere with him (either holding my hand or his arm wrapped around me), every time I was talking to someone else, he came right back. He was dancing with other girls, but once his friend was talking to me, he came back, again. At this point, he was definitely drunk and my goal was to make sure he got home safely. But later on, he kissed me for the first time. I asked him if he was still drunk but he said he was pretty sober.

What confused me the most was he was talking to me about his ideal date and how he hasn't met the person who is potential in what he's looking for, etc. Then he kisses me. Afterward, he starts saying that he can set me up with another friend of his. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

I can't stop thinking about it. I can't keep wondering what just happened and especially why 8 years later.

Part of me thinks he didn't do anything because he mentioned himself that everytime he spoke to me, I was always in a relationship. That's true. I am always in a relationship. This is the first time when I'm not.

I don't want things to get weird between us, I don't want to lose him as a friend (even if it were to be pursued). I don't know what to say to him and am debating if I should just give him time and space. It feels like a delicate situation where if I say something, it can be interpreted as something negative.

I'm very confused. What should I do?

From the way you write, it sounds like you are not interested in him romantically, only as a friend.

He on the other hand really sounds like he has been willing to remain a friend because he believes he is in love with you and has been hoping for a chance to date you. Since you are always in a relationship, there's been no chance until now.
Drinking will shed our inhibitions and often that which is buried hidden within us and can sneak out and reveal itself. I believe it was the alcohol that gave him the guts to kiss you. Following it with talking about setting you up with a friend, was probably to get your attention off what he'd just done. He is as afraid of losing you as a friend as you are with him but for other reasons. Yes, he may date gals but it seems from what he says, that he's already made his mind up that he will not allow himself to get serious with any of them because he's holding out for the day you start treating him like 'more than a friend'. Right now, this is one of those 'friend zone' stories. If you do think you'd want to see if you can be attracted to him and want to try dating, then you are going to have to say something, because he is not going to force you to become his romantic partner. If you don't want that and choose to tell him that you have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him and wanted him to be sure and that its not just about the kiss, then you may see him decide it is too painful to remain your best friend when his love is not reciprocated. So you might lose him. If it was the other way around, I am sure you can understand if you were in love with a guy but he only wants to be a friend, and how hard it would be on your feelings to have these feelings around the guy but not being able to do anything about it.

I can't tell you his is the right one for you. However, I can tell you that the most successful relationships have the same solid foundation in place which is being each others best friend and second, being each others sexual equal and by that I mean you do feel aroused by each other, have the same kind of libido and like the same things. Right now he is the best friend and with the other part missing, he would not be a good choice for you.
IF however, you have never allowed yourself to find out if there could be anything romantic between you simply because you did not feel a strong desire when you first met him, don't let that stop you. Not all relationships have couples who felt great desire right from the get go. For many, instead of love being like instant flames, it grows slowly over a while, from a glowing ember to a blazing fire. If you are willing to try something with him at all since I've told you this, theres no guarantee yet that it will work out for you. He would need to understand that. And the way for you to initiate it is to say to him, We get along so well as friends, I wondered how we would do as more than friends. I can't guarantee the outcome but would you be willing to at least try? This way he can say yes if interested and grab his chance. Or if not interested in you, he will say, no I don't think so because I only have friend feelings for you. Then you would know for sure. If you gave dating him and love a chance but it still doesn't feel right to you, he can only respect that at least you tried and decide if he's willing to be relegated back to friendship status or cut off interaction with you as a friend. Either way, he's miserable now and would be miserable later if you still say no. So don't stop just because you fear it will hurt him because there is that percentage of chance that something may come from it after all.
Most telling is that he is telling all the guys that you are not available. Sounds like he really wants his chance but may be too afraid of losing you instantly to even ask and so he remains in the friend zone.

