about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am getting chalazin removal surgery soon at a local practice; not a hospital. I am only 16 and very nervous and have a huge fright knives and needles. I was told they give me local anesthetic, but upon request do you think they would give me nitrous?

I believe the doctors will do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. If Nitrous is something they have at their practice I'm sure with your parents permission they would administer it to you. You could also ask the eye doctor to prescribe an Oral sedation you could take just prior to the procedure such as valium to help you relax if they do not offer nitrous. Here again parental permission might be required because of the class of drug.

The procedure itself is not very long, is minimally invasive. It is the removal of a cyst that is blocking a tear duct.It should not be painful and if you close your other eye you won't see anything f what they are doing.

To help you relax ask if it okay to take your IPOD, MP# player of cellphone with your music on them into the procedure room and with ear-buds listen to your music.

I'm one of those people that are scared stiff by dentists, I also suffer from chronic back pain. The treatment for chronic back pain is sticking some, up to 6, very long needles very close to my spine to inject medication. Given my choice of going to the dentist or having those needles stuck in me I will choose the needles. I tell you this for in both cases I take my IPOD with me and listen to my Music. Between my music and the numbing medication given in each procedure I am able to remain calm.

If the doctors will allow you to listen to your music with ear-buds, I feel this will help you remain calm The calmer you are the faster the doctors can work and the faster the procedure can be completed.

My advice this is: ask about an oral sedation, and ask if you can listen to your music. Relax and let the doctors do their work. Good luck.

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i was getting really into it wth my bf and we were both drunk. really drunk. he couldnt get a boner n he clearly had "whiskey penis" lol. does alcohol make a handjob not feel as good to a guy. or does it jst make you not cum? thanx

Alcohol is a depressant. As such if to much is consumed a male will have sexual dysfunctions ranging from the inability to getting and sustaining an erection to not being able to climax.

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I am a teenager seeking advice on asking my parents to put me on birth controll. It is because I am thinking about becoming sexually active with my long time boyfriend but I'm not sure when. We are going to be as safe as we can be by using a condom also. I need help on how to ask my mom so it doesn't sound like I'm going to be getting physical right away because I'm not, I just want to be ready when I do make the desition. I am very close with my mom, and we have kind of discussed it before but now I really feel it's time I start taking it. Please anyone with helpful ways I could ask her let me know. Thanks! (:

Depending on where you live you may not need parental permission to get birth control pills. That said I do not think it is a good idea to do anything behind your parents back. The fact that you write that you are able to speak openly with you mom speaks volumes about your relationship with her and your own maturity.

As a parent and grandparent, and given the fact that you have not given your age, I am going to include a web address I would like you to visit before you decide to have sex. This site is all about first time sex and "Am I Ready". I highly recommend you and your boyfriend look at this site first. There are other ways for now to get and receive sexual pleasure without sexual intercourse. Your comment "I'm not sure when" tells me you're not quite ready and possibly being pushed by your boyfriend. This is why I'm suggesting you both look at this website.

I do believe that teenage girls be on birth control, with their doctors concurrence, for the purpose of regulating their period. This is an important bodily function. Knowing when it will occur is important given some of the problems young ladies can have with their early periods. By knowing when they and their mothers can plan so as to limit the discomfort and whatever other problems occur at that time. If your periods are occurring on a somewhat regular basis, this would be a very good reason to have a discussion about birth control medication with your mother.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

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I am a teenage girl with kind of a big problem. My thoughts are consumed by the thought of appearance and other peoples approval. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror seeing every imperfection wheather big or small. I know a lot of people have this problem, especially at my age. But I get severly depressed from it, I have made people not want to be around or get annoyed with me always asking if I look good. And I cannot go a day without receiving a compliment from anyone other than my mom, if I never get one I'll feel like I looked disgusting that day. I love my life, and the only thing I would change is how I view myself. So please anyone out there with an opinion or could help me with this situtation, your time is very much apperiated.

Time for a little grandfatherly advise. Since I am old enough to be your grandfather I am going to offer some.

First, Dom was pretty much on the money with what he wrote. People that are constantly concerned with the way they look; constantly fishing for complements on how they look are considered very vain. Vanity is a trait most people do not like seeing in others as it makes them appear shallow.

