|
|
|
Q: My (20M) best friend is a woman (22F). I was browsing Reddit and just came across a thread from her in the advice subreddit. Her thread was about how she's recently started developing romantic feelings for her best male friend... first just seeing the thread I was thinking "interesting, I'm in an identical situation with identical ages of M20 and F22, I'm just the man in the party", and then I saw her username, and yep, that's her.
To be honest, I feel the same way. I love that woman with all my heart, and I'd be open to exploring a romantic relationship with her- I just don't want to risk losing that special friendship. So I've grappled with these romantic feelings too; she's confessing online that she's developing romantic feelings for me- I'm not sure how to address it with her though, because if I tell her I saw her Reddit, it just makes me come across as a stalker (and she's been a victim of horrific stalking in the past so the last thing I want is to give her any flashbacks to that time in her life).
I'm tempted to respond to that thread with "your friend feels the exact same way :)" but I have no idea whether that would be beneficial or not. What do the Advicenators recommend I do?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think in this case you could just confess to her in person that you’ve developed feelings and are hoping that she feels the same way.
Say what you said here, that you would be wanting to explore a relationship just want to make sure to keep your friendship too.
Take the situation from there….you already pretty much have a guarantee that she reciprocates your feelings. This is a good thing!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: My husband and I have been married for almost a year. We have been married for this long, however, we have been together for about three years in total. For the most part, we get along. However, ever since we started the relationship, I realized that he has a lot of unhealthy communication. I def have my own faults and things to work on, but I never come near disrespect in this relationship unless he starts it. Unfortunately, there were many times before we got married, that he would tell me to shut up when we were arguing or in a heated fight. So at first, I used to retaliate and tell him to shut up back and that he can't talk to me like that. We've had several conversations about this, he always makes me feel degraded by telling me I need to grow up, to shut the fuck up, or terms like that when we fight. Yes, sometimes I do raise my voice (SPECIFICALLY when he speaks over me, when I am trying to express myself, he will tell me to lower my voice, but because we live in a really quiet area, and he is always speaking over me, it sounds like im yelling when im just trying to speak over him-cause I never get to talk!!
Little by little, when we would make up, we would reflect and talk about how it is not okay for him to tell me to shutup, or to grow up, or for me to raise my voice. I have stuck with this pretty well, he on the other hand, has NOT.
Till today, every fight or heated argument we get into, I always feel so disrespected! He tells me to shutup, again and again. As if we never even discussed these things!!
I feel so hurt, I feel so misunderstood. I feel like I a living with a bully. I get really confused because he does all these sweet things for me, when we are good, he treats me so well! But when we fight, he turns into this horrible 2 year old that throws tantrums and acts so IMMATURE. It is so unattractive. I am 29 and he is 30 but I feel like I married a child!
He does not make me feel feminine, he does not make me feel like I want to make up, because he is so passive aggressive, arrogant, and VERY ENTITLED. He is so toxic in his masculinity, and when I asked him how he would feel if I told him to shutup, he told me it was not the same thing and that I could never tell him that.
I really feel like Im starting to hate him, hate living with him. I feel like I have been too kind. I have been too sincere, and he does not deserve me. I have no one to talk to! I dont want to talk to any of my family and friends about this because everyone is so into their own lives and I dont want to put my business out there. But I feel so miserable. We both currently do not work, and I am stuck at home with him all the time. It is draining. We moved to a different country together and it has been 2 months and my life is already difficult. I feel like I dont know what to do anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I’m sorry you’re going through this. In my experience, if something is not addressed early in the relationship the problem tends to snowball and only get bigger.
I think communication counseling is absolutely essential for most couples because people sometimes cannot hear each other when too involved because egos surface. You need mediation. He will hear the counselor he may not hear you. And he can’t yell at the counselor, so you can get heard through a third party mediating.
If he is unwilling to go, then that is another conversation. He is unwilling to work on the relationship and your resentment will only grow. I suggest putting in some strong boundaries and actually enforcing them. Stay calm, and if he tells you to shut up, just say “I will not continue this conversation if you choose to use those words with me.” And just walk away for the moment. Come back to it later when he is willing to listen. It’s important to enforce boundaries. They are essentially just telling the other person what you will do based on their actions, and then actually doing that. It takes practice but it’s worth it when done well. They will have no choice but to respect you, or they don’t get to talk either..