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I've recently assumed the duties of a treasurer for a career-related organization. Recently, I received a spoofed email allegedly coming from our organization's president asking me to send money to a vendor. It turns out that this was fraudulent, and unfortunately I transferred the money to a potential scammer. I don't know if I can recover the money or not; there is a strong possibility that I may be unable to do so. The organization is aware of this, and so far, they seem to be okay with it. However, as a result, I believe that my credibility and judgment with this organization are ruined permanently, and I think it would be best to submit my resignation from the treasurer position of this organization. Please let me know what some options are and if resigning is the best course of action that I should take.

I don't see your embarrassment over being duped to be a good reason for wanting to resign. As you said, the organization is aware of this and your words are that they are okay with this.

If they are okay with it, I don't believe they hold you responsible. All it was is a wake up call to them that their email can be hacked or faked really well for fraudulent purposes. They most likely realize from seeing it themselves that any one of them could have been fooled. If they are really smart, they will learn from this, and so would you, to double check with the person you recieved the email from, in person in case somehow a hacker is monitoring the emails and replying instead of the president. They may have to find a way to create safeguards for their computer system and create new rules.
If you don't believe me, I guess the best way to find out if they still value you as an employee is to set up a meeting with HR and the President and let them know how you are feeling due to this situation, as if you've failed them and how you are feeling that maybe you should resign because of it. You wouldn't after all be thinking of resigning if this never had happened. Maybe they haven't talked enough about it to calm you down so you don't fear what they think of you. Its high time you all talked it out. You can ask, saying you want to know if they feel they can no longer trust you in that position. You just want to know where you stand. If they value you, they will let you know and probably tell you something like I did, that any one of them could have been duped by a scam like this and that they see it as an opportunity to learn from and put better security and procedures in place in the organization. If they can say this easily, they are telling the truth. If they hedge about it and don't want to give you any reassurances, then something is wrong. An employer has to have good grounds to fire an employee. So obviously they are not seeing this scam and what you did as grounds to fire you or they already would have. You can't go running and hide every time in life that you make an error. Those who run and hide may never learn from their mistakes. However you are the employee and its rests as much on their shoulders as the owners, bosses, to have good procedures and safe guards on their computer system to prevent this happening ever again. I worked somewhere where the IT dept guy told me once that they don't just fix glitches on our computers but any emails coming onto the system, external or internal were seen by them first and they got an extreme amount of scams every day that they rejected or whatever they did with them. So talk to them. I think they are reasonable and good jobs are hard to find. Just let them know you'll be willing to help in any way to prevent this happening again once they've protected the company.

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There is a guy I met last month at a mutual friend's bday party. At the party we danced a lot. We talked some but not a lot. Then we all went out again 2 weeks later to another party. We all started out by the bar sitting having drinks when he came in he came straight towards me and we talked a little and he invited me to another party that he was going to. He didn't see when I went off to the bathroom so when I came back he asked where I went. We went to the second party there we danced some but ended up dancing with other people. Then this weekend we all got together again at my house but we didn't get to talk much either. Its kinda hard I guess with other people around. But the next day I sent him a message on facebook thanking him for coming and he said no problem and he hope to again soon and added a smiley face. I like him but I'm not sure if he does or not so I'm trying read into things too much since I don't have much to go by. What do you think? My friends say not to worry these things take time and to just let things happen naturally but I feel like I'm missing out on opportunities.

I wouldn't use the word 'like' yet as you both don't know enough about each other yet but there is a level of interest. This doesn't mean you can count on him automatically making some kind of commitment to be your boyfriend. I am older and have had enough experiences in life to know that. The next steps are important to understand because lots of women expect that because a guy paid them attention and spent time in their company at a few occasions that it meant more than it did. It is though a precursor to ending up liking each other. Since you've barely gotten started here, I recommend spending time with him 'as friends' hanging out and talk alot, find out more about each other. One can tell in talking and how the other responds to the interest you have and share about if you have a lot in common, think the same way, your morals, or beliefs are very similar, etc. For your benefit, I will list the steps to a relationship, a document I've put together that explains the levels a person goes through with another. Often guys are scared away when they meet a girl who is barely at the first level with him and she seems to want to jump to the last one. It's a process, and though guys can enjoy a girl for lust right from the start, he isn't as likely to love you and want to trust you with his heart until he has worked through every step slowly and naturally with you. Only then will they be ready to commit to you for the rest of your lives. So here's those steps:

The Normal steps to a Relationship


Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheromone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.(or too little talk and time alone to do so)


Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.


Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.

Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. (for those 18 and older) There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself. IF there are no further warning signs and all is wonderful, then the next step is making a conscious decision to commit ones life to the other .

Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.

At any point along the way, you or he may decide that somethings come up that is a deal breaker for them, like if you know you want kids some day and he hates kids and never wants to have any. Marriages have broke up over this because the girl thought she could change his mind. Find someone who you can be happy with just as he is right now, without hoping to change anything about him. It should be the same for him with you. Don't change who you are for him.

So, contact him and go out for coffee to just talk or something like that. Going on a date to the movies is not conducive to chatting and getting to know each other, and neither are parties. Thats only a way to meet someone, not get to know them. Best wishes dear.

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Alright so I've been talking to this guy on and off for years. I want to see him but I also want to lose my weight before seeing him. My question is do you think he likes me? We talk off and on and he's called me a tease, asked me if I wanted his number. He mentioned we've talked for years, it;s nice but its a tease. He has also asked me what my type was and teased and asked if I liked girls. He said he's shy and shy around girls. He doesn't talk much, but he does respond to me. But I am not sure if he's interested or not.He has invited over to his place before and I had to turn him down because of it being late. He respected that and didn't push me. He has been ballsy at times but not all the time and he hasn't been ballsy in quite some time. He occasionally messages me before I do. Should I give up on this guy? I've been told by other people saying he likes me, but I am very unsure. Any advice? I want my weight off to feel confident around him. Sorry if there is grammar and mistakes on here.

Has it been talking with no Skype or good full person photos and close ups? I know when I was single after a divorce, I had male friends I'd chat with and those that hung around longest also traded photos with me so we would know what the other looked like. Everyone is different in what they like in another person. When I went looking for a new mate, I only cared about someone weight and weight proportionate. I have seen skinny guys with anywhere from a bit chubby to really obese females and you could tell by how they treated each other that the guy really loved her. It's easier to find someone who looks cute but lacks alot in the personality and character department than it is to find someone whom you admire traits on the inside and don't mind so much the outside. My 2nd husband is a bit overweight. He loses some and gains some back but despite it, in general his overall appearance was still appealing and attractive to me. I was more concerned with his inner character as the last husband looked handsome on the outside but treated me like crap(an abusive marriage)
Yes, It may be harder to find a guy who doesn't mind what you look like currently. But it is not impossible. You already know he likes who you are on the inside so you have half the battle won or actually I consider that more than half. A persons appearance will change over the years. We either put on some weight, get wrinkled, lose muscle tone and go gray. No one can avoid that. So you want someone who is okay with how you look right now. Then if you do lose some weight, you don't have to worry about the process of losing it and being so stressed over it or worry of gaining it back. I am certainly not as skinny as I was when I met my 2nd husband but no matter that I have some rolls on me now, his eyes don't lie, he still looks at me with passion and desire.

Hon, if a guy hangs around as long as yours has in just on line chatting, he must be attracted to your character. I vote for giving him a chance and meeting in person. Yes he likes you, or at least that part of you. If he doesn't like what you look like in person, then its his loss.
But there is one thing you can do, act as if you feel pretty. In tests done on single men and women, men were intially attracted to talking to the bombshell women but most of them worry still about how they look, can be drama queens or very shallow minded as most the men explained what they experienced later. Most the men naturally gravitated over to the average to chubbier women and spent more time with and actually enjoyed them and found they were attracted to them. The deal in this test is that only really self confident women with average or less than average looks were in that test. It was determined that men truly are attracted to a confident woman, and confidence about her looks is important. If that hasn't convinced you dear, then you need to see Amy Shumers lastest movie, I feel pretty. This movie what it would be like if a plus size woman all of a sudden gained self confidence. It is a comedy but I want you to know there is truth in it.