You can be the warmest, most helpful, most sincere person a person would ever want to meet; if not for the vanity they express to others. There is an old saying that is very true; "beauty is only skin deep.: There is also an old song which has as part of the lyric; "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life marry yourself an ugly wife". The lyric justifies the saying.

You need to look beyond the exterior beauty to see the real person. This is a bad analogy but it makes my point. At on time auto makers would spent their money dressing up the exterior features of a car, the parts the the public could see and touch. They spent less on the operating parts. There feeling was the more beautiful the car was the better it would sell and the more they could charge. That is not the same today; they provide the basic car in good mechanical condition. The customer buys the fancy add ons. It was called selling the sizzle and not the steak. Today they sell the steak and you by the sizzle.

How is this appropriate to your question. Under your facial beauty is the real you, the person when people take the time to get to know you will come to like and love. Facial beauty can always be improved upon to attract someone, but if they don't take the time to get to know you all the attractive add ons mean nothing. This is why the phrase the "Beautiful People" is also synonymous with short lived relationships.

For now my advice is to enjoy who you are. Your body will be adjusting to puberty for sometime to come, in some people it continues in to their 20's. As you continue through puberty more and more changes will occur. They will become more subtle as you become older.

Remember this: If someone is only interested in you because of your looks or because of what only your sex can provide. They are not worthy of you.

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Okay, I've only had sex with one guy. It was my first long term boyfriend, and were both virgins. We used a condom about 80% of the time, so yes, there were some incidents we didn't use protection. But neither of us had an STD.

We broke up about a month and a half ago, and a week or so ago I started getting these symtpoms:

My labia, clit and the lining around my vagina are VERY VERY itchy. But it doesn't burn. And by using Vagisil on a daily basis, it keeps the itchiness away so I even forget about it. It's also kind of red and irritated looking. I have a brownish discharge, and even though I already had my period at the beginning of this month, I've been getting cramps that come and go through out the day.

Any help with what this could be?? I'm 17 years old. And yes, I did tell my mom. She said it could be soap irritation, so I stopped scrubbing "down there" but it hasn't helped. I have a regular doctor's appointment on Thursday, but I was just hoping for some advice before then.

The advisers on this site are not doctors so we cannot make any type of diagnoses. The fact that the Vagisil is holding whatever it is at bay says you may need to have a stronger prescription type medication o clear up the problem. Most likely some form of yeast infection. Time to make a call to a GYN for an appointment and examination.

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*i am a 13 year old female and my b/f is 15
ohkay, so my b/f and i have been dating for awhile now. were like everyother couple ya know we hold hands, kiss, and makeout. i dont mind tht he touches me and stuff but he is always calling me prude. it pisses me off. i want us to go to the next level but something in my body just wont let me. what do you think it is? HELP ME!

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and answer questions on this site as straightforward as I can. I believe everyone needs to know the truth so they can make the best decisions. If I don't know the answer to a question I chose to answer I research the answer for you.

Full intercourse at your age is definitely out of the question, you are to young. I would even say giving your boyfriend a handjob or blowjob should be a no, no. Once someones pants come off the more chance of things going to far. The best birth control their is are your pants held firmly in place where they belong.

Your boyfriend does not know the definition of the word prude; you may want to look it up for him and write it down for him. He is using the word to try and get you to give him what he wants from you. He is being a typical teenage boy trying to satisfy the hormonal changes of puberty by searching for sexual release. In other words he is horny. Teen age boys will also confuse lust with love and have a tendency to think with the head in their pants rather than the one between their shoulders when sexually frustrated, which at his age is just about all the time.

I usually recommend the following website for older girls. In your case I am going to make an exception and ask that you look at this site as I believe it will help you with your primary question.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

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15 - female
Some people would say i have everything i guess... I'm great in sports, and get every award. I'm pretty and I've gott a boyfriend. I'm on the 2nd best soccer team in the Nation for an Elite league.I'm a good singer, and am pretty much good at anything. I've got a best friend who is always there for me.

But I'm not even close to happy...

Since I'm new on my soccer team, I have no friends. And no one will talk to me or hang out with me... which just gets me sad and uncomfortable whenever we travel with all them. People over rate me. Since i get alot of guys, now that i have a boyfriend all my guy friends basically go away until I'm single again. I've lost many friends since it's "cheerleading season", and since some of my friends where cheerleaders, they are all in that posse of cheerleaders for awhile(which bumps others out). I dont have that much time to hang out with friends anyways cause of soccer...

