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How to get my mind off of wanting a relationship?
Wanting a boyfriend has been occupying my mind all the time and it’s getting annoying now. Ever since I was 15 I’ve always wanted a boyfriend but I never got one only because I was too awkward and shy but the thought of having one didn’t occupy my mind almost every second of the day as it is now. It’s all I can think about, obviously I know I’m lonely and I don’t really have much friends in the first place but as I get older (I’m 19 now) I just want to be in a relationship not just to be in one but to have that campanionship, someone who’s there for you but more than in a friend way but in a romantic way too. I guess if I can’t fight the thoughts I might have to deal with it sooner or later and find a boyfriend but like I said I was shy and awkward but I still am. I’m very picky I don’t want to seem desperate or anything. Any tips on how to find something else to distract me from always thinking about a relationship or tips on how to meet guys my age without being scared to approach them?
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I feel the same way i attach myself to a girl usually who is no good for me bring's me down.. Excuse my language but a pretty face and a nice rack will only get you so far in life and when it comes to a relationship the sex can be great but the conversation is like talking to my dog.. He understands some of what i say but just the basics and i don't mind explaining myself and the words i use but when they stop listening to you and are in the own world when your trying to talk to them then it just becomes depressing and the stay attached cause i pay all the bills and its a free place to live and they do care or love me but i feel as though the love is gone ... I also feel like i need a new girlfriend before i decide to end the relationship with my present one we haven't been in love for at least 4 years now. WE LOVE EACH OTHER but being in love and loving someone are 2 completely different thing's
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I have been where you are. Social anxiety kept me from being able to have a bf in HS. However last yr of HS near graduating, I realized that my anxiety would hinder my ablilities to make it in an adult world, at work and elsewhere, not just relationships.
I no longer have that anxiety but sense you have it too, thats its not just feeling awkward around guys, but affects other friendships and things as well.
I can give you tips of how to overcome it in very little time. But you need to be willing to do the steps and stick with it. If really applying yourself, then you can be rid of it maybe as soon as I was, in 2 months. Maybe less...as it's a go at your own pace thing. Just write to my inbox asking for the overcoming social anxiety info and I will send it to you.
Now having been there, I must tell you something that may sound like I am picking on you but you need to realize that 'getting your mind off wanting a relationship is not really addressing your issues. You already know that deep down. Taking your mind off the want to be more normal in that area only feels safer/less scary for the moment but along with it feelings of loneliness and unhappiness will still exist. What you need to do is push yourself beyond your comfort zones and while that may sound scary, I prayed to God for help and was given steps to take that were so little tiny steps, that although it was scary doing each step, they were pretty easy and it was not a race to overcome my fear. I would do each step until the fear was gone and I could do that step comfortably and then I was given a new step that was a bit more effort involved so it was scary to me again but still easy to do. Imagine my surprise when in recent years I found that same recipe for overcoming social anxiety in a book by a psychologist who teaches CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. SO it's not just that I heard it from God and it may be wrong, it actually works and psychologists know it. It is something you have to do yourself and do not need a Dr. for as it simply involves getting past distorted thoughts that hold you back from even trying to talk to people. Once you've done this, if you want more help on how to approach people and learn conversation starters, or plain old what to say if anything, I can help there too. Then there is a third thing for you. Once feeling self confident and able to meet people, I also have a document to share on how to meet Mr. Right. It involves knowing yourself well enough to let a potential mate know exactly who you are, like a resume for dating. It will help you to know and define exactly what kind of guy you need based on who you are and perhaps your past experiences and where you are currently. You make a list of what you need in a man and let the males know it too. It may sound picky to others but if you don't do this, how will you recognize the right guy when he comes along. I married at 20 knowing very little in life experiences so what I thought was harmless quirks I know now were warning signs of problems. The ex used to verbally abuse me to let you know what I am talking about. As you can see, I have much to share but you have to be willing to work at it step by step starting with SA social anxiety. There is no successful way to hop ahead to having a wonderful relationship with a guy and skip everything I mentioned learning and getting good at. I'll be here, waiting to hear from you. All my best, Dragonfly
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Hi, It is quite natural to feel the need to be loved and cared for by the opposite sex in a romantic way. By your age, you are old enough to be in a relationship that shouldn't be sex driven but more of a romantic friendship. To overcome your altitude of been shy and awkward, you can start off on a social media dating site, it has the advantage of staying hidden in your comfort zone and gives you the freedom to exploit your inner self. Don't condone lust, you might feel that it is a way to satisfy the partner you have just met so you don't lose him, He is not the only one out there. Let him go if he wants sex from you, because there is a better guy out there that would adore and embrace you for been a woman of virture. Your search for the right man(mind you, there is nothing like the perfect man) is a normal thing for every woman in our world today
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