Don't make any assumptions, but directly ask her if she would like some space. You never know what a person is going through, but I doubt she is frigid. Try to communicate verbally and put the touching on hold, until she says she is ready, again.

What has been done cannot be undone. You need to face the consequences with humility and accept responsibility to those you love and those you have hurt. I would say that a lot of apologies are in order, but it goes beyond that. You obviously are having a hard time controlling your behavior and temper. Drinking is never an excuse for violence. What are you trying to escape from? Drunkedness and drug use are primarily used to dull pain, and that is what you need to confront in yourself. You say that you are ashamed of your behavior, but are you ashamed enough to stop? Some people have to hit "rock-bottom" and it might be lower for you than this...do you want to continue down this path? Yes, you are jeopardizing your relationships, reputation, and freedom, but you are also putting your life at risk. Does that mean anything to you? I ask, because although losing things hurts, it will not be enough to stop your bad behavior if the hurt inside you is so painful that you still are willing to do anything to numb yourself from it. There is counseling and help available to those that seek it, but you have to really want to take control of your own life and own up to not only your mistakes, but the underlying reason that you are acting out.

That is a great thing! They probably think you are not only cute, but quite a catch!

You can seek counsel or professional psychological help for whatever you want to basically. If you have an anxiety, are unsure of yourself or your life, need to address some issues but don't know how etc...These days, people are less afraid and more enlightened about getting help when they need it. Everyone, and I mean everyone can use some help once in a while and an objective person with great training is someone you should seek if you want to get objective help from an educated professional.

Keep exploring and challenging ideas, but also be willing to learn from others. Focus takes great concentration and discipline, something you may be lacking. It could be that you are avoiding making a single decision out of a fear of failure, and you flood your mind with limitless possiblilities in order to continue to avoid making a realistic choice. The good news is that you are very young and need to experience life in order to narrow down your path a little, at least enough to discover what you love the most and seek it with all your effort. Continue writing, reading, thinking and feeling everything life has to offer. Just remember to be silent in your soul once in a while, so you can hear your inner voice. I have a feeling that deep inside you is a soul ready to break free, but you can't rush it. It is normal to be anxious about the future at your age, but you already are a part of the future, so enjoy today.

Only you can decide what to do with your body and only you know for certain how you feel. It is so easy to get carried away and compromise our values when given the circumstances. Really it does not matter if other people are or are not doing whatever, because that is their business, and this is yours. I think that wanting to wait is admirable and smart, given the number of unwanted pregnancies, abortions, and stds. It is natural and normal to want to be sexual with someone we have a romantic relationship with as we approach adulthood. I would suggest getting protection long before you think you might need it, just so it is on hand in an "emergency." Do what you feel comfortable with and don't do anything that you feel is too soon or will cause you to feel bad. There is nothing dirty about sex, but the Bible does talk about sex apart from marriage as an act that is out of God's will for your life. That is because God's will is that you share the most private and intimate part of yourself with someone who loves and is commited to you in marriage. If this is your belief, then know that it is not about making you feel slutty, but about wanting the best for you. Only you can determine what faith you hold and how you live out your faith. Church certainly does not make anyone more perfect or less of a sinner. No one has the right to judge anyone else as being sinful, because only God can do that. People make up their own laws and values. Think about your own laws and values and be true to them.

Just be sincere, but careful. Once you write and send it, that is it! You can't change your mind. So, be true to your heart, but be your own best friend and don't let yourself give everything away. You don't want to be humiliated later at Christmas dinner. All the things you gave as examples sound nice, except I would not be so dramatic about the never speaking again thing, just tell him you will look forward to seeing him sometime.

He is only random, because you have not talked and gotten to know him yet. We all start out as random strangers and it takes effort! Feeling scared is fine, but don't ever let a feeling rule over your life and keep you from what you need and want. How do you know what he will think of you given the opportunity. Don't let a chance go by without going for it. Even if this one does not work out, you will regret it more if you never tried!!!

Did you ask it in front of her? Maybe he did not want her hearing it or it getting back to her that he loves you more. Especially if there has been competition or fighting about her, he wanted to keep the peace. It still is hurtful that he did not automatically say you, but the love of a father for a daughter and the love he has for this adult woman is totally different and you really cannot compare them. Love is one word with a million meanings. He has romantic love for her and unconditional love for you. You probably give him grief from time to time and he still loves you no matter what, even if you piss him off. I guarentee that he will not put up with nearly as much crap from a girlfriend. People divorce all the time their lovers, but not their children! Children are loved forever!!! Tell your dad you know that the type of love is different and not really comparable, but you need to know that he loves you more than anyone and that he won't stop or love her more. Tell him that it hurt your feelings, because you really need to hear him say how much he loves you. Men aren't good with communicating their feelings, but I think he can come up with something better and more reassuring.

