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guilt?
16-f. ive been with my bf for 3-4ish months and were both really comfortable with each other. last nite for the first time i gave him a handjob and he fingered me. thats the farthest either of us have gone, both with each other and just in general. i feel a little guilty about it. i dont REGRET it, because, yeah we were both a little nervous, i dont know what his reason was, but mine was i just didnt kno how to do what i was doin lol, but also bc it feels like such a sin. i mean my familys not all church-every-sunday-pray-before-every-meal kinda stuff, but we do have a sense of faith.. and believe you should wait till youre a little older and with someone you truly love before havin sex or anything. my bf and i have both talked about this stuff, and i told him i wouldnt have sex till we were together for AT LEAST a year if not longer, and hes totally cool with that and all, and it was a mutual decision that this is the farthest we go for awhile. but i just have this idea in my head that im like going against God because we did that, and its weird. if it wasnt for that idea that like my family would be ashamed of me or that im betrayin my faith [i mean i sin ive lied and i cuss and stuff] but this is bigger ya kno. i dont regret it and im comfortable with him and i feel like we were ready to go a little further so thats not the issue.. but i dont know what to think i mean i almost feel slutty doin that but when i think of other people doin it, it doesnt seem like a big deal to me. i guess im mostly worried about what my family would think/say if they knew.. ahh help? lol
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either do it or don't..quit worrying so much. be comfortable with who you are and the decisions you make..maybe i came of age too early..but i think you're acting juvenile. own up to what you do..don't feel guilty
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although he is your boyfriend, you should never go on with something you feel uncomfortable with. i'm glad you two talked about you wanting to wait for sex, and it's awesome that he respects that. morals are very personal, but your family still affects what you believe. God doesn't judge you for each individual sin.. basically all sins are considered equal. cussing is no better than giving a handjob, each sin is considered equal in God's eyes. i'm definitely not trying to lecture you, you shouldn't feel guilty. the only reason you feel bad is because you went against something you believe in, and you're comparing it to other people's actions. your family would probably be a little bit dissapointed, but whose family wouldn't be?? their 'little girl' is growing up and that hurts. if you still feel guilty, try repenting and just remember that sins are not measured by "badness". you don't regret doing it.. but i personally don't think you're ready to do it again if you feel slutty about it. talk to your boyfriend again about how he feels, then come to a decision so that when you are in the mood, you both know your limits and when and where to stop at. any other questions, just ask me!
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I think that if you've been dating for three or four months, you shouldn't be worried at all about being a slut, especially if you like him. I know people feel guilty when they do things they when they are unsure about liking the person they are with, but you seem to like him, and you've been dating for a long time, so It's ok, in that sense.
But as for your parents. My parents wouldn't even be ok with me making out with a girl, I mean, it's a parents job to be protective. As for religion, I won't get into that, because everyone has different views. But you shouldn't feel bad for taking a step with your boyfriend, especially if you both wanted it. You're parents are supposed to be worried, but honestly, if they are normal parents, they would be cool with it. I mean, my parents are freaks, but they know what I've done, and they except it, as long as I'm safe. Religion is a different factor that you have to find for yourself. Anyone can tell you its "ok" and "god will be fine with it" but you actually have to ask yourself if you are ok with it, and I don't really do that whole -religion- thing, but you have to ask yourself if god would be ok with it too, if that is what you're looking for.
Don't sweat it though, everything is ok, and its perfectly fine to be nervous.
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Only you can decide what to do with your body and only you know for certain how you feel. It is so easy to get carried away and compromise our values when given the circumstances. Really it does not matter if other people are or are not doing whatever, because that is their business, and this is yours. I think that wanting to wait is admirable and smart, given the number of unwanted pregnancies, abortions, and stds. It is natural and normal to want to be sexual with someone we have a romantic relationship with as we approach adulthood. I would suggest getting protection long before you think you might need it, just so it is on hand in an "emergency." Do what you feel comfortable with and don't do anything that you feel is too soon or will cause you to feel bad. There is nothing dirty about sex, but the Bible does talk about sex apart from marriage as an act that is out of God's will for your life. That is because God's will is that you share the most private and intimate part of yourself with someone who loves and is commited to you in marriage. If this is your belief, then know that it is not about making you feel slutty, but about wanting the best for you. Only you can determine what faith you hold and how you live out your faith. Church certainly does not make anyone more perfect or less of a sinner. No one has the right to judge anyone else as being sinful, because only God can do that. People make up their own laws and values. Think about your own laws and values and be true to them.
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Don't worry I think its fine what you did I mean your 16. I know girls who have gone ALL the way and they're only 13. I think it's normal to feel like that. It shows that you have self respect and good morals. As for you and your boyfriend I mean time will tell. But its very smart to set some ground rules that way he knows what he's getting into and can't say your a tease or anything. You should realize that you were are a very brave and strong person admit what you did and decide what's your best next move. Keep in mind, 1. he's your boyfriend, 2. it's been 3-4 months, and 3. It's not like it was some ramdom guy at a drunk party. Hope I helped:)
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