And then i think harder and realize how unhappy i am... I may be pretty but...I'm unsatisfyed with my body. It's getting more muscular looking because of all these sports..I don't want to look that way. My hair doesnt fall quiet right. My face seems chubby...My lips are too small...nose is too big.

So i don't understand why people still "over rate" me...and Sometimes i just feel depressed...I don't really know what to do.

I know i havn't exacty proposed a question to you...But i really just need some advice here.
Pleaseee

Your question strikes me as requiring some grandfatherly advice; since I am old enough to be your grandfather that is what I'm going to offer you.

Fifteen is a tough age to be, you're to young to be an adult and to old to be a child. Most teenagers your age are in the middle of puberty still trying to adjust to the changes in their bodies and their feelings. They suffer bouts of depression as well as periods of pleasure. They have self-doubt; girls are particularly hard on themselves even though their bodies are still changing. This is all very normal.

Boys your age and up to about age 22 can be very fickle. They tend to confuse lust for love. Boys in their teens are going through the same bodily changes you are and their hormones are pushing them to get release from the sexual tension. They look for girls that will give them that release. Having a boyfriend is not a reason to have sex, especially at your young age.

You say your pretty, yet you are picking yourself apart. Stop, there is no reason to do this to yourself; for one thing you are still maturing. Your body will continue to change as you mature. You said something about your nose. If you were to see a plastic surgeon about what you see as a problem; a good plastic surgeon would tell you to come back in three years when you should be more fully matured. The only reason to operate now is if your nose causes you a breathing problem. The same is true for your lips and what you feel is a chubby face. Part of what you are seeing is nothing more than the hormonal changes you are experiencing. As your body adjust so will your features.

Now as to the muscular look you say you are getting. If you like playing Soccer one of the things a good soccer player such as you will develop is strong leg muscle. Strong muscles are something you need to play the sport you love. When you finish playing sports and finish exercising regularly you can then reduce the muscular look to a more feminine look. In the mean time relax, enjoy your sport and hopefully you will win a scholarship to College for Soccer. Just a side note here: Some men find women with strong leg muscles' a turn on.

The other things you wrote about are typical female teenage worries; you are a normal 15 year old teenage girl. I know you want answers to what is bothering you but the true answer is really just time. Time to grow and mature. Just enjoy being 15 for know for as the saying goes, you will never be 15 again.

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I have been cutting for two years. I am fourteen years old. I started when my parents decided to announce that they were getting a divorce. I started and hid it from everyone else for the longest time. I would always wear long sleeved shirts to cover my arms and i'd wear gauntlets to cover my wrists and hands. then, to top it all off, my father was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis. MS is a neurologic disease that makes it harder to move. My dad has always had numbness in his legs but he didn't think it was anything. I've also been fighting with my dad on a weekly basis. we try to work it out, but i've been having to run away from it. I would just end up going over to my mom's house and locking all the doors so he couldn't get in. I was, frankly, rather scared of my dad at that point. I was afraid he would lose his temper all of a sudden and decide to kick me out or abuse me. I dont know what to do anymore. please don't suggest therapy. I have two therapists on call and neither of them are what I thought they'd be and they haven't been helping. maybe you will have better advice.

I am old enough to be your grandfather and I believe in giving strait answer to the questions I choose to answer on this website. The following is the best advice I have for you based on personal knowledge or research I have done done your question.

Your cutting of yourself is an outward expression of a form of depression which requires medical intervention by a trained clinician; preferably a psychiatrist and followed with talk therapy by a properly trained therapist.

When it comes to therapists you may have to go through a few before finding one you feel comfortable with. Your statement;"I have two therapists on call and neither of them are what I thought they'd be," tells me you are not comfortable talking with them.

Being 14 I'm betting these therapists are way older than you and possibly male. Suggestion: Try and find a Therapist closer to your own age. This would be a therapist who may just be starting to practice. Also ask for a female therapist. I feel you will be more comfortable talking to a young female therapist than someone who looks old enough to be your parent.