This clip has her on Ellens show talking about the movie with a clip of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKbFHK05Jks

The next one has a few more clips from when she meets and attracts a guy with her self confidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi60f1jPfto

If you feel you may be larger than Amy, this still applies dear. I've been to some nudist places a few times and one time there were two really obese women there. One was not prettier than the other but one had lots of people gathered around her and there was laughing and chatting while the other was pretty much alone and no one seemed to want to talk to her. I am a female, not bi, not gay but even I was affected by the difference in the two. One lacked self confidence and wasn't able to embrace her looks and love who she was. The other sent out this signal of self confidence and one of the affects it had on me was that I found her to be a person you want to get to know. I was drawn to the gathering of men and women around her and saw for myself how happy and animated she was as she spoke. Self confidence oozed from her and I found myself thinking in my head that she was truly very pretty, despite the fact she had lots of extra weight on her. I kept blinking, looking away and back and yet even I saw her as pretty. That saying about 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is so true but you can help it along with changing those vibes you send out of how you feel about your looks. If you confidence is going to be only in a number you see on the scale, then that kind of confidence is not bound to last. As the movie shows, even the pretty girls who have no reason to lack self confidence in their looks, still battle lack of self confidence. This is generated within you and largely due to how you think. Where your thoughts go, your emotions and feelings will follow. So self confidence doesn't magically come and stay when a girl loses weight. I know the world can be cruel. I am older, have wrinkles and lots of gray in my hair. I am definately not a bombshell or a model type. But where ever I am, I think the thoughts daily of how attractive I am for my age and walk with confidence, smile and talk with confidence. A great many men do not look at me twice. But I still do get admiring glances from those who are attracted to my self confidence.
How to trick your mind into gaining self confidence. I've tried this myself and it works. Think of a feature of yours that you do like, maybe its your laugh, or sense of humor, maybe it's your hair, for me It was my eyes. Think of a celebrity with the extra weight and whom you can identify with one trait on and then picture yourself as being her every day before you leave the house, enter another building and picture people responding to you as they would to the fact a celebrity like her was in their midst. I was shocked at how favorable the results. I didn't hate my looks before but it sure boosted my self confidence. When I began to recieve comments from both men and women on how pretty my eyes were, that actually boosted my own self confidence and that was all I needed to blossom on from there. You can do it too.

For another good example hon, if you have netflix, there's a show I just finished watching all the season of called "Drop Dead Diva". I highly recommend this to help with how you think of yourself in your mind vs what those thoughts do to transform you on the outside. The premise is that two women die at the same time in different accidents. One finds a way to return but not into her previous body but the one of a lawyer named Jane played by Brooke Rlliot. In past life she was a model. In the new body, she's a lawyer. It was great to see the model mentality come out and transformed what the old Jane looked like into the new Jane. It used to be on Lifetime but is on netflix now. This is another I recommend seeing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlC5glEWtOY

I hope all this helps dear. Good luck.


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I want to switch from Metropcs because the service is crappy. I can't use my gps when I need it sometimes, the internet goes down and I can't make phone calls sometimes. When I try to make phone calls, it doesn't go through and tells me that I can use wifi calling. Wifi calling doesnt even work. Plus, when I pay my bill they tell me that I didn't and cut my phone off. Is Cricket better than Metropcs?

I don't know if cricket is better but I have metro pcs and can tell you that most the problems I had with my phone that was a Samsung bought brand new was due to issues with the phone having so little memory that it couldn't recieve its updates. NOt enough memory to download even one update. So I began to have problems that got worse until a year in. I thought some of it was due to MetroPCS but it wasn't. From talking to others, I learned that my phone had the problems. All my commands and instructions for retrieving mail had switched to Spanish and I don't speak or understand it. When I got an Apple iphone SE, my problems disappeared. Do I ever have calls that don't go through? No, but sometimes I don't get texts until the next day. However my husband has a different network, Verizon through his Dads family plan and that happens to him often enough too. I know Verizon is one of the better ones but I can't afford it right now. So what I am saying, be sure that most your problems are not due to the phone you have. Do some research where consumers can write in and mention what issues they have with a particular items. I don't know if it's in Consumer Reports but hopefully you can find something to give you an idea. If you can be sure that most your problems are not related to just your phone, then start researching both networks on line.

