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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am 29 yrs old with a family of my own. My mom, step dad, 20 yr old brother and 19 yr old sister live together. My mom is with my step dad while he's in the hospital. So sis has been cooking, cleaning and going to college everyday. I think its crazy but she has to tell my brother repeatedly to eat, take a shower,and get ready things like that or mom will fuss at her when she comes home. Cause he is so lazy he forgets to do these things. My little sister texted me yesterday stating my brother slapped her across the face and told her to shut her mouth. Even though mom was there. Mom didn't pay any attention. i don't know what she might have said to him but its not right. He calls her bad names especially when moms gone. She told me of one time where he got mad at mom and choked her. he has pulled the phone cord out of the wall so much to keep them from calling the police the phone cracks now. He sneakingly takes my sisters cell phone away from her before he slaps her. So she wont call the cops. He don't have his license. he is so spoiled and lazy.He don't have to do anything but play computer games all day and do some school work. he's even trying to get an extension on his college classes. Hes prob not capable of living on his own. I confronted mom about him in the past and she got mad at me to the point we didn't talk for at least a week. I have thought about telling my sister next time he does anything like that especially choking or things like. for her to call me and I will contact the police. with my step-dad being in the hospital.I don't want to cause trouble. But he will wind up hurting somebody bad. Also, my step dad before he was in the hospital he turned a blind to it all. What do you guys think i should do? Thanks Bunches
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and the following is my view and suggestion(s).
Every state has some type of domestic violence laws. A liberal definition of domestic violence is anyone who cohabit-ates with another and harms that other person; it has nothing to do with family or a marriage relationship.
Now every state have different views on how the police can respond and action they can take on a domestic violence call. In many states if the police can see evidence of the violence they will arrest the person with the least amount of harm. In other states, if the police do not actually see the violence in progress, all the police can do is separate the parties and suggest to the person that is harmed the most that they go to district court and file charges. Once the charges are filed and accepted by the Court or District Attorney then an Arrest Warrant is issued.
Your mother and sister are suffering battered women syndrome. If you or someone else doesn't step in they may be seriously hurt by your brother, as he is abusive and out of control. While the evidence, that being the marks on your sisters body, are still somewhat fresh you can do any of the following.
You can call the police and ask them to meet you at your Aunt's house. If you live in a state where the police can take action based on evidence then you will not have to file charges, the police will.
You can also take your sister to a hospital emergency room for treatment of her injuries and to make sure that no other harm other than just bruising has occurred. In most states if a doctor suspect that your sister is suffering from some type of domestic violence they are required to report this to the police. This way takes you are out the picture and makes the doctor the heavy.
You can also go to the police yourself. You can explain to them what is happening and that your brother is abusing you mother and sister. I am not sure just what action the police can take based on your telling. They most certainly can go have a talk with your brother and inform him of what will happen should they receive a domestic violence call involving him. What I am sure of is this will just anger him more.
You may be instructed to go to the court and take out a peace bond on him which would force him out of the house and to stay a certain distance from your mom and sister. This is always an option you can take. Of course if he doesn't move out he is in violation of the peace bond and subject to arrest.
There is one other option available that I have serious reservation you brother will do voluntarily; which is to attend anger management classes and psychological counseling. This option is generally something imposed by the courts as an alternative to jail. You have nothing to loose by approaching your brother with this option and saying; it is anger management and counseling or your options will be to chose one of the other choices available to you.
You are in a no win situation but you are also in a fight that needs to be fought for the sake of you mom and sister. I wish I could tell you which is the best direction to follow; unfortunately I can't. The choice is one you will have to make based on what you feel will have the outcome you believe will be best for your mom and sister.
Good look and I and the others are here should you need any other support.
Okay... I am doing this for the very first time but nevertheless probably my last try at self help..this is 26 female.
I am the edge of insanity.. i am in a very troubled relationship.. married for 5 years now.. My husband doesn't earns a penny, doesn't allows me to go and fetch for myself, hes got a loan of 500000$, no child. hes constantly fighting, he rendered me homeless on 3 counts, but then took me back. right now m homeless again, living in motels of the money loaned from friends. I'm planning to divorce him, but he wont let me go. I have given him enough chances. but i am not sure what i should do next. suicide seems the most appropriate. PLZ help. ANYONE!
Suicide is never the answer.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your father and almost old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom of my age will show you the right path to follow.
The first thing we need to do is to get you to a safe place. Check and see if there is a House of Ruth in your area. The House of Ruth helps battered and abused women. You are an abused women, maybe not physically but definitely you have suffered from mental anguish and abuse from your husband. If there is a House of Ruth in your area contact them and ask for help.
IF there is no House of Ruth in your area I would like you to contact an organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape,Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 national hotline; 1 800-656-HOPE. Through RAINN you will be put in touch with professional in your area that can help you get out from under your husbands abuse.
With the Help of the House of Ruth or RAINN you need to do the following:
Contact a good divorce lawyer. If you did not participate in getting the $5K loan then he most likely forged or had someone stand in for you. Banks do not give out $5K loans to the unemployed. If your husband did perpetrate a fraud in obtaining a loan the lawyer will see to it you are not responsible for any repayment.
