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Bummed
Alright so I've been talking to this guy on and off for years. I want to see him but I also want to lose my weight before seeing him. My question is do you think he likes me? We talk off and on and he's called me a tease, asked me if I wanted his number. He mentioned we've talked for years, it;s nice but its a tease. He has also asked me what my type was and teased and asked if I liked girls. He said he's shy and shy around girls. He doesn't talk much, but he does respond to me. But I am not sure if he's interested or not.He has invited over to his place before and I had to turn him down because of it being late. He respected that and didn't push me. He has been ballsy at times but not all the time and he hasn't been ballsy in quite some time. He occasionally messages me before I do. Should I give up on this guy? I've been told by other people saying he likes me, but I am very unsure. Any advice? I want my weight off to feel confident around him. Sorry if there is grammar and mistakes on here.
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In your question it does not state if you guys have already seen each other. I will assume you have not. Well, we can't guess what he is feeling as we can only go by his actions and words. If he has contacted you and has taken the initiative that means he does have some type of feelings towards you. Ask yourself the following question, do I want to meet him? If so, then give yourself the chance to meet him and see how well you two get along. I understand you feel like you need to loose weight to feel confident. We, as I am a woman myself, feel like we need to fix something with ourselves to feel more prettier or to grab the guy's attention. We will always have these thoughts regardless if we loose weight because something else is going to come up. I suggest you see him, soon. Don't stay with the what if's and instead see how things work out. If this is your first time meeting, plan something in public. See how he behaves and how things go. Remember to tell yourself while looking in the mirror how amazing you are and how any man would love to have you in his life. You are your worst critic if you pump yourself up you will show him that confidence and those extra pounds you think you carry won't matter. Best of luck!
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Has it been talking with no Skype or good full person photos and close ups? I know when I was single after a divorce, I had male friends I'd chat with and those that hung around longest also traded photos with me so we would know what the other looked like. Everyone is different in what they like in another person. When I went looking for a new mate, I only cared about someone weight and weight proportionate. I have seen skinny guys with anywhere from a bit chubby to really obese females and you could tell by how they treated each other that the guy really loved her. It's easier to find someone who looks cute but lacks alot in the personality and character department than it is to find someone whom you admire traits on the inside and don't mind so much the outside. My 2nd husband is a bit overweight. He loses some and gains some back but despite it, in general his overall appearance was still appealing and attractive to me. I was more concerned with his inner character as the last husband looked handsome on the outside but treated me like crap(an abusive marriage)
Yes, It may be harder to find a guy who doesn't mind what you look like currently. But it is not impossible. You already know he likes who you are on the inside so you have half the battle won or actually I consider that more than half. A persons appearance will change over the years. We either put on some weight, get wrinkled, lose muscle tone and go gray. No one can avoid that. So you want someone who is okay with how you look right now. Then if you do lose some weight, you don't have to worry about the process of losing it and being so stressed over it or worry of gaining it back. I am certainly not as skinny as I was when I met my 2nd husband but no matter that I have some rolls on me now, his eyes don't lie, he still looks at me with passion and desire.
Hon, if a guy hangs around as long as yours has in just on line chatting, he must be attracted to your character. I vote for giving him a chance and meeting in person. Yes he likes you, or at least that part of you. If he doesn't like what you look like in person, then its his loss.
But there is one thing you can do, act as if you feel pretty. In tests done on single men and women, men were intially attracted to talking to the bombshell women but most of them worry still about how they look, can be drama queens or very shallow minded as most the men explained what they experienced later. Most the men naturally gravitated over to the average to chubbier women and spent more time with and actually enjoyed them and found they were attracted to them. The deal in this test is that only really self confident women with average or less than average looks were in that test. It was determined that men truly are attracted to a confident woman, and confidence about her looks is important. If that hasn't convinced you dear, then you need to see Amy Shumers lastest movie, I feel pretty. This movie what it would be like if a plus size woman all of a sudden gained self confidence. It is a comedy but I want you to know there is truth in it.
This clip has her on Ellens show talking about the movie with a clip of it.
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The next one has a few more clips from when she meets and attracts a guy with her self confidence.
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If you feel you may be larger than Amy, this still applies dear. I've been to some nudist places a few times and one time there were two really obese women there. One was not prettier than the other but one had lots of people gathered around her and there was laughing and chatting while the other was pretty much alone and no one seemed to want to talk to her. I am a female, not bi, not gay but even I was affected by the difference in the two. One lacked self confidence and wasn't able to embrace her looks and love who she was. The other sent out this signal of self confidence and one of the affects it had on me was that I found her to be a person you want to get to know. I was drawn to the gathering of men and women around her and saw for myself how happy and animated she was as she spoke. Self confidence oozed from her and I found myself thinking in my head that she was truly very pretty, despite the fact she had lots of extra weight on her. I kept blinking, looking away and back and yet even I saw her as pretty. That saying about 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is so true but you can help it along with changing those vibes you send out of how you feel about your looks. If you confidence is going to be only in a number you see on the scale, then that kind of confidence is not bound to last. As the movie shows, even the pretty girls who have no reason to lack self confidence in their looks, still battle lack of self confidence. This is generated within you and largely due to how you think. Where your thoughts go, your emotions and feelings will follow. So self confidence doesn't magically come and stay when a girl loses weight. I know the world can be cruel. I am older, have wrinkles and lots of gray in my hair. I am definately not a bombshell or a model type. But where ever I am, I think the thoughts daily of how attractive I am for my age and walk with confidence, smile and talk with confidence. A great many men do not look at me twice. But I still do get admiring glances from those who are attracted to my self confidence.
How to trick your mind into gaining self confidence. I've tried this myself and it works. Think of a feature of yours that you do like, maybe its your laugh, or sense of humor, maybe it's your hair, for me It was my eyes. Think of a celebrity with the extra weight and whom you can identify with one trait on and then picture yourself as being her every day before you leave the house, enter another building and picture people responding to you as they would to the fact a celebrity like her was in their midst. I was shocked at how favorable the results. I didn't hate my looks before but it sure boosted my self confidence. When I began to recieve comments from both men and women on how pretty my eyes were, that actually boosted my own self confidence and that was all I needed to blossom on from there. You can do it too.
For another good example hon, if you have netflix, there's a show I just finished watching all the season of called "Drop Dead Diva". I highly recommend this to help with how you think of yourself in your mind vs what those thoughts do to transform you on the outside. The premise is that two women die at the same time in different accidents. One finds a way to return but not into her previous body but the one of a lawyer named Jane played by Brooke Rlliot. In past life she was a model. In the new body, she's a lawyer. It was great to see the model mentality come out and transformed what the old Jane looked like into the new Jane. It used to be on Lifetime but is on netflix now. This is another I recommend seeing.
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I hope all this helps dear. Good luck.
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