You also need to seen by a psychiatrist for medication to help you through this period in your life. Teenage depression is very common. In the past teenage depression was looked as a "phase" or "something they will grow out of." It is only been in the last decade or so that teenage depression has been properly diagnosed. You would be surprised at how many people actually suffer from depression, not just teenagers and how many people go undiagnosed.

Just looking at what you have written you have every reason to suffer from depression. Not only do you have all the pressures of puberty to come to grips with. You have the added pressure of your parents divorce and dads' MS problem.

Start by seeing your family doctor for initial screening, take the letter you wrote us with you and show the doctor. Your doctor should then refer you to a psychiatrist for further treatment.

Will power alone will not stop you from cutting yourself, you need medical intervention. So please see your doctor asap.

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how should i have sex for the first time

I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urges without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. At your present ages you can have all the intimacy of sex using these alternatives without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
My advice is to wait a few more years, let you and your bodies mature a bit more so that you can fully enjoy a sexual relationship. Don’t let pear pressure force you to do something you may not be fully ready for.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

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I found a small lump on my butt hole about three and a half months ago. Its not painfull and it doesnt bleep like most people say theirs does. Its just there and its getting bigger. I'm worried about what this might be. I'm only 17 and dont want to have my parents worry if there is nothing to worry about. I'm not sexually active so it's not and STD.

I am old enough to be your grandfather and believe in giving straight answer to the questions I answer. The information I give below is the best answer I have to the question you have written. Bear in mind none of us on this website are doctors and cannot give medical advice or make diagnoses.

You most likely have an external hemorrhoid. Sometimes they bleed and sometimes they don't. Hemorrhoids and not cancerous, what they are is a varicose veins in the canal of the anus generally cause by straining during bowel movements.

This is something that is very common but you need to advise your parents of and let them decide if they want you to see a doctor.

I don't think this is anything you should be loosing sleep over. I do think you need to tell your parents about it and let them beside what to do. Also don't be embarrassed if mom says let me look at it. Remember she use to change your diapers. She's seen you butt naked, pun intended, many a time. Your just a little bigger now.

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How do I know if I am depressed ? and If I am depressed how do I tell my parents I'm only 15 can I be depressed at such a young age ? It's just I'm happy when I'm around people but when I'm alone I feel so sad but even when I'm around people inside I'm sad too , and sometimes I think about suicidal things ):
Please Help
15 years old
Female

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I have suffered from depression for many years.

Teenage depression is very common and easily treated. In the few sentences you have written you have verbalized two of the markers doctors use to identify depression. This does not mean you are suffering from depression. What it means is you need to be screened for depression.

Being screened for depression is easy and painless. Your high school guidance counselor may be able to screen you. Your family doctor can screen you or your town or county mental health clinic can screen you.

The number of people suffering from depression would surprise you. Depression is the most common undiagnosed ailment suffered today, especially in teenagers. Parents will commonly look at a teenager and say, "oh there going through a phase", or they are suffering the trials of Puberty" especially in girls. It has only been recently, with in the last decade or so that doctors have realized teenage depression as a common illness.

My advise: Tell your parents how you feel, especially the part about suicidal thoughts. Ask them to arrange a visit with your family doctor. Most likely your family doctor will do a preliminary screening and may even start you on some medication. Your doctor then may choose to refer you to a specialist such as a psychiatrist. No your not crazy; since depression is usually caused by an imbalance of an enzyme in the brain a psychiatrist is the best person to prescribe medication. You may also be asked to talk with a psychologist to help you find what is triggering the depression.

Given everything a teenager goes through today it is not, to my thinking, surprising that so many teenagers suffer from some form of depression. You have the chemical and physical changes your body is going through, the physical and emotional pressures brought on by theses changes. Then there are the social changes at home and school not the least of which are the higher expectations people place upon you.

There is a lot of pressure placed upon a teenager today that your parents and there parents before them did not have to suffer with. It is hard being a teenager today and depression is one of the results of this pressure.

Ask to see the family doctor. Don't be afraid to tell your parents why. With the help of qualified doctors you will get through this and be better able to handle life as it comes at you.