Get help for the mental abuse you have suffered. You are feeling suicidal because you are depressed from the abuse you have suffered. Suicide is not the answer. Getting the help you need to get out from under the abuse is and then getting help in understanding this is not your fault, is the answer. Talk therapy and possibly medication for a short period of time will help you get your life back on track.
If you feel you are in jeopardy, that your husband could do you physical harm if he were to find you then contact the police.
Most important and if you are feeling suicidal at this time or anytime in the future; either pick up the phone and call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Do not worry about the cost or if you have insurance coverage. You will be treated regardless of whether you can pay.
If for some reason you cannot get to the hospital or can't get to a phone go to the nearest fire station. Fire stations are safe havens for children and abused women.
I have been offered a position, (high pay) high stress. I am not to sure if I want it or can manage it. (economic delvelopment) A shit load of work on numerious projects, That I have done before, but now i'm 55 with health conditions. the pay is over 200k but the stress is outa this world. What to do? oh canadian.....
There is an old adage about Money not buying Happiness. The adage is very true; you can have all the money you need or want and be the unhappiest person on earth. Conversely you can be the happiest person on earth and live paycheck to paycheck.
The point I am trying to make here is what do you want out of life. Do you want happiness or do you want money rarely can yoou have both. In your case you also need to factor in how the stress of this job will effect your medical condition, which will effect your happiness and or your future earnings ability.
By default I have had to choose happiness. I had a career ending auto accident. I have found I am much happier and able to live on much less without the stress of my high paying career.
For me it took an auto accident that could have killed me to force a decision on me. You have the luxury of making an informed decision. Whatever you choose will be the right decision for you; just make sure you look at all the factors and not just the money.
is being bulimic bad?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I chosen to answer your question not because I disagree with the others who have answered, I don't. They are 100% correct in what they have said to you. I am hoping that if their advice has not caused you to seek help that my grandfatherly advice will.
Bulimia is an eating disorder which stems from a low self-image, which is a form of depression. Most bulimics binge and purge which cause a host of physical problems that start with an imbalance within the bodies electrolytes. This can and will cause different organs in the body to shut down and eventually cause a heart attack and the person dies. It is a very, very painful and needles way to die.
For whatever the reason for low self-image that reason is wrong. As a society, mostly caused by Hollywood, we tend to judge people on the exterior image. This is wrong, very wrong. The true person is the person that lies just below the skin. This is the person that has thoughts, opinions and feelings. This is the person that can love and nurture. The so called beautiful people are so hung up on their outer-self that when you look below the skin surface, there is nothing there.
Now don't get me wrong there is a need to be healthy and part of being healthy is being of the proper weight. There is a right way and a wrong way to go about getting to and keeping to the proper weight for your age and frame. Bulimia is the wrong way. Diet and exercise is the right way.
Now if you are bulimic, this being that you always binge and purge or only do so on occasions. Then the first thing you need to do is understand that his is going to hurt you and most importantly you are going to need help in getting over this eating disorder.
Help starts with telling your parents, it does not matter how old you are, and if you are married your spouse. Next you make an appointment with your family doctor. Your doctor is going to want to do a full work up on you, possibly putting you in the hospital to do so. Don't fight this as it is in your best interest. The doctor has to find out what harm you may have already done to yourself and the hospital is the best place to do so in the fastest manner as it is one stop shopping for the tests that may be ordered.
Also the hospital can start working with you on the eating order itself. As I said Bulimia is usually based in low self-image which is based in depression. Hospitals have the doctors and staff available to begin treating you while taking care of any medical problems your bulimia may have already cause.
The biggest hurdle to cross is admitting you have a problem and asking for help. Once you have done that... the rest is easier
hi. so currently my English grade is a 64, which is failing. at my school a 69 and below is an F. our school handed out progress reports last week meaning the 3rd quarter is half way over. I got a 46 on an English test which brought my grade down from a 90 something to a 64. our grades in this class are weighted and tests, essays, and projects are 60% of my grade. this test is the only one I've had and I didn't have any essays or projects yet. the other 40% is quizzes and homework which is 20% each of my grade. I'm really stressed now and I'm wondering if I take another test or two and do well on them (85% or better) how much will that help my grade? will I be able to bring my average up to at least an 85 in I think 3 school weeks?
I spoke to my sons girlfriend who is a teacher in a local middle school (grades 5 to 8)about your teacher. It was her opinion that one grade of 46 while having a great affect on your overall average should not have taken you down that far.
Something else is in play here. She also said the weighting tests at 60% of grade is way higher than average and much higher than her administration allows teachers in her school to use as a percentage of grade. If nothing else is in play here that would bring your grade down then you and your parents need to talk with the principal.
For some reason I feel there is more to this than you have told us. If I'm wrong then get your parents involved. If I'm right, then get some extra credit work such as a project or essay to offset the bad grade.
