I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 65019
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my ex bf knows i still like him so he trys to run my life like he tells me wat i can do and when i can do it he yells at me when i flirt with another guy he tells me who i can hang out with and i dont know what to do and ive talked to him and when i get mad cuz he flirts with this girl named jerry he tells me it aint my business so i was just wondering wat would u do if this happened to you? (link)
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Honestly? I'd ignore everything he said to me!! I wouldn't get mad with him for flirting with other girls because (I'm sorry to say!)it really technically wouldn't be any of my business. But I would ask that he grant the same level of respect to me.
The thing is, it's bad enough to try to control someone when you are in a relationship with them but to try to control them when that relationship no longer exists goes well beyond reasonable behaviour and he has no right to do this. Under the circumstances, the only thing I could suggest is that you carry on as normal, in spite of his orders and if it carries on, talk to him about it and lay down the law. You need to tell him that you aren't going out with him any more and you can do what you like because what you do no longer has anything to do with him. If you can reign in your jealousy then he has no excuse for treating you like this.
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My boyfriends best friend is like hitting on me, touching me, flirting with me all the time. He jokes around and says he wants me to dump my boyfriend to go out with him. And he like touches my leg and stuff. I want to let my boyfriend know whats going on, but how do I bring it up. I mean come on, this guy is his best friend? (link)
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Whatever you decide, you have to tell him because regardless of whether he is your boyfriend's best friend, his work colleague or dog walker from down the road, his behaviour is very inappropriate and I'm pretty sure if he knew what was going on, he would realise this guy isn't much of a friend.
The only thing you have to bear in mind is that he might overreact to start with. So wait until he is in a reasonably good mood before you approach the subject. Mention to him that you need to tell him something but you're worried he'll think it's your fault or that you wanted it to happen. When he asks, tell him that his friend has been putting the moves on you and it's making you really uncomfortable (stress this so he knows any feelings are not reciprocated). Explain you really haven't given him any reason to think you would be interested but you're not happy with what has been happening and you thought he should know what was going on.
He should accept this and either try to have a word with this 'friend' or he should begin keeping an eye on you when he's around.
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this guy i "like" keeps getting me mad, one day he likes me and one day he don't. WHY. he's leaving to vegas for a week and just before he left he says he doesnt like me but two days before he said on the phone he does and the likes this otehr gurl and he doesnt know waht to do, do you think he's doing that cuz he's leaving and yeah... but thats so stupid he does it when he's here too, i dont get it HELP (link)
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If this guy can't make up his mind by now, he might never do it and it's a waste of your time to wait around until he can get his act together. You will be far better off going and finding a guy who KNOWS how he feels about you and is prepared to say something about it.
The thing you have to bear in mind is that if he likes you right now and you were to go out with him, how long would it be before he decides he's not sure again and breaks up with you? I'm sure you don't want to go through that so find yourself a guy who is worth the effort and knows for sure that he cares about you.
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16/F, I was talking to the guy that I liked and he started laughing at me when he found out that I don't drink and I've never had a boyfriend. He invited me to his party but I turned his invitation down cause I just didn't feel comfortable with the drinking, snobby ppl from my school and everything else . I felt that I really made a bad impression and just because I've never had a boyfriend and I don't drink alcohol, does this make me seem bad? and was it okay that I said no to him? (link)
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It is DEFINITELY okay that you said no to him.
These days, there are far too many people who will happily drink underage and go to parties with people who will be doing goodness knows what and most of the time, they do it just to fit in.
But why should you put yourself in a situation you aren't comfortable in, with a guy who laughs at you just because you don't follow the herd with the other people?
The important thing here is you know your own mind. You know what you do and don't want and even better, you don't do things you don't want to just because other people think it's cool.
It doesn't matter that you have never had a boyfriend. There's no obligation to have one by the time you're 16 and if no guy that you want to date comes along, why should you go out with someone else?
I didn't start drinking until I turned 18 and although I was made fun of for it and even though I didn't go to any parties where a lot of my friends got drunk and stoned, I feel much better for not having gone along with it. If you don't feel comfortable in a situation, you shouldn't feel compelled to get involved because a few mindless people think that being sensible is laughable.
Forget whether it's a good impression or a bad impression because if they can laugh at you for making your own decisions based on your own beliefs, they're probably not worth worrying about being friends with in the first place.
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ok so i REALLY love my boyfriend..but lately since i told him that his best friend rapped me..he started getting...controlling and like now whenever i say somthing hell scream and say BITCH SHUT UP...then hell say "oh im sorry baby" and everything is fine but he hit me a couple of times..i told my best friend and she told me to break up with him..but i LOVEE him! and..if i i do decide to break up with him..im scared hell like..kill me or somthingg!
plz help me.i dont know where else im going to get help!
