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too good for him?
I'm 22/F and for the most part, have my life in order and know what I'm doing and where I'm going (college, work, future). Recently, I got involved with a guy my age, and to be utterly honest, he's not like me. He's got some big flaws, is a little lost in life, unambitious, isn't financially stable, but he admits these weaknesses. I don't fall easily and I'm smart when it comes to guys, but he's a sweet, caring guy who makes me laugh until I cry and I'm having the best time of my life with him. The problem lies in what everyone else is thinking & saying, that I'm "slumming it this summer". My family and friends think I'm too good for him and that basically he's trash. I just thought I'd have a good time with a good guy and see where it goes, but now they've gotten into my head and I don't know what to think or feel. Will this guy bring me down eventually? Is it a losing battle? Am I too good for him? This never entered my mind before, but being surrounded by all this doubt/concern from the people closest to me is tearing at me. What's my next move? How do I navigate this situation?
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Yes you are too good for him but he sounds amazing, if you are smart, tell him you will not let him bring down your life and your future and if you can't go anywhere with him then that's too bad, you can always be close friends. If you ARE "slumming it this summer" try to make some changes. Make the right choices and keep going where you're going make sure to keep up with everything and don't spend too much time with him so that he won't bring you down, if you start to notice that he is tell him that you guys since you really like him, you guys should be like best friends and hang out that way you can still have a good time with him and keep your life in tact. It is not a loosing battle, no way, there's always a way around it. You may be too good for him but tell your family and friends how he really is, tell them how sweet and funny he is, that's the #1 things i look for in a guy. You should focus on what's ahead of you and when you have the free time, spend it with him :3
Good Luck! Get back to me! I want to know if it works out!
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Yeah, like every guy his age..he fits the bill. He is extremly young and realizing that most guys mature a little slower than us girls, it's going to take him time to figure out where he wants to go in life but eventuall he will get there. I feel that theonly issue you have to worry about is if he is willing to change this for himself. I think if you support him into doing more and not make it extremely easy but don't nag him then eventually he will get on his toes because most men want to be providers for the women they love.
I feel that this is YOUR relationship and that ultimately you are dating him and as long as you are happy then that is the only thing that matters at this point. In my relationships I barely discuss m business with anyone but a close friend because too many mouths on your sandwich leaves you bitter and hungry. Telling too many people whats going on is only going to make you unhappy and who knows one day he may be a great guy. Just give it a little time.
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Lost in life, unambitious, not financially stable... do you realize you just described most guys in your age range?
It's normal for people to be a little lost in their early 20s. Things can change. My fiance (now 24) used to fit the bill. Couldn't support himself, failed out of school a few times, didn't know what he wanted, couldn't handle responsibility. Sounds like a loser, right? Now he owns a house, has a part time job and is about to graduate.
What you need to keep an eye on is whether he wants to change this or not. Some guys are happy spending their lives parked in front of the Xbox. For some, this is a temporary phase. Try and find out where he wants to go in life. Help him figure it out, if you can. Sometimes all it takes is a gentle push.
As for what other people think, gently remind them that he is your choice, and that you will come to them for advice if you feel you need it. Other people will always have an opinion, and feel free to share it whether you want to hear it or not. What you do with what you hear is up to you.
The positives that you've listed are the most important part. You can get by without money, without ambition, but you can't get by without happiness.
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The problem lies in the fact that you're taking to heart what another persons opinion is. People are scrutinizing your relationship with somebody (who otherwise, you seem perfectly content with) and this needs to stop. Right now.
This is about your happiness, your life and your relationship with somebody you've stated isn't "like you", but has the qualities you obviously admire. You are happy with him and from what you've previously stated, you are both young and not everyone has their future mapped out for them. To call someone trash is incredibly belittling, and frankly if I were him, I'd be insulted. And if I were you, I'd put my foot down. Because unless this man is mistreating you, there's no reason for your friends/family to be passing these judgments.
I'm not saying to entirely dismiss their opinions, but there are boundaries to be crossed, and this is one of them.
The only battle you're losing is letting other people interfere with your relationship and second-guessing yourself. This is unhealthy and you need to break the cycle.
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