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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
hi i am 24 years old who lives with my ex boy friend (i was seeing him when we moved in together and no we have split up)
he drives me nuts and pisses me off alot i dont want live here anymore i dont like going home. for me to get him of the tenancy agreement it will cost me £120 which i dont have. i am paying all the bills and he refuses to get a job. im getting so stressed out by it all. i have looked into moving out myself but again i need £120 and i would move back to my parents. this would make him homeless he doesnt know anybody in this area of the UK at all. he is 33 but acts like a child and its so frustrating.i can also go out for a night with my friends and i come back to no food in the house at all he has gone through his food and mine. i cant afford to keep doing this. it makes not want to go anywhere so i can keep an eye whats going on i dont trust him at all.
i guess what im asking your advice on is how i go about getting him out my life for good i cant cope anymore i have moved on and its now causing me issues with my current relationship. i just dont know what to do im making myself ill trying to work it out.
Sometimes what is called for is tough love or in your case biting the bullet and moving on. You say you can't afford the 120 Pounds not that you don't have the funds. If you do have the funds pay the money and move out and back in with your parents.
I know this is not the thing you want to do your 24 and would rather be an adult and out on your own. Unfortunately this is the way of the world today where adult children sometimes need the safety net of their parents homes. You are among the fortunate that your parents will do this for you. This is your safety net which allows you to get you life in order, save some money so you can go out on you own this time with proper finances to do so.
As for you ex this is the tough love thing comes in. Tell him you are out of there. That the rent is paid until, whenever it is paid till after that he will either need to find away to pay the rent or move out.
Like it or not by you paying all the bills you have enabled him to be as he is. It may seem horrible to walkout on him and leave him to fend for himself and possibly be homeless, though it is the best thing you can do for him.
Give him a firm date that you are moving out or that the rent is paid till. Thirty days is reasonable as it gives him time to find a job and someplace to live. You can move out today if you want and you should. Leave whatever food is there but don't buy and additional food for him.
Most of all stand your ground. No matter what he say or how hard he may begs you move out. He needs this tough love if he is ever to grow up and be responsible for himself.
Any relationship in general I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't let anyone close, ever since I was younger I would build a wall up. I remember having a bestfriend in elementary school and in the 4th grade we had to to write down who our bestfriends were, she wrote my name down and I knew she was my best friend but I ended up putting an acquaintance from my soccers team name down. I don't know why I did that, so in high school I have a new friend that I'm really close to someone asked us who my bestfriend was that friend said "me right?" And I said "no I don't I have a bestfriend" I could see the disappointment in her face but she quickly saved it and said this other girl was her bestfriend. Now I wish I had a best friend but clearly judging from how I act I don't even know if I can have one. Other issues I have is I can't say the words "I love you" out loud, my mom would say it to me and I just nod my head. My mom was like "when you get a boyfriend how are you gonna act if you're acting like this?" I'm 18 years old and I've never had a boyfriend yet hoping it'll change next school year in my second year of university. So does anyone know any tips on how to fix my awkwardness?
IF you cannot even tell your parents you love them then there is something very wrong, very deep seated. The first thing that comes to mind is to ask if you have any memories of being molested as a young child for this might account for the way you are.
I am not a doctor none of us are. All I can say is something is wrong, something is bothering you and you need to find out what it might be. What I suggest is therapy with a psychologist to see if it can be brought out and properly dealt with.
To start with you ask you doctor for a complete physical including being scanned for depression and a head C/T to rule out any organic causes for you feeling this way. The reason for the head C/t is to rule out a tumor as even a small benign tumor can be the root cause of why you are this way. Once you get a clean bill from your doctor then you see a psychologist to work to find out what might be the root cause of why.
I know all of you will say to see a therapist, which is exactly what I'll be doing on Wednesday.
But I want to have the honor of receiving others' advice as well.
