|
How do I get out of this relationship without him hurting me or my family?
My boyfriend just claimed that he "owns me". How do I get out of this relationship without hurting me or anyone around me? I'm really scared.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I cant begin to tell in how many ways this is wrong. Not since the Civil War has anyone had the right to say they own anyone, even in jest. His statement and depending on how he made it even borders on being a police matter as it could be construed to be a form of bulling or even stalking. Stalking in most all states is a police matter and bulling, especially in school to has recently come national attention with many states passing new laws concerning it.
As to your question. I'm not sure what you mean by "Hurting me or anyone around me". If this means he would physically harm you; or you believe he would physically harm you or any or your friends then this is a police matter as this is now considered assault.
Assault is when you believe someone is going to do you physical harm. Battery is when the treat of harm, assault, becomes real and that person actually harms you.
What you need to do is this: Tell to your parents and explain to them what is going on with you and your boyfriend. They have several options available to them as to how to handle this. If I was your father I would chose to consult with the police to see how they want to handle the matter. If they suggest filing charges then they should do so. Why? Simple, the filing of charges sends a big wake up call to him and his parents that this is not acceptable behavior. Why his parents. Well we tend to be a product of our environment. He may be mimicking his home life. I went through something similar with my wife's friend when they were divorcing.
Her husbands father told him; "he had better control his women' and get custody of his daughter. That lead to me being issued a carry permit so I could carry my 9mm automatic as I was a threat to him for things I did to protect his wife and daughter from him.
By making this a police matter you are giving him the opportunity to change with supervision of the court. Chances are he will not be sent to juvenile detention but will be placed under court supervision, while being sent to different classes to learn better ways to deal with life.
The other ways to deal with this is to confront him and his parents directly; which I do not recommend. The other way is to notify the school authorities and ask them to handle. This is better then direct confrontation with him and his parents but does not guarantee he will change.
The only chance of correcting him so that some other girl is not faced with the same problem is to let the police and courts handle this matter.
From what you have written you are in fear of him hurting you, your parents and people you care about. That is the definition of assault. This makes the problem a police matter. Sit down with your parent today and explain to them whats going on. You Do not have to live in fear of anyone and he definitely does not OWN YOU.
]
You ask the people around you for help.
Tell your family honestly what is going on. I know it's scarry, and they might be mad (they'd be wrong and unfair to be mad at you, but it might happen). Tell them you need thier help and support to keep this guy away from you.
If you are concerned for your safety at school, talk to a counselor or a principal. Even bring your mom or another adult support along.
You stay safe, not by trying to fix it all by yourself, but by refusing to let him isolate you and bully you, by standing togeather with the people you care about you.
Here's a good exercise to help you start thinking about ways to stay safe in different situations:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you’re in a relationship with someone who is controlling trying to leave them can be scary.
Trust yourself. If you feel afraid, you probably have a good reason. Braek up with them in a safe way, and have plans in place to stay safe. Make sure other people around you who care about you are on board. And always, always, call the police if you need to.
]
More Questions: |