Concentrating on what we don't have will make us miserable, no matter if it is a boyfriend, money, whatever. If you want to feel better about yourself, start focusing on that which you already have. When you feel bad about yourself, it is not attractive. When you feel good about yourself, then you are more attractive. Looks only go so far, but a fun and positive person is the ultimate turn-on. How do you feel about yourself? Change what you don't like and love what you do. Decide to be your best self, and let others know that you are open for finding a guy, but not desperate! Guys are not attracted to Miss Sad and Desperate, they want Miss Happy and Fun. You don't have to fake it, just find something to feel good about and let it show. About being turned down 3 times...what do you think guys go through? They are always expected to do the asking out and they get rejected most of the time! If you get rejected six more times, then so what! The next one might be the one you have been waiting for! Don't give up! Ask your guy friends that you are NOT interested in if they know any guys that like you? One other thing, you can get more guys then you think. Think brave thoughts!

I am guessing you are a virgin which would explain the nervousness and perhaps be a sign you just need to wait until your emotions catch up with your physical readiness. Sex, especially for females is much more involved and a total mind, body and soul experience. The woman needs to be comfortable and not distracted by anxiety in order to fully relax and enjoy herself. Pressure, worry, inexperience, past trauma associated with sexual abuse, guilt, youth, anything really that affects a woman mentally or emotionally will also sneak up on her sexually. Part of this is inconvenient, but it is nature's way of protecting us from being too vulnerable or getting into trouble. While historically and according to evolution, the man's job was just to spread sperm, the woman's job was to have higher standards about who she sleeps with and when, because she would be the one bearing the child and taking on the most risk with sex. It is in our genes to be more cautious and thoughtful when it comes to sex. It is a very personal and private thing to be literally entered by another person, and the woman is much more sensitive to the total mind, body and soul experience of sex even if she is a virgin, because it is in her nature to be more aware. A guy is pretty much happy just to be getting any action and is always ready or thinks he is always ready (with rare exception). It is more common for a man to only afterwards think about the meaning or lack of meaning of the sexual experience. Women want to prevent regret by being 100% sure before sex, but men act first, think later. Make sense?

Guys like to keep a few things separate from their love life. The fact that you met his parents is great. Maybe he thinks one of his friends might make a move on you, or he just doesn't think you care to meet them. Guys don't attach meaning to things the may we do...we tend to want every single thing to have more importance then it often does. Don't sweat it, because it does not mean he does not like you enough. He probably wants to just hang with the guys sometimes and not mix his love life with the freedom he has with his guy friends to not be on his best behavior, ya know be gross and stuff like that he can't respectively do around you. Let him keep a little thing like that to himself, it will show him you respect his need to have friends more if you don't whine about needing to be involved in every aspect of his life.

Did she get mad and hang up or what? I don't have much to go on here, but telling someone that they don't sound enthusiastic is not usually a big deal, even if they have heard it before. Maybe she was having an off day or in a mood? Don't worry that you blew it, because you did not. You can tell her "Hey I hope I did not offend you the other night," or "I hope you did not think I meant it as rude," but don't make more of it then it is. Ask her out and plan on having fun!

We all make mistakes. Tell him you were carried away by your emotions. Guys pretty much are not going to want to delve into that drama and pretty much just want to accept it and not talk about it. Tell him you are sorry you freaked and it won't happen again. You miss him as a buddy and you hope that he will forgive you. Then now this is very important...Give him lots of space. Smile and be nice, but don't assume too much too fast...baby steps will win him back!

Updated***
Yes, I was purposely trying to get your attention and focus it back on yourself. This is really about you, not about bad-mouthing your mom. Sometimes we need a new perspective, and I am so blessed to have friends in my life that I trust to give me honest answers, too. We are all so in our own situations, that it can be overwhelming that we forget how much our perspective is limited. I am impressed with your open mind and good heart, and I know that you will be an incredible individual thinker who makes her own good life happen.