But yes I think marriage or couples counseling is your only way to deal with a bully like that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: I am getting legal advice on this but I also need some personal advice on how to manage a nightmare I have created with a really bad decision. On a dare and because of my own insane vanity, I auditioned for a pornographic movie. It was very sketchy in a crappy motel. I obviously had to get naked and there was this really weird interview about my sexual experience (which is not a lot) and then they took a lot of pictures and some video of me with two women. I did have a condom for all that. It all took like 4 hours and I had mixed feelings the whole time like both an ego trip and guilt trip. At the end I was offered a part in some movie which fed my pride and ego, but I turned it down because it was just a prank. I signed a release at the beginning so they like own all the video and pics they took. Somehow they found out I did it as a prank and got mad and a person sent me my audition video which is like an edited deal but still almost two hours of stuff and told me I owed them $5,000 for wasted time and expense and if I did not pay they would post the video online and to the website at my church and send it to my parents at their business and I don’t even know how they got that information. The other choice was to be in their movie for no pay. I have only shown it to two friends and a lawyer. The lawyer said what I signed says they own the video and images and they could post it all but extortion is illegal and she is going to talk about it with police to maybe catch these people for threatening me. I don’t know how this is going to turn out and there is a good chance this video gets out. In my opinion I come across very cocky and crude in the interview part as I was like playing up like I wanted the part and then I was like so obviously clueless and nervous about a lot of sex things when they were having us do stuff together and you can hear someone say “amature hour” and calling me a “wannabe.” It is embarrassing I am naked in all of it and doing awkward sex things and closeups of private body parts and I am ashamed when I watch it. Thinking you are attractive or look hot naked is not the same as what this video is like. It is just gross and reminding me what a sinful thing I did. It is hard to explain the dread and doom and shame I feel and I just want to hide in a hole somewhere. I feel so bad for people who have to be in these videos for real for money now. I feel like I need to prepare certain people in my life though in case this comes out – my parents (who love me but are going to be so disappointed), maybe my pastor or youth pastor at my church (in case it ends up on their website), my ex-girlfriend to whom I am still close (I was a much better person when I was with her), my grandmother maybe even though she is not online, my sisters (who are going to make fun of me and call me an egomanic but will also give me support I know), someone at the school I attend because it is a private Christian school and I don’t know if I can get expelled for something like this, and I have a scholarship from a religious organization and I am pretty sure there is like a morals clause or whatever in that and I might lose a scholarship. I also feel like I should resign from Fellowship of Christian Athletes because I don’t want to embarrass FCA. I am not blaming anyone but me even though I think blackmailing me is pretty evil. Either way, how do I prepare the people I care about for what might be coming? I have repented with God and trust in His forgiveness even though I don’t deserve it, but I am just needing to get ready to reap what I have sown. Thank you for your advice.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Wow this must be so difficult for you, I am sorry this happened.
I won’t go into what the answer below said regarding the making of this decision because it is covered well.
I will jump to what you could do. As you already seem to be on the right direction with a lawyer and you should continue to pursue that.
The way I would handle this is to start small. The most important people in your life are your family. You do not need to escalate this to the church or community level before even knowing what will happen or if the video will get out. Do not shoot your self in the foot prematurely. I would talk to your parents and get them on your side first, and maybe confidentially talk to the youth pastor just so he can also give you some advice as well. At this point you don’t know what will happen and maybe the lawyer will be able to help you resolve it. Sometimes these people bluff to try to get you to cave but when authorities get involved they back down. No one wants to get in trouble with the law.
I would approach this conversation with your parents with some of the points you mentioned here:
1. Reiterate how hard and embarrassing this is for you. Asking them for support and kindness. You need to get them to see that you realize the huge mistake this was and you are repenting.
2. Then explain the situation, reiterating how you know it was dumb and wrong and that you naively made a mistake.
3. Tell them what actions you’ve already taken to take care of the problem (to show your initiative)
4. Ask for forgiveness and support. Tell your parents you are sorry to have let them down
5. Explain to them how your behavior will change from this experience going forward and what you have learned from all this.
If you say all that, be prepared for any type of reaction and just take it. They are entitled to feel disappointed but do not try to justify or argue if the reaction is not great. Just accept and validate their feelings and ask them if you can count on their support moving forward in this.
Hope this helps and good luck with the situation. Hopefully it won’t escalate to the community but if it does, you will at least know you have the support of the people closest to you and that is all that you will need to get through it in the end.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: This is about my boyfriend Cameron who is a good person but keeps annoying me. He said he understands I do not want to have sex and he said he will be a virgin with me and not put any pressure on me to have sex. He says the right things but his body is saying something different. Every time we are together he is having constant erections and trying to hide it. It is embarrassing like he is a sex maniac. I do not even have to touch or kiss him for it to happen but even if I just hold his hand or hug him. He gets one every time we cuddle and I have to tell him not to touch himself and he gets mad and says he just adjusting to hide it better. Even when he tries to hide it I can now tell when it is happening because he gets squirmy and nervous. He is at least honest and apologizes about it if I ask him. I do not know what he is thinking because I have been very very clear sex is not going to happen for a long time even if he is a good boyfriend. He says he understands but cannot control getting hard and wanting sex but that sounds questionable to me. I told him a boy only gets an erection if he is planning to have sex and hoping the girl will give in. He at least has sex on his brain and he needs to calm down. He says the more we talk about it the more he gets erections like it is my fault. We do have fights on this and he gets very upset and I feel bad because I think he is trying and he does not try things unless I say we can kiss or cuddle. Why can he not just chill and accept that sex is not going to happen? He is cute and has a nice body. He looks very hot without a shirt even though he does not do sports except just exercise in his garage. I tell him he should be on insta doing hot pics. I do like kissing him and cuddling and having him take off his shirt for me when we have privacy. He says he likes it when I tell him to do that and it makes him feel sexy about himself. I am obviously attracted to him and I do think about doing more. The difference is I control myself a lot better than he does. How do I make him understand sex is not going to happen so he needs to quit getting his erections expecting it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am going to make a few assumptions here based on your question, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
1. You are both young. Maybe in high school?
2. You don’t know much about male anatomy or maybe you haven’t been exposed to a sex Ed class yet.
So with those assumptions I have a few insights for you. Firstly, I commend you for your decision to not have sex until you are ready and for communicating that clearly to him. You should never feel pressured to do anything until you feel absolutely certain.
