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Best friend of 8 years kissed me
25/f
I have a best guy friend of 8 years. We have been there for each other so many times. Through all of our breakups, relationship advice, career advice, school help, etc. He has dated one of my best friends 6 years ago, I've met his girlfriends, etc.
I thought it was strictly platonic between us, until today. I guess the first time I hinted something was 6 years ago, he was protective of me at a party. I wouldn't say to other guys, but he was watching over me when I was drunk. He made sure that I was taken care of even though he was drunk. He cuddled me and kept me warm and when I told him not to get near me because I smelled like throw-up, he said I smelled like "perfume." But knowing how he is, he's flirty when he's drunk. I thought it was just a thing he did.
Next two years or so, it was back to being platonic. We both had relationships, we both led our own lives for a bit but kept in touch. Then we went out again, and I got drunk and he just put me down in his bed, placed a glass of water by me, and kissed me on the forward. That was it after that.
The next few times, we just spent time together and there were no signs that he was interested in me.
Today, he was being possessive. His friends started hitting on me, he got in between us and told his friends that I was "off-limits," he dragged me everywhere with him (either holding my hand or his arm wrapped around me), every time I was talking to someone else, he came right back. He was dancing with other girls, but once his friend was talking to me, he came back, again. At this point, he was definitely drunk and my goal was to make sure he got home safely. But later on, he kissed me for the first time. I asked him if he was still drunk but he said he was pretty sober.
What confused me the most was he was talking to me about his ideal date and how he hasn't met the person who is potential in what he's looking for, etc. Then he kisses me. Afterward, he starts saying that he can set me up with another friend of his. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
I can't stop thinking about it. I can't keep wondering what just happened and especially why 8 years later.
Part of me thinks he didn't do anything because he mentioned himself that everytime he spoke to me, I was always in a relationship. That's true. I am always in a relationship. This is the first time when I'm not.
I don't want things to get weird between us, I don't want to lose him as a friend (even if it were to be pursued). I don't know what to say to him and am debating if I should just give him time and space. It feels like a delicate situation where if I say something, it can be interpreted as something negative.
I'm very confused. What should I do?
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From the way you write, it sounds like you are not interested in him romantically, only as a friend.
He on the other hand really sounds like he has been willing to remain a friend because he believes he is in love with you and has been hoping for a chance to date you. Since you are always in a relationship, there's been no chance until now.
Drinking will shed our inhibitions and often that which is buried hidden within us and can sneak out and reveal itself. I believe it was the alcohol that gave him the guts to kiss you. Following it with talking about setting you up with a friend, was probably to get your attention off what he'd just done. He is as afraid of losing you as a friend as you are with him but for other reasons. Yes, he may date gals but it seems from what he says, that he's already made his mind up that he will not allow himself to get serious with any of them because he's holding out for the day you start treating him like 'more than a friend'. Right now, this is one of those 'friend zone' stories. If you do think you'd want to see if you can be attracted to him and want to try dating, then you are going to have to say something, because he is not going to force you to become his romantic partner. If you don't want that and choose to tell him that you have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him and wanted him to be sure and that its not just about the kiss, then you may see him decide it is too painful to remain your best friend when his love is not reciprocated. So you might lose him. If it was the other way around, I am sure you can understand if you were in love with a guy but he only wants to be a friend, and how hard it would be on your feelings to have these feelings around the guy but not being able to do anything about it.
I can't tell you his is the right one for you. However, I can tell you that the most successful relationships have the same solid foundation in place which is being each others best friend and second, being each others sexual equal and by that I mean you do feel aroused by each other, have the same kind of libido and like the same things. Right now he is the best friend and with the other part missing, he would not be a good choice for you.
IF however, you have never allowed yourself to find out if there could be anything romantic between you simply because you did not feel a strong desire when you first met him, don't let that stop you. Not all relationships have couples who felt great desire right from the get go. For many, instead of love being like instant flames, it grows slowly over a while, from a glowing ember to a blazing fire. If you are willing to try something with him at all since I've told you this, theres no guarantee yet that it will work out for you. He would need to understand that. And the way for you to initiate it is to say to him, We get along so well as friends, I wondered how we would do as more than friends. I can't guarantee the outcome but would you be willing to at least try? This way he can say yes if interested and grab his chance. Or if not interested in you, he will say, no I don't think so because I only have friend feelings for you. Then you would know for sure. If you gave dating him and love a chance but it still doesn't feel right to you, he can only respect that at least you tried and decide if he's willing to be relegated back to friendship status or cut off interaction with you as a friend. Either way, he's miserable now and would be miserable later if you still say no. So don't stop just because you fear it will hurt him because there is that percentage of chance that something may come from it after all.
Most telling is that he is telling all the guys that you are not available. Sounds like he really wants his chance but may be too afraid of losing you instantly to even ask and so he remains in the friend zone.
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