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BOYS!
okay, so I am Gonna be a freshman, but still in summer.
so I've been talking to this sophomore lets call him Z
for about 4 or 5 months. (He goes to my school)
um he's cute, alot of people think we make a cute couple. but some people tell me he's a player and that he's talking to this other girl. when I asked him who the girl was, he just said she's an old friend, but I know they've been texting, cause he asked her for her number.
whenever we talk, it's usually a boring conversation.
on messaging or on the phone, it's boring. like he can't really keep a convo, he wants me to say everything.
throught out our talking time, we've never hung out. & that's cause I'm busy or he's busy.
so he told me our relationship was boring, & he's always asking me for a "sexy" picture, but I always deny him, cause I'm not like that. Another thing he's BARELY taller than me.
so now it's August, and I met this other boy, call him A, and he's honestly SO PERFECT! (He doesnt go to my school)
he's cute, he's taller than me, he's funny & can really keep a conversation. We've been messaging each other for about 2 weeks, and honestly I have feelings for him. he never asks for a sexy picture like Z & is always making me smile.
I haven't really been talking to Z, and talking all day with A.
me and A are gonna go on a date soon, & he's planning on asking me out. But on MY second day of school.
I have two weeks til school starts, and I wanna tell Z that we should just be friends or something like that, and just focus on A, but I don't know how.
and another thing, I don't want to get with A, because people will start saying I'm a hoe or something because I moved on so quickly.
POINT IS: I wanna stop talking to Z because A is just much better than him, but A goes to a different school, but Z goes to mine.
2 weeks til school starts, and me and A have a date the second day of school. he wants to ask me to be his that day, but I don't really wanna say yes because people might think I'm a hoe or something for moving on so quickly from Z.
what do I do?!?! without hurting A's feelings and get Z to not hate me cause I don't want to talk to him anymore..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ok pretty much, the next time Z texts you, don't try to have conversations with him. If he tries getting flirty or asks you for a picture, then straight up tell him that you're not interested in that and you'd rather just be friends.
I'm pretty sure people know that Z is a player. So if people start calling you names just because you lost feelings for someone, then screw them. I think the only person that would bother saying anything about you is him because of his hurt ego.
I think the only reason you should wait ti be with A is if you're not ready to be in a relationship with him, not because people will talk. That's their problem, not yours.
If you do plan on waiting to be with him, just tell him that you still want to get to know him a little better and hang out a little bit more before you get serious.
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Maybe you can explain this to me better: you said "me and A have a date the second day of school. he wants to ask me to be his that day"
If he has already told you his intension, then you already know whats in his heart. The only reason to wait for the beginning of school is so you can make a ceremony of it to do it where all of your peers may see and witness it.
Either your friends have a very distorted view of the dating process, or you have a wild imagination of how they are going to react.
One question for yourself: Have they proven to act like that with other person that you have actually witnessed, not just heard about second hand?
Second question: Do I want the opinions of others to keep me from living my own life the best way I see fit. Do I want to cave in to what others think or begin to believe and accept what they say about me? Once you accept it, you are no longer living your life for yourself but living it to please the personal views and expectations of others.
What we need to do is get your mind to a place of understanding so that it won't bother you to hear what others may think. For them to jump to these imagined assumptions just shows how immature they
really are. Unfortunately, during the teen years, the frontal part of the brain that would help your peers see the error they are making, is not fully developed yet so people your age will say and do many stupid things until your mid 20's when the brain has finished developing. You need to understand that this is the case and that thier opinions and understandings will change as they mature brain wise.
Now another thing I'd like to convey to you is that dating is an important process for people to go thru at any age. When you initially like and are attracted to a person, you may not know all there is to know about them yet. You find that out as you spend more time talking to them, hanging out in person with them and later when old enough, living together. There is very little that can be kept hidden about a persons behavior and bad habits when you see them 24/7.
For some people, they may chat a few weeks and realize that there is no chemistry even for just convo's. Much like you see the difference of how talking is so difficult and boring with Z but flows easily and is fun with A. These are the kinds of signs you are supposed to be looking for. Another is how a guy treats you. If always thoughtful, doing special deeds for you., ready to encourage you or comfort and support you in any goals or dreams you have. If there are harsh words, or putting you down, trying to crush your dreams, pressuring you for sex, etc...then its the wrong guy. The butterflies in your stomach is your inner self telling you that you really like A enough to want to spend more time with him. Hopefully, nothing bad comes up that you discover later about him. However like many girls find in the dating process, people of both sexes will pretend to be someone they are not, just to win your attention and become a couple. But it takes too much energy and attention to the details to keep up the false identity so after a few weeks, a month or couple of months, the mask slips and you begin to see the real character and you may
not like it or it may be very bad for you. So it really doesn't matter how many guys you have to cycle through until you find a good one. Dating is to learn what you need and want, and what you like and don't like in a guy...and hooray for you dear...you've already learned what you like and don't like in conversation with a guy. There's more learning ahead. If girls you know are staying with a bad, abusive or the wrong guy just because they think they will look bad for leaving the guy, then they are being totally stupid. You don't want to be stupid too. Now that you know what I am saying and that you're not a whore or slut for moving on to another guy, no matter at what level the relationship was, or whether there was sex or not, you have nothing to fear. Just ignore the ignorant kids. Or better yet, educate them. You'd be doing them a grersu at favor. Enjoy A, and let me know from time to time how it's going...if other questions come up along the way. Just go to my column and write to me under the ask a question tab. Good luck dear.
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