Now, going back to that male anatomy thing. Erections are not something that happen only when sex is “expected”. A man cannot make himself get an erection or stop one from happening whenever he wants. Sure, thinking about sex can sometimes make it happen, but it also happens when the body is extremely relaxed, when he is asleep (the infamous morning erection) or really, at a young age when hormones are just waking up, anytime. Some young men even get them in class and I can assure you they are not expecting sex there or wanting it to happen as it can be very embarrassing.
Trust me, he cannot control this part of his body as much as he would want to. He may learn as he gets older, but right now his body and hormones are running the show. I would also encourage you to Google and find out this information for yourself, not just take my word for it.
Anyway, just because I’m saying he cannot control it happening, I’m not saying he can’t control what he does after it happens - which from what you wrote seems like he tries to hide it and is not trying to persuade you to have sex. This is a good sign and probably as good as you will get. He should never pressure you with words or actions, however, when he does get one he can try and think about something else - something that is a turn off - in order to make it go down. If it makes you uncomfortable you can always try to change the subject, stop kissing for a while or cuddling and do something else, and it will go down.
Expecting it to never happen or that he can somehow control it, especially at a young age, is unrealistic. As long as he is not putting pressure on you, you should give him the benefit of the doubt and understanding this is a normal part of becoming a man.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: so I run a fairly popular instagram, which I'm not going to put here because that would be a little pathetic. Either way, I have this issue where I gain a bunch of followers in an incredibly short amount of time and within a week or two I end up with hundreds more followers than I had before. Then for a while the growth will just stop and I end up losing followers, then gaining a few, before my "growth spurt" happens again. As of now the situation is really annoying me because I lost 4 followers overnight and now it seems whenever I gain a follower I lose one. I wanna know how to get more followers and stop losing them. No snarky comments.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's quite simple :)
You have to create content that people will want to see and be immersed in.
It took me a while to figure out what the secret for instagram is until i realized you have to ( like any business out there ) add value to peoples lives.
Whatever your niche is, your topics of your posts, make sure they are adding value to people. Why would people want to follow you? Why do they follow you? To get advice, or see a pretty face, to find information or learn something new?
If its a personal page, then is your life interesting enough to keep people engaged?
Are you connecting with your followers?
Do you answer comments? Like photos back?
One thing that works really well is that when you gain a new follower it helps to go on their page, and even if you don't want to follow them at least like some of their best photos, leave a comment, be honest. Engage.
We tend to see Instagram followers as a set of numbers, but we don't realize that they are actually living breathing people behind that account name that have motivations. IF you can tap into those motivations, and deliver content of value to them, then you're on your way to gaining not only followers that you wont lose ever, but people that actually care about what you have to say. Thats the value of social media I believe.
Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: 21/f, he's 27/m
I met this guy, he's 27. We expressed interest in each other when we first met (but it was online). I was nervous about meeting him in person at first because I felt like I would be too young or too naive for him. I know that's not right for me to assume but I guess that's just how I feel.
After our first in-person meeting, I realized how much we had in common and he makes me smile, in the longest time, I was actually nervous. And even afterward, he seemed to actually still expressed interest in me but I can't help but have doubts in my head.
For example, I have an older sister that is a year younger than he is and even though she has a boyfriend, I sometimes fear that if he ever met her, he may like her instead just because she's closer to his age. Another is that our lifestyle is different. I obviously still live with my parents and I'm trying to get into graduate school; whereas, he already has a career going.
I have already had two relationships that has ended because my lifestyle and my family issues was "too much to handle." (Money issues, parents aren't getting along, etc.) My mom thought my last relationship ended because my boyfriend's parents didn't like the fact that we made less money than they did. Maybe that's why I may have doubts in my head?
He's aware that I have a 26 year old sister and he still seems to "like" me, I guess? He said he wanted to see me again but I'm afraid to appear in front of him, even afraid to show him my car just because of our lifestyle is so different.
Doubts in my mind. Maybe I'm not good enough?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Feelings of not being good enough all stem from insecurities about yourself, not your material possessions or your lifestyle.
I know that is a lot to take in, but let me explain.
We no longer live in a time when people are limited in who they can date because of social class. There are a very many happy relationships out there where one partner has significantly less than the other. This is OK, as long as there is mutual love and respect between them. You do not need a lot of money or a fancy lifestyle to get respect from someone either. That comes from you as an individual and your personality.
Your old relationships that ended because of lifestyle and family issues are actually more likely to have ended because of the stress those issues placed on you, and the way you and your significant other handled this stress. Of course, when you have problems such as what you mentioned it is never easy on relationships. However, don\'t let this discourage you, because a man that will stick by you in hard times such as these is the one that truly loves you for you. He\'s the one you want by you for a long time. If past guys thought the issues were \"too much\" then they weren\'t right for you. It does not make it your fault.
