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Need advice: I have been seeing a married/separated guy for 5 yr
I have been seeing a married/separated guy for 5 yr
I admitt this started before he separated from his wife. I know this wrong but i got hooked my problem and now i am starting to see this relationship differently plus he recently allowed a new female roommate to stay with him but he insists nothing is going on.bbut there are other issues we mostly hookup now when i see him he used to take me out but now he frequently says he broke and i end up paying for dates, or he asks for money which i stopped giving cuz once he did not pay it back. I am starting to pull away from this relationship and he starting to notice should i have a talk or chuck this up to bad judgement on my part my move on with my life. He was still contacting me but lately i have been distant cuz i am afraid to talk or i already know the answer.
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I'm with adviceman. You already know he's not good for you. A relationship to be successful and mutually healthy & fulfilling for both needs to have two people putting energy into the relationship. This QUOTE sums it up: Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both people put in maximum effort to make it so.
As for a man who is separated or divorced, keep in mind that there is always a chance that there is a good reason for it, why the wife doesn't want him anymore. So I don't see getting into a relationship with someone in that status, as a bad thing. Just date long enough to see what the mans true character is and then either keep or dump him. My second husband and I met when we both were separated from our now exs and the divorces occurred after. He had actually separated on good terms and his ex wanted something different in a mate at that point. The teen daughter was a daddys girl and wanted to go with him and they agreed. In my case, My ex was verbally abusive and I was separated from him 2 yrs at the time I met him.
I won't go into why I stayed so long with the ex but what helped me with finding and recognizing the man who would make the perfect new husband for me was having a list of what I wanted in a man, and it was a list of needs which are things that are a deal breaker if the man doesnt match up. I can't tell you want your needs are but for me, I needed a man who would not ever lose his temper with me, talk down to me, verbally abuse, use me as maid, butler, go-fer, and as a source of extra money for him among other things. I knew what the bad things looked like in a guy. You do too now and I sense you are fairly intelligent and will use what you have learned.
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I think you know the answer to your question. I think it is time to chalk this up to experience and move on.
This relationship has become something of a friend with benefits with a monetary dependency as an added feature. This is not a good relationship for you though it is great for him. Tell him it's been nice but you have higher standards for yourself and he no longer fits into what you are looking for.
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