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well i have this friend, and like most people ive made new best friends. and whenever i talk to them and not him, he "feels left out" i told him that there are a lot of other people that hang around with us, who you can talk to. but he says "he feels left out" of the conversation im in. i mean, i cant stop talking to them just so he's happy. nor can i run around making sure he doesn't feel left out, or make him be involved in the conversation's. if he feels that way, he should involve him self right? well i told him that, and he just isn't having it.

thank you, please give advice, need it badly

p.s then when he feels like that, he goes and tells everyone so that i look bad.

Those kind of situations can be very hard to deal with. I have seen them both when one party or the other was the one being unreasonable. Obviously, from what you wrote it seems that he is the one with issues here.

You have a few options, but none of them will make the situation go away particularly smoothly. 1. You could try to start involving him in some of the stuff you do- this isnt your duty mind you, but it might kick start him on the more social path. 2. You could simply ignore it, sticking to your guns but encouraging him to start coming out of his shell. 3. You could talk to him (but you have already done that to no avail).

The thing you need to remember is that it is probably not easy for him to socialise like you do. When I was younger I was a lot more closed in, and I had a friend who was very very social. Whenever we went to a party or out in town together, two seconds later he was gone. My point is he could not understand how difficult it could be to just start mingling with strangers. This is why today, if I am ever in your situation I go for option 1.

Well I know this isnt a whole lot of help, but good luck.

i have beenn masterbating since 13 years
my friends say that it results in energy and wight loss. it is true or false ?

I have never seen it put quite that way. The only way that it might have either of those two effects is through its exercise value. In that way (and only in that way lol), it should be treated no different than other forms of exercise. You exert an effort and burn some calories and if the amount you burn is below your total consumpotion level, then you might lose weight.

If you eat to counterbalance burnt calories (from any activity) you will not lose weight.

As for energy loss, really it depends on how quickly you tire from activities, how frequently you do it etc. Just like any other for of exercise.

So as you see its neither true nor false. Whether the effects take place depend on a zillion external factors.

I am 16 years old and I weigh barely 90lbs. What can I do to gain weigh but not getting a lot of fat in my body?

I would join a gym and start doing weights. If you train and create a positive calorie balance then you will start putting on muscle. Make sure that although you eat a relatively large amount of calories (a few hundred above what you burn), that you still eat healthy balanced meals, somewhat high on protein.

I dont know how specific you want this answer, so I will leave it at that for now. If you want to know more specific stuff regarding workouts just drop me a question.

Jesus, I just got back from the Spelling bee. I had been studying like a fiend the night before (From 4:00pm-10:00pm), I had the whole Paideia memorized, and I was almost sure that I would be headed for Washington D.C. in a few months. OMG! GODDAMNIT! It was the first round, and they gave me a really easy word, and I completely forgot the word. The word was "notary." Isn't that an easy word? I bet everyone here can spell that word. I just blanked out on that word and forgot. They rang a little bell, and that signified that I was the 4th person out on the 1st round. I suddenly remembered how to spell the word when they rang the bell, but it was too late. I lost.

All of that hard work----flushed down the toilet. If it weren't for that stupid word, I know I could have won. I have never lost a spelling bee in my life. I need to talk.

Anyone who at least tries to make me feel better gets a 5

I sympathise with you I really do. When I was younger I used to play tennis on a reasonably ok level (the story is somewhat related so bear with me). Anyways I was away at this tennis camp thing and we were split up into different groups after having your techique evaluated. I ended up in the top group (out of some possible six or so different levels).

At the end of the camp there was a tournament scheduled. Something that they made a bit of a fuss about. Anyways I was really looking forward to it and come the big day I was there and ready to play. Frist round I was drawn against an old guy (it was his 60th birthday)from one of the middle groups. I was about 24 and in peak shape at the time. Well... it all began with me remarking that the sun was bothering me. Somehow, adding the nervousness to this, I was suddenly completely and utterly unable to hit the ball in. Not even softly. Not even if I tried to make a soft tiny little lob shot... it either netted or went out. I have never tried "instant retardness" like that before. It was like I had picked up the racket for the first time in my life.

I tried to run the old man around (he also had a bad knee which was strapped like an Egytptian mummy). But all was to no avail... first round loss to an old somewhat overweight man with a mediocre technique. Oh well, at least his familly was thrilled.