~lila (link)
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You really have to get away from this guy. I'm sorry, I know that you love him but you have to understand that this situation is extremely dangerous for you.
Do you think he will stop at hitting you? And do you really think he loves you if he can cause you such physical and mental pain?? That's not love. I don't even know what that is.
The point is, if you don't get out of this relationship now, it will get worse and it will be much harder to get away. You hear all these horror stories about girls getting locked away in bedrooms by their boyfriends/husbands and being attacked/raped and so on. I'm sure you don't want to be one of those girls.
So take a deep breath and do something about this. Report him to the police if need be but in the meantime, break up with him (with someone else there because I would NOT recommend you see him about this alone) and after that don't go anywhere without a friend or parent with you. If you haven't told your parents already you need to tell them because you will need their support. If he can be this violent right now, it might get worse before it gets better.
Please be brave and leave him. I know you love him but the way he is treating you makes him not worthy of your love. You deserve a LOT better than someone who would bully you like that. Please get out now.
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ok so me and this guy had an amazing time last night...this guy i reallly like was wrappin his arms around me, puttin his chin on my sholder, starin me in the eyes, we were layin down and he was gettin closer and closer, hugged me goodnight, and just doin all this stuff that made me think that maybe he really likes me. But i hear tonight that he doesn't like me and thinks i'm annoying and w/e. what do ya'll think is the truth? he's 20/m and i'm 17/f (link)
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That's a tricky one. I think it depends who you heard that he doesn't like you from.
Technically, if a guy finds you annoying, it's highly unlikely that he will hug you and put his chin on your shoulder and so on as, let's face it, if a guy really bugs you, how close would you really want to get to him!?
If you heard it from a good friend of his (male) then you can probably believe that what they have said was true and that for whatever reason, he was being a little over friendly that night.
If you heard it from another girl, she might be telling the truth. But then, she also might be making it up because she likes him too and doesn't want you going out with him.
Really, the only way you will know the answer is to ask him. I know it's horribley embarrassing but if you just say something similar to "Someone told me that you're not particularly keen on me and that you think I'm annoying and I want to know if it's true because if it is, I think I have a right to hear it from you." This way, you don't sound whiney or like you're unnerved by the prospect of his answer but more like you want to know because he should be telling you, rather than treat you like a friend and have you hear it from someone else.
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i'm really shy and i keep to myself at school, because i lost a lot of friends last year, and now i feel like a big loser. and i'm also fat, so i feel socially retarded. y'know, y'know. but anyways. i have this friend who isn't shy at at all, but she doesn't invite me to her social events anymore 'cause i never knew what to say. i know it sounds dumb, but i can't be myself, because i'm afraid that if i say things people are going to think that i'm dumb, which is probably true. at home i'm just like the people at school, but that's because i'm comfortable.
so suggestions on how to become myself? (link)
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First of all, you have got to stop comparing yourself to your friend. No matter who you are or what you do or what you look like, EVERYONE has something to offer this world and that is what you need to realise.
There's really nothing anyone can do or say to make you comfortable with yourself because believe it or not, everyone goes through an 'awkward stage' when they're growing up, where they feel everyone is better than them and they're unattractive, unpopular, awkward, stupid etc etc. But as you get older, you have to become more comfortable with yourself and it just sort of happens. You get a job and realise you're good at it and that builds your confidence. You find friends who judge you on the person you are and that builds your confidence.
The only thing I can recommend to yourself is to stop talking about yourself in such a negative way and try to focus on the positives. NEVER say that you are a loser. You're not a loser, you're just insecure. Don't say you're fat. Say you're overweight and you intend to change it. You're not socially retarded. You are working on learning how to fit in.
I know how hard it is because I PROMISE you I went through almost exactly the same thing myself but it does get easier as you get older and if you try to think more positively, you will learn to be comfortable with yourself around people.
Of course, the other thing you need to realise is that there will ALWAYS be the risk of rejection. But how do you know whether or not people can like you if you don't tell them who you are? Open up a little bit. Let them see the real you and take the risk because nothing in life comes to you without a little risk.
Trust me, you will be fine.
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hi first of all my question is really in it's own way a hard one,first of all i just moved in with my boyfriend, but whenever i say i love you he will just smile and say thank you or just not say anything at all the reason why i moved in was because he needed help with rent and bills because he just lost his job he always says how pretty other girls are but rarely says i am pretty sometimes he will just play video games all day and ignor me,one day he had me go out at 2'30 in the morining to get ciggrettes (i live in new york city)by myself i somtimes feel that he is only using me for rent money.one day he actually said to me why can't i be as pretty as her(lindsay lohan).guys help what should i do (link)
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You poor thing!! What a horrible horrible man!!!