Judging from your feed back grades you want something that can't be. You received two excellent answers. The problem you was and is your question does not have an answer. Only you can solve the equation you provided. Instead of looking for a guarantee. Get to work and do something that will bring up you grade. In other words get off your ass and get to work.
What ifs are the hardest questions to answer. In your question the hard part comes to just how many test does your teacher plan to give between now and the end of the quarter. What you are asking of us is; can you bet on the come and win?
As I've told my son when asking these same question; you can always bet on the come, what you can't do is rely on the come to save the day. This is what your asking and again the variables are, how many tests will your teacher give between now and the semesters end and how well will you do.
My advice and what I feel is the better way to approach this problem is too: first approach your instructor and find out if there is extra credit work or a project you can do that will offset the poor grade you got on this one test. Then do the best you can on any future test this instructor hands out and you will improve your grade for this semester.
When you have a choice of two paths to follow always follow the path that offers you the greatest amount of control over the outcome. What you are asking, the what ifs, offers no control, it is truly a gamble. What I'm suggesting allows for the improvement of your overall grade therefore in part nullifying that poor grade leaving only the future test scores, which you can have some control over the outcome but not the number of test(s) the instructor may chose to administer before end of semester.
Of course you know your instructor better than I do and can factor in how many test to expect, which is information you did not supply. You only supplied an if factor and I can not compute an answer on a non-number. I therefore suggest the path I have offered which offers you the greatest control
19-f
okay so i have like redness on my vagina and it was never bad. i kinda noticed it getting more red recently. i want to say its like from a razor? because when i shaved a certain area yesterday, today it seems to be more red? im not really sure. ive had unprocted sex about a month or two ago so just once or twice. i don't think its an std because it was a while ago. Also, i don't think its an std because i went to the doctors about two weeks ago because i needed to be check on and i had a papsmere (sp?) and she said she was going to test it for any stds or what not. im thinking she would have noticed if i was getting a std or whatever but she took an example to test it and im thinking if i did she would have called already? right? well i have no idea if its from my razor or whatever!? im also getting a bikni line wax on friday, i don't want to freak the lady out! help!?
It could be razor burn or a skin reaction to any lotion or feminine deodorant you may be using. Have you started using any of these or changed brands recently. If so stop using them or go back to your original brand(s). You should also try using a new razor blade each time you shave there.
I would also suggest you put off the bikini wax. It is not a good idea to introduce something new while you are trying to determine what is causing what may be a skin rash. If the rash does not clear up in the next 5 days I would suggest letting your doctor look at it. He or she may be able to offer you a cream to help clear the problem as well as determine just what the rash is and what may be the cause.
17/f
I don't know why I feel guilty towards my dad today. Today is his birthday and I yelled at him, because I bought him this blu-ray DVD he's been wanting to play in his blu-ray DVD player. When he got it, he told me he didn't want it anymore and to go return it. I was angry, so I just yelled. I know it was wrong of me, I felt guilty afterwards because he came into my room and gave me green grapes, which is what I said what I wanted for my birthday, which was 3 days after his. I gave him some of my red velvet cupcake. He's not angry anymore, but I still feel really guilty. Maybe also because when I'm 18 years old, my mom and him are divorcing because so none of them would have to pay for child support, but not just that. My dad wouldn't be receiving anymore government money to take care of me. The social security is going to start putting money in my bank directly, so my dad is leaving the house after my parents divorce. I feel terrible, literally. I don't know what to do.
Help??
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I believe you wrote to us and I answered you on the subject of your parents divorce. As to his birthday present.
First In my opinion your father was wrong to say he no longer wanted the DVD. If he had not said something how were you to know. He should have accepted the DVD in the spirit in which it was given and thanked you for your thoughtful gift. Since it was something he no longer wanted he could have returned it himself and selected something else.
As for you yelling at him: I think given the circumstances of the circumstances surrounding the soon to change family dynamics it is understandable that you would get upset at your dads less than grateful acceptance of your birthday gift from him.
The fact that dad did buy you and give to you the gift you were looking for; tells me he understands your feelings. Your dad is probably also feeling the same stressors you are about upcoming events and understands why you yelled.
While I do not think your father is expecting or wanting an apology from you, I think you will feel better if you were to apologize. You could say something to the effect; Dad I'm sorry I yelled at you I really shouldn't have and probably wouldn't have if it were not for what is about to happen to us.
I believe that should you say something to the effect of what I have written not only will you feel better but dad too will understand.
I'm going to add information her that I may have left out of my last answer to you; as you have provided information I do not remember seeing in your last letter to us.
Is it possible your parents are divorcing strictly for financial reasons and not because they have fallen out of love for each other.
Their are financial benefits to divorce that are not available to a married couple. Such as the direct deposit of aid to you from social security. There are also medical benefits to someone that may be sick or disabled that would not be available to a married couple.
Your parents may not have told you the real reason for their divorce if their sole purpose was or is to take advantages of government programs not available to married couples. My sister and her husband are looking into divorcing for just that reason as my brother in-law has contract MS. As a married couple they would have to go bankrupt before certain programs would kick in to help with his care when he would require full time nursing type care. As a single or divorced person that care would start as soon as it becomes necessary.