I also want to add that your circumstances are not synonymous with your worth as a person. You sound like an intelligent young woman that is doing her best; you are about to start a serious education and have gone through a lot which has probably made you resilient. These are all traits to be admired. If he seems like he likes you, then don\'t doubt yourself. While it is true that someone closer to his age is more likely to be at the same stage in life as him, this doesn\'t mean that he will like her better than you.
Be confident in who you are as an individual and what you have to offer outside of your material possessions and lifestyle. Those are all things that come secondary to what you have to offer as a person. If someone likes you for you, then none of those things should matter.
Hope that helped!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: My dad is one of the greatest people I know. We have had our times. I used to call him "the little ball of fire" because he's a small man but when he's angry... He's the scary kind of angry. He doesn't hit anyone but he does know how to raise his voice and people are afraid of him whenever he does. Yeah, he has anger problems but he's also someone very kind.
I remember he used to spoil me and my sister when we were younger. We would wake up every morning and see a bag of Snicker Balls, Hershey's, or some sort of candy on our desk. He did our laundry, he cooked, he would clean whenever our mom was out of the country. He took care of us. If there was something wrong with my car, he would try to fix it himself and watch me leave every morning and afternoon to make sure I leave safely. He would used to say that I was so "cool" or "awesome" because of whatever grade I got. He was supportive as a father and he was always proud of me.
My dad is getting closer to that age where I'm actually terrified of losing him. He's not that strong man anymore. He still climbs a few ladders, still mows the lawn and he's still able to walk around... But he's a bit slower now. He's starting to limp and it makes me sad.
What makes it worse is that I know he has regrets in life. I remember he told my sister that he was sorry. He said that he was sorry that he never made enough money, he's sorry that he retired at an early age and that he wishes that he had the money to buy all these things for my sister and I... But he can't. He called himself a failure and hearing that from my own father... It broke my heart.
I know it's part of nature and eventually everyone passes away but how could you even be prepared for things like that? I don't want to even think about losing him or even think that it's possible that he would be gone one day. I make myself forget about it but every year that passes, I'm happy that I get older but I also become sad because he's also a year older. I want him to be there when I get married and when I have kids. I want him to see his grandchildren for the first time (he's always wanted grandchildren)... But I'm also afraid that he won't be able to make it by then.
I'm still very young. I'm 20. I have not graduated from college yet. My older sister is 5 years older than I am... but she does not want to get married or have children. It's not my goal to make my dad's dream come true but it would definitely be a plus if I could. I just want my dad to be happy and have absolutely no regrets when it is his time.
What should I do? How could I be more positive about this?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey there, your question really stood out to me because I am having the same feelings towards my own parents, specifically my mom. I am young too, 21. I think feelings like this are very normal at our age when we no longer feel the need to distance ourselves from our parents. We start to notice how much they have done for us and realize that they will eventually not be there anymore.
I still get feelings like this sometimes and they hurt a lot! What I've realized that has helped me through it somewhat is that being a parent is an increddibly rewarding experience on its own. Once you have children, your entire life becomes about theirs, and one of the biggest joys for parents is to know they did a good job. That their child is strong, happy, successful, and i think most importantly appreciative.
I think the best thing you can do is show your dad that you appreciate him for everything he has done. Show him how much you love him, talk to him about your life, about how you are, how you feel, show him he raised a good person and that he was a good father. I think even if people have regrets in their lives, which is inevitable, knowing that they did something right can make them feel like it was all worth it. I think if you show him that he gave you something much more valuable than money - his time and life - and you appreciate him for it, this will make him happy. Because if you think about it he feels regret because he couldnt give you more things in the way of money, but he gave you the experience of a real father, which is something you cant trade for anything in the entire world. It almost definitely made you into a better person.
My parents have given me everything, and everytime they feel bad about not having more money to give me I always tell them that what they gave was so much more valuable than aynthing their money could buy and I will never be able to repay them. It always puts a smile on their face to know i appreciate that they gave their lives for me, because that is what parents essentially do for their kids, and sadly it almost always is not appreciated until they are no longer there. You have the chance now to appreciate your dad and let him know his life served a purpose!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Hi, 19/m.
I'm used to having a group of friends. It used to be me and 3 other guys, and we used to be the best of friends. We still talk, but not as much as then, because we have all gone our separate ways. Now I have 2 very good friends (both girls actually). One has moved away, and so I actually have just 1 friend! How sad?
The problem is, I don't know how to make friends? I'm unemployed so I don't have money to go out and spend at social occasions to meet people. And because I don't have a job, I don't have work friends. Where does one go to meet new people, and how does one go about it?
I think I've forgotten how to make friends. My closest friends, I've known for years, since school. And apart from that, I don't have many new friends. Don't get me wrong, in school, I would always get people that wanted to talk, or asked If I wanted to go to parties etc, because I was sort of sort of popular. But now that that's over, there's really nothing I can think of?
Any advice on how I can meet new friends? The few friends I have now are friends from my childhood too. And the more that my ideas and beliefs about the world change, the more I realise that I have nothing in common with these people?!