I dont know if this helps you in any way. I just wanted to explain that I really do understand exactly what its like to go completely blank. The best thing you can do is learn from it. It is usually a case of nerves, and if you learn to control them you will be all the stronger next time.

hi...im 16/f
here's my problem...im dating this guy named john and hes very nice, caring, sweet...i like him very much but the only problem is that his 7 years older than me...hes 23 yrs old,is it ok if hes older than me?

Really I dont think its a problem if you guys get along well. In the end, whether you are in school or whether he is working, is not really that relevant as long as your relationship seems to work. The only person who can judge that is you of course.

The seven years gap will become less and less visible as you guys age, but some people will naturally think its weird for a while longer. The only thing you shold make sure (but this is no different that any other relationship regardless of age) is that you guys expect the same thing. That you are equally emotionally commited and so on.

Anyways what I am trying to say is that its all ok if it works between you guys. Oh, and probably you shouldnt go breaking any laws if you live in the US... there thats my political correctness statement of the day :)

Good luck.

i need to loose weight on my thighs like badly i need so much help its disctuing. what exercizes can i do to slim my legs down by april ill rate 5's

There is no way to reduce your thighs through exercise. It is not humanly possible to spot reduce fat with workouts.

Any exercise can help you lose weight overall, but the order of fat loss is not in any way under your control. Crunches do not slim down your stomach, running does not thin down your legs/ass/thighs.

Beware faulty advice on this matter. Its really widespread on this site, and probably comes from all those retarded excercise equipment companies that want you to think you need to buy their new toy.

If you listen carefully though, they never say the gadget will slim your arms or whatever, they only hint to it by showing which areas are affected and using the word "tone". No one on earth knows wtf "tone" means.

Anyways your choices are no different from a person who is overweight. You can do nothing or you can try to eat healthier and exercise more and hope that eventually the weight will come off your thighs (eventually of course, it will).

In case you choose the latter, best thing you can do is weight training and cardio workouts. The weights help boost your metabolism and the cardios are great instant calorie burners. Naturally, no matter what exercises you choose to do, you should train your whole body as it will give faster and better results.

my mom has this mole on her stomach, its not that big but its not small. She said its starting to come off. and it turned gray and it looks all cracked and stuff. she has a bandaid on it now. does anyone know what this could be? or if she could die. i heard that if a mole comes off you could die? im not sure im just scared. anything will help.

thank

love Me
i rate good for good answers

I agree with everyone else. My parents are doctors, and one of the things they always said (and drilled into my head lol) was that whenever you have something weird happening on your skin, get it checked. Its particularly important because (apparently) more or less everything on the skin can be treated successfuly. So ignoring things there is a completely unecessary risk.

My boyfriend of two years is really having some issues. We're both 15. And he has an obsession with a band about killing and it is plain nasty. I accept the fact that he loves his music, don't get me wrong, but it's seriously hurting our relationship. He has a MySpace, and I can't stand to see what is written on it. Tonight I looked at it and he was talking about how hott some chick was that his friend was dating and talking about how awesome weed is, and yet he seems to agree with me that weed is a really low and stupid thing to do. He is a completly diffrent person when he's with his friends. I know that he's not suppose to act the same as he does atround me, but it's really diffrent, I feel like I don't know him and we've been together for two years! I've talked to him about what he says on the MySpace, and he tells me that his friend got on his name and wrote it. Everytime I try to approach a serous talk with him about how his music and the way he acts damages us, he takes it like I hate his music and I want him to stop listening to it. I want him to stop acting out the music, and acting like an idiot when I know he's so much better. Can anyone give me advice? I understand that the length of this question is long, but I do promise that I will let you know how great your advice was. Thank you so much in Advance.

Well I read everyones advice, and I agree that this is a tough one for you.

I just wanted to add one thing to consider. It was suggested that he is trying to fit in, be macho etc etc. That is possible. However, in my experience guys are more likely to act like themselves with their friends. Also they are more likely to put on some act for the girls (sometimes this can be really elaborate).

If he is trying to fit in its one thing, if these are already his friends then I would seriously consider the possibility that this is who he is (at least right now).

The thing about his friend getting his name for MySpace sounds like a load of crap. I am curious did you seem to catch him off guard when you told him?

Now, he will very likely change. Often young people go through weird phases. However, you guys being 15 and all, it could be a matter of years if you are unlucky.

Really I dont know what advice to give you other than to try to talk to him again. Try tell him exactly what you told us... start by saying you dont mind his music or whatever, but you dont understand the way he chooses to act. Let him know (nicely) that you are reaching the end of your rope. The only other option is to wait.

Good luck.