As I said this is just a thought I had based on the additional information I see in today's letter.
Me and my ex husband have been divorced close to a year. I share my home with my adult (26 years old) daughter. My youngest son, 9, lives with us.
Anyway, I'm moving forward with my life and I've began dating. Nothing serious, but I enjoy spending time with this man. I have him over for dinner sometimes. Unfortunately my daughter, for some reason does not like him and is rude to him when he visits. ( I don't know why she dislikes him.) This puts my boyfriend off and I've been seeing less of him lately. One time she went ballistic when he took me out for dinner. She dates and I don't say a word! I wonder why she's acting this way. The divorce isn't entirely my fault and my ex initiated it.
Anyway, she seems to think I should be alone the rest of my life while she does her own thing. I've told her time and again I had my own life to live. Frankly, I'm getting tired of her childish behavior. What should I do or say?
Thanks for all who will post.
I will be brutally frank in my advice. Let me first say I am some one most likely your age or a little older maybe old enough to be your father.
My advice is you sit your daughter down and explain the facts of life to her; I'm not talking about the birds and the bees here. This is your home and while she is your daughter, there is nothing that says you must allow her to live with you. You are allowing her to live with you because she is your daughter and you love her; but that love only goes so far.
She doesn't have to like your friends, be they male or female; she does have to give them the respect they deserve as your friends and be polite and courteous to them. If she cannot do so then it is in the best interest of both of you she find someplace else to live.
I will take this a step further. As a divorced women and since this is your home, you are also entitled to a sex life should you desire to have one. Should you want to have a man spend the night that is your prerogative; as I said it is your home. There is no quid pro quoe here for her as far as whether you will allow her to have a man spend the night in your home. Yes she is an adult and entitled to a sex life as well. It is up to you though if you will allow her to conduct her sex life in your home.
The operative words here is YOUR HOME. Technically she is a guest and should behave as such. If she cannot conduct herself as an adult and an give your friends the respect they are do, regardless of her feelings; then she needs to find some other place to live.
It is not to much to ask for civility in exchange for free room and board. This may sound a little harsh but at 26 years of age she needs to act her age.
Sorry if this is a 'TMI' question, but i need help! ok so yeserday I went to change my pad because im having my period. so i looked down at the pad and there was a huge chunk of crimson uterus lining in it, so i just threw it away but i have been wondering if this is abnormal at all because this has never happened to me before. . . i knowing i got my first period on friday the 13th in august of 2010 (yes i know. it wasnt too long ago) but something still tells me that this is kind of abnormal. . .any help would be greatly appreciated! thanx in advance! ^_^
Being a male I'm not sure how one would be able to tell if a part of the uterus lining came out of you.
Since I am old enough to be your parent or grandparent my advice to you is this: Anytime you think something is abnormal with your body function you have two people to turn for the CORRECT ADVICE. The first person to turn to for advice for women type problems would be your mother,as you should have in this instance. The Second Person to turn to for advice would be you family doctor or gynecologist. If what you are writing about had happened in school you could have gone to the school nurse as well.
It is not that we don't want to answer these type questions or that anyone on this site would purposely give you wrong information. We are not doctors an therefore not allowed to give medical advice. Even if we were in this instance I believe you would be advised to see a doctor for examination as we cannot examine you over the web and you need to be examined in this instance by a doctor to see if anything is wrong.
From what I remember from human anatomy and physiology I don't think there is anything wrong. This does not mean you should not talk to mom or see a doctor. You should do one or both.
Never be afraid to talk to mom about anything going on with your body, it is understandable you would not want to talk about your sex life when you start to have one. Anything else though you should be able to talk to mom openly about; remember she is built just like you are and is the best person to determine if something that is happening to you needs to be seen by a doctor.
Also if you are over 13 you can see the doctor without mom being in the exam room with you and the doctor is required by law to keep your medical confidentiality. Meaning the doctor needs your written permission to tell anyone what you are being sen and treated for. The law is called HIPPA.
ever felt like you couldn't turn to anyone? I think I'm suffering from depression but dont have the courage to speak out, I'm afraid of the stuff that comes with it... medications, being treated like a psycho and just the constant eyes wathcing your every move in case you take your life. I'm tempted just to end it all and let them all find out the hard way... What should I do? Please only give honest advice you would take yourself, not what you think I should hear or want to hear
First: let me tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. Second: I'll let you in on my secret; I suffer from depression. No one treats me as a psycho and the medication helps me deal with the depression. Third: Their are several different types of depression. The most common type is what I call Chemical depression as it deals with two chemicals in the brain that control depression. Most people who are depressed or suffer some type of depression, suffer from an insufficiency of one or both of these chemicals. Medication replaces these chemicals.
People who don't know better think your psycho because a psychiatrist is the treating doctor that you are crazy. A psychiatrist is the best doctor to treat depression because the chemicals, actually they are enzymes, are secreted in the brain making the psychiatrist the best doctor to treat you. You are not crazy far from it actually.