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I understand how stuck you feel and powerless. However, you are in no way even remotely responsible for making anyone else happy. You have been put in a position of defending your mother, and she may be a very good person. I am not judging her. She is not any more perfect than you or me, however, and no one except maybe those held in religious beliefs to be holy martyrs have "never done anything bad." It sounds like she has told you all about her injustices, despite her claim that she is totally happy, which seems a grave contradiction. Some people just like the attention they get from playing the victim, and are not responsible enough to take hold of their own decisions and life choices. You don't make her feel anything...she chooses to feel how she does based on how she chooses to perceive her world. She wants to make everything about her, like she is the only one with feelings, but what about your feelings. Does she ever show real concern for you and ask you how you feel? Don't be foolish and be manipulated with false guilt. Your parents marriage is their adult relationship and it is whatever both of them make it to be. She could leave if she wanted to. If she were really unselfish, then she would not play the martyr and ask her children to side with her or give her sympathy. She may not directly ask, but manipulation is best when subtle. Your culture, whatever that means is not you. You decide your own beliefs and what is the truth for you in your life. Search the truth out for yourself, and never let other people tell you to turn off your brain and follow them. You are not a sheep, you are a person that God made with a brain! He is not glorified by narrowmindedness, false modesty, people who play the victim or martyr for attention or people who lay their troubles on their kids. Sin is not defined in the Bible anywhere as seeking counseling or getting help.
-----------------------------------------------"In Western Christianity, sin is often viewed as a legal infraction or contract violation, and so salvation tends to be viewed in legal terms. In Eastern Christianity, sin is more often viewed in terms of its effects on relationships, both among people and between people and God. The Greek word in the New Testament that is translated in English as "sin" is hamartia, which literally means missing the target. Consequently, salvation is viewed more in terms of reconciliation and vastly improved relationships. These two perspectives are not necessarily mutually exclusive. 1 John 3:4 states: "Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law." (KJV) The law is the moral law of the ten commandments in Exodus 20:1-17."
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Pride is a sin according to scripture, and pride often prevents people from seeking professional help. Pride often is behind false martyrdom and Pride is what causes a mother to think and allow her children to think that her feelings are more important then her own. Do not fake anything for anyone! That is living a lie, and doesn't God despise lies? Isn't Satan called "the Father of all lies." Don't tell me "it would never ever in amillion years work" and then talk about God, because I know scripture says, "With God All Things Are Possible." Now start living your faith and stand up for yourself as a worthy child of God, a person who's feelings do matter to God, and should matter to your parents. You have a right to live with joy, it is not the will of God that you live a condemned life of guilt and shame because your mother chooses to be unhappy with her decisions and not do anything to accept the responsibility to change what is not working for her. There are many God-loving psychologists by the way, and Jesus in the Bible is often referred to as "Counselor." Jesus wanted people to be like him, so we are supposed to help one another, it is not a sin.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_martyrs

You need to remember that he is not your property, even though your friend should have talked to you first, and not been so immature about the "accidently" crap. Handle yourself with dignity and class. You don't get to decide who dates whom in any situation. I know it feels like a slap in the face, but they are not doing it to you. Feelings are subjective, and personal. I suggest that you find a date and go enjoy yourself, and not take it any more personally then you already have, because it will not serve you. Others will make decisions that serve them, so from now on think about what will bring joy to your life...anger never does.

It is extremely difficult, but I don't know if it is impossible. Sperm can live for a few days as they travel up to the egg, so if you had sex towards the end of your period and by chance ovulated eary in your cycle it could happen. The most common time to conceive is about 10-18 days after your period if you are regular.

Updated***
Good times are not something that comes like a gift. They are the small moments sometimes lodged inbetween the crevices of great hardship. If we are in a hurry or have our eyes closed to hope, we may step right over them. The best times of my life do not outnumber the many days of hardship, but the good times are more meaningful because I decide that they are. You are the judge of your own life and you decide what to bring to it or take away from it. Unfair and unjust things happen to all people, maybe it seems like it never stopped happening to you because you see a chain of events like rippling water from a thrown stone. I can't argue with that. It is pointless to assess the quantity or quality of what has been, or how you choose to judge how it affected you. The only moment any of us have is the one we exist in at that moment. How do we know any other moments are real or existed? The gift of memory serves to remind us of the impact of the most impressionable moments and the emotions we attach to those moments as we replay them for ourselves. If you were a man without long-term memory and did not harbor a grudge against the past, you may find yourself very hopeful, or we might find that you are still having a tendency to look for the worst in a present situation, because of the networking of your early brain as you were influenced in eary years only to trust the negative as consistent. Put aside your anger for a bit, and look at the facts. All your life you have created expectations and probably done some things to create the reality of the outcome of those expectations in a way to reinforce your beliefs. We all do it. Until we catch ourselves doing it and admit to doing it, we will not cease from this self-defeating pattern. Let's say a woman is the victim of a violent crime. She then may decide that based on this strong experience that men are evil. Any nice man she comes across she thinks is trying to trick her and deceive her. She only trusts men who are obviously less than nice as being honest and real. She ends up dating men she despises, but by doing so can keep believing what she thinks is going to keep her safe. Identifying men as evil helps her to protect herself from all the evil men, she says to herself, but she only allows the bad ones to be a part of her life, because good men just do not exist. She has chosen what reality to believe and attracts only that reality that she has chosen. We have all done it! Are you aware that you could be, too? What do you believe and why? Sometimes our beliefs are so strong that they dictate our choices beyond what is resonable and also how we evaluate our choices. When we open ourselves up to the possibility that our beliefs are not the ultimate reality, but just some that we have held onto for reasons that we thought served us at one time, and may no longer serve us. What do you want to make happen that will give you a chance to breathe in some hope and see that you have an important contribution to make in living your life. All of us are connected and we have the power to impact more lives than we know for the better or worse. Some of the happiest people in the world are not rich, beautiful, famous or intelligent. They are the ones who have discovered peace in the midst of storms and that giving themselves to helping someone else brings more joy than money can buy. Examine your truths, and then re-examine them. Which ones still work for you and which ones have not worked to bring you closer to your truest self. Are you trying to please others or have you discovered the secret happiness of loving and pleasing your best self, the person the universe created only you to be. I am interested in your thoughts.