Thanks a bunch, any advice will be much appreciated.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Interesting. you seem to be in the same situation as someone I know. The thing about meeting people is that you have to be around people. That's why making friends is hard for you because you're not in an environment where people your age are interacting. Do you know someone going to a college near you? maybe you can start hanging around them and meeting the people they know and from there start to form your own relationships. You have to try going to places where you can meet people such as the gym, a school, pick up a hobby, do something other people your age do, and start talking to people. youll make new friends in no time
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Last night when I was looking at my boyfriend's laptop history for an important link I visited on his laptop, I came across a bunch of porn links.
It somehow threw me off and I felt so insecure.
We've been together for two years now, he's 21, I'm 18. I mean, I know it's normal for guys to watch porn every now and then, and I guessed my boyfriend did so too, maybe once a month.
But after discovering this (by the way, I never snoop on his laptop- we are very open with one another) I told him that it made me feel bad and insecure about myself and I asked him how often he watches it. He told me that every three or four days when he's feeling horny.
This is just bothering me so much and he said he'll stop if it makes me feel bad, but I know that if he needs it, then he probably will watch it anyway and I told him that.
Is it normal for me to be bothered so much about the fact that he watches it twice a week or so, and the fact that it really makes me feel insecure and I just hate the fact that he's sitting there masturbating to some other women.
Overall, our sex life is fantastic, and he assured me that he doesn't watch it because I'm not sexy enough or because he's looking for something else...but I still feel weird.
Or am I being irrational? I need some explanations and comfort here...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes, you are being a little irrational. Not because you don't want him watching it, but because it makes you feel insecure. It shouldn't at all!
Guys are different than girls. They think about sex more than we could ever even begin to understand. They need it. But there's a difference between watching strangers have sex on TV and being in a relationship. They don't connect the two at all! They watch porn to help them get off, not because they want to see other women. A vagina and boobs is the same as any other. You mean more to him than just that. Your boyfriend loves YOU as a person and as a woman and that's all that matters to him. Porn is just kind of like a tool.
So relax, don't feel bad about it, and maybe even try watching some with him, then you can both get turned on and you'll be together...my boyfriend and I play this game sometimes of how long can we go watching porn next to each other before one of us can't take it anymore...and its not very long...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What options exist when you've permantly lost your family, home job, pets thru nothing you did and every attempt to change this ends in failure? 52yr old female
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
There is only one right option. Pick yourself up and start over. Get help from where you can, and start modest. Rent a place to live, find a new job, get a pet, start doing things for yourself that you enjoy, get a hobby, stay busy and interact with lots of new people in order to take your mind off of being alone. Start dating again when you are ready, and try to enjoy life as much as possible. Even if you only get half of all of that accomplished, think of how hard that was and congratulate yourself for bring strong enough to do it. Never give up trying, and always have hope because hope is the realization that no situation is a permanent one. Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: I am having problems because the custom content on the sims 3 website does not show up in my game. I have a mac, but here's what I do.
I click the "add to game"
and then once it shows up I click that item and press "install" and then it says that it has been installed to the game successfully, but it does not show up in my game.
I have only used this on pre-made sims so far, but can someone please help me?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You may want to try going into general game options when you start the game and look for Custom Content section. There is an option you must check that says "enable custom content". If it's unchecked, none of the content will show up. If you already enabled custom content in the game and you still cant see it, then the content may be defective or something may have happened in the installation. I recommend trying again or downloading a different kind of content to see if any of it works. Good Luck, Sims3 is fun!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: my name is Rachel and Iam 21 will be 22 in another month and my boyfriend is 36 I know big age diffrence please don't lecture me. my boyfriend has major trust issues becouse of past relationships one put him in a wheel chair and paralized him for the rest of his life but let's get to my problem everytime I go out with friends or my sister he accuses me of cheationg on him and i've told him that iam not that type of person over and over again. I havn't done anything to break his trust at least not that iam aware of. How can I get him to believe and trust me?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You can't, simply put. This, to me, is a big huge flailing waiving bright red flag! Specifically because I too dated an older man, with huge past trust issues (gf aborted kid) and problems with my going out. I've asked about a dozen questions on this very site on how I can fix this, and I can either redirect you to them, or I can just tell you this...he will never come around, no matter what you say or do, unless he wants and chooses to. Mine chose not to, so we are no longer together. If he doesn't it will never work. It was not a pleasant experience and I wish it on no one. Chances are, if he's that old, he's already made up his mind about women. He either likes them, or he doesn't. And dating a man that doesn't really like women is like trying to chip away at a concrete wall using your fingernails. Painful, tedious, and ultimately useless.
Now I don't mean to sound morbid, so I will say this. IF your boyfriend really has more of a self esteem issue than an issue with women, he may, in time, learn that you are genuine by your full and complete dedication. And if you're willing to dedicate your life in order to build up his, then you are truly a remarkable and rare person. Doing so wears most people down.
I hope this helps...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: I used to masturbate by putting my vagina against a jet in my jacuzi and by rubbing my vagina with my hand. Now, my clitoris is SUPER flabby and long. Has my masturbation caused this? I am really ashamed and I no longer do this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Nope, its not the jacuzzi jets. Haha believe it or not a lot of girls use this technique. It is simply the way your vagina is structured, and its nothing to be ashamed of. Chances are, if a guy has gotten far enough to see your vagina, he wont care that its long or flabby as you say, he will probably just be glad to be down there, trust me! You shouldn't be ashamed. Hope this helps :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: I have lived my life to the point that I cannot take it anymore. I have dug myself into a hole I cannot get out of and the embarassment and humility of explaining it to everyone is not worth it. This is something I cannot get past. I want to know the easiest and quickest way to leave this world. I do not own a gun nor do I have access to any prescription medications. Please, please help me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
don't. do. it! "Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent." Have hope!
