My fiance used to complain about this. Here's what I told him:

"Oh, so you want to skip out on the condom because it reduces pleasure? You know what REALLY reduces pleasure? An unwanted pregnancy!"

Yes, sex is different with a condom. Use them regularly, though, and he'll get used to it. My guy doesn't complain anymore. It's nothing to do with inadequacy. He's probably just under the impression that the pill is enough protection. Maybe he needs to be reminded of the fact that the pill can fail, and that both of you would have to deal with the results.

(The best ones, IMHO are Durex Sensithin)

I used to do karate, and a few times a kick would be mistimed or aimed funny, and the guy would be sacked. Truthfully, it's one of the least funny things I ever experienced. I saw a guy throw up once. So just letting you know that not all girls find this an acceptable behaviour. The only time I would ever hit a guy in the nether regions is if I was in serious danger from him.

Also, I don't think I've ever seen anyone do it intentionally, definitely not with the frequency you're describing. This sounds like a case of harassment by people who are just plain mean and callous. If it's happening at school, you need to talk to your principal about it. That sort of thing can cause serious long term damage to you.

In the meantime, I would suggest investing in a cup. If you have to wear it all the time for now, so be it. It'll help reduce the discomfort.

By the way, girls have equal pain centers. The number of times guys have punched me in the breast by accident... ouch.

I don't have them, but I know my mom's were discovered because she was having problems with her gallbladder. Apparently the cyst was pushing on her gallbladder and making it hard for her to digest greasy foods.

From what I've been told, the pain isn't so much a bruise-like pain as it is a deep internal pain. If it feels bruisey, it's very possible that it's PMS... I know my ovaries tend to balloon and hurt around that time.

Disclaimer: You probably won't like my advice.

First things first: you are an admirable person for taking charge like this. Your sister is so lucky to have you, and she should be appreciating what you have given her every day.

This will sound entirely counter-intuitive, but you are helping her kill herself. By not making her deal with the consequences of her actions, you are allowing her to act out. The best thing you could do for her right now is to kick her out of your house.

What? That sounds crazy! I know, I know. I've been through some rough stuff, and the only reason I got out of it as fast as I did was because my parents cut me off. The last few years, I've been dealing with mental health issues that have caused me to act in strange ways. I engaged in risky behaviours, I failed out of school, I got into debt. My parents could have stepped in, taken me home and supported me, sure. You know where I'd be if they had? The same place, if not worse. Because I was dropped on my butt and left to deal with the consequences (creditor calls, trying to support myself, losing contact with everyone) I had motivation to get out of the spiral I was in. I thank them every day for doing what they did. Now that things have improved, so long as I maintain a passing average in school, they are going to help me out with things again.

You need to do this to your sister. She needs to see what the consequences of doing drugs, sneaking around with strange men and not working are. She needs to see where her life is leading her. She needs to have a reason to change. If you could do drugs, not work, not go to therapy, get pregnant, and still come home to a nice house and loving family, would you change? No!

You've got to sit her down and tell her it's for her own good. She's not a child, and she's making very adult decisions. She needs to understand that with those decisions come consequences, and you're not going to be the one to deal with those anymore. Tell her that once she has proven to you that she's changed, you will help her out again, but not before then. Don't fall for "I promise I'll change!" or "I'm going to go get a job, I promise!". You've said yourself, she's a manipulative liar. You need to see results. You need to see her clean up. You need to see the clean drug tests, or her getting into therapy and benefiting from it.

You deserve to have a life. I understand that she's your sister and you love her and want to protect her, but your first priority should be your spouse and future children. She is at an age where she should be taking care of herself. It's wonderful that you want to help her, and you should, once she shows that she appreciates your help instead of throwing it back in your face.

I can't really expand on what ThirdQED said, but I just wanted to let you know that your question reminded me to do something I should have done a long time ago.

I just bought a paid account. Why? Because not only has Advicenators helped me with a few tough questions of mine, it has given me a way to use my painful past experiences to help others.

Worth every cent, if not more.

If you have bad credit, the last thing you should be doing is getting a loan. I should know, because I have absolutely crap credit due to some stupid mistakes I made a few years back.

If you need money, ask for more hours, get a second job, get a third job, or just cut down your living expenses to make more money available.

Anyone who will approve you for a loan will charge you somewhere in the neighbourhood of 50% in interest. That $1000 loan will cost you $1500 in the long run. There's a vicious cycle caused by these sort of loan programs. You end up short on money because you're paying the extreme interest on your loan, so you have to take out another.

