Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
128233Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
Hi there my cousin and i have been together for 6 yrs secretly we hve a 5 yr old daughter together and no one knows about it weve managed to keep it a secret this long but late last year she decided to end it recently saying she cant pretend anymore and alota people will get hurt if they found out i know shes my cousin but i just fell in love with her and even now im stil madly in love with her i havent seen or spoken to her in a month now and im heartbroken is it true u cant choose who u fall in love with? and i miss my daughter too and ive Also been told by people shes been seen with another guy this is just a very big mess at the moment i dont know what to do
Here's an article on facts about 1st cousin marriages. I knew that there was some belief that there may be issues with genetics in children from such a marriage. Half the states in the U.S. have no ban on cousin marriages. In fact according the the article I am going to list with links to more articles on particular subjects, there really seems to be no good point that could be made against it. It's all more bigotry and misunderstanding than anything else.
http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts
Send this article to your cousin. You both need to find time to talk after reading this. And do more research on line on your own. Be sure to get articles with facts, not peoples bias's.
Now you know how the gay people feel. They can no more choose who they fall in love with than you could. For years they kept their feelings and love for someone in the closet. I say its high time that "kissing cousins" come out of the closet too and find their acceptance among society. If your female cousin is also madly in love with you but choosing to force herself to see someone else due to fear of family or peer pressure, then for her own health sake she needs to change her attitude. She could develop great stress which leads to depression, and too long a depression in some cases can lead to a person trying to take their own life. Too much stress can also come out instead over time by causing physical issues within the body that over time can lead to major illnesses and in some cases death.
If the two of you can read up on line as I did for you, and see that there really is nothing wrong with being a couple in love and having a child, and change your views in your minds how you feel about it, then half the battle is won.
If your state is one of those allowing cousin marriages, then it leans even more in your favor.
The biggest issue will be how your family reacts to it. Give them the plain hard facts too. If they choose to never come around to supporting you, thats their issue and their loss in not having good relations with you. Other people you may meet over a life time, co-workers, neighbors, need not know that you are related, all they will know is that you are a happily married couple.
You said people will get hurt to know you two are in love. There is nothing one person can do to make another person happy for example, if they want to continue to mope around, nothing can make or force them to become angry, or make them hurt emotionally. Anything that happens in any one persons life can cause them to react in either a positive way or a negative way.. That choice is entirely up to the individual, not due to what you would be sharing with them. So the issue of someone becoming angry or hurt can not be blamed on the circumstance, or happenstance. I hope you see what I am getting at. Hopefully if you do, maybe you;ll be able to get others to see it too.
Right now, I think you need at least one more relative on your side. Maybe there is one person in all the family who is very open minded. Any child deserves to know who both her birth parents are. It will never matter to the daughter whether mommy and daddy are cousins, she only knows you as parents. I'd hate to see you deprived of seeing her. See if you can get your cousin to come around and come back to you and the two of you decide if you will pick and choose the most open minded family member...my personal choice would be someone who is supportive of gay people and may have some gay friends, they will likely be most understanding once you have shared all the facts you have from on line. Ask them to stand up with you two when you finally tell the family. If your cousin doesnt come around, then you'll need to decide how to go about continueing to see your daughter.
I see only two things, either you end up in the long run only getting to see daughter at large family gatherings and she knows you as a 2nd cousin but not a dad or you go against your cousins wishes and come out to the family about it.
The only reason I can see for the latter choice is having a greater concern for how keeping this secret may hurt the daughter if it is found out when she is a teen or adult, which would mean hurting your cousin instead. You are in a very hard place. The decisions are all yours, i could only give you some facts and things to think about. Good Luck
Hy I am 20 years old got my periods on sunday 11 ths month, n I have been bleeding till 2day. Went to the clinic they gave me trigestrel pills to regulate them, I went on tues so took a pill on red whch was written tues, how long wll ds tke 2 stop the bleeding?
Trigestrel, whether used as birth control or to regulate periods, takes a week to build up in your system. Thats why when starting the pill, they don't recommend sex without a condom until after a week. So after a week, it there are still issues, talk to your doctor again.
One thing I wonder is how being in jail will change her. Obviously spending six months there would change you somewhat. I mean now that my mom is a criminal and will be surrounded by other criminals for eight months. I've talked to her on the phone and she seems the same but I still wonder. One positive that may come from this, maybe she will go easier on me. Though that could be a bad thing I guess
For one thing, mom has more time to think about the consequences of any future action she does. It can mean the difference to another person such as snapping at a friend cus she has a headache but the friend has low self esteem and thinks she did something wrong to make your mom angry. Mom if she was really fully present in the now and aware of all thing present and what may possibly come down the road, she might then notice the look on her friends face and say, Oh, I have a horrible headache Pam, I am sorry, thats what made me snap at you. I shouldnt though, it's nothing you said or did. And that would help Pam with the fragile self esteem to maybe gain some confidence.
I'd like to share something I heard from a traveling minister at our church once long ago. He said that the word "Sin" doesnt necessarily mean we did something bad, did something wrong, broke the rules or the laws. The word "Sin" is an archery term. Archery is the use of bows and arrows and trying to hit the bulls-eye of a target. When a person's arrow missed the mark of the bull's eye, it was termed a "Sin". So sin simply means to miss the mark. We all do that in life. Some misses are small, like not making in back home in curfew time or a big one is murdering a person. There is a saying, if it harms no one, then do as you wish. If the consequences of any contemplated action hurts someone else or even your self...then it shouldnt be done to begin with.
Life is our classroom, you don't stop learning once you leave high school or college. So there are adults also learning different things right along side their children. Mom is no different than you in missing the mark. So what is "The Mark" the bulls-eye in life that you are aiming for?
I believe it is to strive to become more like our Creator, the God who made us, or Heavenly 'parent'. Thats it. Nothing more, nothing less. It is a measuring system for you to look at, how far are you away from being more like God. The Christians have that cute saying for teens now, WWJD? What Would Jesus Do? Think of that before anything you are contemplating doing. If it's something you should do but are afraid to, or shouldn't do but want to, apply personal willpower.
You call mom a criminal. A criminal means there was a crime.
Wikipedia says: a crime, also called an offence or a criminal offence, is an act harmful not only to some individual, but also to the community or the state (a public wrong). Maybe in the worlds society, people may no longer trust a person once they have been convicted of a crime.But how many of us have committed crimes and not been convicted, or missed the mark but not been harassed over it. I can't imagine God having such a big ego that He can't let go in his mind of something you did wrong when you were a little kid and is now going to hold it against you for the rest of your life. Nope, He is all loving and forgiving. Sometimes we need to look at the bigger scope, the issue in your personal life may not so much be what mom did to get convicted of a crime, but what processes your mind go through, and how you set your will and choices you make because of it.