I have an issue with how I look where I literally cannot stop thinking of how "ugly" I see myself. I find all of my facial features deformed and abnormal where everyone else thinks I'm pretty or cute. Honestly, I haven't had anyone call me ugly since the sixth grade (unless they've said it behind my back). I've only heard that I'm beautiful, pretty, gorgeous or cute. But my BDD screws with me more than anything. I can't stop looking in the mirror. When I Skype with my boyfriend, I can't stop looking in the little box where it shows my face.
I'm obsessed with how "ugly" I look to myself. I don't know how to deal with my BDD. It's SO severe and it's taking over my life.
Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!!!
This is not something I or any one of us can help you with in this type of forum. What you have is a form of mental illness. No your not crazy and no you don't need to be locked up in some hospital.
I'm not a doctor but my gut reaction to what I read about BDD is it is a second cousin to some type of depression where you have allowed your mind to convince you that your ugly despite what others have told you. In this instance you have told yourself often enough that you are ugly top the point that you know believe yourself regardless of what others may say. I would go so far as to say that the BDD has caused a mild form of depression to go with it.
All hope is not lost. You have taken the first step in seeing a therapist. Understand that whatever you say to the therapist stays with the therapist and does not go back to your parents. The therapist should tell you this up front in the first meeting.
This has to be this way as the therapist is about to become your new best friend. Someone you can tell your deepest and darkest secrets to. For therapy to work you have to trust the therapist and tell him or her what is bothering you and why. Answer the questions asked and work with him or her. Someone put that notion in your head maybe a long time ago that you have buried it. You may have even been a toddler at the time. The what and the why or how needs to come out to get better.
From me to you. That which is us is not the package we are in. Remember beauty is only skin deep. We the person the people who we fall in love with and fall in love with us resides below the skin. Beauty and sex appeal will only get you so far in this world. Then one day you wake up and have nothing to talk about and the sex appeal has disappeared or waned. The people whose marriages last are the people who get to know the real person. The person who lives just below the skin.
I have been married going on 46 years. I met my wife at work. She was a voice on a phone that I spoke with many time a day. By the time we actually met I could have picked her out of a crowd for I new exactly who she was before even meeting her. I got to know her first and the sex appeal second. Which is why we are married this long. The fact that my wife was pretty was an extra for I already had made my mind up she was the girl I was going to marry if she would have me. Keep this in mind when working with your therapist.
I live in NJ and I am under age of 18 and I had sex would I Be aloud to get a pregncey test?
I am not familiar with the laws in New Jersey though rule of thumb is. If something is available for purchase without having to ask a clerk or pharmacists for it. Meaning it is on an open shelf. There is no age requirement to purchase.
I would suggest if you do not wish your parents to find out you purchased a home test kit. That you find a store where mom and dad do not shop and people they know do not work at.
I'm a highschool freshmen girl, and I sometimes urinate without being able to control it. It's not bad enough to the point it's visible, but it is enough to dampen my pants. This is EXTREMELY embarrassing for me, however, because I sometimes sit on my bf's lap when there are not enough seats for everyone. Is there any way that I could end this? It's really embarrassing. Please help.
You really need to see a doctor about this, specifically a urologist as this is the doctor that specializes in this problem area. You should discuss this problem with you mom but given that this problem is a part of your reproductive system there is a law called HIPPA that says you do not need to and can see a doctor without parental permission if you are 14 or over. The urinary tract is part of your reproductive system and by law you are guaranteed total medical confidentiality for any questions, concerns or examinations of your reproductive system. Meaning everything stay between you and the doctor.
That being said I did so as I understand this is embarrassing for you. Not being a doctor, none of us are, I strongly suggest you discuss this with mom and let her help you find the right doctor to see. Bladder control is very important and this could be a simple infection or something more serious. Yes; you can expect mom to ask the million dollar question. Are you having sex? How you answer that is up to you.
