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how long to wait to get married
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and he is showing no signs of wanting to get married. I have 2 children from a previous marrage and he has never been married before. We are both 33 years old and we live in Nebraska where people don't generally wait much longer than 2 years. We have had our ups and downs but we do very well with the exception of me wanting to get married and him putting it off. How long should I wait? What do I do now while waiting?
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Not getting married doesnt mean he doesnt want to settle down with you. Just some people think differently about marraige. Maybe he is scared of comitment. Talk to him and ask him what he thinks about it. Ask him if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Dont turn it into a big deal. You should give him time. Maybe hes nervous about asking you.
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You need to talk to him.
You're waiting. That means marrying him is a foregone conclusion. Does he feel the same? You need to discuss this and figure it out. Marriage isn't something you approach by finding out he wants to marry you the night he proposes.
Bring it up. Three years, in your 30s, if that's where you want to go with this you need to confirm that it's where you're both headed, and then start thinking about it. Once you're on the same page, it'll happen eventually.
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I think the one thing that everyone has missed here is that you have two children involved in this whole thing. You need some security, for their sakes... am I right?
I take it from your question that you have told him that it's very important to you that you get married, and that he's dismissing that because he's not ready.
If you were single and on your own, I'd agree with the others. Just wait it out, be patient, because you can't force him into it. With the kids involved, it's a different story.
Do you have a timeline in mind? A year, two years, three years, five? You need to talk to him about your timeline. Let him know that your children need a stable family. You understand that marriage means a lot of commitment, but it also means stability. It means that he's committing to you and your family. If he's not prepared to get married to solidify that, then he's not prepared to be a permanent part of your family. You can't have your kids becoming emotionally attached to him, thinking of him as a second father and then have him pick up and leave whenever he feels like it. Tell him that he needs to get with the program, or get out, because you need to do the best thing for your kids. Be prepared to back this up, if it's important to you.
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Men don't think about marriage like women do, most don't see the need, to them it's just a piece of paper that society says you should have. I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about it, let him know that you love him and would like to be married one day and see how he takes it, see what he wants. It doesn't matter how long most people wait, you have to do whats best for you and your relationship.
I think you should just enjoy one another, most people will tell you that being married ruins things, but honestly people stop communicating and stop enjoying one anothers company. Love each other, move in together, and take all the other steps that a married couple would take and then maybe if he feels its right and you do as well then get married.
If you love him, then there is no 'time table.' Marriage doesn't change that love anymore than not being married does. Don't pressure him, communicate and go from there.
Good Luck & Hope I Helped :)
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Agreed with Snarky
Some men just don't want to be married, Some men think it's a hassle, Others don't see the point and some men just think it's easier dating so if anything happened they can leave freely.
This COULD be the case, The only real way to know how he feels is to talk to him, As he might not know where that topic stands because I'm assuming you two didn't discuss it. Every body is different, Every relationship is different. Some people rush into it and others prefer to wait a few years.
Talk to him, Communication is the key
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Enjoy the time you spend together. Everyday moments by themselves whether happy or not can make a relationship stronger and happier. Take baby steps up to getting married; have him move in, or both of you make decisions together about normal things. He might not want to get married right way, because of the fact that the relationship is so great now, but what happens if something ruins it. Over half of all married Americans are devoiced, and what he is probably thinking is that breakups with someone you love is hard, but a thirty-day drawn out divorce is harder. Give it time, if you two are meant to get married that it will happen. But keep in mind you don't need a ring to be happy with him, enjoy the moments you have, and I guarantee those moments will last a life time, whether or not you ever see that ring.
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The thing is, some men just don't want to be married. Ever. Your three years could easily turn into the rest of your life waiting hopelessly, thinking he'll propose some day, and it'll never happen.
The idea of commitment scares a lot of men. How long should you wait? How long should you really have to if he's showing no signs and "putting it off".
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