I'm sorry, I know that you care about him but you simply cannot stay with a man who blatantly uses you and treats you in this way.
If he truly cared about you, there would be no denying it but this man is making use of your time and money and he is taking advantage of your feelings towards him. You deserve a LOT better than a man who will put you in such danger because he can't be bothered to get off his lazy bum and buy his own cigarettes.
You won't like this but the best thing you can do is to move out. You need to do it for your sake as much as his because while he has you there, he has no incentive at all to go out and get another job. You leave and take your money with you and he will have to support himself or he'll be turned out of his home on his ear!
You deserve so much better than this guy so don't allow yourself to be the doormat he's made you into and get out and find a guy who will treat you with the love and respect every girl should get from a man who truly loves her.
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Hey, I followed your advice on getting to know a boy I liked better.We are getting on really well texting and on msn for hours and seeing each other everyday. His sister told me he likes me and she is also a good friend and wouldnt lie to me. She said he wouldnt ask me out because the last time he did I said no. I have never asked anyone out before and I dont know how to do it, by msn, text, face to face. Im really nervous but I need to do it, Im not going to make the mistake of letting him go again. What would I have to say?? I am really nervous so any advice you could give I would really appreciate it. I am nearly 15 and female. (link)
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Well first of all, I'm SO pleased that things are going well so far!
I always tend to think that asking someone out is best done face to face. There's nothing really wrong with asking someone out over text or msn. It's just a little impersonal.
Try to brooch the subject casually to begin with by saying something about how much you've enjoyed hanging out with him lately and it's been good really getting to know him. Then tell him you were wondering if there was any way you could be more than just friends because you've had feelings for him for a while.
See how he responds to that and if he seems to react positively, ask him if he would be interested on going out with you on a date sometime.
If his sister has already told you he likes you, I don't think you have anything to lose and it seems like it's already in the bag! All you need to do is pluck up the courage and ask him!
I really hope it goes well. Best of luck!
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My husband has asked me for a three-some well not really, just said it was one of his fantasies. He says he is content with never having one, he just really would want to and the pure mention of it gets both of us excited. My problem is, I am very jealous over him. I have considered giving him one for his birthday but the thought of him having sex with another woman seriously pisses me off(except for in my fantasies). I know this should tell me not to do it but I want him to get what he has always wanted. He is very very very good to me.. Any Input? (link)
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Fantasties are always healthy to have as they maintain a mystery of 'what if...?' in a relationship.
Acting on them, however, may not always be as fulfilling and it sounds as though this may be the end result in this case.
I understand that you love him and you want to give him what he wants but do you really want to do it at the expense of your own feelings? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to do that either.
The only thing you will achieve by putting yourself in that position will be a horrible deep seated jealousy and you will ALWAYS remember what happened and feel resentful towards your husband. You need to think about the long term consequences of this before you decide what you are going to do.
It could be great and you could have a wonderful time....but if you already admit that you are very jealous, it will only serve to make you miserable when you think back to him being with another woman.
I would recommend you find another way to spice things up in the bedroom. Invest in some toys or saucy lingerie or somethng else that will get his imagination going, without making you feel jealous in the process.
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okay so i couple days ago i had sex for the first time. and it wasn't technically "sex" i mean it was because he was in me but only for like 2 or 3 minutes. and he didn't cum in me or even after at all. we didnt use a condom but he didnt cum or anything and he knows for sure. and i am supposed to get my period in 2 weeks and today i had a really big sticky like thing of discharge in my underwear does this mean that i am going to get my period or what exactly was it i have seen it before but this time it was a lot. (link)
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The discharge is probably nothing to worry about as sometimes this is just something that happens.
However, I can assure you that as long as he was inside you, it was sex. Neither of you has to climax for it qualify as intercourse.
You should never ever have sex without protection unless you have been together for a LONG time, know for sure that neither of you is carrying an STI or STD and you are trying for a baby. No matter how long he was in you, sperm would still have been being produced.
When a man becomes aroused, he (to put it nicely) leaks. This 'leakage' is sperm that escapes before he climaxes and as long as he is aroused, this sperm can leak out at any time. So regardless of whether he climaxed inside you, you can still get pregnant.
So there are two things you need to do. You first of all need to begin using condoms and I would recommend you also speak to your doctor about going on the Pill. Using both at the same time is the best way to protect yourself against infection, disease and pregnancy. Condoms can still split and are less effective than the Pill. If you take the Pill as well, you know you are truly safe. It is what they call going 'Double Dutch' in Holland.
