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Why does my mom claim to not have time to parent my 13 year old brother?
She says she has no time cause she works 4 days a week. She literally spent 8+ hours today in the living room eating and watching the news but she has no time to keep up with my younger brother or teach my baby sister how to read (instead of the iPad). She asks why I don’t do these things instead, when I’m busy with schoolwork. Why is she like this? She cares so much about the news and celeb gossip and then blames my siblings and I for problems we’re struggling with due to our life of neglect from them. I’m in my early 20s making strides in my life. I’ll finally get to move out when I transfer from a cc after getting a near 4.0 gpa. Learning what’s important in life, how to be a good student, how to eat healthy, how to make friends... all things my parents neglected. They are so unaware of how things have hurt me since i was a young child and the internet addiction I’m now struggling to overcome. It scares me to start to see it with my young siblings. Why did my parents have more kids than they have time for? It’s like they think once they pop them out they should be able to parent themselves, ourselves. When I try discussing how I’ve learned from strategies of how to raise successful kids and am applying them to my own life to empower myself and understand prior setbacks, it pisses her off. Why are celebrities more important to her than the celebrities of her own family? My dad is similar but busy with work and his hobbies. I don’t want to be this kind of parent. I want to improve myself a lot and live more to prevent a lot of the issues that made my teenage years an extremely lonely, unproductive hell. And my mom really has the audacity to say “everyone has a rough time.” She discounts any pain I speak of the past. I’m used to talking to her about things but it saddens me to have to limit it because of the toxic effect she has on me that she doesn’t see. Parents provided the basics, food and shelter, but I’m a human being and I’m learning how to better exist in this world from other sources
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It's a personal choice where a parent chooses to make time. Your mom is not that busy. NOw if you'd said your is a single Mom working two jobs and taking night classes to get a better job, then I'd understand that she has no time. There are plenty of people who think that having a kid is going to be fun but when the child has outgrown the baby stage or as with animals, the kitten or puppy stage, all of a sudden they are not as cute and fun any more. Never the less, as long as a parent is providing the basic needs of food shelter and appropriate clothing, Child protective services can't interfere unless it is gross neglect and the parent is never at home and the child always alone. No matter what the difference, in both cases a child is pretty much raising themselves.
So in your case, I think it would be beneficial no matter their ages, for your siblings to get involved in the Big Brother-Big Sister program. It won't solve everything but can make things a little better for your siblings. The program has people of all ages but usually you see young adults working the program. If personalities don't click with one, you can always try other. I've heard the stories of these becoming life long relationships. As well, if there are grandparents or aunts who would like to spend time with the kids if possible, they need to be made aware of whats going on. You can't force an adult who needs it to go for counseling but if it's relatives spending time with the kids, that may be more palatable for Mom. SO since you have a full plate and can't spend time with siblings to fill the gap, it's better that you do the one thing you can and get relatives involved, even if it was a Friday night through Sunday night thing. And you might talk to the parents and tell them you would like their permission to get your siblings involved in the Big Brother Sister program. If MOm and Dad don't go for it, call upon the relatives who know the situations and ask them as adults to speak to your parents. Parents often take counsel from adults that they won't from their own children even if the children are right. Hope this helps.
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