Break the cycle. Spend only what you make, preferably less. Start putting aside a bit of money for an emergency fund (even $50 a month helps) so that in cases like this you won't have to resort to loans.

There is no painless way to kill yourself.

I'll be honest. I've tried a few times. The last time I tried to overdose on pills, and it was the most miserable time of my life. I was out of it, throwing up until I had nothing but blood to throw up, fading in and out of consciousness.

I didn't care if I felt pain, though, because I was going through enough pain at the time to make it worth it. You know what happened, though?

This was right before Christmas. My father ended up in counselling, because the news set his depression into a huge spiral. He started to drink an awful lot. Both my parents were wondering if I'd be able to come home for Christmas. We kept the news from my little sister until she was done exams, but she was hurting too. My fiance, who had to take me to the hospital, was hurting.

You see, even if you could find a way to commit suicide that wouldn't cause you any physical pain (which there isn't), it's like ripples in a pond. You send ripples of pain outwards into everyone who knows you.

There are ways to overcome anything. Why did I do it? I suffer from mental health issues, and I have now failed out of school 4 times because of it. I had lost my friends, isolated myself from my family, and was in debt. I couldn't take another episode, because I was drained from fighting it for so long. Because of my incident, I went for treatment at a mental health clinic, and I am now on medication, seeing a counsellor every other week. I'm learning coping skills, and I even have help with school.

Any thing that you are going through can be conquered, and you'll be stronger for it. I wouldn't take back an ounce of my suffering, because of who it has made me.

Be strong. Go get help. Make your life what you want it to be.

Nothing is impossible.

I think the one thing that everyone has missed here is that you have two children involved in this whole thing. You need some security, for their sakes... am I right?

I take it from your question that you have told him that it's very important to you that you get married, and that he's dismissing that because he's not ready.

If you were single and on your own, I'd agree with the others. Just wait it out, be patient, because you can't force him into it. With the kids involved, it's a different story.

Do you have a timeline in mind? A year, two years, three years, five? You need to talk to him about your timeline. Let him know that your children need a stable family. You understand that marriage means a lot of commitment, but it also means stability. It means that he's committing to you and your family. If he's not prepared to get married to solidify that, then he's not prepared to be a permanent part of your family. You can't have your kids becoming emotionally attached to him, thinking of him as a second father and then have him pick up and leave whenever he feels like it. Tell him that he needs to get with the program, or get out, because you need to do the best thing for your kids. Be prepared to back this up, if it's important to you.

My heart goes out to you. I'm 22 as well, and I used to have the same sort of problems.

One thing you need to remember is that you aren't defined by your weight. You talk about guys accepting you for you; thing is, your fat isn't you, and you have to remember that. What makes you special isn't your fat, it's who you are on the inside.

What you've done up to this point is you've used sex to try and gain a sense of closeness. It's not working, because sex without emotion is horrendously disappointing, and you're realizing this. This behaviour needs to stop.

In my first year of university, I did some things I wasn't proud of. I slept with a couple of guys I didn't care about, and fooled around with a bunch more. I didn't think anyone could ever possibly be romantically interested in me, because I was overweight. I felt a need to be close to others, and I got that feeling from sexual activity, but immediately following it I would feel ashamed, dirty and disappointed in myself. I knew that the guys didn't respect me, that they didn't care about me, and that I was disrespecting myself to get that high of physical contact. Sound at all familiar?

What ended up happening with me was sort of weird. I dated a guy who was a chubby chaser (had a thing for overweight women), and he dumped me because I cut my hair short. He was a shallow jerk. He also dumped me on my birthday, immediately after having sex with me, by telling me that there was another girl he was going to pursue. I got angry. REALLY angry.

Anger was the best thing for me at that point in time. Being that furious gave me the strength to change my life abruptly. It gave me a new sense of self-respect. I decided I wasn't going to date for a year, and I wasn't going to do anything sexual with a guy I hadn't dated for at least 3 months. Within 2 days I met the man who became my fiance within a year from that date. Funny how things work out, isn't it?

My point in sharing this is to show you that before you even think about meeting a new man, you have to abandon your old habits. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, right? This is why things won't work out with the guy who's crazy about you... you've already discounted him as just another of the herd. It's also why you don't find the idea of sex appealing, and why you shut down on men you have sexual contact with.