You have mentioned several times now how you hope when Mom comes out that she will "Go easier on you". I am not sure exactly what you mean but in my mind, that throws up red flags of warning. You may not be hard of heart right now and simply concerned but if you don't watch yourself, you could so easily slip into becoming rebellious towards mom and choosing to not follow any parental guidelines anymore, even if both dad and mom agree on them....just because mom is involved in it and she has lost credibility in your eyes. If after mom gets out and you find yourself unable to get past it, and having resentments towards mom and you choosing to be tempted to go down the wrong road, ask them to get you into counseling. Your situation is a perfectly normal and good reason for getting some counseling. In fact, I think it wouldn't hurt to be going through counseling already now. I wish you the best hon. I just don't want to see you end up in the position of some of the kids portrayed on the show, "The Worlds Strictest Parents".
thanks for answering my question but sadly almost everyone that answered missed the second part where I said this
"a very disappointing situation that just came from it. There was a tutor I worked with for math at my college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. My class ended about two months ago. I had to go to college for something I thought it would be a great opportunity to just go in the tutor lab and say hi and chat with her a bit. A friend of mine said he was going to be there as well so he said come in at the same time to work on some stuff so he said to me come when he is there. This is perfect because having a friend of mine there can make me more comfortable and help me create conversation. Now it is not like I want to get in this girls pants or something (hell she is engaged) but I just wanted to have a conversation about stuff and not be a completely anonymous person. I am so envious of all the people who are able to just go up to people and just chat. I can't do that at all.
so I go there, but instead of going inside I get too anxious and just paced around outside of the place for like ten minutes and then just when I was thinking of going inm, she leaves (turns out she was leaving early today). I am so frustrated now and filled with regret. My freaking anxiety totally prevented me from just going in just to say hi.
there's a chance I can see her again some time but I have no idea what the schedule is going to be like. And with my friend being there today, this was such a perfect opportunity and I wasted it,
"
I am wondering how do I get over this regret? I really wanted to talk to her then and it was a great opportunity and I totally missed it. Also you have any tips incase I see her again?
There isn't much you can do with regret, probably why I and others didn't answer. The answer is actually quite simple, since a part of you feels you let the other part of you down, you have to forgive yourself. It's not like having to forgive someone or yourself for committing a bad thing, it's more for the ommission of something that is important to you. If you find yourself able to do this, it should help. There are two people inside of you, one the awake self ruled by your conscious mind and the inner child ruled by your subconscious mind where all our feelings and emotions lie. So since the subc. mind covers and rules feelings, it is actually your subc. mind that has a problem with the regrets. You may want to do some studies on working with your subc. mind, get to know it better like a separate person inside of you. Many people battle theirs as if they are fighting with a sibling. Others without knowing it, have befriended theirs. Ever catching people talking to themselves? They knowingly or unknowingly are talking to their subc.
As for tips on how to talk to one particular person. Don't limit yourself. Study how to get over your shyness first, gain confidence and the rest will come easily. Even once we are ready to face something we didn't before, the opportunity may or may not ever be there again. If so, learn to seize the moment which you'll only be ready to do once your and your subc. are cooperating together. Less nice emotions such as fear also come from your sub. Its like handling a child that fears there are monsters under its bed. You can't just say. Get over it, be brave, theres nothing there. You have to talk to the child for a while and talk him/her into learning how to deal with these fears and realize that fear is the worst enemy, and once faced and pushed into control, like a bully, it will stop trying to make your life miserable. Your subc. is responsible for the fear to talk to people and also responsible for the regrets. Remember, the subc can act like a little child, your inner child can be trained. Talk to yourself. Give your subc. a name like I did, it makes it easier. I can mine Selena. Tell your subc.(Let's call it John) it has no right to make you miserable with regret when John was unwilling to push himself past the fears. Tell John that his fears are unfounded, that nothing bad or terrible can happen from talking to people. Every person out there has at times also been at a loss for words or said something lame or dumb. If we're not talking about immature highschool and youner kids, then the adults you interact with should not ever treat you weird or want to avoid conversation with you or ridicule you. You could also ask John why he has these fears to begin with. I find sometimes that things my awake self has no problems or issues with are actually indeed very big things to my inner child. When I have asked Selena repeated why she is acting a certain way, or in one example, why am I feeling kinda quiet and withdrawn right now in conversation with husband. Selena quickly told me she was upset with the fact the hubby had been working extra jobs lately and putting them first and not having any time for us. My awake self had no problem with it and had actually told him to go ahead and work, it was fine. But Selena didn't like it. hahaha, it really is like having two people inside of you. I know this all sounds crazy but its basic psychology and also something that was taught in the ancient Huna religion of the Hawaiian priests. Dont know what more I can say. If anything I said is not clear, just ask again.
This is such an old story. I'm writing here to get insights and to just externalize a few things that I've been holding in. I'll try to be as concise.
Basically, Mary has stopped talking to me. We were college teammates and graduated in 2012. I'm from a big city, different part of the country from where we went to school. About five of my teammates have ended up in the city over the years. We weren't closest of friends while in school, but we had a typical teammate bond and we get together periodically, some get together with every few weeks. Mary and I hung out EVERY WEEKEND and texted daily for four months until she overnight stopped talking to me 3 months ago. We didn't see each other until a group event a few weeks after she stopped talking to me, and there, she acted completely 'normal'--apologizing for not responding to emails. She apparently lost her phone, didn't have internet for a few weeks, changed email clients, thought she emailed me but didn't send--there were so many inconsistencies.
Ever since, she's been attached to another girl from our group and has ignored me. I'll make clear here that I emailed her a couple of times and texted once or twice and that's it--I wasn't sending her a thousand messages cluelessly. Recently I was talking to another teammate "Jenna" who just moved here and she said Mary did the same thing with her. She felt like they were somehow in a relationship that had a bad break-up. But neither of us know what the deal is. When we see Mary, she acts normal in a group context, but in a way that makes us feel like we had not been spending the past x amount of time in constant closeness to Mary.
It's just bizarre. How would you all approach this situation? I'm going to continue being around Mary and I really want to address it. But she won't respond to me. I don't want to create drama within the group, which is why I haven't said anything to the others besides Jenna (who confided in me first) and why I haven't confronted her the only times I've seen her, which are in the group element. I'm don't expect to become friends again. I just want to tell her how she's made me feel, because I'm at a point where I dread any situation where I'll see her.