You also need to get yourself a pregnancy test. The best ones normally work from 4 days before your period is due so I would recommend you do this.
Please try to remember that although sex may be enjoyable, there will ALWAYS be consequences you may have to deal with when you have sex and you need to prepare as best as you can againt these.
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My mom workshift has changed, so she is no longer able to take me to school. So now I have to ride a bike to school. And I just feel so embarrased. People in the car when they drive by sometimes laugh and point. So I just want to know how does everyone else get to school. You know do you take the bus, ride, walk, bike, etc. (link)
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When I was younger I used to cycle to school or walk with some friends and it was great! When I got a bit older and went to a different school I caught the bus most days but when we moved closer to the school, I took to walking or sometimes got a lift.
There is NOTHING wrong with cycling to school and I don't know why anyone would make fun of you for it. At the end of the day, you're getting a little exercise first thing every morning and every afternoon while they sit on their lazy butts in a car!!
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I feel uncomfortable about eating food in front of other people. I feel really horrible if I eat a lot. I'm self conscious about my weight and the way I look, and I want to loose about 10 pounds I guess. A lot of my friends are skinny. I don't eat that much any more, because I don't find myself hungry. It's kind of weird. I exersize when I can. Do I have an eating disorder, or am I just being watchful about what I eat? I don't think I do but I want to know what you think. 15/female. I weigh 128 pounds, so yes I am trying to loose weight if that helps. I'll rate for answers. Thanks. (link)
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It doesn't sound like it is an eating disorder at the moment, as usually this is a term used for people who either starve themselves or have an eat and purge habit. They binge eat and then either make themselves sick or use laxatives to purge food from the body. I would like to stress these are VERY dangerous ways to lose weight.
There is really nothing wrong with your current weight. However, I would keep an eye on your behaviour. A lot of people with eating disorders state they feel uncomfortable eating around other people.
If you begin to feel a desire to eat less and less or hide your food or make yourself ill after eating, PLEASE seek help. I know what people go through with an eating disorder and I can PROMISE you that whatever you do to make yourself thin just isn't worth it in the long run. So please be careful and don't get carried away.
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ok i gave my boyfriend a hickey the otherday and it didnt come out big. it was like a small dot. and he did the same thing to me but it didnt come out big ear. it was the size of a pen ( the circular part of the pen. how can i make a hickey bigger? (link)
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Open your mouth wider when you try to give it and suck or bite a lot harder.
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I've been ill with a cold/cough/bronchial infection of some sort, but I didn't go to a doctor. Over the past three days I've been taking robitussin during the day and codeine syrup before bed. I've been getting plenty of rest, I've been drinking OJ to help boost my immune system and hot tea with honey to soothe my throat, and I have been staying home from school and not partaking in any strenuous activity. I even have a humidifier in my room on full blast nonstop. I feel fine now -- all exhaustion and dizziness is gone and my throat only hurts in the mornings -- but I have this horrible tickle in my throat that makes me cough ALL DAY LONG and I simply cannot get rid of it. I also have been unable to conquer my runny nose. Any tips?? (link)
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This might sound completely ridiculous but I promise you it has never failed me!!
Chocolate!
I discovered it once when I was at school and had a dry tickly cough. I needed to have something to stop it and downed a few pieces of chocolate. The tickle went instantly and now I rely on that or crisps when I can't stop coughing. It really does help! By the day, the dehumidifier will be taking all the moisture out of the air which will probably not be helping your tickly cough.
As for the runny nose, I don't know anything at all that can stop a nose from running (short of shoving two pieces of Kleenex Balsam up there!!) but if you find you're getting very dry skin where you have been wiping or blowing your nose a lot, try putting some Lipsyll or Vaseline there for a while, as this will help put the moisture back.
Feel better soon!!
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when i have sex my period attends to sometimes skip a month why? (link)
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I must admit I wasn't too sure on possible reasons for this myself so I have visited several websites that deal with sex and periods.
Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate anything to link sex to missing a period except in the case of pregnancy.
There are a couple of other possibilities however. You haven't stated how old you are or how long you have had your period now. If you have not had it long, it may just be that your cycle is irregular and this means that regardless of whether or not you have sex, you may get your period more often or less often from time to time.
The other possibility is the presence of external factors. For example stress, medication, diet and so on can effect your menstrual cycle. Stress can be a major cause of irregular periods and medication in most cases can delay your period.
