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I lied to bf to spare his feelings & he won't forgive me
My bf & I have been together for 11 months. He has quite a temper on him & Sometimes gets really angry & calls me names. It's wrong but because I'm scared of his temper, I sometimes hide things from him or not tell the truth. Usually about small things to spare his feelings (like if he got invited to a party or not)
I've tried telling him about this before but he just doesn't seem to understand that he's part of the problem. I've tried not lying/hiding but he just gets so mad when I tell the truth. Now he won't forgive me & will only do so if I post a status on facebook callingg myself a liar. Is this still love? Is this still worth it? I forgive him for all the awful things he's said to me/called me,.why cn't he forgive me
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If you really love him, you shouldn't hide anything from him as it affects trust.
Ask him how the facebook post will solve the matter?
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He is very controlling and verbally abusive to you. I mean you said yourself that he has a temper and that you are scared of it.
It doesn't matter whether you tell him the truth or not, he'll still get angry with you.
Do you really want to keep dealing with this? It's just going to get worse because you can't make someone change and you can't make someone love you the way you deserve to be loved.
The fact that he wants you to post a status on Facebook calling yourself a liar is really ridiculous and disgusting.
You deserve better than this.
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Break up with him.
He is being abusive. Verbally abusive and a controlling bully. Forcing you to post what he says on Facebook is disgusting behaviour. He's a piece of shit.
Name-calling is not loving, and it's not worth it, especially when you are young.
Stop forgiving him. No matter how perfect you are he will NEVER love you the way you deserve to be loved. Even if you hid everything perfectly, or told the complete truth all the time - he would still abuse you. It isn't about anything you do or don't do, he's just an abuser and someone who craves control.
He can't forgive you because he doesn't want to forgive you! He wants you to always be afraid, always be desperate for his approval, so you never turn around and think to yourself "Wait a second, why am I always blamed and he is never at fault?"
Just dump him.
You shouldn't tell lies to your partner - even to protect them - but that is something you should go practice with someone else. He has already proven that he is incapable of being in a respectful relationship with you.
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I was married to a verbally abusive person who had many anger outbursts too. It's a no win situation. Trust me on this.
No person deserves to be treated this way. For you to feel you have to walk on eggshells around him means you are having to curb who you are. You are not free to say and speak whatever you want. And no matter what you say or do, it will never be good enough to make him happy or make him change.
The problem is inside of him so external influences from other persons is not going to help him.
You want to know if this is love? No it is not. Persons who live and act this way do not know what love is. Whether it stems from experiences in his childhood or undiagnosed mental illness, (that was my ex's problem and it got worse over the years) your boyfriend is not treating you as the average good person would treat a friend, a human, let alone a supposed crush, sweetheart or lover. That is not normal behavior. Most people rarely change for the better in their life time. Just think how hard it is for people to quit a bad habit like drinking or smoking, or how to go for a new and better job,, the unknown and the future is scary for people. And those with issues like your supposed friend, are afraid too only their fear which they wont admit to having, is based on not wanting to find what is hidden deep inside them, not wanting to face whatever painful events may have caused them to be that way or they are afraid to find out if they have some chemical imbalance and have a mental illness that can be treated with medication and counseling. I know that was the exs case. We didn't get him in for counseling until the end of the marriage. It didn't help him cus he pretended to go along with the counselor. But I hear from my daughters who visit him on occasion that he hasn't changed...if anything, he's gotten worse so that they have to limit their time there to really short, maybe 1/2 hoour. Their boyfriends don't like him or how he treats his daughters, my new husband has met him and also sees that he has major issues where no normal person can be around him or it will make them emotionally or physically ill. Just talked to one of the daughters boyfriends yesterday who said, after the last visit, he was so upset by the dads actions towards daughter that he went home and threw up.
You don't need to get forgiveness from this guy. He doesnt even know what it really is. Since you are writing asking for advice, I think you already have the gut feeling, and your inner voice telling you something is not right here. And you would be correct. He may say he loves you but is totally incapable of really realizing what that is like. When my friends were protecting me from him and asked the ex if he was in love with me, he wouldnt answer. his response was to throw the blame at me as he did with anyone else in his life. SHe's got all sorts of problems etc etc. The friend used to be a counselor and kept at him asking if he was in love with me. He then said, well I love her for being the mother of my daughters but no I am not in love with her, never was.
I don't want you to have to go through the same amount of time and pain and stress on your body to find out in the end that it was a waste of time.A lesser strong person would have crumbled and lost all sense of self respect and perspective but I managed for 30. Thats how long it took me to realize that he was never going to get better...and to top that...we were very active in Christianity. One would expect better from a husband who was a professing Christian.
My lesson to learn from being with him was to have enough self respect to really love myself which means that I remove myself from the situation. You're just dating, I was married and had 3 daughters so it was even harder to leave.
About throwing the blame, sounds like your guy is doing the same. Its a dumb mechanism to keep the focus off oneself so he doesnt have to become introspective and look and find that he has some major issues that need to be dealt with. It is something the average person is not equipped to do. Marriages to people like this usually end up in divorce or the woman dies due to stresss related illnesses or due to being physically abused to the point of death. At the end, my ex was going from verbal abuse to starting to shove me around causing me to lose my balance and fall. Thats dangerous enough and a bad fall hitting your head could kill you. So his anger and verbal abuse will eventually progress to the physical either sooner or later.
You can easily find someone much better than him.
Good luck dear. I know its hard feeling like you're giving up on a person but you can't let your strong nurturing instincts cause you to stay under the impression that you can help. Only a professional can help him when he is ready and asking for help.
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I completely understand your situation. It's extremely difficult to realize while you're in the relationship, but he's holding you back. I wish I had realized that earlier myself, so take it from me, any guy that you have to bend the truth for is not worth staying with. It's not fair to you, it's a recipe for disaster! No matter what a breakup stings, but sometimes (my motto) is that it takes someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, for you to realize what you had wasn't what you deserve. I promise you'll look back on this and be so much happier later in life, I know I found that I actually lost friends because of a stupid guy, so NOT worth it at all in the end!! Feel better!!! Hope this helped
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Dump him
He is abusing you to the point where you have become intimidated by his actions. It is not love to call someone names and get so angry to the point where one becomes fearful. People who love each other talk calmly about a problem and work together to fix it.
He needs help, You cannot help him. The way he is treating you is abuse, not love. You need to leave him
Lying isn't going to make him love you, Even telling him tge truth isn't going to change anything either. You must realize that HE needs professional help. He's a asshole who is treating you like shit
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