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Ok I'm 14 years old and I have never had sex or anything like that. I have masturbated before but not like actually fingering myself just like rubbin my clitoris. But I have never started my period. I have pubic hair and underarm hair and I get cramps but not bad ones, like it's just gas most of the time. But I have discharge and it's a good amount too haha. But I have had discharge since I was like 11 or 12 and my mom started her period when she was 12. What do you think is wrong? Is there something wrong with me? I have like size 36a breasts and that's kinda small but why haven't I started my period? Does masturbating have anything to do with it? Is tere something wrong with me since I haven't started yet and my mom did at 12? Please help!

I agree with lovealways1221, thatthere is nothing wrong with you. You show every sign of having started through puberty, eventually your period will show up. When it does, since I am a male, I am told you will long for the days before your period arrived and you did not have deal with the cramps, bloating and everything that comes with a woman's period.

Everyone matures at a different rate. While you have some of your mothers genes you also have some of your fathers genes. His genes may be the dominate genes. If you want to put your mind to rest ask the women on his side of the family when they matured. His family may be late bloomers.

If you're still in doubt the best person to ask is a GYN doctor. Ask your mother to make an appointment for you with her GYN doctor.

Just a note of caution here. When It comes to problems of a medical nature; none of us on this website are doctors. We cannot offer medical advice or make a diagnosis. We can offer soothing advise and suggestions. But it always best to consult the experts when dealing with medical problems. These experts start with your family doctor.

As sure as I am that everything is normal with you I am still going to suggest you check in with a doctor for no other reason than your own peace of mind.

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My boyfriend and I hug a lot. We both are 13 and we both are new to this dating thing. We have been going out for 9 months and I just now noticed it. It doesn't mean I don't want to be around him or anything. He has a boner everytime we hug and it doesnt't quite bother me but it is weird. Is this because he wants to have sex with me because that would be even weirder especially at this age? Why does my boyfriend get boners around me or not around me? Being a female this is new to me so I am hoping that you can help.

This is all very natural for people your age who are just going through puberty. For your boyfriend, at this time it is an involuntary act that he is just as confused about as you are. Additionally he is most likely embarrassed by his involuntary erection as he cannot control it.

Boy's this age get erections many times a day. In school, when I was 13, back in the dark ages, boys would carry there books in front of themselves in an attempt to hide there erections; and yes the girls all giggled at us.

You may even start to feel some new sensations in your breasts and vagina. You could possibly find your panties getting damp. This is all a normal part of growing up. It does not mean it is time to start having sex.

Time for grandpa lecture. Yes your bodies are now capable of sexual intercourse; but you are still children and not ready for the consequences of a sexual relationship. As a female you will be pressured by boys to have sex. At your age and for many years to come boys confuse lust for love. There need to relieve there built up sexual tension is their driving force. There are other ways to relieve this built up tension without having sexual intercourse.

Sex between two consenting people is a beautiful thing. It should not be something that is done in the back seat of a car, hurried and done so as not to get caught.

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18 Female
Today I'm starting to take Celexa (10 mg) for mild/moderate depression. I'm a little worried that it will take away my sex drive.
Does anyone have some feedback for me?
Thanks!

Celexa is a very good antidepressant medication. The 10mg dosage you are on is the lowest dosage of this type medication which is a serotonin replacement type drug. Serotonin is a natural chemical formed in the brain that controls mood. These medications take between 1 and 4 weeks to fully take effect.

Every medication has side effects, but not everyone responds to a particular medication in the same way. Antidepressants are known to have an effect on ones sex life, more so in males than females. The obvious effect in males is the inability to gain and maintain an erection. Should you find yourself suffering from any side effects of this or any other medication contact your doctor immediately.

While loss of sex drive is not a dangerous side effect it is an impediment to recovery. Do not be embarrassed to talk to your doctor about your sex drive or sex life. Remember anything you tell your doctor is confidential and cannot be told to your parents, teacher or school.

You may initially find some changes while your body adjust to the medication. As long as these changes do not fall under the list of "DANGEROUSE SIDE EFFECTS" that instruct you to contact your doctor immediately give your body time to adjust. Given the dosage you're on I would not expect you to experience any real side effects of this medication and if you do your doctor will simply try another one.

The key to combating depression is to be truthful with yourself, your doctor and your therapist. This is a tall order and it can take time to get there. Your therapist is key if you are not comfortable with your therapist find another one. I went threw two therapist before I found the third therapist who I have been working with. With her help we have found, in my case, the keys to my depression. She has helped me identify what triggers the depression and I am able to better handle those situations that in the past put me in a depressive episode.