When you see the doctor you can request the confidentiality of the HIPPA law and have mom wait in the waiting room during the exam. This is your right under the law. The doctor cannot discuss the results of the exam with your mother without your written permission so read what you sign before you sign anything. This allows you to honestly answer all the doctors’ questions including if you are sexually active. This is an important question as the doctor cannot tell by examination other than your Hyman is missing. A missing Hyman does not mean sexual activity. Knowing if you are sexually active is important to a diagnosis.
Me and my daughter just came home from her 12 year old checkup. They weighed her and she was 160. I just don't understand how this happened. And the whole time the docter was more into bullying my daughter than really trying to help her lose weight. We all eat fairly heathly and her twin brother is fine. Please help me help her lose the weight without starving herself. Now she thinks she is fat and ugly but I don't want her to get an eating disorder or anything.
First things first. Find a new doctor or pediatrician for your children. Your doctor was wrong to bully her for being overweight.
Next while you may eat healthy at home you do not know what she is eating away from home. So sit down and talk to her about snacking and eating healthy snacks. Then make sure she is getting enough exercise. Kids today spend far to much time in front of computer screens and to little time getting exercise.
If she is not getting enough exercise you may want to enroll her in an exercise dance class. This would be something you could actually do together. She would not only get the proper exercise to lose weight with but have some quality mom time with you.
Need input.
My husband & I are in our 80’s.
We hired a more than qualified neighbor & friend to update our 35 year old master bedroom & bath. New tile, cabinets, faucets, flooring, etc. at a cost of several thousand dollars.
His children & our grandchildren grew up together.
He is charging me a reduced hourly rate compared to what he usually charges professionally.
I purchased all supplies from a list he provided but he met me at the appropriate warehouses & assisted in making decisions.
I may use him again down the road for other home maintenance projects as our plan is to stay in our home.
I want to maintain our current good neighbor, friend relationship.
He is a proud, analytical neighbor & friend I don’t want to lose BUT I also believe the quality & commitment of his work is beyond average so want to show my appreciation without making him feel uncomfortable?
How can I do this without offending him or changing our happy relationship?????
Tipping, gratuity, type, how much, do people give gratuities for owner contractor type work helpers?????
TY
There are several different ways to show your gratitude for a job well done. Since he is a neighbor and friend tipping may insult him. I would suggest if he is a drinking man you find out what he likes to drink and then by him a nice bottle of whatever that may be.
Last winter we last winter we had a blizzard that dumped more than 30" inches of snow. My wife and I are both in our late sixties and I'm disabled. One of the adult children of our neighbor was house sitting for his parent. Without our asking he not only cleared his parents sidewalk s but ours ass well and dug out both his car and ours.
I knew I couldn't offer him money he wouldn't take it. I asked his brother when he came by what his brother liked to drink then went to the liquor store and asked the clerk what was the best they had of what he liked and purchased a bottle for him. He was very surprised and he tried to refuse but I would not let him. The best part was when he left he thank us and said he and his father would enjoy it together that evening. This leads me to suggest you consider a gift the family will enjoy with him.
How long does it stay in your system?
As a general rule doctors will tell women planning on trying to get pregnant that it could take 30 to 60 days before her body will conceive after stopping birth control. I would say this is a good measurement by which to answer your questions.
Hi. It's me again, the girl who posted the column about my babies dad. Not sure if you remember but you helped me take my name off of the column which am forever grateful. Google has updated a few times since then and although it's gotten further and further into the search results, it still comes up when you search my name. You said you'd help me get the whole question removed for good if that happened I was wondering if you still could. I really would appreciate it so much. You've been so so helpful. Thank you :)
I have answered a number of questions concerning babies and their dads and I do not remember one that is specific to a column here. That's the bad news the good news is if your talking about getting something removed from this site you need to contact Dangernerd he is the site administrator and he is the one that can remove something.
One note; Removing something from here does not guarantee that what ever is removed will vanish from the internet. If it has been downloaded and passed around it will remain in cyber-space for a long, long, long time. This is why you must be careful about what you post in cyberspace because once posted it is totally out of control.