Thanks for any insight.
One reason for taking ones attention off a close girlfriend is if you are in a new romantic relationship and all your attention is going to it. But I have a feeling that's not the case, especially since Jenna said the same thing.
So perhaps knowingly or unknowing, she has issues with becoming too close to anybody, friends, family...and it could stem from something she has experienced in her past. So while she may seem and act fairly normal, this only comes up when her subconscious mind (which is where all our emotions and feelings are stored) feels like you're getting too close and caauses her to back away and find excuses to not spend time with a person.
Or...I just had one bizarre thought, she could secretly be a gay or bi sexual female. If she were aware of this and okay with this, then you and your friends may likely have figured it out by now. But that may not be the case if she herself hasn't figured it out yet, or if she suspects she is but is afraid to entertain the thought, that could explain why she would pull away. And if that were truly her case, she could be pulling away because subconsciously she picked up that neither of you are bi or gay. Or perhaps once she feels attraction that goes beyond friendship, she cuts it off with females rather than face the fact that she is gay or bi. I am not a psychologist and neither are you. As long as she is happy with her life as it is and what she is doing is not harming any other person, then don't worry about it. Just be as friendly or civil as you need to be if in customer service and coming into contact with the public. In such a position, you don't have to like how the person treats you, or even have to like them in general, but you must be generally friendly, refrain from telling them that they are wrong or that they aren't being nice to you, and helpful and do whatever the job requires but don't bend over backwards trying to spend time with someone like that. If she has some personal issues that cause her to detach from relationships, she's not going to believe you or know what to do with you telling her how she made you feel. Your words will have about as much affect as a feather would in knowing down a brick wall. It won't help her if she isn't ready to face it and improve. She will figure it out on her own someday and try to change on her own or seek professional help if needed. You can't hurry up the process because you care or cared about her. We all mature and change at a rate we are comfortable with and won't take advice or friendly counsel until we are ready. We are ready when we are asking for help such as you have done by writing here.
You don't have to dread any situation where you will see her. Just don't invest yourself to the extent you did before. Be friendly, hi how are you when you run into her but think of her as a buddy of your friends (other than Jenna) whom they drag along with them. Lets say Jenna made a new friend who starts to hang with you guys and you don't like the person because she is very snotty towards you. You cant tell Jenna not to bring the friend to a "group" event. So the solution is to not go to anything where it is a group hang out thing. So you could let your friends know you'd like to do something with them individually, one at a time, not trying to see all 3 or 4 without Mary present. But just one on one doesnt exclude 'just Mary'..its a different thing, I hope you see that. If your other friends want to know why you no longer want to meet as a group, you can put the blame on yourself and say that you have outgrown the friendship with Mary so you don't find it mutually rewarding to be with her anymore. No other explanation is needed. And if truth be told, you really have outgrown her...she is stuck...not wanting to talk about the issue and you are wanting to resolve it as mature adults and move on. But remember not to point the blame on what she is doing wrong. You may or may not be believed and if the others are still blind to what Mary is doing, they will only think that you are being unfair and childish or something. I know its not easy hon. But we have no control over the actions of others, only over our own selves. If you are not having fun, you're doing it wrong. Thats a saying with great truth to it. It life is becoming a drag, or what you are doing, or even if the guy you're in relationship with, doesn't bring joy, peace, and just flow naturally, if its no fun...and you dread something...like Mary, or a job, etc... then it's time for a change. A change for your sake so you don't lose your joy in life and become over stressed. Good luck dear
I got hired to work on my college housing staff. I am 18 and female and the guy I will be talking about is 19. So, I thought he was cute for a while. We talk, we joke, he laughs at my jokes, my eyes always search for him first in a crowded room. Tonight, we had staff bonding, we watched a movie in the basement. My roommate and one of my other best friends on staff sat together, so the cute guy came over to me and asked if he could sit next to me to which I said of course. It started out really awkward, we were both on our own sides minding our own business. However, as the movie progressed, I realized we were mimicking each other's actions. We were both eating food, I finished eating, so he stopped eating. I then cracked my knuckles, I stopped and then he cracked his knuckles. So, I moved my position so that my legs were a little closer to his, he didn't move for a little but then he moved his arm to the back of the couch we were on and set it behind me.
It's just little things and it isn't a lot but do you think there is something possibly there? (: He's so cute and I don't want to just blatantly tell him that I like him right away, before the school year even starts because I don't want to ruin a work/personal friendship with him. But, do you think we may have chemistry? Thanks!
I am going to share an article that tells you everything i would have typed but this way is easier. Please read it. Its about body language. Many of us do this without being aware of it, like its a natural inbred instinct.
But once you are aware of it and catch yourself doing this or the other person responding the same, it means there is romantic interest on both side if both are doing it. I cann tell you from experience, that this has never ending up being a false reading.
Good luck with the guy dear.
http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml
What is the importance of physical relationship in marriage?
Yes a physical relationship is as important as a friendship in which you communicate well and have some things in common.
On the physical relationship side of it, I don't know if you are a male or female but either way, I will share what I know as a female and from what i have read.
A female needs more than just sexual intercourse. Things like stopping for a quick kiss or hug as you interact at home while doing chores or cooking shows your love and keeps the flame alive. There is lots of touch that both a man or woman will enjoy and builds intimacy between them, playing with each others hair, rubbing their back, playful pats on their bottom, the tickles or shivers that stroking your fingers anywhere on the body can give, as well as looking--really looking into each others eyes.
I am in my 2nd marriage. In the first, though we had sex, we were sexually mismatched. Both he and I were doing everything right but did not inspire that sort of passion in each other where I could get orgasms or he felt desire for me. He never desired me, just had sex for the release for him, and I was willing but never fulfilled. Being young, we had no idea what the problem was. You won't know the difference until you have experienced it yourself. So in closing, while physical relations are one of two important foundations for any successful rewarding loving relationship, having a sexual chemistry is also an important factor, not just having sex and not being fulfilled by it.
I am a new desk receptionist in my dorm hall this year. I am a sophomore but this is my first year working for housing. I have quite a few shit shifts, 4-6 am... I know :( but I was just wondering how to stay alive during those and how to also be a cool person during the day. I also really want to engage with my residents and be a friendly, likable person. The people on the staff of the dorm I was in last year really impacted my first year and made me want to work the job that I am working so I was just wondering how I can impact my residents' college experience as well.