There is this boy who has a girlfriend who always come to my house to play with my brother. He is so cute. when he comes over, he always flirt with me. I want to go out with him, but he has like 15 GF's. Besides, one of his girlfriends is my friend. I don't want to ruin our relationship. She knows that I used to like him. What should I do.

I really wouldnt persue it much. First of all when a friend is involved the situation tends to go ugly. I personally dont think its worth risking a friendship.

Secondly, the guy has 15 gfs (or so)... It always amazes me how that doesnt set off some warning bells or something more often. I have had a few friends like that. Great friends mind you (to the guys)... to the women I have one piece of advice only- run, run fast, dont look back.

Now if you still want to go with this guy, you should in the very least talk to your friend first. See if she realises that she is just one in a crowd... she might not mind being one in sixteen.

Hello, can you give me some pointers, I had a baby 16 months ago & had a few problems so wasn't allowed to excercise for months afterwards. I have been doing regular dance workouts (3 or more times a week), for approx a month and am still not getting anywhere. I hear about all the different food groups but don't actually know what's what, I'm currently 175lbs and want to get back down to 125, do you have any excercise, food tips for burning more fat/calories that I could use?

The most effective exercise you can do is weight training and cardio. Most people dont associate resistance training to weight loss (or rather to fat burn) but it really is effective at speeding up your metabolism. If you can join a gym it would be very beneficial to you.

However, you are doing regular workouts, so its not bad. After all, the most important thing is sticking to it on a regular basis.

So, lets try to focus on the diet. First of all you need to estimate how many calories you burn, both on a workout day and on a rest day. Here is a link:

http://www.internetfitness.com/calculators/bmr.htm

The calories you burn consist of your BMR + all activities. This is only an approximation, so you will have to feel your way through it.

Anyhow, once you have calculated how much you use, create a 400-500 calorie deficit every day.

Now, as far as meals are concerned, it is very important to eat often. Plan out 4-6 balanced meals every day, evenly spaced out (I will explain "balanced" below). Divide the amount you eat between these meals, eating a bit more before periods of increased activity and a bit less before periods of low activity. Always eat for what you are about to do, never for what you have just done.

Drink plenty of water, this helps your metablism, makes you feel fuller and is generally healthy.

Now onto what you should be eating. A meal being balanced means that it contains all the major nutrients (carbs, protein and fat). What you should consider is cutting back on saturated fat. These are generally found in things like butter, fatty meats, cheap oils, etc. Read the labels of all the foods you eat.

So, when you have your calories calculated, allow yourself at most 30% of these cals to come from fat in general. E.g. if you eat 2000 cals in a day, that means (at 30%) 600 cals can come from fat. There are 9 cals to a gram of fat... so no more than 66 grams of fat. Of these less than half should be from saturated fats, in fact a third is even better.

The rest of your calories you can divide more or less evenly between carbs and protein, perhaps emphasising the protein a bit more (there are 4 calories to a gram of either).

Needless to say, avoid junk foods, sugar (as in the stuff found in soda, cakes etc), excess salt etc. Eat high on greens, they help fill you up and are a good source of vitamins. When eating your carbs opt for whole grain whenever possible.

Here is a link to a bodybuilder forum where they share recipes on healthier food (this stuff is high on protein fo course):

http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/Bodybuilding_Recipes/forumid_31/tt.htm

Right, thats more or less it. I have included another link below, it is to a food pyramid (which shows all the food groups, so you can see what everyone is talking about). There are some useful diet tips in there but be careful with the calorie estimates, they are really very rough.

http://www.ring.com/health/food/food.htm

Good luck and I hope you can make sense of what I have scribbled here.

I have a problem ... i'm 90 pounds but i'm short and I don't eat anymore because i'm scared to become fat. But because of how short I am my stomach is kind of big. I need to get some advice ... what to eat, what not to eat, what work-out's are good etc. Thanks!

-

Not eating often has a detrimental effect on your metabolism which actually makes it hard for you to lose weight.

What you should do is to eat many small meals every day (about 4 to 6). Avoid empty calories from junk foods and sugar. Eat moderate on proteins and carbs, while keeping saturated fats low (the kind found in cheap oils, fatty meats, butter, lard etc). Remember also to drink plenty of water.

Exercise is a great thing to do whether you are trying to lose weight or just trying to stay healthy. For weight loss doing weights at the gym is excellent, particularly if you combine it with a couple of weekly cardios (e.g. treadmill, stairmaster etc). Resistance training has a great effect on the metabolism.

Whatever you do try to do a full body workout. Doing sit-ups/crunches or pushups on their own wont have all that much effect. Of course its better than nothing, but not really efficient.