So i have tried every birth control method the birth control patch, the pill, and the Depo shot but my body dosnt react well with either one of tbem it tends to make my periods last more than 2 weeks are tbere any other forms of birth control out there
Have you considered and IUD. If you have not been pregnant it may be a bit painful to have placed. Though it is an option you should discuss with you GYN.
My wife had an IUD before she had it removed and our son was born. It worked really well. For several of our friends it is their main form of birth control.
My breasts are around a 38AA and my butt isn't exactly big. (I'm very skinny) I like the idea of my body being "cute" instead of "sexy," but I'm still very insecure about it. How can I be more confident in my own skin? I'm a 19 year old female, by the way.
This may be hard to understand and I will try my best to explain. Let's start with the fact that the beauty which is are body literally is only skin deep. You as a person are not what your body represents.
For example and you may have heard this from boys in high school. That big breasted girls are easy or sexually loose or promiscuous. Not true.
You are the person underneath the skin. The intellectual, the joker, the sympathetic friend and all those things rolled into what makes you, you. Your body houses all that and your appearance is for attracting the a life mate. There are people out there looking for a life mate with huge breasts and big butts and ones looking for flat chests and small butts. There is someone out there for you the person behind the window dressing of the body
You should not be insecure about your body for it is yours. By all means learn to dress to show yourself to the best advantage. How much and what type of makeup to use and what hair style bests fits you and your personality.
I do not suggest breast enhancement unless you have a minimum of $20,000 to pay for a proper surgery. This is where the surgeon puts the implant behind the muscle so that there is no tell tale ring under your skin that screams boob job. Breast enhancement is not covered by surgery unless their is a medical reason for it.
We place far to much emphasis on our bodies. Guys do not take the dumb blonde types home to meet their mothers. They take the girls who can hold a conversation with others. Who know which fork to use and how to dress properly for the occasion. This is you I can tell that from what you have written. Be proud of what you have. Dress for success and hold your head up high for literally you are one of a kind and any guy will be lucky to get you.
Like diet, exercises, etc?
Like breasts, stomach and butt?
This is not the answer your looking for but your question disturbs me. If your idea of the perfect body is what you see in magazines that is not obtainable no matter how hard you try. Those pictures are airbrushed to look that way so that what ever is being sold is displayed to its best advantage.
Many of the female models are grossly under weight to the point they are doing physical harm to themselves. Plus many have had multiple plastic surgeries such as breast implants, nose jobs, and different enhancements and tucks.
For your own good health it is better to be 10 pounds overweight then 10 pounds underweight. When you diet your body makes up the need calories by feeding of the fat it has stores. If there is no fat to feed off of the body starts shutting down different systems until there are no more systems to shut down. This is what kills those that suffer from ANOREXIA.
My Advice:
1. Make sure you actually need to diet. Always diet under a doctor's care, meaning talk to your doctor and get your doctor's advice as to whether you are overweight.
2. Exercise properly preferably under the supervision of a trainer and remember muscle toning may reduce fat but ads weight as muscle weighs more than fat.
3. DO NOT GET HUNG UP ON BODY IMAGE
I am a 27 year old virgin . My boyfriend of 1 year wants to have sex Friday night but i am scared because i was molested by my dad when i was 3 and never told him . How do i tell him?
I am so sorry to hear you were molested by your dad. A child should always be safe in a parents arms.
absent a third party such as a therapist to help you explain this to him I would suggest you sit down with your boyfriend before you start to cuddle and get intimate to tell him the truth.
IF you do want to have sex with him say so up front. But tell him you are also scared because you were once molested as a child. If he truly loves you he will understand and go slowly. You do not have to tell him it was your father who molested you. Especially if your father is still in the family picture. He I assume is more experienced then you are so ask him to go slowly and let you get comfortable with each step in the love making process.
If you two have never been naked together then I would suggest that maybe you stop at just being naked in the same bed together. There are ways, I'm sure you know of to satisfy your boyfriend without intercourse, such as a handjob and maybe you let him finger you.
