|
Major trouble, kinda confusing..
Ok, whenever me and my boyfriend try to have sex.. I panic. I have panic attacks, where I just suddenly get nervous and scared and just want to cry. And that's how it ALWAYS ends up when we're trying to have sex. I'm really into it and everything, and I want to.. he never forces me or pressures me to have sex with him, so it's not like I don't want to do it. I'm ok while we're making out, but then more physical stuff comes, and I'll be ok for a few minutes, but then I get scared, like somethings wrong, and I get nervous, and I end up crying. My boyfriend has no problem with this, I mean he worries about me, but he doesn't care to stop, or have no sex at all.. When we first started being sexually active, I was fine.. but here lately this started happening. I just don't understand that if I want to have sex and I'm into it, I'm in the mood and everything.. that I get nervous and panic, and end up crying?? I thought that maybe I'm really not ready, and should wait a while. I really don't know what to do..
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
well ur in a tight stop arent you. well if you guys have had sex before, then if you try to do it again, then just talk to yourself, and try to calm yourself down. its not something to get yourself worked up about. mabye inside you feel that you are ready for sex, but mabye you really arent ready mentally. and mabye you guys are just moving too fast. i dont know how sex is exactly because im a virgin-by choice, i was raped so i do kinda know-but i do want to have sex with a guy but we can never do it cause something always gets in the way. i know i want to do it, mentally and physically, but i do kinda freeze up a little sometimes, but i can talk myself out of it. so try talking yourself till your calm or have your boyfreind talk to you and go slowly. you should soon, get over the bump, and get on the hump! jk i hope i helped.
]
I am guessing you are a virgin which would explain the nervousness and perhaps be a sign you just need to wait until your emotions catch up with your physical readiness. Sex, especially for females is much more involved and a total mind, body and soul experience. The woman needs to be comfortable and not distracted by anxiety in order to fully relax and enjoy herself. Pressure, worry, inexperience, past trauma associated with sexual abuse, guilt, youth, anything really that affects a woman mentally or emotionally will also sneak up on her sexually. Part of this is inconvenient, but it is nature's way of protecting us from being too vulnerable or getting into trouble. While historically and according to evolution, the man's job was just to spread sperm, the woman's job was to have higher standards about who she sleeps with and when, because she would be the one bearing the child and taking on the most risk with sex. It is in our genes to be more cautious and thoughtful when it comes to sex. It is a very personal and private thing to be literally entered by another person, and the woman is much more sensitive to the total mind, body and soul experience of sex even if she is a virgin, because it is in her nature to be more aware. A guy is pretty much happy just to be getting any action and is always ready or thinks he is always ready (with rare exception). It is more common for a man to only afterwards think about the meaning or lack of meaning of the sexual experience. Women want to prevent regret by being 100% sure before sex, but men act first, think later. Make sense?
]
Arousal is strangely similar to panic and you aren’t alone at all in having this problem. A lot of the same things happen to your body, you get warm, your breathing changes and your adrenaline pumps up. You are just used to panicking in that situation, not enjoying the sensations.
If you aren't already being treated for your panic attacks, either through therapy or with medications, certainly see a doctor. Panic attacks don't have to be just the way life is, there is plenty of room to improve and defuse them.
Other then that, explore some other positions for sex. The first thing that comes to mind is with you on top, where you have more control and can stop before the panic swells up to much, pause and continue as you can. If you can avoid it, don’t actually stop having sex when you start to get nervous, just slow down a lot, until you feel a bit calmer.
Really, I bet you just need to re-train yourself. You know intellectually you don't need to panic, it is probably more force of habit then an actual attack. Try to break the habit.
Good Luck.
]
More Questions: |