Make a promise to yourself, today. Promise that you won't have sex unless you LOVE the guy. Tell yourself that you DO deserve to be loved for who you are. Not "in spite of" your exterior, but exclusive of it. I have fluctuated from 190 lbs when I met my fiance to 265 lbs (after a crisis and a change in medication) and now I'm going back down (240 lbs). Does he care? Does he find me unappealing? No, except for legitimate concerns about my health. That's what you deserve to find, and you will find it.

With that in mind, the best way to find a decent guy is to stop looking. Focus on developing friendships, because that's where the best relationships come from. Join a club or two so you can meet people with similar interests. Focus on making yourself happy. If you're unhappy with your weight and you feel like it's holding you back, try to lose it if you feel ready. Trust me when I say I know it's not easy, because I'm doing it right now. Do everything in your power to make yourself happy, healthy and fulfilled, without resorting to casual sex. The rest will follow. Men appreciate a woman who respects herself. Believe it or not, even at over 250 lbs, I was still getting guys asking me out... guys who have dated very attractive, slim women.

Other than that, make sure you're dressed nicely (no shapeless sacks, avoid trendy clothes that are unflattering *cough*leggings*cough*), wear a bit of makeup, do your hair and take good care of yourself (eat healthy food, exercise). The main concern that guys have with overweight women is the idea that we don't take care of ourselves. If you can show otherwise, then you're golden.

I have these, and so does my mom. It might be a sebaceous cyst.

Your mom's right - it does look like a pimple, because that's basically what it is. The difference is that the material inside is sebum, which is an oil produced by your skin, and it's located further down in your skin layers.

Fortunately, it doesn't usually cause problems. Sometimes they can grow too much and rupture, or they can get infected. You can get rid of them with surgery, or you can also try applying a heating pad several times a day.

I checked out the Wikipedia entry to make sure it didn't have any really gross pictures:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebaceous_cyst

Join me in my quest to bring pasty white back into style!

Yes, traditionally people think of Italians as being tanned. There are a lot of Italians, however, who are very fair with blonde hair.

There's this huge thing going right now that says "You need to have a tan!" and it's silly. Tanning is bad for your skin, and fake tanning stuff ALWAYS looks orangey and, well, fake!

There are plenty of women with pale skin who are gorgeous. Just take a look at Christina Hendricks :) There are so many colours that will look incredible on you that fake-n-bake girls can't wear, and you end up having a unique look.

My fiance's favourite things to receive from me are handmade things. He loves my knitted scarves and hats, and he couldn't be happier than when I make him a batch of cookies or brownies.

Other than that, cologne is sort of a staple.

I have a bit of a weird nose myself... the tip of it has a dent in it (my family calls it the bum-nose!) As a teenager, I always thought I'd get a nose job the moment I was old enough and could afford it. Funny thing is, I've come to like it now.

It's the little natural flaws that make you an individual. Just look at Heidi Montag: her need to make everything about her perfect and plastic has turned her into a cyborg-looking shadow of her former self. The quirks that seem awful when you're younger turn into things that make you an attractive human being, believe it or not.

Look at any extremely attractive celebrity and you'll see a flaw: crooked teeth on one, uneven eyes on another, bony elbows on yet another.

There are a few reasons to wait until you're older, at the very least. Your body and face will continue to change into your twenties (I look way different from how I did at 16). Also, your mind will change. You may regret the action later in life, and you can't exactly undo it.

Potential risks include:

bleeding
infection
reaction to anesthesia
hematoma (blood collecting under the skin)
recurring nosebleeds
breathing troubles
numbness
uneven appearance of the nose
scars
burst blood vessels apparent on the surface of skin
permanent nerve damage

Lost in life, unambitious, not financially stable... do you realize you just described most guys in your age range?

It's normal for people to be a little lost in their early 20s. Things can change. My fiance (now 24) used to fit the bill. Couldn't support himself, failed out of school a few times, didn't know what he wanted, couldn't handle responsibility. Sounds like a loser, right? Now he owns a house, has a part time job and is about to graduate.

What you need to keep an eye on is whether he wants to change this or not. Some guys are happy spending their lives parked in front of the Xbox. For some, this is a temporary phase. Try and find out where he wants to go in life. Help him figure it out, if you can. Sometimes all it takes is a gentle push.

As for what other people think, gently remind them that he is your choice, and that you will come to them for advice if you feel you need it. Other people will always have an opinion, and feel free to share it whether you want to hear it or not. What you do with what you hear is up to you.

The positives that you've listed are the most important part. You can get by without money, without ambition, but you can't get by without happiness.

