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Suddenly feeling insecure.
Last night when I was looking at my boyfriend's laptop history for an important link I visited on his laptop, I came across a bunch of porn links.
It somehow threw me off and I felt so insecure.
We've been together for two years now, he's 21, I'm 18. I mean, I know it's normal for guys to watch porn every now and then, and I guessed my boyfriend did so too, maybe once a month.
But after discovering this (by the way, I never snoop on his laptop- we are very open with one another) I told him that it made me feel bad and insecure about myself and I asked him how often he watches it. He told me that every three or four days when he's feeling horny.
This is just bothering me so much and he said he'll stop if it makes me feel bad, but I know that if he needs it, then he probably will watch it anyway and I told him that.
Is it normal for me to be bothered so much about the fact that he watches it twice a week or so, and the fact that it really makes me feel insecure and I just hate the fact that he's sitting there masturbating to some other women.
Overall, our sex life is fantastic, and he assured me that he doesn't watch it because I'm not sexy enough or because he's looking for something else...but I still feel weird.
Or am I being irrational? I need some explanations and comfort here...
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Are you being irrational? That really depends on what you mean by irrational. You should not feel insecure by him watching or looking at porn. Men are wired differently than women.
The fact that you two are not together all the time does not mean he can just turn off his sexual needs which are at his age stronger than yours. So he chooses to look at porn and take care of himself; rather than look for relief with another women. Rather than feeling weird or insecure you might feel a little flattered that his love for you is strong enough that he would rather masturbate than cheat on you.
If he is masturbating for relief then the women in the porn films are not a threat to you. They are simply inspiration by which to relive himself. The fact that you and he have a great sex life should tell you this.
Rather than ask him to stop watching porn you might think about watching it with him. When my wife and I got married we were somewhat inexperienced. We watched porn together and learned a lot from watching the actors have sex. So porn can be just that or it can be inspiration, as your boyfriend is using for; or it can be a teaching tool as my wife and I as well as others have used it for.
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Let's put it this way... would you rather he play with himself...alone...OR find someone else to play with when your not around. An easy fix to this if you still don't want him to watch that... tell him that whenever he's feeling horny.. to call you or text you. Sexting or phone-sex might be more comfortable for you because it's you and not some strangers. Don't hold back, & if he calles at 5am that's your call. Either that or he'll just go back to internet porn. Hope that helps. :)
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I believe it's perfectly normal how you are feeling. I know that I would feel the same way. I don't believe the excuse, "he's a guy so it's okay." is acceptable. If it bothers you, you should be completely honest. You shouldn't have to "deal" with it if it makes you uncomfortable, its not fair to you. Hope this helps.
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Yes, you are being a little irrational. Not because you don't want him watching it, but because it makes you feel insecure. It shouldn't at all!
Guys are different than girls. They think about sex more than we could ever even begin to understand. They need it. But there's a difference between watching strangers have sex on TV and being in a relationship. They don't connect the two at all! They watch porn to help them get off, not because they want to see other women. A vagina and boobs is the same as any other. You mean more to him than just that. Your boyfriend loves YOU as a person and as a woman and that's all that matters to him. Porn is just kind of like a tool.
So relax, don't feel bad about it, and maybe even try watching some with him, then you can both get turned on and you'll be together...my boyfriend and I play this game sometimes of how long can we go watching porn next to each other before one of us can't take it anymore...and its not very long...
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