While doctors are not sure exactly why these enzymes do not secrete what is needed; they have found stress is a major contributing factor. Teenage depression is very common. When I was your age,even your parents, it was called a phase we were going through and we would grow out of it. Today we know better.
Lets face facts; today's teenager, especially girls are under a lot of stress. You have all the problems of puberty to deal with. Then there is the new social order at school, more is expected of you as now you are considered a young adult. There are higher expectations placed on you to get good grades so you can get in to a good college. To top it all of there is the trust issues all teenagers face.
If you are as I have assumed still a teenager I suggest you tell your parents what is bothering you you need to be screened for depression. Your family doctor can do that for you and give you a complete check up to rule out any other reason for how you feel. Your doctor can then refer you to a psychiatrist or prescribe for you.
You then need to seek out a therapist you are comfortable with for talk therapy. Talk therapy will help you identify the stressor(s) that are causing the depression. Once you know the cause you can work on the best way to handle them.
As I said relax. You're not crazy and the more people know about what is bothering you the less they will worry about you. If anyone asks, tell them you are somewhat like a diabetic in that your body is not producing enough of a chemical you need and you are taking medication to correct the imbalance. That's all any of your friends really need to know.
How do get bigger buttocks surgery? Can any doctor do it or do I have to go to a special doctor to make my butt bigger? How does it work?
A Plastic Surgeon is the Doctor you need to see.
Since you did not say your age I will add: that a good Plastic Surgeon will tell you to wait until you have finished growing and maturing. This has a lot to do with puberty. Puberty and the body changes that come with it do not end for some until their early twenties.
I know this is something you probably didn't want to hear. It is important for you to know this so you will understand why a good Plastic Surgeon will tell you to wait. Done to soon may cause you to have what amounts to an unneeded surgery to correct the first surgery if your body is still maturing and effects the results of the first surgery. These surgeries are expensive and many times the corrective surgery does not achieve the results you originally want but only repairs the damaged caused by not waiting.
My advice: See several Plastic Surgeons. Ask to see photo's of their work; they all have them. Make sure they are Board Certified Plastic Surgeons. This is very important. This means they have done a residency and or Fellowship in Plastics and Pasted State Testing in Plastic Surgery. If say two out of the three tell you to wait I would suggest waiting.
this site is typical right wing bunkum. people come to these sites for quick an relatively painless ways of committing suicide, not to be told "no, don't do it, u have so much to live for!!!!!!!!!!" Believe me, most of us have already thought through the alternatives, been to numerous councellors, tried antidepressants etc. these treatments just don't work for everyone. Just offer practical solutions for those who have made the moral right to choose to end their lives, or shut the hell up and stay off this forum!!!!!!!!!!!!
First: It is illegal for anyone, those of us on this Website included, to give the advise you are seeking.
Second: Many of us have been where you are now. Because of this site or sites like it we have been brought back from the edge of despair. While we answer a variety of questions, it is questions such as yours that we look for to answer in the hope that we can save someone else. It's called giving back.
Third: By writing to a forum such as this you make this our business. If you want us to mind our own business don't write to us for we will try to change your mind as I am about to do.
Counselling is a two way street. You get out of it what you put into it. Also you and your counselor have to mesh. You have to feel comfortable and safe with your counselor. You must know that anything you say to you counselor or any doctor is 100% confidential and cannot be released to any on, parent or spouse without your written permission. That' is the law and it is called HIPPA.
Just remember one thing; you wrote us. In so doing you gave us license to answer you as we feel appropriate.
Questions: Where you compliant with your medications? Meaning, did you take them every day as directed, or did you stop taking them when you felt better. You have to continue to take antidepressants until your doctor tells you it is okay to stop. Did you keep you medicine check appointments? Where you honest with your counselor or did you hide things and try to tell the therapist what they wanted to hear.?
My guess from what you wrote is you are the type of person who is non compliant. You know better than the doctors and therapists. If the therapy and antidepressants didn't work you have no one to blame but yourself.
So if you want to kill yourself it will be up to you as well. No one will tell you how to do it. It will be extremely painful and you will hurt everyone that loves or cares about you.
Now if you want to help yourself pick up the phone and dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You are a person in trouble who needs help.
I just went to the doctor about 3-4 days ago for my ADHD and he put me on 25mg of Strattera. I heard that it's non habit forming and probably a safe ADHD medication. I've been taking it for 3 days now, and haven't seen much improvement. It's very expensive , 200 dollars a month , for me since my insurance doesn't cover it. I'm willing to spend the money on it, but I was wondering how long it will take to work and if it will work at all. I was curious to know if anyone out there has used it before . I'm 18 years old and weigh about 140 pounds if that has anything to do with the dosage. Thank you so much!
Strattera is the type of medication that has to build up in your system to be totally effective. While I do not use this medication. I am on a medication that also had to build in my system to be totally effective.
As the medication builds you will feel some small changes. Depending on the medication it could take anywhere from 10 days to a month until the drug has built up enough to be fully effective. If your concerned you should or could check with your doctor or pharmacist.