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19/Female

I just changed doctors, and on my first visit during the examination my doctor asked me how long I had a heart murmur. I had no clue what she was talking about, so she scheduled an echocardigram (or something like that).

I was just wondering what this means, is it bad? I'm taking an aerobics class in college. Will this affect what I can do? Any information will be helpful. Thanks!

Heart Murmurs range anywhere from benign to serious and have different causes. You could or should check with your previous doctor to find out if that doctor was aware of the murmur. If so the murmur probably falls closer to the benign category. While your talking to your former doctor have your medical records sent to your new doctor.

If your former doctor was not aware of any murmur than the situation starts to build to a more serious problem. It would be wise to ask your doctor if it is permissible for you to continue with your present aerobics classes. If you made your doctor aware of your exercise regime during your visit and you where not told to reduce your or stop your exercise routine then it is probably okay. If you did not make the doctor aware then call the office an ask them what they suggest you do.

Most importantly there is always time to worry later. At the moment your doctor is tracking down something that is an anomaly, a unknown. It could very probably be nothing. To worry now will only cause you undo stress. Follow your doctors instructions and wait for the results of the test ordered. Whatever the cause of the murmur is it can be correct. In many cases with medication alone.

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I'm 25/f.
My boyfriend physically and emotionally abused me after knowing one another for years as friends, then dating for months before moving in together. The last thing he did to me before I left was pick me up by my throat. His biggest problem was always that he couldn't control himself, and I thought he was going to kill me...This kind of abuse escalated from fights during which he would come within inches of my face and scream at me. In response to this, I once slapped him, and I felt terrible, and kept apologizing...does this mean I'm abusive, too? Did I bring this upon myself by responding that way?
I got a protection order against him, but true to character, he's denying that he abused me, and got a hearing to try to get the order lifted. It's coming up, we both have lawyers, but I'm so nervous I can barely function. I'm terrified to be in the same room as him.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Any advice?

-Thanks :(

The first thing I would like you to do is call an organization called RAINN which stands for; Rape, Abused, Incest, National Network. There number is 1-800-656-HOPE. They have trained people answering the phones 24/7 who can help you find people in your own town deal with the abuse you have had.

They will find you trained professionals to help you deal with the abuse; to help you file a police report which you should have done when your boyfriend choked you. It may not be to late to do so as the statue of limitation may not have run out.

Most of all these professionals will help you understand this is not something you brought on yourself. You did nothing wrong. Your boyfriend has a character flaw that he needs to learn to deal with. No one should put up with being abused. As for court; Judges have seen these cases before. They know what to look for and who to believe, so don't worry.

Call the RAINN hotline, they are open today and ask them for help. Together with your lawyers help you can be successful in both overcoming what has happened and seeing to it that your boyfriend stays away from you or is put in jail.

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if any problem occurs from masterbuting

I'm not sure what you mean by "if any problems occur from masturbating." If you are asking if it is harmful to masturbate the answer is no; almost everyone masturbates. We masturbate one another during foreplay when we finger a girl or give a boy a hand job. This is called mutual masturbation.

Masturbation is a safe way to relieve sexual tension when you have no other outlet for it. It is best to find a safe comfortable place like your bedroom or the bathroom, where you can lock the door and not be disturbed or intruded on.

Most religions, including the Catholic religion, do not condemn masturbation. The condemnation of masturbation comes from individual prejudices even though these same people masturbate each other during foreplay they refuse to approve of self-masturbation. This is wrong.

As I am probably old enough to be your grandparent I will offer this advice. Any sexual activity for or between consenting adults that does not hurt anyone is acceptable. Just because what you are doing is not something I would not do or I might not like does not make it unacceptable.

The only thing about masturbation, or anything else for that matter, is if you do it to the exclusion of everything else. Then it is an obsession. Obsessions can have a very harmful impact upon your everyday life and if this is happening then you need to seek help for an Excessive Compulsive Disorder.