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I was diagnosed with diabetes 6 months ago. I pee a lot. The problem with me holding my bladder has been going on for 2 years and it started when I was put in the hospital for sepsis. Back then the doctor said that there was something wrong with my kidneys but never explained. I wasn’t diagnosed with diabetes then. Sometimes I can barely make it to the restroom without peeing on myself and I try to hold it.

I agree with seeing a Urologist. However, I think for insurance purposes, that is considered a specialist so you probably need to be referred to one by your regular family doctor. I suggest you start with making an appointment with your family doctor, telling them everything you've told us and asking for a referral to a specialist.

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21/male from Nigeria... since I was 10 years old i have a problem with my eyes they are constantly sensitive to light or anything bright.it just happened suddenly it's not like I hurt my eyes or anything.... I have gone see an eye doctor and he says it is caused by a refraction and he prescribed transition glasses.. I got the glasses but it did not help at all so I just stopped using it.

Am embarrassed to say this but I have not always practiced good oral hygiene,I brush my teeth once a day but not with the right technique because I had tatar and my gums would bleed when I brush.... so three years ago I discovered that four of my front up teeth and four of my down front teeth are loose/shaking so I went to a general hospital to see a dentist and did teeth cleaning (scaling and polish) and the dentist assured me that as long as I practice good oral hygiene my teeth will be healed and strong again.... I have been doing everything the dentist told me to do but my teeth is just getting worse, I go for regular cleaning every six months... But there seems to be no change..... Three months ago I went to a dental clinic for consultation after a couple of tests the dentist told me I have chronic periodontitis that the bone surrounding the affected teeth are being destroyed,he said that I have to do a root canal surgery....All this years I have been really depressed and I have a low self esteem ....am suppose to enter school this year but I can't because I want to use my tuition money for my treatment....I have problem with my eyes and now this! a lot of thoughts have floods in and out of head... . (Thoughts like all of this is my fault, what if I lose those teeth, what if I do the surgery and it fails, should I just end my life?I don't want to die, but if I end up losing those teeth I might not be able to bear the embarrassments the shame, I will literally become an outcast) at times I just sit in my room and cry.

As you know now, the first doctor who cleaned your teeth said everything was fine but another says you have problems with your teeth.
I don't know what health care is like in Nigeria, but in the U.S. if we are having problems and the first doctor says we are fine, then we go to a 2nd or 3rd Dr. for their opinions. Wish my Mother had done that. Her Dr. told her that the pains she had were all imagined in her head. She did not go to any extra Dr.s for their opinion. Turns out, years later she ends up in Emergency of a Hospital where she learns the pain she's had all along was cancer, which killed her. Just because someone had a medical degree does not mean they can be wrong. Sometimes, others just want the money from their job and will say you have more problem than there really is so they have more billable hours.