I already am going to make cool door decs for them to hang on their door. I also have all of their room numbers and I'm going to write them notes when I know they are in class or out of the room, it'll be random, so each resident won't know when they'll get one and it'll be anonymous, so some will say, you're doing great today, put a smile on your face, don't sweat the small stuff. So, if you can think of cute ideas like those, lay them on me because I really want my staff to like and respect me and look back on their freshmen year and say "that one staff member was really great.."
Any help and suggestions are appreciated. Thanks so much!
I have a daughter who has worked up to being asst. manager at a coffee shop. It's all about how positive and friendly she is. She even asked management to call her no matter what time to fill in on shifts in other locations when someone went ill at last minute. So she earned her reputation.
You seem to already be a positive person. So do what ever little things you think are going beyond the scope of your role like the notes on doors. If there is any real amount of traffic of people during those hours, you might keep a stash of cookies, regular and for diabetics with you so you can offer "something sweet for a sweet person". Since you like the idea of positive thoughts to leave for a person, why not have a deck of such cards sitting out on a tray where you sit at your reception area. Make a sign, pull a card, or invite a person to come draw a card as they come near you. I worked at a gift shop that had such a set of cards sitting out and repeat customers were amazed at how they seemed to pull the same card every time or it was just what they needed to hear. People will take a couple moments of their time when there is a snack and a card to draw and actually begin to look forward to this.
But best of all is to always have a smile on your face. Memorize the names of as many people as you can using silly things to jog your memory so you can greet them all by name. For example for Tina your might say, I remember it S Tina cus she's the teeniest person I know. Something the rhymes with their name, or a feature of theirs...what ever works, If you are great and get to know all the names with ease, have a note pad where you can write something they share about theirselves such as they miss their pet cat that the parents are taking care of while they are in school. Jot down on pad, owns a cat, cats names, cat lover. So you have something personal to ask about when you see them. This is what the daughter does with all her repeat customers. You may not need to make written notes at first. One thing that makes a great impression at first meeting is when someone remembers your name correctly next time you see them, and the other is the care enough to remember some detail about them. I have a feeling thats already part of how you are so it'll be a cinch. Have fun and enjoy.
I have depersonatization disorder; I know because I feel unreal and zone out so bad that I come back and have to remember things to feel less detached at the moment, I have anxiety...Anyhow, I don't think this is it because I get very depressed,I used to think of suicide, at times I act differently and I'm not trying to fit it (I don't think). I argue at times and just have to be right and have to win the argument (big problem),I think of hurting people, myself, and just dark thoughts. I sometimes find physical contact uncomfortable, I have sexual thoughts but I can't "turn on" at the right time. I also sometimes say things that really don't apply to the conversation...does anyone might have like an idea of what's wrong with me? What is wrong with meee! these feelings are helpless!
I have a daughter who starting looking up medical symptoms on line, for all sorts of diseases to try to self diagnose a condition she had. What she discovered and what I discovered when i did the same thing for someone I knew who had an untreated mentall illness, is that a great majority of the symptoms were all the same. Only a doctor can run certain tests and spend time with you in an exam to determine what is really going one and it may have to take time. You say you know one disorder you have and wonder if there are others. How do you know about the one? Have you seen a doctor? If still seeing him, ask him. If the Dr. wasn't helping, it can be a personality clash, you need to really connect with the person trying to heal you and trust him. So if you havent had luck with one, try another Dr. If under age, let the parents know you want to try another Dr. cus this one is not helping you and its not lack of their knowledge, you just don't click with them which is important when dealing with what your issues are. Good luck dear.
so I am only 14 years old.
I've started to talk to this guy, who is a sophomore. Though he goes to a different school that I do.
we don't live to far, and are planning to hang out soon at one of my schools football games.
he told his mom and step dad that we were talking& that he likes me and they said that I'm pretty and they're okay with it.
On our date at the football game which is in like 2 weeks, August 30, I start school August 29. & his school year started last Monday. He was planning on asking me out. I really like this boy, & I want to be in a serious relationship with him
I want him to meet my parent. (Dad) But I'm too scared and don't know how he'll react.
I live with my dad, grandpa and brother. & uncle sorta, so it's alllll guys, and yeah.
I don't live with my mom, but I do visit her at times, and I wanna tell her too.
if anything ill tell my mom first, but I don't know how. and too scared.
another thing, the guy lives not too far from her. So if she wants to meet him, ill tell him or something to go to her house.
how do I tell them????!!!!
I'm so scared and nervous!
though in the past my dad thought I had a boyfriend once and told my mom to ask me about it.
Dad already thought you were dating before, I'd say its a sign that he realizes you are at that age and is expecting it to happen sooner or later.
While, you could tell mom, the one who you live with and has the majority of the parenting responsibility for you is your Dad. So while its nice to tell mom and get her thoughts once you are in the relationship, helpful hints and warning regarding boys and dating, Dad will be the one who really gets to see the guy up close, observe his behavior, how he treats you and whether he acts accepting and friendly towards or has grudges and problems with adults, parents and authority in general. The best way for Dad and the other males at home to observe your guy is by inviting him to come hang at your house a lot. I think it is a wonderful deal that you actually have other males in the home who know you well and care about you so they can balance Dad out if Dad does get too overprotective. However, I don't think Dad will have any issues. Hanging with your guy at school in a public setting is fairly safe. But real dating, Dad may feel more comfortable allowing you to do if he gets to know the guy first so he isn't a virtual stranger. So, yes, you have to tell dad. You may feel awkward at first. It's a natural thing to want to explore how to talk to a guy, get to spend time with them and come to understand the basic differences in characteristics. Thats what dating is about and this is one of the things to learn in life, especially during teen and college years so that you'll know who the right guy is later for a life time committed relationship whether married or not. So there is nothing to fear. Your parents were teens once...they know what its like. If Dad has not yet sat you down and talked about guideline and rules he has for dating for you, then you'll have to ask him. Females are always better at this kind of thing, communicating so Dad might need some prompting. Once he knows you want to know how he feels about you and dating, it will be easier. So just tell him theres a guy
ok, so I've been talking to this boy lets call him T, for about 4 or 5 months.
he's really cute and sweet, but he gets so moody. also some people tell me he's a player and that I should be careful with him.but I don't believe it cause if it was true people would tell me in person. (If he's a player)
Also whenever we message each other or on oovoo or on the phone, we never really talk, like he's not a funny humorous guy that I'm usually into. Hes actually kind of boring And besides, he calls me hot sometimes, and I really don't like that.
another thing, he's always asking me for a sexy picture, but I'm not like that, so I don't send him one. and we haven't hung out like during this whole time talking, but that's cause we're both busy. and he says our relationship is like boring. & it kind of is, but that's cause we're busy.