Playing a sport can also be a good alternative if you have something you like. It may not be quite as effective as weights/cardio for weight loss, but you are not overweight.... also it might be easier to stick to in the long run if you enjoy it.

ok i think getting high would be worse than getting drunk, but my friend doesnt belive me. do any of you know which one is worse for you?

thanks

If you mean pot, there is no way anyone can argue from a medical point of view that it is worse than alcohol. Alcohol kills your brain cells, damages many more organs throughout the body, is far far more addictive. Pot has a few bad effects too mind you, just not in the same league (and there is no lethal overdose for it either... which there is for alcohol).
Makes me wonder why I love beer so much...

is it true that when girls play hard to get that guys like that girl more ??

Not really. It varies of course. I certainly dont, and every time I have sensed that a girl was doing that I moved on right away (I hate when people play games with other peoples emotions). I know many guys who agree with me, but there probably are some that might be more interested. Overall I think russianspy is pretty accurate, many guys will just give up.

Oh, and in my experience, I havent met a guy who minded having a girl chase after him. Usually they were flattered by it, but hey, maybe things have changed with the younger generation i have no idea.

basically i am very unhappy with my body right now. i'm fifteen, and i know that's normal... but i want to fix it. my skin has been terrible lately, huge pores, big zits, bad breakouts. i've gained a lot of weight within the past few years as well. i feel DISGUSTING. i'm about 5'1" 160 lb. i know that's big, i don't need to be insulted, i need help. does anyone have any HEALTHY ways to lose weight? things that i should stay away from? does staying away from carbs actually help? i've tried going without eating for a few days (again, please don't preach) and i can't do it. my parents are always questioning me, or i forget that i even made that pact to myself. and when i do go without eating, it doesn't help! and my skin, any products or anything that you want to suggest? i just want to stop being so grossed out by myself. thanks so much!

by the way, i wasn't sure which category to put this in. so sorry about that.

The answer by dangerwench is very good. I just wanted to add a few things.

- Eat frequently (4-6 times a day), this will boost your metabolism and help you lose weight faster. Each meal should be balanced (all major nutrient groups). Divide your calories up more or less evenly amongst the meals, eating a bit more before you exercise and less afterwards. Always eat for what you are about to do, never for what you have just done.

- Drink plenty of water.

- Exercise wise, weights are great. Even better would be a weight training and cardio routine (doing maybe 2-3 cardios per week). That way you get the health benefits of both types of workouts.

- Dont cut out carbs completely. It might help you lose weight, but there is no need to do it that way. First off its a little uncertain how healthy that method is, and secondly it is not more effective than a balanced smart diet. Also, the key to an effective weight loss plan where the weight stays off, is to create a sustainable diet (i.e. something you can sustain the rest of your life). Zero carb diets dont do that, and people often revert back to their old eating habits once they get off them.

- Calculate your calories and create a daily deficit of a few hundred. Keep saturated fats low, and eat moderately on carbs and high on protein (if you weight train particularly).

ok.. so my boyfriend looks at porn. ive never had a problem with porn with any other guy ive been with, but lately its been getting to me. I just cant bare the thought of my boyfriend fantasizing about other women. even worse; their bodies are perfect && mine are far from it and i just dont want him comparing me to them. So my question is:
-Is it ok for me to feel this way?
-Is looking at porn considered cheating to some people?
-Should i say something to my boyfriend
-If so what?
(hes very stubborn)

People take porn too seriously imo. However, that is entirely between you and your boyfriend. All I want to add are the following points:

- In no way is it cheating. Anyone who claims that could not possibly have considered the full implications of that argument. By the same token you are cheating every time you happened to be aroused by a pretty girl on any kind of tv program (in a regular movie, a music video etc). Many women seem to have strong affections towards their favourite male stars (at least in my experience). That means that on a certain level, they have noticed other things than his raw acting talent. Then that too is cheating by the same line of thought (oddly enough these male stars tend to be hunky guys, never Chris Farley or Jack Black... I wonder why?).

- Secondly, you should undestand that your boyfriend is not comparing you to porn actors. He is not even fantasizing in the way I believe women define that word. Guys are visual, they get aroused by what they see. But it does not go further than that. Usually women define fantasizing as something a bit more complex, with more emotions involved. That just isnt the case. Thats why most guys cant even understand why women have a problem. Also, most guys couldnt care less if their women started watching dirty stuff themselves. It just isnt a big deal in our world.