As to the cost of the medication and the insurance company not covering it: There is an appeals process you can try with the managed prescription program you are probably with. Most likely there is a less expensive drug or generic drug they would prefer you to be on that is on their formulary. Work the appeals process as there must be a reason your doctor chose this medication over the others.
You can also appeal to the state Insurance Commissioner for help by filing a complaint. Most people do not realize they can file complaints for this with the commission. The managed prescription programs do not like it when the Insurance commissions get involved as most Insurance commissions will find for the insured over them.
While you are fighting with the Managed Drug company go online to the maker of Strattera. The offer a one month free trial of their drug and I'm sure if you look further than I did you will find that they offer help for those that can't afford the medication.
everytime we have sex he gets off and i dont the moment he is done there is no fooling around extra bit or anything. its he is done now i feel used and depressed because once again i dont feel satisfied. then it makes me not want to have sex at all. are there different tips we can try or something new we can do for both of us?
Hi I am probably old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom of my age will help with your problem.
Since you don't give your age bear with me while I make my point.
Sex is a beautiful thing to be shared by, hopefully two loving and consenting adults. Both partners need to consent to whatever form of sex act either wishes to try; be it the more acceptable forms or the more far out forms of sex, sex play and fetish. Nothing is truly weired as long as both participants consent and both understand no mean no and stop means stop.
The next thing about sex has more to do for the women's enjoyment than the mans. A man can get off just about anywhere. A women needs safety, security and comfort. Remove anyone of the three and the women is not going to get off and will feel used.
As a man I both resemble and hate what I am about to say; but unfortunately it is true. Every male thinks he is the worlds greatest lover. We are not. We have to be taught what are partners likes and dislikes are. That's one of the nice things about being young and starting with heavy petting, handjobs, fingering and oral sex. You get to learn about one another.
For most guys is a girl gives him a quick couple of jerks on his penis to make sure he is hard and then lets him enter her; he's happy. Unfortunately she is most likely not ready.
My advice is much like one of the other advisers. If you want to have a happy sex life: you have to tell and even show you partner what you like. If your more vaginal than clitoral. Then when he goes to stimulate your clit; tell him, no I prefer you to finger me. Tell him if you want him to pull on you nipples or gently bite on them.
My wife has a beautiful nose. When we first started having sex I would make love to her nose as I did to her ears, nipples and clit. She had to tell me she hatted having her nose played with and that she was more vaginal than clitoral. Once I found that out we had a better sex life.
Communication in your sex life is just as important as it is in every other thing in life.
I hope I have offered you some help.
15F
what is the best way to prevent scars when you cut yourself?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I'm answering your question in the hope that I can offer some advice that will help you seek the help you need to stop cutting yourself.
Your cutting of yourself is not really solving the real problem. If anything at all it is only momentarily relieving some other pain or painful situation you are experiencing. For whatever reason you have, you have chosen cutting over facing and solving the real problem.
One of the main reasons for a teenage to cut themselves is depression. Teenage depression is a very common illness. Yes it is an illness; teenagers suffering from depression are not crazy. This type of depression is caused by one of two chemicals produced by the body not being secreted in sufficient quantity to keep a person from becoming depressed. It is a lot like diabetes where the body does not make enough insulin.
Frankly who better than today's teenager to suffer from, what I call chemical depression.
Today's teenager has a lot more stress placed on then then their parents or grandparents had. Like all teenagers you have the pressures of puberty and the changes that come with it. Girls have more changes to deal with than boys. Not only do they have the hormonal changes they have all the changes that happen to their body. Their body changes, they grow breasts, body hair to deal with, they start their menstrual cycle and the cramping that comes with it. Then there are the social changes at home and at school; learning how to fend off boys. There are higher expectations placed upon all to get good grades so you they can get into a good Colleges. Trust issues come into play as well. Do I need to go on.
In the past this was looked at as a phase a teenager was going through. Some teenagers suffered more that others. Today we see it for what it really is. Doctors can help with replacing the missing enzymes with prescription medicines. Talk therapy helps with finding the true stressors and helping the teenager deal with them.
So unless something else is bothering you I suggest the following: Make an appointment to see you family doctor. Tell the doctor about your cutting. Relax your doctor cannot by law tell you parents if you are over 13 years of age. A law called HIPPA guarantees you your medical confidentiality. Your doctor cannot tell anyone anything about any visit or treatment without your expressed written permission.
Have your doctor screen you for depression as well as complete a full physical to rule out any other causes for depression. Then follow your doctors advise.
Also remember that I and the other advisers are her to help you. While we can't give medical advice we are always available to help clarify or just to let you vent.
Hey, so I've liked this girl for a few weeks now and I thought she liked me too. I don't think I really act gay at all, but today she asked me if I was gay. I told her no and she said that it was ok to be gay. Like I know for a fact I'm not gay, but she apparently thought I was. Maybe she thought this because I'm a little shy around girls, but I really don't know. Btw I'm a freshman in high school. What should I do?
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I hope the wisdom of my age might be able to help you.