I honestly really think he just likes me for my body or looks.
also I hear he's talking to another girl, I asked him who she was and he said that he used to like her or she used to like him or they used to both like one another I forgot, and that she's just and old friend. But I know they're like texting because he asked her for her number.
I don't think he's the one for me, but how do I stop talking talking to him ? Like give him a hint, I don't like you, we should stop talking sorta thing.
In relationships, whether just aquaintences, or friends, or partners in a dating couple, we all need to learn the possible warning signs of character flaws in the other person, or where you do not have anything in common, lack chemistry.
Nobody knows in the beginning. The only way to find out and learn is by spending time with a person, in text, on phone, in person hanging out, and once old enough, living together.
A person who is moody could have some mental imbalances like being bi polar, or a controller. rsu Also, a person who is holding in lots of anger and resentments from childhood or just what happens in his world in general, could be a time bomb waiting to explode and may appear as moody. this would mean the person could be in what could remotely be considered a good mood for them, likely when someone is doing what THEY want, but then again, moody types are sometimes a person who can not be pleased no matter what you do. They expect you to change for them without them making any changes. In fact, any big character flaws in such a person will likely not change with time, not even in a lifetime. I know, I was married to such a person because no one bothered to talk to me when I was 20 and engaged to him, and tell me about the warning signs.
Also, there is a lack of respect for the girl, when a guy starts talking to a female in terms that describe her as just a sex object to him. The truth is that all guys are sexually aroused by what they see and as they grow older, they develope they own personal tastes in looks and character and only look for that type of girl, whether slender, chubby, big or little boobs, blonde, brunette, the introvert or the extrovert, etc... But the truth also is that guys can learn some tact and exercise self control when speaking to a woman or talking about women to other people. Respect is important. He is already not respectful of how it makes you feel. Once a couple are in a long term committed relationship, its wonderful to have your guy tell you how hot looking you are even in grungy clothes, even when you first wake up in the morning, because you have a relationship of mutual love and respect and the man loves you as a whole person for many other reason than just the sexual part of the relationship.
Also, some good guys are great at remembering dates and others at not and need reminders, it doesnt mean that they don't care unless they do a bad job in other parts of the relationship as well.
So how to stop seeing him, tell him that you just don't feel any chemistry between you. Think of it like oil and water in a bottle. You can shake it really hard to try to make the oil and water mix and blend together well, like yellow and red paint mixed turns to orange. The oil can be temporarily broken up into smaller globs but eventually resists the water and returns to its separate state.
okay, so I am Gonna be a freshman, but still in summer.
so I've been talking to this sophomore lets call him Z
for about 4 or 5 months. (He goes to my school)
um he's cute, alot of people think we make a cute couple. but some people tell me he's a player and that he's talking to this other girl. when I asked him who the girl was, he just said she's an old friend, but I know they've been texting, cause he asked her for her number.
whenever we talk, it's usually a boring conversation.
on messaging or on the phone, it's boring. like he can't really keep a convo, he wants me to say everything.
throught out our talking time, we've never hung out. & that's cause I'm busy or he's busy.
so he told me our relationship was boring, & he's always asking me for a "sexy" picture, but I always deny him, cause I'm not like that. Another thing he's BARELY taller than me.
so now it's August, and I met this other boy, call him A, and he's honestly SO PERFECT! (He doesnt go to my school)
he's cute, he's taller than me, he's funny & can really keep a conversation. We've been messaging each other for about 2 weeks, and honestly I have feelings for him. he never asks for a sexy picture like Z & is always making me smile.
I haven't really been talking to Z, and talking all day with A.
me and A are gonna go on a date soon, & he's planning on asking me out. But on MY second day of school.
I have two weeks til school starts, and I wanna tell Z that we should just be friends or something like that, and just focus on A, but I don't know how.
and another thing, I don't want to get with A, because people will start saying I'm a hoe or something because I moved on so quickly.
POINT IS: I wanna stop talking to Z because A is just much better than him, but A goes to a different school, but Z goes to mine.
2 weeks til school starts, and me and A have a date the second day of school. he wants to ask me to be his that day, but I don't really wanna say yes because people might think I'm a hoe or something for moving on so quickly from Z.
what do I do?!?! without hurting A's feelings and get Z to not hate me cause I don't want to talk to him anymore..
Maybe you can explain this to me better: you said "me and A have a date the second day of school. he wants to ask me to be his that day"
If he has already told you his intension, then you already know whats in his heart. The only reason to wait for the beginning of school is so you can make a ceremony of it to do it where all of your peers may see and witness it.
Either your friends have a very distorted view of the dating process, or you have a wild imagination of how they are going to react.
One question for yourself: Have they proven to act like that with other person that you have actually witnessed, not just heard about second hand?
Second question: Do I want the opinions of others to keep me from living my own life the best way I see fit. Do I want to cave in to what others think or begin to believe and accept what they say about me? Once you accept it, you are no longer living your life for yourself but living it to please the personal views and expectations of others.
What we need to do is get your mind to a place of understanding so that it won't bother you to hear what others may think. For them to jump to these imagined assumptions just shows how immature they
really are. Unfortunately, during the teen years, the frontal part of the brain that would help your peers see the error they are making, is not fully developed yet so people your age will say and do many stupid things until your mid 20's when the brain has finished developing. You need to understand that this is the case and that thier opinions and understandings will change as they mature brain wise.
Now another thing I'd like to convey to you is that dating is an important process for people to go thru at any age. When you initially like and are attracted to a person, you may not know all there is to know about them yet. You find that out as you spend more time talking to them, hanging out in person with them and later when old enough, living together. There is very little that can be kept hidden about a persons behavior and bad habits when you see them 24/7.
For some people, they may chat a few weeks and realize that there is no chemistry even for just convo's. Much like you see the difference of how talking is so difficult and boring with Z but flows easily and is fun with A. These are the kinds of signs you are supposed to be looking for. Another is how a guy treats you. If always thoughtful, doing special deeds for you., ready to encourage you or comfort and support you in any goals or dreams you have. If there are harsh words, or putting you down, trying to crush your dreams, pressuring you for sex, etc...then its the wrong guy. The butterflies in your stomach is your inner self telling you that you really like A enough to want to spend more time with him. Hopefully, nothing bad comes up that you discover later about him. However like many girls find in the dating process, people of both sexes will pretend to be someone they are not, just to win your attention and become a couple. But it takes too much energy and attention to the details to keep up the false identity so after a few weeks, a month or couple of months, the mask slips and you begin to see the real character and you may
not like it or it may be very bad for you. So it really doesn't matter how many guys you have to cycle through until you find a good one. Dating is to learn what you need and want, and what you like and don't like in a guy...and hooray for you dear...you've already learned what you like and don't like in conversation with a guy. There's more learning ahead. If girls you know are staying with a bad, abusive or the wrong guy just because they think they will look bad for leaving the guy, then they are being totally stupid. You don't want to be stupid too. Now that you know what I am saying and that you're not a whore or slut for moving on to another guy, no matter at what level the relationship was, or whether there was sex or not, you have nothing to fear. Just ignore the ignorant kids. Or better yet, educate them. You'd be doing them a grersu at favor. Enjoy A, and let me know from time to time how it's going...if other questions come up along the way. Just go to my column and write to me under the ask a question tab. Good luck dear.
last month my period is 14th july.18th july I do sex with my husband and this august month till 20th of august my period is missed help.
