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Doe's age matters that much?
I'm 29 and got married when i was 22 and divorced after two years , in those 5 years i had these lazy relationships maybe because of me i think too much i analyze and question everything , and now it's been 3 month i'm with this guy who is six years younger than me o.0 i know if maybe he was older with the same age difference then maybe i wouldn't be thinking this much, he acts like a gentleman he treats me like a queen ,we're having the best moments together , recently i've been thinking about it and decided to open up to him ,and his reaction was like this,, ( the things that you're thinking right now are the things that i was thinking when we first started,the problems that you're having right now , i had it before and im totally fine with them, i know that you're at the age of starting a family, having kids and all that ,im all aware of the fact that i still can do mistakes but you can't, and i can't promise you anything ,but if you're happy with me then let's see where things can go ,let's not think about anything and live and see, because no one promises you anything even if you met someone in your age) . How am i not going to think??? do you think he might be right or im just convincing myself that he is..
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I don't know the age of your ex or what brought that relationship to divorce but if it is anything like my reason for divorce, the guy wasn't treating you right or you were too badly mismatched in too many things. Both reasons were why I finally divorced. My ex was closer to my age, 4 years older, but he treated me like crap, emotional and verbal abuse. Anyone can treat a person wonderful or like crap no matter what their age. My second husband is one year younger and treats me like a Queen. When I sought relationships after the divorce, I suppose you could say I analyzed and questioned everything too. I have had someone else recently call herself too picky. Yes, that is possible, but would probably mean the gal is being shallow too. However there is a good point to being picky as long as you haven't blocked yourself off mentally from being able to trust. Trust isn't instant and that is why it will take time to spend with your younger guy. He's a young adult but adult all the same. There seems to be an unspoken assumption that it is okay for a male to be with a younger woman but a woman can not be with a younger man. My husband has always liked older women for their maturity and self confidence and when the age of your guy, was dating divorced women 10 years older or a bit more. He never had to beg a woman to date him. They watched how he treated women in general in public and saw that he was mature and they all hit on him. He never had a lack of women to date. I am telling you all this because other than men who simply think it would be a fun experience to be with an older woman or cougar as the term goes, in your age, theres not enough age difference for it to qualify in my eyes.
Some younger men who happen to be mature, are not going to want to wait 5 to 10 years for the women their age to mature and grow up. So they can have that alone for a reason to date. Apparently from his answer to you, he sounds very mature and you say he treats you well. If he is okay with dating you, then probably it gets down to having trust in each other and that has nothing to do with age.
How does he get your trust? By being consistent in who he is and claims to be, his good points are always there. This doesn't mean he won't make mistakes and theres no guarantee that you won't despite your age. What matters is whether when he or you realize you've made a mistake or been told an action or thing you say has hurt the other, that both of you are willing to accept that you did make an error, and be willing to change because neither of you can stand to see the other hurting because of something you did, even unintentional. That is how my relationship with my 2nd husband is. One time he did something that to me was too overt and obvious a PDA, not that I'm a shrew, I just did not want people in public bothered by it and explained to him. I love any show of attention from him, even if its a bit too much for in public and made sure he understood I liked it but just not in that venue. At first he continued to tease and not take me serious until he saw my tears and his attitude sobered up immediately and he wanted to know what he had done to hurt me. He realized it was him not taking me seriously that bothered me most and to this day he has never repeated a anything that ever bothers me. He learns from the first time. These are the kinds of errors and mistakes I talk about and are natural to occur whenever two people are in a relationship. Look for his consistency. If your guy can treat you like a Queen about 5 days out of 7 but two of the days pressure builds and he snaps at you, speaks harshly or treats you different but does say he's sorry, straightens up for a few days and then repeats the negative behavior, then there is a problem. Whenever a bad trait raises it ugly head and it affects you, you can bet there is more where it came from and you can count on seeing it again and again. With my ex, as he got older, the bad traits happened more often until there no longer was any kiss and make up honeymoon cycle to our dysfunctional relationship. I hope that sharing a few things about myself have helped you gain perspective. If you ever see anything or experience something with your guy that you question, you can write me and talk it out. I do have something I will end with because besides treating you well, it also matters that he really loves you as much as you are happy with. So I have an online test I found and added my own stuff to as it wasn't detailed enough and at the end, by how you can answer the seven points to know how much a guy loves you, you should be sure he loves you whether he says the word or not.
DOES HE LOVE ME?
Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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