There is no real answer to your question as to how to prove your not gay. For some reason people both young and old seem to like to put labels on just about everyone and everything. I'm not sure why this is so; it certainly can't be because they are so orderly in a world that is so disorderly.
About the only way to find out just who a person really is, is to get to know that person. To do this you have to spend time with each other. Someone has stuck a label on you for whatever reason. The more you try to ignore the label the harder it will be disprove.
What I would suggest is to fight to overcome your shyness and ask this girl you like if you can hang out together and get to know one another. Mall dating is a great way to get to know someone without a lot of pressure on you. You get to talk to each other, find out what each others likes and dislikes are. You can hold hands and even kiss without the pressure of heavy petting that there might be in say a movie date.
Once you are more comfortable with being with her and less shy you can move on to other types of dating.
When I was in High school I was very shy around almost everyone, boys and girls. So much so you will never expect what I ended up doing, very successfully I might add, as a career.
After a stint in the Air Force and after completing College I started a career in Sales. I spent over 30 years having to talk to total strangers; day in and day out. I'm living proof that you can overcome shyness; in fact as a sales manger I looked for introverted types to hire for I knew they would work harder to overcome that problem and therefore be better sales people.
If you want girls to come to you, you are going to have to work to over come your shyness. Part of this is to show respect to the girls you want to get to know so that they want to get to know you. Boys your age are not really disrespectful they are just single minded. All girls like to be treated with respect and not just lust satisfying sex objects. Treat girls right and you will soon have your pick of the girls you want at school. The trick is to look past their outer-self and get to know the real person.
Now you are really going to think I'm nuts with the following advice. If you have an older sister ask her to help you with practicing polite and respectful ways to approach girls. If you do not have an older sister ask mom if you can practice with her. Yes, ask mom; mom was once a teenage girl and probable not all that long ago. Your mom loves you and I am sure would only be to happy to help you practice to overcome your shyness.
So I was wondering what the laws in California are if an 18 year old was dating a 16 year old. Like without sex but only kissing. Is that legal or they just can't be together?
While I don't live in CA. the laws do not differ much between states. The 18 year old is considered an adult while the 16 year old is considered a minor. You need to find out California's age of consent to really know the answer to your question. (more later)
Now what muddies the water here is also Federal Law. Federal Law has the age of consent at 18. There are several Federal laws that could be broken if for instance you two live close to a border and take a day trip into another state. Even if this trip is to visit a National park the 18 year old could be charged with the MANN act. This is when an adult takes a minor across state lines for illegal purposes or without parental permission.
The law gets a little tricky when one person is 18 and the other person is younger. In some states as long as there is not more than a four year age difference there is no problems with the law. In other states they hold strictly to adults shouldn't date minors.
What it really boils down to is the parents of the girl. If the girls parents are okay with her dating someone considered by law to be an adult and the two don't break any other laws; then the police are not going to go after the boy for any of the charges he could face for dating a minor.
The biggest charge he could face is statutory rape. This has nothing to do with sex. It is just the fact that he is an adult and the girl is a minor. It is the type of charge the police would add if say he was caught drinking and driving.
By the way the same laws apply if the girl is 18 and the boy is 16.
Can I go to schol if I'm on house arrest?
This is a question where the answer cannot come from us as only your probation officer, the local school system if your still in high school, can make that decision. As for the local school system a lot is going to depend on what you are charged with. The fact that you are on house arrest tells me you are charged with some type of serious felony.
It is my understanding that most High Schools and many Colleges will suspend you from school until you are adjudicated for the crime(s) you are accused of. This is for the safety of the other students. Even when those crimes may not be crimes against other persons.
In cases where you are suspend from high school; the school system, may provide a tutor. The tutor would have to be approved by your parole officer. You could attend classes via computer home study or lacking these resources having to wait for adjudication and then being offered GED services.
It is basically the same with College although they do not provide Tudor's or home teaching. Some of your subject might be offered on telecommuting by computer from your local community college. If so you most likely would be allowed to complete those courses on-line.
Any and all of this must be approved by your parole officer as it must conform with the orders of the court as to the terms of your pre-trial release and home detention.
17/f
When I thought that things were actually getting better. They fall over, again.
Besides the fact that I'm turning 18 (my parents divorce when I'm 18) exactly a week from today, I'm on contract. What that means is, I can't miss one more day or have 3 more tardies at school or else I'm going to get kicked out of the program. So that means, even if I'm dying at home, I still have to go to school. They're no longer taking parent notes either, only doctors. The only bright side to it, heyyy, I'm not the only one. A whole of bunch the seniors are on contract as well, even some of the juniors.
I got my progress report, and I'm failing my 5 core classes. This is absolutely terrible. I'm passing classes that doesn't even matter or transfer on my transcript. What the shizz. I'm so stressed out about it, I was thinking maybe if I eat, it'll take the stress out. Nope, I have this heavy feeling on my chest that I can't get rid of.