You two can cuddle and you can get use to being naked with a man and having him next to you at night. In the morning you will be more relaxed and more comfortable. The next step would be to possibly shower together.
I believe the more time you two spend together naked and you allowing him to touch you will condition you to allowing him to make love to you. I would also suggest you get some counseling to fully close the molestation you experienced so you may fully enjoy the sex life you are entitled to .
I've never worked a register before and this is my first job. The manager said that he's giving me a chance with this job since I have no experience. I really don't want to mess this up and have them fire me because I don't know what I'm doing. He told me that I always need to be busy, even when there's no customers.
Today with scanners toing most of the work for the cashiers the job is not all that hard. The most important part of the job is managing the money in your draw. The machine does most of the work for you today.
If you have ever grocery shopped at the end of the scanning the cashiers ask for method of payment. Most people pay by debit or credit card but their are still those that pay by cash. This is where you need to be on your toes.
The total orders is $169.29. The customer hands you 8 $20 bill and 1 $10 bill for a total of $170. You put that into the register as the amount tendered and the machine will tell you to return $0.71 as changes. Put the bills on the register, give the customer the change then when the customer is leaving put the money in the proper places in your register.
The reason for not putting the money away before you give the customer the change is so the customer cannot question you gave them the wrong change. If the money is already in the cash draw the could easily say they gave you 9 $20. If that were to happen you would call the manager over who would either have you count down your draw, which is time consuming and could make the customer angrier. Or for good customer service give the customer the $10. and you would be short $10 at the end of the day.
Always count cash twice. when taking cash from the customer count it twice and say to the customer what ever the amount tendered is. Count the change to the customer as well stating the amount returned and showing that it is the amount on the register tape. Then of course than the customer and wish them a good day.
Hello, I have a bit of a problem and was wondering if I can get some advice. So there is this guy, I'm F/20 and he is M/24 by the way, he’s completely fallen for me, wants to make me happy and for me to be his “girlfriend” and he has told me that he loves me many times. He lives 3 hours away from where I live so we only see each other once in a while. I’ve known this guy since I was 14 through our family. This guy is everything a woman could ever need. He is dependable, kind, intelligence, …etc.etc.. The problem is that I want to give him a chance but he is so damn boring. We have the most boring conversations ever. All we really do is say hello, how are you, how was your day,…etc.etc. My soul and mind crave for deep, rich, authentic stimulating, intellectual, spiritual conversations. When I try to go deep into a conversation, he doesn't know what to say. Can you give some advice on this? I have no idea what to do.
solidadvice4teens advice is spot on. When I met my wife I was somewhat socially awkward around women having recently returned from Southeast Asia after 14 months during the Vietnam war and not seeing a round eyed women in all that time. We actually met over the phone as we spoke to each other as part of our jobs but in person I was tongue tied.
My wife realized this and drew me out asking about things I liked to do. I was a volunteer firefighter at the time and she probably learned more about fire fighting than she ever cared to know. Though through my telling her about firefighting and the things we did I grew more comfortable in talking to her.
We have been married now for 45 years. She somehow knew that behind the awkwardness was someone she wanted to get to know. Maybe it was the fact she grew up with someone that spent three years as a prisoner of war during WWII.
Because of her ability to draw me out of my shell. I have had a very successful career in which I had to be able to talk to people one on one and in groups.
If you like this guy talk to this guy find out what his passions on and let him know your not running away. show him how to have a good time and I don't mean just sexually.
So I have severe memory loss and I strongly believe it's because of my major depression and anxiety plus all the medications I take. Is there anything I can do to improve my memory plus my focus and concentration?
Having suffered from depression myself I can agree that the problem is the depression and anxiety that goes with and to a lesser degree the meds. As your depression goes away your memory will improve
Talk to your doctor and therapist about the problem. There are things you and your therapist can work on to improve memory.
