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wow, im such a bad daughter =[
help me please! i want to kill myself, i have a severe depression, and im messing up my moms life because of it.
my mom is the type of persn who's never really been happy, i mean she thanks God for everything everyday, she claims she's totally happy, and I'm sure she's satisfied..but come on! this woman has struggled her whole life to get where she is, studying, helping out her parents and sibling..and never done anything bad. Then we she finally gets her dream, good work and a husband. her husband uses her as a verbal punchbag and makes her cry, and her workmates ae rasists. Not only that, her biggest wish is for me to be happy.. but im so selfish that all i want is sympathy.. that im making her feel like's she'sa failed and she's a bad mother, i hate my life, so i skip school (havn't been for about 3 weeks) cry all the time, and never smile.. and it's killing her i know it is!! but i dont know what to do, i cant be happy, i cant go bac. and dont suggest talking to someone or a pshyciatrist cause in our culture that's considered not trusting in God, and it is a sin.. and it would never ever in a million years work.
so what do i do? im afraid if i start faking my happiness to make her hapyy, i'll become even more depressed, cause i'll enver er able to let my feelings out.
PLEASE HELP ME.
i can't stop crying.
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Updated***
Yes, I was purposely trying to get your attention and focus it back on yourself. This is really about you, not about bad-mouthing your mom. Sometimes we need a new perspective, and I am so blessed to have friends in my life that I trust to give me honest answers, too. We are all so in our own situations, that it can be overwhelming that we forget how much our perspective is limited. I am impressed with your open mind and good heart, and I know that you will be an incredible individual thinker who makes her own good life happen.
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I understand how stuck you feel and powerless. However, you are in no way even remotely responsible for making anyone else happy. You have been put in a position of defending your mother, and she may be a very good person. I am not judging her. She is not any more perfect than you or me, however, and no one except maybe those held in religious beliefs to be holy martyrs have "never done anything bad." It sounds like she has told you all about her injustices, despite her claim that she is totally happy, which seems a grave contradiction. Some people just like the attention they get from playing the victim, and are not responsible enough to take hold of their own decisions and life choices. You don't make her feel anything...she chooses to feel how she does based on how she chooses to perceive her world. She wants to make everything about her, like she is the only one with feelings, but what about your feelings. Does she ever show real concern for you and ask you how you feel? Don't be foolish and be manipulated with false guilt. Your parents marriage is their adult relationship and it is whatever both of them make it to be. She could leave if she wanted to. If she were really unselfish, then she would not play the martyr and ask her children to side with her or give her sympathy. She may not directly ask, but manipulation is best when subtle. Your culture, whatever that means is not you. You decide your own beliefs and what is the truth for you in your life. Search the truth out for yourself, and never let other people tell you to turn off your brain and follow them. You are not a sheep, you are a person that God made with a brain! He is not glorified by narrowmindedness, false modesty, people who play the victim or martyr for attention or people who lay their troubles on their kids. Sin is not defined in the Bible anywhere as seeking counseling or getting help.
-----------------------------------------------"In Western Christianity, sin is often viewed as a legal infraction or contract violation, and so salvation tends to be viewed in legal terms. In Eastern Christianity, sin is more often viewed in terms of its effects on relationships, both among people and between people and God. The Greek word in the New Testament that is translated in English as "sin" is hamartia, which literally means missing the target. Consequently, salvation is viewed more in terms of reconciliation and vastly improved relationships. These two perspectives are not necessarily mutually exclusive. 1 John 3:4 states: "Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law." (KJV) The law is the moral law of the ten commandments in Exodus 20:1-17."
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Pride is a sin according to scripture, and pride often prevents people from seeking professional help. Pride often is behind false martyrdom and Pride is what causes a mother to think and allow her children to think that her feelings are more important then her own. Do not fake anything for anyone! That is living a lie, and doesn't God despise lies? Isn't Satan called "the Father of all lies." Don't tell me "it would never ever in amillion years work" and then talk about God, because I know scripture says, "With God All Things Are Possible." Now start living your faith and stand up for yourself as a worthy child of God, a person who's feelings do matter to God, and should matter to your parents. You have a right to live with joy, it is not the will of God that you live a condemned life of guilt and shame because your mother chooses to be unhappy with her decisions and not do anything to accept the responsibility to change what is not working for her. There are many God-loving psychologists by the way, and Jesus in the Bible is often referred to as "Counselor." Jesus wanted people to be like him, so we are supposed to help one another, it is not a sin.
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You're not likely to be able to improve your mother's life. She seems to have chosen her path, and in some way she seems to think that she can be happy in an abusive relationship and with a bad career. Maybe someday you can help her realize that no human being deserves to be treated without respect, but first you need to get your own life together.
It is not selfish of you to want sympathy. Everyone needs that. Your mother may not have it to give because she's in such a train wreck herself, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve it.
I don't know what exactly your religious beliefs are, but it seems strange to me that consulting the advice and opinions of your fellow human beings would be a sign of distrust in God. If you break your leg, would it be a sign of distrust for you to go to a doctor and have it set? Why should emotional difficulties be treated differently than physical ones? For that matter, what's the difference between going to a psychologist and posting questions on an adivce board, except that the psychologist has actually studied human emotion and might have better advice? But in one sense you're right - as long as you're convinced that it would never help in a million years, it probably won't.
(Incidentally, it used to be considered a sign of distrust in God to put lightning rods on buildings. The result was that a lot of churches burned down following lightning strikes - the steeple, after all, was generally the tallest thing around, and got hit by lightning a lot. It is possible to trust in God and use common sense at the same time, and right now your common sense should be telling you that you don't have to solve all your problems alone.)
Presumably, it would not be a violation of God's trust for you to talk to your minister or priest, so you might consider trying that. The confidence of the confessional is absolute, so you need not worry about your words being heard by others.
A bit of harsh truth: your mother has compromised her ideas of happiness. She wanted a career and a husband, but apparently she settled for a hostile work environment and a husband who doesn't love her. That is why she is unhappy; IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't carry her burden as well as your own. She made her choices, and it's not up to you to make her happy; it's up to her to do that.
The best you can do is to not repeat her mistakes. When you decide what will make you happy, don't stop trying for it until you really achieve it. If you settle for something less, you will be miserable forever.
And get some help from someone. You don't need to do this alone.
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If your mom claims to be happy she probably is. You really don't do to much "thinking" your happy when you are...you just, well, are happy!
Evidently your mother is happy because she prays. She doesn't worry about things she is just thankful for what she has.
Since that is your culture, why not try it. It works for your mom, right? Can't hurt to give it a try.
Teens go through all kinds of things that can cause them to be depressed. You are going through a lot of changes in a very short period of time. So a lot of that depression is normal. I do think you need to attend school though. Not everyone there can be bad and having a social life with your peers is helpful in fighting that depression as well.
Don't fake being happy. Just make an effort to be happy. Find a way. :)
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