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View of Life
dunno how to put this but I have a very obscurd view of life, it causes everyone to distance themselves from me and my own family questions my "logic"
I dont want to do anything really, My goals in life are to A: Live forever, B: Go to space by mid 20-30s C:Be able to die and then come back
other then that i practicly phase out everything. I doubt this advice column will truly work but if any one has any input im willing to listen. I would like to help myself ^_^
I cant justify going to college and gettni a job that i enjoy doing, like becoming a docter, or computer programmer, or anything. i just dont find those as fullfilling. to me anyone that takes a unfullfillin job like that is either
-extremly good at telling themselves they have a fulfiillin life
-an adept religous advocate or believer
-not capable of tryin to understand the world and themselves, or ignorant
-they feel fulfilled in doing a job like that, possibly it was a life dream
to me nothing like that wil make it happy, and im prety sure that because i have that attitude i kind of do it to myself, but not completly. i have spent years debating religous beliefs and what makes a person fulfilled and etc. i would feel no accomplishment in becoming anything but the few things i listed previously.
this is a fraction of what i really concieve and believe. i have 1.5 years left of high school, poor and slipping grades gettin more lonely day by day, i dont really want to go to college even though it might get me a job and interesting social excitement i would much rather do somthing fulfillin. another alternative i have thought about is the US Air Force, in the R&D field, this would allow me to be at labs and facilites here it may be possible at least to persue my dreams, live forever and go to space. nothing satisfies, i kind of feel like Holden Caulfied for those of you who ahve read Catcher In The Rye
i would never consider suicide so dont worry if you were, it's just how could i live with myself knowing that if i took a job i think was unfullfillin i would be living a life of lies and inner depression because i was truly unhappy. one problem i can see is that i cant cope with the reality that, what i cant do is actually life itself what i and everyone else is destined to become. just personally i have a problem couping with it, maybe i overthink it to much.
i have started to write a book and it fits my charecter that i cant even do it, i always get sidetracked and i can only do things when i really want to. when i do, i do amazing jobs, if i was to go to space or live forever i would be so for it that i would maybe for the first time put 100% effort into somthing, this book i dunno if i will ever finish due to the fact that i rethink and change my world views almost everynight and it jepordizes the actual ideas i wanted to portray in the book.
comments, suggestions? maybe some direction ? I would like to go to a good college that i know can point me in the direction to my goal, for example MIT, CalTech or any other top level school wher ei can dedicate my life to my dreams. the harsh reality is taht my grades will not even permit me into the state schools without serious work.
one option is community college and then eventually transfer into a better college, but it will be extremly difficult staying at home for another two years, and i really dont want to go to community college for any amount of years, it will be detramental to the social aspects of colege (if i do end up going)
so my only way to get what i really want are ways i barely have a chance of succes
in the air force .01% get into the R&D field
and there is a 31% chance of acceptance into a four year college for a first term after taking 2 years at my local (which is top 10 ) community college
alrite i have to go, any comments would be great. not sure what i wanna do, i have that book maybe hehe. any1 who shares this ideaology lemme know thx!
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Keep exploring and challenging ideas, but also be willing to learn from others. Focus takes great concentration and discipline, something you may be lacking. It could be that you are avoiding making a single decision out of a fear of failure, and you flood your mind with limitless possiblilities in order to continue to avoid making a realistic choice. The good news is that you are very young and need to experience life in order to narrow down your path a little, at least enough to discover what you love the most and seek it with all your effort. Continue writing, reading, thinking and feeling everything life has to offer. Just remember to be silent in your soul once in a while, so you can hear your inner voice. I have a feeling that deep inside you is a soul ready to break free, but you can't rush it. It is normal to be anxious about the future at your age, but you already are a part of the future, so enjoy today.
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yeah after reading this i realized you're a lot like me...I think you think too high of your self (arrogant) and i'm not saying your ideas are stupid but i think that the only reason you're doing so poorly on things is because you're a perfectionist and don't want to admit it. You make up a huge story or excuse on why you can't do something or why you're not going to simply because deep down you don't think you can do it; or if you can do it it won't be "perfect". I think the reason you're questioning the world so much is because you're depressed and you feel stuck....you may have thought of suicide but are afraid...but guess what..I was like that for a long time until i actually attempted suicide and then ended up in a psych ward. I'm out now and realized I was afraid to make mistakes and would call things stupid or would judge people simply because I was jealous or never thought I would capable of doing what a lot of people my age had accomplished...you and I are not so different...and I know you will think everything I just said is a waste of your precious time and will ignore it completely.
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