I just left a relationship against my will or his, because life will not allow us to be together or see each other ever again! I am in the worst pain ever imaginable and I don't know what you are going through but I can assure you it will pass. I am suffering with you, you are not alone, you are going to wake up in a few days and see things differently. Just wait is the best advice I can give you! just keep waiting.... there are people on this planet that do not want to see you leave, including me! So yes, it IS worth it! Please just keep holding on...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: ok. I'll just tell the story. There's this guy in my health class, and everyday he would always look at me. Not just in health, either. In the hallway(s), and in lunch. Also, in health he would always give me these weird/cute/adorable faces. They were so cute! Anyways, I have this friend, let's call him jimmy (that's not his name, but it's risky to say his name) and he's also friends with mike (again, let's just call him that). Jimmy is VERY good with secrets, AND he's my friend, so I thought I'd tell him. I did. He said that he'd ask mike if he liked anybody, and (apparently) mike said he didnt. Later that day, I was talking to jimmy, and he told me that somehow mike had found out about it, and said that I was ugly and that he would never date me. So (of course, being me) I asked mike about it. Apparently, he didnt say that. I actually believe him more. He is a much nicer and more reliable guy, AND jimmy used to like me, so I thought he'd just be jealous or something. About an hour later (this was all on facebook, by the way) I got back on, and saw that Mike was still online. So I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that I was accusing him of anything, I just wanted to clear it all up. He said it was ok. So I told him I had to ask him something, and he said ok. I asked "how did you find out? Did I make it obvious, or did someone tell you?" he replied, "tell me what?" I again, asked "how did you know I liked you? Was it obvious, or did someone tell you?" he said, "i didnt" So apparently, jimmy had lied about everything. AND I basically just told mike I liked him. Wonderful. The thing of it is, even after he knew, he'd still look at me in health AND in the hallways. He'd also still make those cute faces. My friend told me (she would NOT lie about this) that he kept looking at me with a "longing" look (whatever that meant). I was talking to jimmy on facebook later that day, and he said "yeah, I asked him today, and he said he didnt like you." I didn't want to go through this again. Although this time, I AGAIN believed him, I still had my doubts considering he lied before. After about an hour, mike sent me something. I was so scared to open it, so I basically just sat there staring at the screen for about 5 minutes. (haha) After I decided to open it, he had said "i dont like you im sorry." the gotten off. I was like, "wtf? im so confused now!" I was planning on explaining to him exactly what i was thinking about all this, and turns out, he blocked me. Not only did he block me, but jimmy (my FRIEND) blocked me too. I didnt understand why, considering he was actually my friend. I was telling one of my other friends about this, and he said that maybe (just maybe) jimmy had gotten onto mike's facebook account (yeah, i doubt that). I just dont understand what/why he would bother to look at me CONSTANTLY or give me those weird looks. I know, he may just be trying to be my friend or something, but it doesnt make any sense. Especially that one day when my friend said he kept looking at me, (because I saw that too).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I may be totally off on this....but it can't hurt. How good of friends are Mike and Jimmy? Because it seems to me, that maybe when Jimmy found out you like Mike, he got jealous. Then he tried to make it so that Mike didn't know, but because you told him on facebook, and IF they are very good friends mike might have told jimmy, then jimmy might have told mike, "hey i really like this girl" and mike (because it seems he likes you) could have said "i really do too" then both of them trying to not fight over you might have said "ok, I wont talk to her" and that's what might have happened. I've seen cases when good guy friends find out they like the same girl and then both decide to give her up as to not fight. Guys are not like girls, they try to avoid drama as much as possible. If they decided that they both wanted you but they cared about their friendship more, then this is probably why they both blocked you. HOWEVER, I am just speculating and making assumptions from what you've said, so like I said, this may be totally off.
Good Luck, message me if you have any more questions!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Hi, 16 female. Not sexually active. Periods do not come regularly yet.
I was just wondering...For some time now, maybe less than a year, I've had "down there" issues. Nothing that truly concerns me (theres no severe irration, discoloration of pee, very strong odors or anything like that). But I've noticed I have very have discharge. Its particularly been acting up lately. its INCREDIBLY uncomfortable-it feels like i'm having my period or a peed myself, but i didn't, its just discharge. i literally cant go a day without wearing a panty liner otherwise the discharge would probably soak through. I really cant even get through the school day without it feeling wet and gross and sweaty...there. Its very gross and uncomfortable and im tired of it. once again, however, there is virtually no pain or severe itchiness or anything like that.
Should i be concerned about this? I would rather not see a doctor about it, but its strongly recommended i will. also, if seeing the doctor isnt necessary, what can i do to make it go away, or at least reduce it?
thank you
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
This, believe it or not, is pretty common. It's not something you need to worry about, although it IS uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, the only way to truly get rid of it is to go to the doctor. It's probably a yeast infection but only a mild case since you say it doesn't itch or smell. Is it white discharge that is kind of gooey in texture and then gets thicker? Or is it clear?