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I am 17 years old, and I have recently been dealing with thoughts that, though I am biologically a female, I wish to be a male. I *love* guys clothing. (It's all I wear.) I walk and talk like a guy, and when people refer to me as "he," I feel amazing! It sounds so right to me. I'd previously identified as a butch lesbian, but I can't help thinking it might be more. I want to grow a beard. I want a guy's body and everything that comes along with it. My whole life I've been different, but I can't be quite sure I've *always* felt this way. Does that make a difference? I've felt like this for a while still. I know it's not a phase. Is it possible I'm transgender? Or just... Seriously devoted to being a crossdressing butch?

Putting a label on something is not what is important here. What is important is what is going to make you happy.

You are 17 years old, in a year you will be 18 when if what you want is to be a trans-sexual; meaning having gender reassignment surgery you can start towards that goal. Parts of that goal is living as a man, dressing as a man at all times. Having psychological counseling from a physiatrist to confirm this is what you want. During this counseling you will find out if you are transgender or just a cross dressing bitch. You can go through the counseling without going declaring you want a sex change, but if you feel that your life won't be complete without becoming a full male then you should start down the road, you can always change your mind later.

This operation is very expensive. If this is what you want look into a hospital in Canada that specialises in this surgery. They charge less and they are very good at this type of surgery. I watched a documentary on them some time ago.

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if i put one finger in, i can feel my vagina all around it, but i can still fit two in, and maybe three but that would be painful. Is that considered tight? I'm thinking about getting together with an old boyfriend that i had 2 years ago and he said i was so tight. But at that point i had sex like single digit amount of times and the first time we had sex it had been a few months since the last time. But the guy i had sex with before him had a much larger penis. I've had a lot of sex since then and I'm worried that i'm not as tight anymore

Your vagina is designed to stretch to accommodate child birth and a different sized penises, then return to it's normal; size. There are exercises such as Kegel exercise you can do to strengthen the muscles surrounding your vagina to tighten it. The Kegel exercise are isometric exercise that can be done anywhere at anytime, even during sex which would help you enhance your grip on your mans penis. There are even sem products on the market that claim to tighten a vagina though I would not recommend trying them without first consulting your doctor.

Fact is your vagina will accommodate any penis from the smallest to the largest without any problem as long as you are properly stimulated. The Kegel exercise are well worth trying regardless of whether you are trying to tighten any muscle as control of the pelvic muscles can only enhance your sexual pleasure and later make childbirth easier for you.

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When (if ever) should I tell my parents I'm a lesbian? I'm 17 and still living at home. My parents are Christians, and they are against homosexuality very much. I care about them and it hurts so much to keep this from them. However, I'm afraid that if I tell them about it, they'll be very disappointed in me and most likely either send me to "get help" and try to change me or just disown me and kick me out. My view is that I can be a Christian and gay at the same time. I want my parents to understand this and accept me, but I don't know if it's possible. I just need some advice!

I wasn't sure on what type of advice to offer you. When this happens I usually turn to the Internet to research an answer. I found a web site that had some interesting information you might wish to review in formulating how you wish to tell your parents. Pay special attention to items 4,6,7 & 8. The web address is: http://www.ehow.com/how_16953_be-gay-christian.html

I do not know your parents so it is hard for me to tell you how to go about or what to say to your parents. People of your parents age and deep religious convictions have had it drilled into them that homosexuality is wrong.

I'm older than your parents, actually old enough to be your grandparent, and armor liberal than your parents. I believe that sex between two consenting adults is be it male/female, female/female or male/male is no ones business but the participants. As long as no one is being forced to participate, no one is being hurt by participating and most important both are finding enjoyment by participating why should it bother me. Does it change who they arr; are they any different than who they were before I found out they were gay? NO.

In preparing to tell your parents first review the web information I found. Then since you know your parents formulate your response to their reaction. Since they are most likely going to come back at you with being gay is an abomination; be prepared to show them in the bible where this is questionable.

Your not going to convince your parents they are wrong so be prepared to meet them halfway. You might want to tell them as I have told other young ladies who THOUGHT THEY MIGHT BE GAY; that this may be just something you have to explore while you explore your sexuality. That gay sex while in college is safer and more available to help take the edge off sexual frustrations.

Your parents love you, this I'm sure of. If you approach them in the right way I'm sure they will not disown you. They may be disappointed but they will still love you. One other thing, you do not have to tell them just yet. You can wait until your a little older.

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