Hello, so at my college there's the option to create your own degree by taking classes that correlate with your own interests and making it into a degree. Of course this is all subject to approval and a presentation to a board that they can decline or approve.
Well I'm a student who's currently majoring in healthcare admin but I want to combine that with law classes into a kind of healthcare law degree because that's what I want to become (a healthcare lawyer).
In theory this should work out fine because my school has enough law related classes for their pre-law minor that combined with my current HCA classes I would have enough to fulfill the requirements for the create your own degree program.
I even went over it today with my advisor and she thought it was a good idea and helped me set up my schedule for the next two semesters to fulfill the needed requirements.
The enters the advisor for pre-law and his assistant. I don't know why but all the sudden they're against me doing this and keep saying no but they won't give me a reason and I'm getting very frustrated because I feel like they don't even have a reason.
They keep saying "We don't have a law major here or law classes so no you can't make a self designed law degree." Well this sounds silly to me because nobody ever said the classes had to be associated with a major. That's the whole reason it's a create your own degree - so you can make it a major! As far as the law classes go, that's ridiculous too because they DO HAVE LAW CLASSES! They're in the pre-law minor which I've already looked up. I also looked up whether the classes need to be from a current major and it doesn't state that anywhere so I told them that. Also somebody else already self designed their own major for Art Therapy and neither of those are a major at my school so I don't know what the big deal is with this guy and his assistant.
Instead of considering what I had stated and meeting up with me to discuss it in person like I asked twice (correspondence with him had been through email) he refused to unless the lady in charge of the self designed major program was meeting with us too. To me this is insane because he won't just talk to me and I'm getting extremely frustrated. I feel like he just doesn't want anybody to interfere with his pre-law minor.
How can I handle this without sabotaging the entire proposal?
I fully believe in the fact that since you are paying them to supply a product or service to you they need to satisfy you or explain to your satisfaction why they cannot do so. This is the attitude you must take and if needed so state to them that they work for you and they must provide a satisfactory answer and explain why one student can and you can't.
If they/he still refuses your next step is to the Dean of students and if need be you adopt the same attitude. After that it is the college president.
Too many times those in charge of the school look at the students as children and treat you as such. The fact of the matter is you are not children you are young adults old enough to serve in the military. If you are old enough to serve in the military and defend their liberties then you are old enough to be treated as adults. Which means to be treated as they would want to be treated.
If you feel it is needed to be said so say it. For the world of academia does not spin as the rest of the world.
If all else fail have your parents help you.
I have been seeing a married/separated guy for 5 yr
I admitt this started before he separated from his wife. I know this wrong but i got hooked my problem and now i am starting to see this relationship differently plus he recently allowed a new female roommate to stay with him but he insists nothing is going on.bbut there are other issues we mostly hookup now when i see him he used to take me out but now he frequently says he broke and i end up paying for dates, or he asks for money which i stopped giving cuz once he did not pay it back. I am starting to pull away from this relationship and he starting to notice should i have a talk or chuck this up to bad judgement on my part my move on with my life. He was still contacting me but lately i have been distant cuz i am afraid to talk or i already know the answer.
I think you know the answer to your question. I think it is time to chalk this up to experience and move on.
This relationship has become something of a friend with benefits with a monetary dependency as an added feature. This is not a good relationship for you though it is great for him. Tell him it's been nice but you have higher standards for yourself and he no longer fits into what you are looking for.
Have you ever applied to this company before? Is my first time so what should I say ??
It is a simple question. If you have not ever applied to that company before the answer is; NO
can 12 year olds get a job somewhere
The Child labor law requires you to be at least 16 years old before you can hold a paying job with an employer. The work for kids under that age is fully dependent on what your parents will allow and what a neighbor may offer you. Such as gardening, lawn mowing, car washing, window washing, house painting and if you live in the snow belt snow shoveling. There was a time when kids your age had paper routes. That now in many areas are adult jobs now.
All of these jobs are generally offered by friends of the family and based on your age and level of maturity as well as your parents permission.