An easy way to tell if you may have a yeast infection is to use the in-home Vagisil Screening kit. It tests for vaginal infections by measuring your vaginal pH — one of the criteria medical professionals use in diagnosing vaginal infections. So just buy one from the store, see if you have an infection, then you can go from there.
Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: 19/f in the university but living at home. The university that I go to is a university, it isn't a community college and the reason I point that out is because they do have a student center, dorms, and fraternities and sororities, and all of that stuff. I want to explain a little bit about my situation but the bottom line is that I'm SUPER SUPER stressed. I live at home with my mom and my grandparents and I'm telling you that it's an absolute nightmare. I want to cry and I'm just really, really unhappy.
I went to a REALLY prestigious high school. It was a college prepatory school and everyone graduated going to nice universities. My university is really nice, it's just the fact that I'm living at home. Anyway, most of the people I went to high school with went away for college. I was planning on transferring to another school after completing a summer term at my university, but it didn't really work out because that summer I found out that I was adopted. I recently found my biological family and have kept in contact with them also. It wasn't something bad to find out... but I'm just saying. I also fell in love with my school. I started to really like it and everything they offered. I met different people who aren't from Miami... where I live and I actually really love my school. However, I really, really hate Miami.
Ever since I started school, I've had to work... really really hard. My mom does not work and the only income that she gets is the income from the house that she rents. My dad brings me money sometimes... but I feel bad always asking for money. My grandparents own a car dealership... but it's not as if they make that much money. I've had to work for the things that I've wanted and to have money on the side for my own things. But, I'm not complaining about working because I don't mind working. I took a semester off because I really wanted to focus on school and I was taking important classes. I wanted to resume working this semester, so that I wouldn't feel as if I had no money. I'm stressed because with the money I will be making when I'm working, I have money for absolutely nothing.
I do not have a car. My mom and I were sharing a car and she had to take me off the policy because it was too expensive. I cannot rent my own apartment because any money I would be making wouldn't cover an apartment. If I did have my own apartment, I would not be able to pay a phone bill or any insurance on a car. I'm really stressed because no matter what, I know I can't handle a full time job. School is a priority and I see more and more when I'm applying to jobs that a college degree is needed. I also cannot take part time classes because I am on scholarship and I need to be a full time student to maintain it. I am extremely stressed and sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be going through these financial troubles because I'm a student and because I'm living at home.
I wonder sometimes if I made a big mistake staying home for college because if I were away, I wouldn't feel all of this. Maybe my parents would have even gotten me a car. In Miami, everyone needs a car. You really can't do anything without a car. My mom just picks me up and drops me off everywhere, even parties and dates!!! It's a nightmare! And it's not as if I'm not working and I'm a brat. I've been working since I was sixteen and working lots of hard hours since I started college.
There has to be something I can do to feel less stressed and be able to feel that independence that i need at my age... even if I am a student and living at home.
I hope you guys can help me and offer me any advice. It would be so helpful.
Thanks. xoxo
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Do you go to the University of Miami? How far do you live from school? Have you considered taking the metro rail/tri-rail to the places you need to go to? Freshman students are not allowed to have cars so I do not have one either but I get by by using the metro and other forms of transportation like getting rides from friends and/or classmates. Where does all the money you make from working go to? You could start saving in order to eventually get a car. I know lots of people that have gotten one for cheap... if your parents would have gotten you a car if you went away why can't they help you get one now? Maybe you should talk to them? Good Luck, and if you do go to UM, maybe I'll see you around one day! =)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Im 18/female & i think my man is not happy with me anymore he might be still sometimes when we are not fighting. we are still together & he still loves me the same but how can i make him feel like i am worth it & im the women that makes him smile threw anything again & to make him happy again
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wow girl I have been wondering the same thing lately. I feel like you and me are in the same situation. I was actually going to ask a similar question but after reading yours this kind of just came to me. You cant make your boyfriend happy if he is not happy within. He may be going through something that is making him be different. Or maybe since you guys have been fighting a lot? he is just annoyed with that. All you can do is just be there for him and love him and try not to fight with him so much but honestly that's what I've been doing and it worked, were back on track, get along great and have lots of fun like before but I still feel like he doesn't feel the same about me or life in general and it hurts me to think that maybe he just feels different about our relationship. I cannot however do anything about that sometimes it's just time to let go, and that's a decision you and I might both have to make. I feel you though its like he might just be going through a phase...just do what I told you, love him, fight less, but if that doesn't work there must be some deeper issue there....
GOOD LUCK! I truly mean that I hope it works out for you, I can relate to your frustration and pain. I hope I helped!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: I was with this guy for almost three months. Things seemed to be going perfectly as far as I knew. There are a few years between us, but we established from the start that that didn't bother either of us. We'd already said 'I love you's but I hadn't force him into it, by any means. Every time he wanted me to come over, I did. (He worked a lot and I wanted to make sure he still had guy time without me, so we saw each other like, an afternoon during the week, and I came over late on Friday and spent the night and left in the afternoon on Saturday. )
We never argued or fought. His friends all like me and think I'm good for him as far as I know because I calm him down. His friends girlfriends all like me, too. (He likes to rant. Haha) and its as important that everyone likes me because they're always together. We aren't exactly alike, but I feel like we compliment each other. We keep each other in check.