A period can be delayed a long time due to stress. Not just a day but a week or two. In history, even during wartime, women would have no cydle at all until things were peaceful and normal again.
Illness will delay it too.
The only way to know for sure if you are pregnant is to have a pregnancy test. But follow instructions on package and make sure enough time has passed after the time you think you got pregnant. It may take a little while for the hormones to show in your urine to work for the test.
what is a painless way to die
No one on here is going to give you advice how to end your life. Now if you want to tell what your situation is that is causing you to feel this way, perhaps we may have some advice to share, things you haven't thought of because when a person is so depressed, they can't think totally clearly and rationally anymore and may not see some things to try to improve their situation.
I hear from teens who want to end their life because they got a bad grade and their parents are harrassing them about it. That's not something hopeless! Then there's the ones of people who had a partner dump them. Thats not hopeless! Or those who lost their job, and may not have a home of their own. Thats not hopeless. That happens to be my current situation. Hubby and I are staying with friends while we keep trying to improve our situation. But we have made a choice to not let our situation cause us to feel bad, terrified or hopeless and spin downward into depression. I could be there but I chose to control my stream of hopeless thoughts, also labeled stinking thinking by a psychologist. As long as I am still alive and breathing, I have not failed. I wish you the best.
This is an opinionated question; how do YOU know when you're in love?
I agree with everything light of truth said. But since I gather you wanted to hear from several different people, here's what I feel. both of us are truly 'in love'. First marriage I loved him, but he mistreated me though he said he loved me, and in the end, admitted to mutual friends that he never was in love with me. He loved me like you love your security blanket as a kid, or how you love a type of music, food or style of clothes. It's love but not the kind needed for a long term committed relationship
In my 2nd marriage: He feels exactly the same i do btw,
any time we are apart, like for work or other stuff, we can hardly wait to be back together. When together, we want to do everything little thing in daily life(even the mundane tasks) together so we can share the experience and it also makes everything in life more exciting and wonderful...just having them by your side.
We get joy from doing special things for each other, like both taking turns to cook meals or while the other is up, asking if we can refresh a cup of tea or coffee.
We also can't stand to see the other feeling bad, headache, sick, maybe stressed from work, etc... it there's such a burning desire to have a magic wand and wave it to make it all better for him, I want to massage his scalp if he's hurting, do some Reiki energy healing, but sometimes, there is nothing either of us can do but just hug and hold the other while we sit and suffer.
Love is wanting to uphold and support that which your partner has interest in, their wishes, hopes, dreams and goals and to do so in a way that helps them actually achieve them.
Love is taking delight in each others laughter, blooming and blossoming in each others constant compliments, and wanting to bring pleasure to each other which can happen in many ways (in thoughtful deeds, gifts and also in bed.)
And the ultimate final thing, he and I would give our life if we had to,just to save the other!
I never had that in the first marriage. I was more like a piece of furniture in the house that he liked. I looked pretty, fit in with the decor and like a collecters item, made him feel special gain status cus he had a prize item to show off.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him to death but I have some concerns. He lies a lot not just to me but to everyone. I will find out stuff he hasn't told me through mutual friends. And because of his lying he is losing a lot of friends. Another concern is that my family and friends are not fans. They all say he is a nice guy but I could do better. My dad refuses to even meet him. He is 25 and going back to school the end of this month and just not seems to be getting his shit together. He hasn't had a car for months and it is always on me to pick him up and drive places. If the roles were reversed he would do the same for me but my parents are not ok with the current situation. When I am with my friends I want to break up with him but when I am with him I can't imagine myself without him. I am so 50/50 with this relationship. I don't want to leave him but I feel that it has to be done. Anyone have any advice or input? Does it seem like I am doing it for the better of me or to please family/friends? Should I see if anything changes? So stuck.
Humans don't like change. If you are honest with yourself, neither do you. Change is uncomfortable, it puts someone outside of a comfort zone they have chosen so that the changes they make a little things like change a hairstyle, change apts, change to a different car. But it becomes more scary when it involves humans like interviewing for a new job, a big move like moving to another city where you won't have a support system of family and friends you are familiar with, etc... The other area people don't change much in is their character. I was married 30 yr to a verbally abusive person who I kept hoping that time would change him. He actually did change...but for the worse.
He hid his true nature from me and my family until after he married me. They liked him initially but soon after he became mean, they advised me to leave but I felt stuck because of my Christian beliefs that divorce should not be an option...so i kept hoping. Did I love him? Yes. Intially I did. But his treatment of me slowly chipped away at what love I had until there was nothing left. Its not because I was chooising to not love him...it was because love is something much like a flower seedling that needs nurturing to grow full and bloom. Without care, it will wither away and die.
Lieing to you is another way to chip away at love, not keeping ones word, critisizing, belittling you, etc.
