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How can get over this horrible anxiety have and this disappointing situatio
I have horrible anxiey and it causes me a lot of problems. The main problem this causes is the lack of ability to talk to anyone. I can not go up and talk to anyone for just conversational purposes unless they talk to me first. That is how I made friends. This is honestly annoying the crap out of me
a very disappointing situation that just came from it. There was a tutor I worked with for math at my college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. My class ended about two months ago. I had to go to college for something I thought it would be a great opportunity to just go in the tutor lab and say hi and chat with her a bit. A friend of mine said he was going to be there as well so he said come in at the same time to work on some stuff so he said to me come when he is there. This is perfect because having a friend of mine there can make me more comfortable and help me create coversation. Now it is not like I want to get in this girls pants or something (hell she is engaged) but I just wanted to have a conversation about stuff and not be a completely anonymous person. I am so envious of all the people who are able to just go up to people and just chat. I can't do that at all.
so I go there, but instead of going inside I get too anxious and just paced around outside of the place for like ten minutes and then just when I was thinking of going inm, she leaves (turns out she was leaving early today). I am so frustrated now and filled with regret. My freaking anxiety totally prevented me from just going in just to say hi.
there's a chance I can see her again some time but I have no idea what the schedule is going to be like. And with my friend being there today, this was such a perfect opportunity and I wasted it,
I am now going to be feeling miserable for a while. No don't get me wrong this is not a huge problem that people should be losing their sleep over or anything but this is still frustrating to me. I really want to learn something from this and let it be the "last straw" moment.
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It sucks, You've just described me to a T.
Ask yourself a question, Are you introverted? I also suffer anxiety but it took me a long time to realize that I am also very introverted.
I am 28 years old, I still cannot talk to people to save my life and I especially cannot talk to men without being obviously awkward about it.
Here is what I did, Force yourself to socialize. The only way to get comfortable is to do it. The more you do it, The easier it will become. I have forced myself to be friendly, Before I knew it I went from 0 friends to more then I can count. Be yourself and go slow but get out of your comfort zone.
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Sounds like you are tired of not being able to just walk up to others and chat. I was extremely shy as a kid, i couldn't even go to the front of the room to sharpen my pencil because some kids might stare at me. Thats pretty bad. By late high school, I'd had enough of it and wanted to change. Being a Christian, I asked GOd what I could do to get over this. Don't laugh now. I was serious and I got an answer which I tried and it worked. I have shared it with others and it has worked for them. And the nice thing is you go at your own pace and there is no pressure.
Kitten lover mentioned that there is medication available for people with extreme anxieties in social settings. Thats good to know. I don't know if you have medical and insurance to cover a monthly prescription, hopefully its not too much.
But just in case you'd like to give a non medication method, one last try before you ask for medication, then read on how I got over mine. I think the anxiety for me was caused by being so shy. Good luck dear.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack something that looks absolutely hideous and showing it to her, "doesn't this look uncomfortable to wear? It reminds me of one of those fashions just for show, not very useful." Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems finding things that fit you?”
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending.
This should help you.
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Hi,
I'm 18 and we are soo similar it is unreal.
Well, similar except I'm doing something about mine.
Social anxiety is hard, and it feels like you are alone. You're not. You've met two just on this site, right?
I needed to move away from my introverted self, so i started forcing myself to speak to people. For example, I now present a radio show as a volunteer. When you're live on air-like-you just have to talk. Sometimes I went in the studio crying because I was so scared. Now I'm a pro, and have gotten better at talking to people.
An example of forcing yourself to be in situations you may not like.
Okay, you need to learn how to cope with rejection. I'm guessing you can't cope with it because you lack confidence in your abilites, for whatever reason, most likely bullying.
So you need to build up your confidence again. When you get knocked, get back up again. But its not as easy as that-and we both know it. On this site, I have been knocked back so many times, but hey I'm still here giving advice.
The advisor below me has even told others to not accept my advice-even if I know what I'm talking about. I can cope with things like that, because I have a thick skin. Its time, honey, for you to develop yours.
Instead of me waffling on, I have attached some links to help you. But it wont truly ever go away without practice. Everybody likes to be liked, but its the difference between respecting people when they don't like you, or freaking out, that determine's your happiness.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I am not a doctor, but I'd say its highly likely you, like I, have social anxiety disorder. This can be diagnosed, and you CAN get medication for this. Remember, nothing lasts for ever, and I know you like me will gradually get over it someday, and be stronger for it.
If you are on facebook I'd be happy to add you as a friend and discuss it futher-just as a fellow person to talk to :)
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You sound a lot like me when I was your age. You're probably a very introverted person as I was. Which is funny for me as I ended up making my living as a sales representative for 3 of the largest manufactures of products I represented in the U.S.
What I can tell you is for me part of this anxiety I had got less of a problem as I got older. What was left took work on my part to overcome. I must have been good at overcoming it as for the next 30 years I spent selling I remained at the top of the list of Sales representatives in the company.
Now with my career behind me and in my retirement I have learned over the years there are shortcuts for most everything. My dad was a lot like me as well so I believe being introverted may be a family trait. My dad took a Dale Carnegie public speaking course. This did wonders for him and allowed him to take a job he would never had applied for before taking the position. In the new position he increased his pay by almost half again. Then about I think it was 4 or 5 years later he was asked to take a regional position increasing his pay significantly again.
Introverted people tend to lack the self-confidence needed, as in this instance, to just walk up to people and start a conversation. They also fear rejection more than other people might.
Rejection is a weird thing. I learned in my sales career that when people rejected what I was saying or presenting; they were not rejecting me. They were rejecting my product, proposal or my company. I was able to handle rejection much better once I learned that. When a stranger I might approach to talk to rejects me, again it is no me personally they are rejecting. They are rejecting the unknown about me. They do not know me therefore they have no reason to want to talk with me. Some people are like that and reject the unknown out of hand while others will talk with you to see if you might be someone they might want to know more about or even date.
For people like you and me to overcome this anxiety take time and maturity along with a large amount of effort on our part. There are some short cuts we can use to increase our self-confidence such as the Dale Carnegie course or seeing a therapist for help.
I found a way to overcome this problem and so will you. It takes time and effort on your part. Just remember if someone says no it is not a rejection of you personally. Just move on to the next person you want to talk.
It would definitely help if you went to places with activities or interests that you have interest or knowledge of to offer in conversation. Common ground makes it easier to have conversations.
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