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You are very brave for admitting this even to yourself. Every single person goes through tremendous darkness at one time or another in their life. In this darkness you feel alone and isolated and hopeless. You have no idea how far or close you are to anything getting better or a light around the corner. The perception is clouded and it is difficult to think anything will ever change. It seems permanent and stagnant. You feel powerless. See, I have been there. Lots of people have. You have heard the saying about it being darkest right before the dawn. Sometimes it is gradual and sometimes it is a matter of finding the lightswitch and click! The reason we turn to thoughts of ending our life, is the false belief that this is the only thing we can control or only end to frustration. It is very important that you talk to your physician about the depression. Our bodies are just chemical reactions, and negative thoughts actually change our chemistry and make it harder for our thoughts to turn hopeful again! Antidepressants could be a very good thing to jump start your life again. They will not make you loopy or fade you out. You will feel normal, good normal from the proper prescription. Couseling offers people a chance to work through the dark thoughts in a safe non-judgemental place, and helps to unfog your mind and unburden your emotions. This will give you the power to claim back control of your life and make the best decisions for a happy future. Don't give up on yourself. Life has not given up on you, you just need to engage yourself and let yourself be human. We don't need supermen and superwomen, we need real humans helping other real humans in this world. There is beauty in being able to give to others, but first you need to be humble enough to ask for help yourself. I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts out to you and prayers to the universe on your behalf. Make an appointment with a doctor and a counselor this week and let me know when you do it. I am not going to let you off the hook. Smile.

We can become desensitized to things like porn, violence etc..when we are exposed to them consistently over time. This is a coping mechanism and defense our human mind and psyche has developed for survival. Your mood or feeling "weird" is possibly just your mind re-thinking some of the things you have been desensitized to, and questioning if you should be so callous about. When you talk about shielding yourself, it makes sense. People process things sometimes with great speed, and then find that other things cannot fit in to our fast schedule or be put into neat little boxes. We may quickly categorize something and find that later we are not comfortable with the former definition. The mind is constantly re-evaluating because we are always learning and adding information. Let yourself be open to your feelings and don't try to ignore or hide from them. When we deny something it will find a way to pop up in our life anyway. Phases are normal and thoughts out of the blue are your minds way of saying hey look at this thing again, there is something more to this than originally established. Porn for example is fantasy, and is unhealthy in any other context. Fantasy which is a distortion of reality bends the truth about something and ignores consequences and limitations which are a part of life naturally. It is unnatural and ultimately unhealthy to live in any fantasy, and a healthy mind will eventually call attention to this. Sometimes fantasy and denial allow people to live through very difficult and abusive situations, but after the person is released from such an emotional prison and safe to confront reality, they must go through an enormous shift in perception. What is good feels wrong and abnormal to them, because they were dependent on fantasy to comfort them from reality. Let yourself experience new information and listen to your inner voice. There is wisdom there.

See a counselor about your problem. Addiction of any kind that is controlling your life and preventing you from having a balanced and whole life is like a cancer. You can get too much of a good thing, like overeating it actually loses its pleasure, and does not increase it when you overindulge or cannot control the impulse. This is ruining your life. You cannot connect with people and lovers on any level. Sex is what you use to dull the pain and as an escape from reality. You are no different from an addict who uses drugs or alcohol or food to avoid confrontation, reality, challenges, emotions and growth. There are others who share your problem and support groups that will help you take control of your life. You need to get professional help immediately and start enjoying life...all of life. Sex will become more pleasurable and fulfilling for you when it is not the whole focus of your being. You may also need to talk to your Physician about taking an anti-depressant which will help you to have the courage to face your addiction in counseling and take the edge off of your sexual impulsiveness. I wish you the best!

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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