Likely you feel drawn when with him and feel the 50-50 thing, because like me you have a strong nurturing side and a desire to help and heal people and a great belief in people. Those are great qualities in a mother, and great qualities in a professional counselor or life coach but you need to realize that this is not the job for you as far as he is concerned. You can not turn him into a better person by investing your life into him. You would not be leaving him to please the parents although its good they also don't feel he's right. Its good to have confirmation cus when I met my 2nd husband, all my grown daughters liked him. You would need to leave him because you are doing this for you, because you can do better. Maybe you think its making a big deal over just lies, but it's like roots of morning glory, or blackberry roots, if there is one little bad thing in his character, and at core, he isn't constant , and his morals and beliefs fluctuate to fit his situation rather than remain constant, then it isn't too hard for him to take on other bad habits. One of the important needs for a healthy life long committed relationship is good communication and trust. He is failing at both with his desire to lie. The other important thing is a partner who is your best friend, puts you and your needs before theirs, upholds and supports you in all your hopes dreams and goals and desires. If mutual friends are leaving associating with him, thats a very strong clue that something is majorly wrong that you can't see looking through rose colored glasses of love. Because your heart is involved, even if it was the most horrid murderer doing time in jail, like other woman who still love a man like that, you probably would continue to do so, even though it isn't healthy or best for you. I hope this helps you sort out your feelings and look more clearly at this. Good luck dear
I have horrible anxiey and it causes me a lot of problems. The main problem this causes is the lack of ability to talk to anyone. I can not go up and talk to anyone for just conversational purposes unless they talk to me first. That is how I made friends. This is honestly annoying the crap out of me
a very disappointing situation that just came from it. There was a tutor I worked with for math at my college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. My class ended about two months ago. I had to go to college for something I thought it would be a great opportunity to just go in the tutor lab and say hi and chat with her a bit. A friend of mine said he was going to be there as well so he said come in at the same time to work on some stuff so he said to me come when he is there. This is perfect because having a friend of mine there can make me more comfortable and help me create coversation. Now it is not like I want to get in this girls pants or something (hell she is engaged) but I just wanted to have a conversation about stuff and not be a completely anonymous person. I am so envious of all the people who are able to just go up to people and just chat. I can't do that at all.
so I go there, but instead of going inside I get too anxious and just paced around outside of the place for like ten minutes and then just when I was thinking of going inm, she leaves (turns out she was leaving early today). I am so frustrated now and filled with regret. My freaking anxiety totally prevented me from just going in just to say hi.
there's a chance I can see her again some time but I have no idea what the schedule is going to be like. And with my friend being there today, this was such a perfect opportunity and I wasted it,
I am now going to be feeling miserable for a while. No don't get me wrong this is not a huge problem that people should be losing their sleep over or anything but this is still frustrating to me. I really want to learn something from this and let it be the "last straw" moment.
Sounds like you are tired of not being able to just walk up to others and chat. I was extremely shy as a kid, i couldn't even go to the front of the room to sharpen my pencil because some kids might stare at me. Thats pretty bad. By late high school, I'd had enough of it and wanted to change. Being a Christian, I asked GOd what I could do to get over this. Don't laugh now. I was serious and I got an answer which I tried and it worked. I have shared it with others and it has worked for them. And the nice thing is you go at your own pace and there is no pressure.
Kitten lover mentioned that there is medication available for people with extreme anxieties in social settings. Thats good to know. I don't know if you have medical and insurance to cover a monthly prescription, hopefully its not too much.
But just in case you'd like to give a non medication method, one last try before you ask for medication, then read on how I got over mine. I think the anxiety for me was caused by being so shy. Good luck dear.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack something that looks absolutely hideous and showing it to her, "doesn't this look uncomfortable to wear? It reminds me of one of those fashions just for show, not very useful." Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems finding things that fit you?”
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending.
This should help you.
I am looking for a website to meet other singles. I don't want anything to pressure based. I want to be able to take it slow and base a friendship off first. However everything out there seems to cost money & you can't even talk with people who have paid for a membership unless you have as well and I definitely don't want to pay for a membership if the people I message can't talk to me! So if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it!
There are two I have used that are free, OKCupid and the other POF or Plenty of Fish. I found my 2nd husband on Plenty of Fish.
You fill out your own profile with as little or as much info as you want. You can choose one or several status's as what you are looking for, pen pals, activity sex, for sex, for dating, for long term commitment. Of course there is a learning curve as to what to say and not and how to handle what you may come up against. So if you go down this path and need some advice while already in the midst of it, just look up my column and choose the tab to ask a question and I'll be glad to share whatever I know. I was on mainly those 2 sites for 4 yrs. I like it cus instead of feeling you're hunting for a needle in a haystack, it narrows down the amount of people who contact you. There will still be those who write who are in no way what you are looking for but they were attracted to your photo. To help you better, I'd need to know if you are male or female. good luck!
Let's just start off with a background story of my friend Sarah. Sarah's always been the type of person who asks you for a dollar everyday so she can afford to get cigarettes. She steals from clothing stores and mooches off of everyone. She's never worked a day in her life,she lives off of her boyfriend - basically you get the point. All in all, I haven't ever really considered sarah a "friend" but I certainly never considered her an enemy, even after she started using heroin and other serious drugs. In all honesty I'd stay the hell away from her if she wasn't dating one of my friends.
Now, I'm not a loud person, I'm the type of person people go to to spill out all of their secrets, to get advice from. I never knew why I got this type of treatment out of people, perhaps they just think I'm very trustable. And it's clear that Sarah trusted me to keep all of her secrets- even the ones she'd kept from her boyfriend.
So this past week I decided to hangout with Sarah. She had told me she was using heroin again, more so this time, and that she really needed a job. In fact, the whole reason we were hanging out was so that I could bring her to my work, to fill out an application. I then got her some food and we shared a bottle of whisky (that I payed for) , and she started venting. After this, we went to a small get-together. Sarah,me, and my friends Chris, Ashley and Pat were there. These were people I consider trusted friends, and would do no means of stealing from me.
That night, three other friends and I were playing beer pong, Sarah didn't want to play, so she sat behind us. After the beer pong we needed to get more beers, so I agreed to pitch in for some. As I went to get my money from my purse- I had 11 dollars in there- It was gone. I was nonetheless very upset. Soon after this, Pat and Sarah (Sarah's the only one who's 21, the rest of us are 20) went to get some more alcohol with the money that Pat had. Ashley, Chris and I went to look for my cash however It was no where to be found. Chris and Ashley were sure it was Sarah that had taken it, however none of us saw it happen.
Sarah did see me put the money back into my wallet after she bought us the whiskey.
As Sarah and Pat got back I explained what happened. Sarah was already drunk, and basically babbling on about how "11 dollars isn't that much money". I left the get together, because I just couldn't be around any of them with out feeling betrayed.
After all of this went down, I called up my friend Ally because that's where Sarah was going that night. I told her to watch out because of what happened to me, and she verified to me that Sarah has stolen from her before, but only when she was drunk. I then called Sarah's boyfriend and told him that she might have stolen money from me to use for her heroin addiction, which he thought she was over with.
The next day Sarah texted me about how upset she was that I thought it was her, and how she was mad that I called people that night accusing her. I told her I was mad at everyone and not just her. However, my gut is telling me that all signs lead to Sarah.
Now a week later, she's still playing the "innocent" game. Part of me feels really bad, in the off-chance that it wasn't her. But another part of me can't help but laugh.