Now, even if your boyfriend fantasizes, this will not change with the removal of porn. Really, I cant see what you can get out of it other than to frustrate your bf.

Of course if it really bothers you that much, you should talk to him and explain it. Tell him why it bothers you and so on (because I am pretty sure that he does not understand), then you may well get him to stop due to feelings of guilt. However he will not think you are being fair to demand that of him and he will always see it as a concession of some sort.

Hi, for my schools talent show I am reading a poem. I want to read a poem by someone else and of course I will give them their credit. But I want to know other people's opinions of good poems that they know of. I am open to suggestions. If you could supply me with the author and the name of the poem that would be great. But you don't have to worry about giving me the exact poem unless you want to(that would definitely be great but its not a must.) Thanks in advance :)

Well this one certainly is not about love. My favourite poem of all time is "Dulce et Decorum Est" by Wilfred Owen. In case you havent had anything on him, he was a young poet that wrote from the trenches in world war one. He was killed just before the end of the war if memory serves. Here is a link to it:

http://www.english.emory.edu/LostPoets/Dulce.html

Hey, last night I was talking to my boyfriends' ex that got expelled and went to a different school. I told him i was talking to her and when he asked for her screen name, I gave him the wrong one. Heres why:
In the past, I've been cheated on and i know what it feels like so i didnt want to have to go through it again.
I dont know if he still has feelings for his ex or not.
Did i do the right thing?
Also I noticed today when we both went to a tennis meeting, he ditched me and went and sat with his friend.
I dont know what to do. What would you do?
Thanks!

While I can certainly understand why you did it, I dont really think it was the right choice. Thats because I cant really see how it benefits you. Either he can be trusted or he cant. If the worst case scenario is true, are you not better off knowing now and getting it over with?

I know what it feels like to be cheated on. Its one of the worst feelings that a human being might have to endure. However, I would sleep better at night knowing I can trust my partner rather than steering them clear of temptation.

The answer to what I would do is that I would confront the person. I would flat out tell them whats on my mind and I would look for signs of lying. Other than that there isnt much you can do imo.

how can i make my thighs thinner?

Ironically assuager had the only advice that works. Exercise will not, no... exercise cannot reduce fat from an area. So, you have one of two choices as far as I can see. One, dont use your thighs and lose the muscle built there, or two lose weight overall (focus on proper exercise/nutrition and eventually as your body slims it will pull fat from your thighs).

Thats pretty much it. If you start to do thigh exercises... such as those that make you feel sharp pains on the area... you will build muscle there. That is all you can do because, despite advicenator belief, it is not possible to target an area of the body for fat loss. Humans dont work that way.

Hey, Im not planning on doing this but im just wondering. What would make you loose more weight faster .. Only eating lets say a bag of chips and a drink for lunch .. then for dinner just toast .. by the way no breakfast .. or just eating regularly. So basically my question is will eating less cause you to gain more weight or stay the same. A friend of mine is going through this and I would like to know.

Yeah people more or less nailed it... it is not good to skip meals, particularly breakfast. In fact one should eat many small balanced meals every day (4 to 6 is what I normally read as being recommended). Skipping meals will send your body into starvation mode where it digests your muscles and slows down your metabolism (making fat loss really hard). Your body is programmed to do this as a survival instinct. Muscle is easier to break down than fat, and it is trying to keep you alive.

Now, chips are not healthy. They dont contain the nutrients you need, while being a great source of nutrients you dont need (saturated fat).

Toast alone is also just a source of carbs. Thats not good either. A balanced meal contains carbs, protein and fat. Failure to eat all the right food groups is not really healthy and it can lead to the digestion of your muscle tissue.

This is counterproductive not only because you will look like hell, but also because muscle burns calories. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn... the less you have the less you burn. Losing muscle is detrimental to fat loss.

Anyways, losing weight is not just about eating less, its about eating smarter and eating often. I cant say if your friend will lose weight or not, but I can say that 1. its not an effective way to lose weight, 2. it is not being done the healthy way, 3. a lot of that weight will be muscle.

Really there is no reason to do it that way. Good luck to your friend, I hope you steer him/her to a better path.

my friend didnt know how to make out n like use her tongue n stuff......so she like did it with her dog i guess

is it just me or is that a lil weird?

she told me she did it tho so she wouldnt look stupid when she does it with a guy fer the 1st time

I can truly say that I have never ever heard anything as bizarre on this site before. I dare not even ask how she did it and how she assumed that it would be an accurate simulation.

Lol so its not just you. Also I would advise her that guys act a little differently from dogs... despite what some women might say :)

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