Two more weeks until it's spring break, but I feel like whenever I think I can rest. I can't. Something else always pops up right afterwards, when is this all over?! What makes it worse?? I'm upset with my sister over this drama and argument before class, I was so angry, I missed my economics class because I couldn't stop crying. She said she wouldn't see me on my birthday until I act like a 'real sister' but honestly, I'm sorry for getting into an argument, but I'm not sorry for standing up to her because she was just putting words in my mouth. Even though I'm not even sure if she's even still mad at me, I don't know why. I'm still angry with her... It just makes me feel more angry and upset. My boyfriend is upset with me too, and I don't even know why! But I still apologized, because honestly... When everything is falling apart, I fall apart, and it's just not a pretty picture. Even when I try to hold things up, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to falling back into depression.
It's to the fact where I thought about dying. Like, it would be so much easier. If people are so upset with me, would they be happy if I'm gone? Probably. Since they don't bother to talk to me, or just send me one word text messages. I'm not sure if I'm the one being a bitch and pushing people away... Or what. Because the way I see it, if you say something that'll piss me off, then yeah... I'll push you away, when I don't mean to. But then yet, don't say something that'll get me angry or I'll get offended by, especially where I'm standing right now. Maybe I'm just tired and I really need a rest, but where is that going to do? I'm still going to wake up having the world on my shoulders.
Help me please! There's just this huge feeling on my chest I can't get rid of!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully I can offer you some advise and wisdom that will help.
I think you parents pending divorce, when you turn 18, may be playing a large part in how your feeling. Let me say this about that: Their divorcing has nothing to do with anything you did. I'll repeat that; You have done nothing to cause your parents divorce. Why they chose your 18th birthday probably is all about child support and nothing more.
I realize that just my saying this does not make the hurt go away. In time you will learn to deal with the hurt. Time though is something you are a little short of if you are going to turn things around at school and graduate. There is help for this.
You start by making an appointment with your family doctor. Tell your doctor everything you have told us. Your doctor will probably want to do a complete physical. Let the doctor do so as that will rule out any physical reason for how you are feeling. Your doctor will then either prescribe some medication for you or refer you to another doctor better qualified to prescribe for what is really bothering you.
While I am not a doctor it is easy to spot that you are probably suffering from a form of teenage depression. This is a very common occurrence today. When I was your age our parents referred to it as a phase which they felt we would grow out of. Today we see it for what it really is and there is help. Medication and talk therapy will help you deal with all the stressors that bring teenage depression on.
Any teenager today is subject to suffering from teenage depression. There is a lot of pressure placed on today's teenager. They are forced to grow up faster. More is expected of them. They have to deal not only with puberty and the physical and hormonal changes going on with them. They also have to deal with the new social relationships, added pressures to excel at school so you they can go on to college and the list goes on and on and on.
You have the added pressure of what is going on at home. As sure of the fact as I am that what is happening between your parents is not your fault. I'm just as sure you don't see it that way. Medication and talk therapy will help you deal with these stressors and any others that are causing you to feel the depression I believe I see in you.
Call your doctor on Monday and make an appointment. The sooner you see your doctor the sooner you will start to feel better.
My boyfriend just claimed that he "owns me". How do I get out of this relationship without hurting me or anyone around me? I'm really scared.
I cant begin to tell in how many ways this is wrong. Not since the Civil War has anyone had the right to say they own anyone, even in jest. His statement and depending on how he made it even borders on being a police matter as it could be construed to be a form of bulling or even stalking. Stalking in most all states is a police matter and bulling, especially in school to has recently come national attention with many states passing new laws concerning it.
As to your question. I'm not sure what you mean by "Hurting me or anyone around me". If this means he would physically harm you; or you believe he would physically harm you or any or your friends then this is a police matter as this is now considered assault.
Assault is when you believe someone is going to do you physical harm. Battery is when the treat of harm, assault, becomes real and that person actually harms you.
What you need to do is this: Tell to your parents and explain to them what is going on with you and your boyfriend. They have several options available to them as to how to handle this. If I was your father I would chose to consult with the police to see how they want to handle the matter. If they suggest filing charges then they should do so. Why? Simple, the filing of charges sends a big wake up call to him and his parents that this is not acceptable behavior. Why his parents. Well we tend to be a product of our environment. He may be mimicking his home life. I went through something similar with my wife's friend when they were divorcing.
Her husbands father told him; "he had better control his women' and get custody of his daughter. That lead to me being issued a carry permit so I could carry my 9mm automatic as I was a threat to him for things I did to protect his wife and daughter from him.
By making this a police matter you are giving him the opportunity to change with supervision of the court. Chances are he will not be sent to juvenile detention but will be placed under court supervision, while being sent to different classes to learn better ways to deal with life.
The other ways to deal with this is to confront him and his parents directly; which I do not recommend. The other way is to notify the school authorities and ask them to handle. This is better then direct confrontation with him and his parents but does not guarantee he will change.
The only chance of correcting him so that some other girl is not faced with the same problem is to let the police and courts handle this matter.
From what you have written you are in fear of him hurting you, your parents and people you care about. That is the definition of assault. This makes the problem a police matter. Sit down with your parent today and explain to them whats going on. You Do not have to live in fear of anyone and he definitely does not OWN YOU.