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Break up?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him to death but I have some concerns. He lies a lot not just to me but to everyone. I will find out stuff he hasn't told me through mutual friends. And because of his lying he is losing a lot of friends. Another concern is that my family and friends are not fans. They all say he is a nice guy but I could do better. My dad refuses to even meet him. He is 25 and going back to school the end of this month and just not seems to be getting his shit together. He hasn't had a car for months and it is always on me to pick him up and drive places. If the roles were reversed he would do the same for me but my parents are not ok with the current situation. When I am with my friends I want to break up with him but when I am with him I can't imagine myself without him. I am so 50/50 with this relationship. I don't want to leave him but I feel that it has to be done. Anyone have any advice or input? Does it seem like I am doing it for the better of me or to please family/friends? Should I see if anything changes? So stuck.
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The guy lies means you cannot trust him. Trust is most important if you want to grow in a relationship.
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Break up with him
You said twice in the same paragraph that you wabt to break up and feel it needs to be done then there is a good reason for why you feel that way. Unfortunately, He needs to get his shit together before he can settle in a relationship. You aren't on the same page, You are a bit more ahead then he is. You see, Sometimes only outsiders can see aspect of a relationship we can't see. We seem to be blind sided, My point is there must be a damn good reason for why your parents disapprove. Better to being home someone that gets along wirh the family and isn't free loading.
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I was in a similar situation, first off you have to ask yourself, is he holding me back? From your post I can guarantee you that answer is yes. From my experience, I always follow my motto.. Sometimes it takes someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, for you to realize what you had wasn't what you deserve. A breakup will always sting no matter what, but I promise you will look back on your relationship once it's over and be so happy that you finally ended it. For me, I lost friends over a stupid guy, it is so not worth it at all. And when you find a guy that your family really loves, you will feel 10000% happier it's like floating on cloud 9. It's an emotional process, but you are only dropping a weight that has been holding you down. I could go on and on for paragraphs about this, but I don't want to overkill it. You seem like a very bright and sweet person, by just reading your question I can tell you that you deserve better. I hope I've helped, like I said it's never an easy process as its extremely emotional, but you will be happy in the long run. If you need to talk just inbox me, everything will turn out fine don't worry!
Just as a side note, I felt the 50/50 feeling too, what I realize now is that the fact that you are already 50% sure you should break up with him, subliminally you know what is best for you.
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Humans don't like change. If you are honest with yourself, neither do you. Change is uncomfortable, it puts someone outside of a comfort zone they have chosen so that the changes they make a little things like change a hairstyle, change apts, change to a different car. But it becomes more scary when it involves humans like interviewing for a new job, a big move like moving to another city where you won't have a support system of family and friends you are familiar with, etc... The other area people don't change much in is their character. I was married 30 yr to a verbally abusive person who I kept hoping that time would change him. He actually did change...but for the worse.
He hid his true nature from me and my family until after he married me. They liked him initially but soon after he became mean, they advised me to leave but I felt stuck because of my Christian beliefs that divorce should not be an option...so i kept hoping. Did I love him? Yes. Intially I did. But his treatment of me slowly chipped away at what love I had until there was nothing left. Its not because I was chooising to not love him...it was because love is something much like a flower seedling that needs nurturing to grow full and bloom. Without care, it will wither away and die.
Lieing to you is another way to chip away at love, not keeping ones word, critisizing, belittling you, etc.
Likely you feel drawn when with him and feel the 50-50 thing, because like me you have a strong nurturing side and a desire to help and heal people and a great belief in people. Those are great qualities in a mother, and great qualities in a professional counselor or life coach but you need to realize that this is not the job for you as far as he is concerned. You can not turn him into a better person by investing your life into him. You would not be leaving him to please the parents although its good they also don't feel he's right. Its good to have confirmation cus when I met my 2nd husband, all my grown daughters liked him. You would need to leave him because you are doing this for you, because you can do better. Maybe you think its making a big deal over just lies, but it's like roots of morning glory, or blackberry roots, if there is one little bad thing in his character, and at core, he isn't constant , and his morals and beliefs fluctuate to fit his situation rather than remain constant, then it isn't too hard for him to take on other bad habits. One of the important needs for a healthy life long committed relationship is good communication and trust. He is failing at both with his desire to lie. The other important thing is a partner who is your best friend, puts you and your needs before theirs, upholds and supports you in all your hopes dreams and goals and desires. If mutual friends are leaving associating with him, thats a very strong clue that something is majorly wrong that you can't see looking through rose colored glasses of love. Because your heart is involved, even if it was the most horrid murderer doing time in jail, like other woman who still love a man like that, you probably would continue to do so, even though it isn't healthy or best for you. I hope this helps you sort out your feelings and look more clearly at this. Good luck dear
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