Don't put Nair on your labia. That's what they mean by 'vaginal area'. You can put it on your pubic area, but don't put it anywhere below that, because it will be in contact with very sensitive skin, and it will burn like nothing else. So basically, you'd have to shave the underside of you anyhow.

Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave it on for a long time. Wash yourself with soap and water a few times to make sure there's no residue. It doesn't just dry out your skin, it burns if you leave it too long. If you have any open wounds (like razor cuts or chafing) don't use it, because it will hurt. A lot.

Personally, I don't like the stuff. I find that it's a lot of stink and mess and it doesn't work very well for me.

It really could be any number of things, but most of us here on Advicenators aren't doctors, and any who are won't do a diagnosis online, sight unseen.

That said, there are a few that come to mind:

- I had problems with this until I realized that it happened after I had a glass of milk every morning. Turns out I'm lactose intolerant!

- My fiance had this happen to him, and we think we've narrowed it down to a gallbladder sensitivity. It happens every time he eats a lot of animal fat: really cheesy pizza, ribs, pretty much anything fun.

- My mom has this as well, and it's because of an ovarian cyst pushing on her gallbladder. She can't eat animal fats.

- My friend also had severe stomach pains for a while, and he found out that he has a gluten allergy.

Or it could be an ulcer, or acid reflux, or something else.

What the doctor will probably ask you to do is to keep a food diary and note when your pains come on so they can see what's bringing it on. They might ask you to cut out all foods of a certain type for a while to see if that helps.

It's very possible. I have OCD, but things were often untidy for me when I was a teenager. It's not what people think it is, most of the time. I don't wash my hands compulsively or touch things a certain number of times, but I do need to do things in a certain order, can't stand people's breath touching me and need to have things placed on my desk in a certain way, among other things. The thing about OCD is that it's an anxiety disorder. You don't just get distracted... you get seriously uncomfortable and anxious if those conditions can't be fulfilled. For instance, my friends thought it was hilarious to keep moving my dishes at a restaurant (putting them on an angle, adjusting the spacing so it was uneven) to see me freak out. Not cool.

Thing is, you can't really diagnose these things yourself, and neither can strangers on the internet. The best thing to do if this worries you is to go see a counselor who can work with you to help you overcome your tics and refer you to a doctor who can prescribe medication if it's needed. Counselling works: I've finally stopped pulling out my hair for the most part (thank goodness!)

Good luck with your chemo. Stay strong :)

This is a party at his apartment that you hadn't heard of or been invited to?

For goodness' sake, wait before you call him out. The poor guy might be trying to plan a surprise for you. This might be, at best case, him trying to misguide you into thinking he's forgotten so that he can show up at your mom's and do something fantastic. You don't want to spoil it by going off on him before your birthday's over.

Now, if the day comes and goes with no mention from him, you have every right to go medieval on his butt. Even I, the person who can't remember a date to save their lives, manage to somehow remember my fiance's birthday. Plus, what with Facebook reminders and all, there really isn't an excuse these days.

As rainbowcherrie explained, there are different kinds of herpes. Cold sores are technically a herpes virus, but not the same one as genital herpes.

Personally, I'm 22 and have never had one. It's all in whether or not you've managed to avoid the virus. Once you've been exposed, you'll always have it. You're most likely to get it from someone who has a sore at the time.

Things you might have done to encounter it:

- sharing water bottles
- kissing
- sharing lip gloss / lipstick
- sharing utensils

So you see, it's not like you have to have sex to get it. There are over the counter remedies that help make it go away faster. To avoid giving it to your friends or boyfriends, don't do any of the stuff in the list above when you've got an active sore.

You do need to go to the gynecologist for regular checkups regardless. There's a reason why you're supposed to start either when you become sexually active or when you turn 18.

They don't just check for STDs. They also check for potential reproductive issues (irregular periods, etc), as well as checking for ovarian cysts and cancer. It's really important to go so that they can catch things before they get worse.

Here are some great websites for information on gynecologist visits:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/your_first_gynecologist_visit

http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp150.cfm

As for what time, make sure you pick a fairly regular time. For instance, if you sleep late on weekends, don't take it when you wake up. I usually picked a time in the middle of the day and set an alarm on my cell phone.

How you ask your mom depends on how honest you want to be with her. I'd say to tell her that you're becoming sexually active, and you'd rather be safe than sorry. She may want to offer you advice, or she may freak out (parents who act like they're all open about these things can sometimes not be once confronted with the situation). Either way, she can help you better if she knows the whole story, especially if something goes wrong.

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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