I am light sensitive too with my eyes but have been that way all my life. Also am near sighted and wear glasses for that. Also come to find in last couple years that I have an astigmatism of the eyes. But my particular kind should have been caught when I was a child, because then, there was therapy that could fix it. Now that I am 59, it is far too late and I have to live with a little double vision. Just telling you all this so you don't trust everything a Dr. tells you. I am guessing there is no health insurance for you.
In the U.S. if the parents have children under health insurance, the child is no longer covered once they become 18 and are considered an adult. However if that grown child goes on to college, they can continue to be covered under parents insurance policy as long as they are in school, no matter that they are now adults. I don't know if there is any such thing in your country or if there is even health insurance. You might see if there is any kind of insurance you could qualify for as a student entering college. A good thing might be to go talk to counselors at the college you want to enter and let them know you plan to be a student there but also need some teeth work and eyes examined. Ask them if they can point you toward any special health insurance for students or dentists that take low income patients and will charge less than the usual rate. I was in that situation once, needing a root canal, had just moved and didn't have a new job and income yet. Just so you know, a root canal is not related to periodontal disease. Getting one if you need it, will not help with loose teeth. I've been told that I need to have teeth professionally cleaned more often due to them being crowded and a toothbrush and floss not being enough to get to all the places of build up. I was told thats why my gums have receded a bit in places but that I am not that bad off and brushing of the gums too will help them. I don't know if you have just a little since you're still young, or if you really do have a problem with loose teeth that will eventually come out with all that bone loss. But I do know that people don't have to live without teeth if their case is that bad. I know someone who is having the rest of her teeth pulled since she's lost many and will be having dentures/false teeth made to wear. SHe's older but its possible that is also done for younger people depending on how bad off they are.
There must be some kind of offices in your country that offer social and health services. We have that here. They cover all sorts of things, from helping provide food stamps from the government so you have food to eat, to actual health care referrals, advocates for any situational. So not just those with a right mind but those with mental illness can get help and housing too even. Start asking people you know if you have no idea if there are any such help agencies in your area.
Also try not to focus your thoughts on jumping to conclusions that you will be a reject and feel forced to kill yourself. think positive that it is only a matter of time before you bump into the right help, insurance and low cost Drs that can truly help and aren't out to just make a living off your problems.

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I just want to start by saying that I do drink more than I should. With that being said, I want to know when I should take a pregnancy test because I don't want to keep drinking and risk anything if I am pregnant. I was expected to have my period Feb. 20- Feb.26. I had unprotected sex Feb. 20 and Feb 24. my periods are a long cycle but usually pretty regular. i've been having sex a couple times a month for the last few months and then i didn't have sex January but i had sex Feb. so it would make sense that it put my cycle off but it also was only a few weeks between sex so i'm not sure why it would mess up my cycle. i haven't been stressing. the one and only time i got pregnant years ago resulted in a miscarriage but it happened while i was on my period. so i am worried that having sex near my period expected date that maybe i got pregnant cause i didn't have my period for February and i still haven't started and it is march 5. i have been feeling bloated my breasts started feeling a little sore the other day, and the last week i feel like i have eaten more than i have all month. i'm not even eating because i'm hungry i'm just eating because something sounds good. i'm wondering if maybe i am overthinking or if its possible it happened. but my question is when should i take a test? should i take it anytime now that i already skipped a period or do i wait to see if i miss my period for march? i just don't know what to do and if i am pregnant i would want to make sure that i stop drinking and smoking so that i wont harm the baby. so i don't know when will be a good time to take a test to get an accurate reading. any advice will be greatly appreciated. thank you in advance.

I looked online to be sure there wasn't any new info from health experts and it says to wait until a week after your expected period to take a test.
I don't know if some women are different than others in how long it takes to build up enough of the hormones in your body that can be detected by a test. If your test is negative, take another test in a week. You are around 2 weeks late if going by Feb 20th. So as I said, to be sure if this first test is iffy or negative, do another in a week. If I were you, I wouldn't wait until a test says I am pregnant. I would stop the drinking and smoking now and wait until I can be sure. You certainly have all the symptoms of being pregnant. You didn't mention taking any birth control. But if you just started taking the pill, I know that it can mimic all the signs of pregnancy because that is how it works, it fools the body into thinking you are already pregnant with those synthetic hormones that signal a baby growing so your body won't ovulate. If you recently started the pill, and a test says you aren't pregnant, you may want to see your Dr. to try a different brand of birth control that won't give you these side effects, as it doesnt happen to all women. Some birth controls give side effects and others don't.

If you are not pregnant, I would suggest you seeing your Dr. and getting on a reliable form of birth control asap! just because you don't have sex regularly, doesn't mean its a waste to get on birth control. If you haven't checked out the IUD, that is a device placed into your womb by a Dr. and remains there for many months or longer depending on the brand. Once in, you can forget about needing to remember to take a pill, or rely on just condoms, it is as carefree as it gets but you have the best protection out there, as good or better than the pill.

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