So here's the thing: last week he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him, just the two of us to be special cause we're always with his friends. We made plans, but some how we both ended up kind of sick, so we just grabbed some food and went back to his apartment and watched a movie. That night went really well, and even though nothing amazing happened, he said he was really happy that I was there to kind of baby him when he was sick. On Saturday, we kind of had a general conversation about the future. We were on the same page about not like, getting engaged or anything anytime soon because we're both young and don't want and couldn't afford anything big or major anytime soon, so that was fine. That was Saturday afternoon.
On Monday he seems all freaked out about something, but tells me he'd rather talk to me about it in person, so we do on Tuesday.
On Tuesday he tells me he's really unsure about his future (he graduated from college and he's working at a dead end job applying everywhere possible for a job that is actually in his field) and doesn't know if he wants me in it or not. He said that right now he just can't seem to manage his time very well. He said that he doesnt know if we'd be compatible enough to last. (Although I'm not sure why. )
He and his friends play a lot of video games and card games (magic) and he said that even though I say I don't mind, he doesn't just want me to sit and watch and tolerate (which I don't. I told him I like it.). He also said he felt like he HAD to choose between me and his friends, (which I don't know why. I have no problems with his friends.) And that sometimes he just wants to get wasted with them, then just watch a movie or someething with me. (Which I don't mind boys nights.) He and his friends drink a lot, and although I don't see anything wrong with that, I don't drink much so I don't feel comfortable getting drunk around some of his friends that I don't know very well yet.
So what I'm asking is... do you think he'll come back? I really, really want him to and he fits in with my friends as well as I do with his, so I don't know what happened. It just doesn't make sense that on Saturday I woke up to forehead kisses and an 'I love yoooou!' And on Tuesday we broke up.
Plz help? :/
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I cannot give you a straight answer to your question, because people are unpredictable. However, I can tell you what happened to me, and it might make you feel better...
I also dated a guy where there was a significant age difference. We weren't exactly compatible either. My guy is a fighter and I'm a calm, happy, pacifist. However, we had our love for the same music and dancing in common, and we somehow got together. All was great for two months or so. Hes also graduated college and trying to go to graduate school. He needs to finish some classes however before he can get in. Mind you, this all happened last year around spring. We got together in late February 2009. Around May, he started acting weird. He has issues with past relationships and i knew this, so I left him alone about his odd behaviors. We both had agreed that marriage was in the elongated future, and I respected his need for his friends, but in May things just started to seem...off. He still insisted he loved me though. And that I treated him the best out of all his past girlfriends.
However, around end of May we started arguing because I felt his distance from me and finally spoke up about it. We ended up breaking up in early June because he told me that he didn't see us working out, that I wanted to go out and do stuff and he was more laid back and all this other stuff...it seemed like excuses to me. I did love him, but i managed to get over it fairly quickly.
What bothered me though was that I still hung out with some of his friends that were also my friends, and he avoided me like the plague. He would NOT talk to me. It was immature because we decided to stay friends. I talked to his best friend about it quite often (he would ask me to lunch now and then) and told him how immature and annoying i thought it was that he was acting so weird, leaving every time I showed up or not talking to me. His best friend always gave me things to think about but one time he said "Maybe its because he still has feelings for you". I didn't think so.
Anyway, July, August, September, October, November, even December passed just the same. I stayed single and I was enjoying it I guess. I would think about him now and then, nothing big though. Then on New Years Eve, I had a house party. His best friend (who was invited) came early and gave me a CD. He said it was from him and that he wanted me to listen to it. I was shocked. I thought what could he possibly want? It turned out that he recorded himself talking to his best friend and to me technically about what had happened. He said that he had lost his job in June, that he was failing his classes needed to graduate, that he was worried about his future, and that he didn't want to bring me down or inconvenience me with any of it. He said that he still loves me, that he thought about me the whole 6 months we were apart. Said that once he got his life back on track there seemed to be something missing and that was me... I couldn't believe it!
Although reluctant to, I gave him another chance. Said we could get to know each other again. And he never ceased to amaze me. He explained every reason why he broke up with me in June, but that he meant it when he said he loved me. And that didn't go away. Moral of the story? Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. He might be confused, worried, and not realizing the person he has in front of him because you are always there. Once you are gone, and he stops worrying, he will probably miss you and want you back.
Like I said, everyone is different. I'm still with my guy, but we are starting to have the same problems as before...My lesson was that you cant change people, you just have to accept them.
To answer your question, he might come back. Especially if you were good to him, he doesn't meet anyone else that is as good as you were, and he gets his life back on track. I cannot make any promises though... I hope I helped a little! GOOD LUCK!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: does it feel good for the girl when the guy finishes inside her?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
if you love your guy, and sex is an expression of that love, then yes, it feels incredible, amazing, you will love every minute he is inside you.
if youre just having sex for the hell of it, then no. it wont feel like much of anything. And if youve never had sex before, then its going to hurt whether he finishes in you or not.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Info
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: February 14, 2007 Answers: 64 Last Update: June 10, 2024 Visitors: 8039
Favorite Columnists
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|