I just really need advice on how to ignore people like this, and I'm very interested in the psychology of someone with an addiction. Have you ever been lied to before,in a scenario involving drugs? How does heroin or alcohol change someone's morals? Based on the information I've given, does it seem to make sense that I'd blame? Would she still be this upset if she did do it, or is it an act to defend her lies? I would really like an unbiased opinion, unlike what most of my friends are giving to me. Thank you
One more thing in addition to what else has been shared with you, when you do associate with her, buy her food, drinks, and being near her so she has an opportunity to steal, all you are doing is enabling her to stay stuck where she is. Even if its not much, she can go get a dozen suckers who will feel sorry for her and give her littles bits here and there plus the money she steals because they were hanging with her...it all adds up and keeps her going. If she had no food and no money to buy the drugs, she's likely resort to stealing new stuff from department stores to sell and likely get caught and end up somewhere where she is offered help. She needs to go through this on her own and hit rock bottom. She's almost there but nice people like you keep stepping in and delaying it one more day, one more week, and so on. I know it sounds harsh but I had a brother who had mental illness, drank and took street drugs, he never improved even to the day he died.
HOw to avoid her? Even though a friend of yours dates her, you don't have to meet her and do things with her. If you want to see your friend, let him know it can only be him, not her. If he is prone to telling her and sharing everything with her, this wont work cus she'll ask why she can't come along. You may have to drop seeing him as a friend until he too no longer associates with her. I wonder of course why your friend would choose to be in relationship with someone like this, but thats his lot to learn.
i am 25 and he is 29.married for 1 yr.
we have tried doing sex but he has never ejaculated inside me. he is not able to maintain an errection. but he is able to masturbate by himself. we have tried a very few times because he does not seem to be interested in sex. even if he starts to touch or kiss me and he arouses then he sayd comes lets play some game..or watch movie or its getting late lets sleep and changes topic somehow( this happened like for 4 months after marriage) after that this also has stopped.. he is not into - drinks, smoking, any affair.. we went to the doctor a few days back for general check up and spoke about this issue too, he said he can run few tests but his guess was there was some phycological problem.results came out and doc said his hormone level is normal.and said it must be all in his mind.. problem is his errection doesn\'t stay long.. it goes off like in a minute after inserting. and on asking my husband why he in not able to do it. he says that i don\'t have a feeling/desire to do sex. my mind is not ready to do that\'s y i m not able to ejaculate inside. the feeling should come from inside to do it but i don\'t have it.i don\'t kno what to do, he simply gives this reason. and after telling i ll have to inform it to my parents..everyday he is like come we ll do sex.. i don\'t kno if he is just acting so that i wont tell my prents or really has got a desire for sex..i m so worried what decision to take. he is generally a good person. takes me out, buys me stuffs. but he says he hasn\'t got the feeling from inside to have sex. i don\'t know how to take it.he had his physical examination.. doc said its fine.. no problem unless he can masturbate. i ve asked him many times.. do u want to have sex but you aren\'t able to achieve because if some damn reason or u just don\'t want to have sex.. he says.. i don\'t have a feeling to have sex which should come by itself,, i just don\'t get the desire to have sex.
some people give idea how to have a baby...my question is not just to have kids.. he feel he just doest have a desire towards sex.. or me or whatever,, how long this relationship can last? he has never ejaculated inside me since wedding.. not even once.. so if we do some method just to have kids.. whats does our relationship really mean?.
Unless he is in major depression which the doctor would have covered and asked about, there is no physical reason for him to not be able to do so.
I hate to have to ask but since it was an issue for myself, i didn't have sex with husband(now ex), before marriage and though he could get hard, there was no sexual chemistry or compatibility.
I wonder if you had sex with him before marriage. And if so, if the problems was there then? If it was, my next question would be, why the heck did you marry? If there was no problem, it could be due to something like New Relationship Energy, NRe which at the beginning of a relationship heightens all the experiences, makes it all seem more intense, and wonderful and could explain for it working for him then, being the first times he had sex with you. If you were a virgin when you married (I did so due to church doctrine, that we must be virgins) then like me, you had no idea what you were getting into.
When a man has no feeling or desire to have sex, it's either due to his hormones being low in which case a dr prescribes meds and problem gone. I dated a guy who had low hormones since his early 30s and he took the meds all his life and he had great sexual desire.
The other reason, is that the female he is with is not the right one to cause him to feel sexual desire and want. It doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you. The two of you may be the best of friends but a marriage needs not just a base of friendship but of sexual compatibilty too to be a healthy marriage. You both just don't realize yet that such a thing as sexual compatibility and chemistry exists. but it is very real. and if you dont have it in a relationship, there will never be any in the relationship.
It's hard to end a relationship as husband and wife due to something like this. You may feel that if you end the marriage, you are admitting to failure. Neither he nor you did anything wrong you just weren't the right person for each other sexually. So it is not a failure to let it end now and work to find someone with whom you do have sexual chemistry. So if you have church beliefs too, I'm going to tell you right now that if you want to avoid this happening again, you had better think twice about not checking out a guy sexually before marriage. It doesnt mean youre a loose girl who sleeps around, you just are verifying by becoming sexual with him that it works for more than just the NRE stage of your relationship ship but 3 to 4 months later too.
The only other thing could be is that he has not realized he is gay yet
Or heres one that isn't discussed often, it could be that he has no desire for either, neither male nor female because in his brains growth in utero and as a baby it was subjected to certain chemicals which scientists have proven can have these affects on males, to not desire either sex and in many cases the genitalia was much smaller.
The chemical I am thinking of is called bisphenol A (BPA) and now baby bottles are made without it, but they weren't during the time I was feeding my babies or your mom was feeding you. I breast fed so my girls are okay. It can affect females too in other ways. There may be other chemicals and toxins we take in over our growth as kids and teens that can affect us too...the studies on affects are only just starting. Since its a developemental thing, theres nothing that I've heard that can reverse it. My daughters are in your age range. Some have complained it hard to find guys they liked who also had a sex drive. So it may affect quite a few guys. Your husband will continue to be non sexual and only masturbate to take care of his need for release while you won't ever get any. That is not healthy and not fair to yourself.
I really think it would be a good thing to discuss with the parents and get their support for you to proceed with ending the relationship. Whatever you do, you don't want to raise children who don't see a normal healthy love and desire between the parents cuz that will warp their mentallity just as kids who see dad abuse a mom go on to be abusers themselves, your kids could end up with sexual psychological issues themselves that were "Learned" from observing the two of you...it will be all they know as normal.
So either you remain married, have a sexless life and no kids, or promise to remain friendly towards him but end the husband wife relationship and go look for someone who is a better match.
I know its not what you're hoping for but theres no magic wand that will fix this