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making new friends?
i'm really shy and i keep to myself at school, because i lost a lot of friends last year, and now i feel like a big loser. and i'm also fat, so i feel socially retarded. y'know, y'know. but anyways. i have this friend who isn't shy at at all, but she doesn't invite me to her social events anymore 'cause i never knew what to say. i know it sounds dumb, but i can't be myself, because i'm afraid that if i say things people are going to think that i'm dumb, which is probably true. at home i'm just like the people at school, but that's because i'm comfortable.
so suggestions on how to become myself?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First of all, you have got to stop comparing yourself to your friend. No matter who you are or what you do or what you look like, EVERYONE has something to offer this world and that is what you need to realise.
There's really nothing anyone can do or say to make you comfortable with yourself because believe it or not, everyone goes through an 'awkward stage' when they're growing up, where they feel everyone is better than them and they're unattractive, unpopular, awkward, stupid etc etc. But as you get older, you have to become more comfortable with yourself and it just sort of happens. You get a job and realise you're good at it and that builds your confidence. You find friends who judge you on the person you are and that builds your confidence.
The only thing I can recommend to yourself is to stop talking about yourself in such a negative way and try to focus on the positives. NEVER say that you are a loser. You're not a loser, you're just insecure. Don't say you're fat. Say you're overweight and you intend to change it. You're not socially retarded. You are working on learning how to fit in.
I know how hard it is because I PROMISE you I went through almost exactly the same thing myself but it does get easier as you get older and if you try to think more positively, you will learn to be comfortable with yourself around people.
Of course, the other thing you need to realise is that there will ALWAYS be the risk of rejection. But how do you know whether or not people can like you if you don't tell them who you are? Open up a little bit. Let them see the real you and take the risk because nothing in life comes to you without a little risk.
Trust me, you will be fine.
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It's a really bad feeling knowing who you are but your to shy to let other people see, i had the same problem- still do sometimes - but all you have to do is hang around with your more social friends more and just get into a conversation on something you are interested in and can talk about loads, it soon becomes easier and people will start talking to you more because they know you'll probably have something to say, no matter what it's about.
Trust me you'll come out of your shell
Good luck
&hearts, shandz
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Heyy. I know some people at my school who are like that also. My advice is that try to make a goal to start hanging around people who are really social, funny and happy. Have you ever heard the saying, "you are who your friends are?"
Well, the more you hang around those types of people the more you will be social and happy. It shouldn't matter what you look like. Don't be afraid. I know people who are really talkative and they embarrass themselves all the time because they actually work up the courage to talk. Probably they don't care what others thing about them either. So keep your chin up high and start hanging around people who you think you'd like to act and in a few months, you'll probably find yourself starting to act more like them. Hope all goes well :)
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I'm going to suggest a book. Its awesome. Its called No Body's Perfect. Its pink. Ask around for it and read it. It will really help i think.
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heyy well i have the same problem... i would also agree with everyone else with the whole joining clubs thing but you should also try to like open up with your friends im shy too but once you start to open up they accept you more and know what your like and youll come to find everyone else is just liek you and was scared at one point but once you get used to being yourself aroudn everyone else it becomes easier and easier i think that once you come out of your shell it will be easier for you everyone had to do it at one point it just takes longer for some people than others i also think that if the whole over wieght thing bothers you then maybe try working out a little or mayeb that could be a chance to get closer with your friends and like go running together or work out together or something like that but i dont think that its right for them to judge you because of your weight your the same as them and everyone looks different
hope i was able to help if you need anything else let me know
i bet your a great person
xoxo*
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I have the same problem as well. The only people I feel comfortable around is my family. Unless I get to know the people really well. If you want my advice I think you should join some clubs or go to events where you know kids your age will be at. Join a club that your interested in. That way you'll meet people that you have something in common with. And as for your "friend" doesn't really sound like a good friend to me. That's pretty low of her to not invite you to her parties just because you have a problem with being shy. You need to get some new friends that are there for you no matter what.
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You need to gain confidence in social situations and if you're not comfortable opening up, school is a really difficult place to start as kids in schools can be very mean and quick to pick on others. I would suggest joining a church youth group or other organization where the point is to build each other up. I would also try a sports club away from school as it might help you gain friends on a team and shift some weight. As you're learning to open up to others in these social situations your confidence will show in school as well. I might also reccommend a Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Good luck!
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You should try to open up around school and other places. Like have fun and stuff don't be so uptight and that should do it....good luck
jen
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