It is unlikely that having sex and missing a period are related to each other. However, I always recommend that if you have any concerns that might not have been explained in what I have said, you visit your doctor. You can speak to a female doctor or nurse if you wish but any concerns of this nature should be addressed with your doctor, who can investigate the matter further should he feel there is a problem.
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What is anemia? My friend said that when you get it you have it for the rest of your life or something? Is that true? What happens when you get it? Ill rate 5s. (link)
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Anemia is another word for iron deficiency.
Your blood has iron stores in it and when these iron stores run low, that is anaemia.
It can cause a number of symptoms, including fatigue, lack of ability to concentrate, feeling very cold and - if you're anything like me - you will fall over a lot because you feel like your legs go numb when you stand up and you black out!!!
Anaemia can be treated with iron tablets but in very severe cases, it may require a drip to ensure the iron goes back into your bloody quickly. It's very rare for this to be necessary, however.
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should your boyfriend/girlfriend come before your best friend?
please explain too ♥ thanks. (link)
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Actually that's a tricky question to answer.
Ideally, everyone is raised to believe that friends should always comes first because 'boys may come and go.....' but this isn't always the case.
Growing up, I always found that my friends came and went as much as boyfriends and although there are some good friends that remained, they weren't around half as much as my current boyfriend is now.
I think it has to be a judgement call based on the relationship between your friends and the relationship between you and your boyfriend.
I tend to put my boyfriend first because he was my best friend for 4 months before we started going out. Now, nearly 3 years on, we live together and he is more than just a boyfriend. He is my best friend too. I did ignore my friends a lot to begin with when he appeared on the scene but once they realised I was truly in love, they backed off for a little while and let me bask in 'the honeymoon period'. Now we've been together long enough that I can have friends and him without worrying too much about it.
So my opinion is that you should never ignore your friends altogether because the only time you will get away with it will be when it is true love. Make sure you allocate a specific night to always see your friends and never interfere with it, unless you can't help it. Boyfriends and friends should never HAVE to be an either/or situation. There's no reason you can't have both.
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i fell completely in love with a friend of mine that i no ill never be with, he kinda has a girl he thinks hes goin to be with her in the future but shes not really showin much sign of wanting to be with him..the only thing that keeps him drivin 7 hrs to see her is that she hasnt told him to leave, i just want ur opinions on this do u think she wants him or is just messing with him to get the attention they have been goin out on and off for about 10 yrs now and i figured if she wants to be with him she would have said so by now... (link)
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There's no real way of knowing why she is still with him or how she feels about him but if I was to base a thought on what you have said, it is possible she might be with him out of habit or because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
However, as harsh as this might sound to you (and I really mean no offence) it is irrelevant. I know that you love him and it must really hurt to see him spend so much time and effort in maintaining a relationship that you think will probably go nowhere in the long run but there's really nothing you can do.
To travel 7 hours to see this girlfriend, he must really care about her and there must be something in the relationship or they wouldn't be together all this time. If she really doesn't seem that interested in him, it will more than likely fall apart at some time but when or if that happens, you will have to allow him some recovery time to get over her or you may risk ending up as a rebound. Give him some time to get over it and then after a few weeks or a month (yes, really that long if he's upset), let him know that you have had feelings for him for a long time and see if he is responsive.
In the meantime, you need to try to look at some other guys. I understand that you love him but if you spend all your time focusing on one guy you might not be able to have, you could end up missing out on some really wonderful opportunities with great guys. You can't - and more to the point shouldn't - waste your time waiting for a guy you might never get so go out there and see what else the male species has to offer. Chances are you will be a lot happier when you've stopped waiting.
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i asked a question a little while ago about if i should go in to work or not, when i have a paper due for school. i wound up calling my boss & saying that i can work friday if i don't have to work saturday, which she was okay with. however when i got off the phone my sister told me (she was being serious) that what i said sounded retarted. she said i was like "i um have an apointment with my mom um i mean i have an apointment and i can only work friday if she can change, i mean if my mom can change the apointment to saturday, so i wouldn't be able to work then." obviously saying i have an apointment with my mom souds reatarted & now i am embaressed. if by any chance they want to know what apointment it was, what do i say? i don't make apointments with my mom. i also feel embaressed that i almost sounded like i was stuttering (& lying, perhaps) when i told her this. what should i do?!?! (link)
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It's very unlikely that anyone would question it. Everyone can get nervous when they are talking to their boss on the phone about an appointment because we have it ingrained that they are BOUND to always think you're lying about it!!
At the end of the day, you haven't missed any time from work because you're working the Friday instead and you are doing what's best for your education, which should always come first. So don't worry too much about it and concentrate on doing your paper. Everything will be fine.
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