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Boring guy
Hello, I have a bit of a problem and was wondering if I can get some advice. So there is this guy, I'm F/20 and he is M/24 by the way, he’s completely fallen for me, wants to make me happy and for me to be his “girlfriend” and he has told me that he loves me many times. He lives 3 hours away from where I live so we only see each other once in a while. I’ve known this guy since I was 14 through our family. This guy is everything a woman could ever need. He is dependable, kind, intelligence, …etc.etc.. The problem is that I want to give him a chance but he is so damn boring. We have the most boring conversations ever. All we really do is say hello, how are you, how was your day,…etc.etc. My soul and mind crave for deep, rich, authentic stimulating, intellectual, spiritual conversations. When I try to go deep into a conversation, he doesn't know what to say. Can you give some advice on this? I have no idea what to do.
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solidadvice4teens advice is spot on. When I met my wife I was somewhat socially awkward around women having recently returned from Southeast Asia after 14 months during the Vietnam war and not seeing a round eyed women in all that time. We actually met over the phone as we spoke to each other as part of our jobs but in person I was tongue tied.
My wife realized this and drew me out asking about things I liked to do. I was a volunteer firefighter at the time and she probably learned more about fire fighting than she ever cared to know. Though through my telling her about firefighting and the things we did I grew more comfortable in talking to her.
We have been married now for 45 years. She somehow knew that behind the awkwardness was someone she wanted to get to know. Maybe it was the fact she grew up with someone that spent three years as a prisoner of war during WWII.
Because of her ability to draw me out of my shell. I have had a very successful career in which I had to be able to talk to people one on one and in groups.
If you like this guy talk to this guy find out what his passions on and let him know your not running away. show him how to have a good time and I don't mean just sexually.
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I have a feeling he really hasn't had many friends or a girlfriend or any female really express interest in who he is and in him at least not outside of anything platonic. He is socially awkward and no doubt letting you know he likes you was a HUGE gamble for him.
Now that he has you liking him back and wanting to be the girl in his life his fear has gone up because he's never been here before and cannot relax yet in conversation or with you. You need to get him to relax and just talk to you like he would anyone else and ease in gradually to the relationship.
If he's not good at conversing draw him out and find out what his passion is. He will start talking a blue streak and from there you can spread out. If you have a passion tell him about it and get him asking you questions.
If interested in spirituality, books, certain films or intellectual pursuit than start a conversation and draw him in. Over time he will become comfortable and will converse easily with you.
You also have to gently tell him that constant declarations of love, wanting to make a person happy or be together can actually have the wrong affect with some women and frighten them off but that you saw his sincerity and also have an interest in him.
He's dependable, kind, likes you a lot and everything you say you need. Let's start there, build on the talking which is fixable and not pass up an opportunity here. The only thing that isn't great is the 3hr distance. If you can work out more time to see one another it could really blossom.
Your family likes him and you knew him since you were 14. My hunch is he's held on to these feelings for you that long. You may find it interesting to no doubt discover.
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