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"jealous" friend
well i have this friend, and like most people ive made new best friends. and whenever i talk to them and not him, he "feels left out" i told him that there are a lot of other people that hang around with us, who you can talk to. but he says "he feels left out" of the conversation im in. i mean, i cant stop talking to them just so he's happy. nor can i run around making sure he doesn't feel left out, or make him be involved in the conversation's. if he feels that way, he should involve him self right? well i told him that, and he just isn't having it.
thank you, please give advice, need it badly
p.s then when he feels like that, he goes and tells everyone so that i look bad.
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Your friend might feel left out but you cant abandon your new friend for him. You have tried talking to him which is good because you are talking about what you feel he is just not taking it well...maybe he is having trouble adjusting to the situation or maybe he finds it difficult to make new friends as well. I suggest trying to bring him into conversations if he is struggling ask him what he thinks and try to get him to open up, if he does he will feel he is part of the group. Also try getting him to meet new people, introduce him to maybe your new friends next door neighbour for example. This might sound like setting up a couple but simply giving him the push and oppurtunity to make new friends should help.
xordinarygirlx :P
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You should put the quotes around the other word instead: jealous "friend". It doesn't sound like he's being much of a friend to you to begin with. Tell him that you don't like the situation he has put you in - and really, you don't need to put up with that.
Let him spread all of the stories and lies he wants, just ignore them; if he's going to be like that then he is not worth the friendship.
If you do want to have him as a friend, then just pull him into the conversation: ask him a question about what you were talking about, tell him something else, look at him and ask him what he thinks about what you just said, etc. If he doesn't seem willing to participate, then thats his fault. It would be a much different story if he did try to participate and you or anyone else wouldn't give him a fair chance.
So talk to him about it, let him know that he can join in at any time, try to ask him questions when you see he is listening in or around or anything...and most importantly don't try to be his friend if he is trying to guilt you into thinking that you are the one who is doing badly. Make an effort to help him, but if it continues then let it go. Hope that helped and good luck.
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Hey,
I know what you mean, i've got friends like that too and i still feel guilty when my friend feels excluded. But it';s not my fault and it's NOT yours either.
If your friend can go out and tell everyone that when he feels bad, he can also talk to other people without your you. And you should tell him that.
Maybe for the first few times, if you want to help, you could deliberately include him in the conversations you're having, then let him go on by himself.
After that it's up to him. And it's not your fault if he isn't making friends and don't let him make you feel otherwise.
Bye
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Those kind of situations can be very hard to deal with. I have seen them both when one party or the other was the one being unreasonable. Obviously, from what you wrote it seems that he is the one with issues here.
You have a few options, but none of them will make the situation go away particularly smoothly. 1. You could try to start involving him in some of the stuff you do- this isnt your duty mind you, but it might kick start him on the more social path. 2. You could simply ignore it, sticking to your guns but encouraging him to start coming out of his shell. 3. You could talk to him (but you have already done that to no avail).
The thing you need to remember is that it is probably not easy for him to socialise like you do. When I was younger I was a lot more closed in, and I had a friend who was very very social. Whenever we went to a party or out in town together, two seconds later he was gone. My point is he could not understand how difficult it could be to just start mingling with strangers. This is why today, if I am ever in your situation I go for option 1.
Well I know this isnt a whole lot of help, but good luck.
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Ok looks like he really values your friendship, and as silly as it sounds wants you all to himself.
As harsh as it may sound he need to share you, you need to sit down with him and tell him you have other friends, and u want to be his friend as well as others.
Theses other friends of yours, are they just your friends or both of yours, because if they yours he is bound to feel left out, he doesnt know these people and will feel left out. If they are mutral friends then he needs to understand it cant be just you 2, and that he needs to talk to other friends.
Hope this helps
Good Luck
Pinky1
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