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Stagefright and Self-esteem
I'm a fourteen yearold female named Laura and I have dreams of being a writer or an actress, but I have two things holding me back: Stagefright and my low self esteem.
Let's start with the self esteem issue: I never really feel good about myself because I'm so fat. I'm trying to lose weight but it's not easy. I get made fun of because if it. I also worry about not being good enough. I look at writer's like Suzanne Collins (author of the Hunger Games) and actors like Lindsay Lohan (in her younger years in The Parent Trap, not now of course), and I think "I'll never be as good as them.... I'll never have a nice body like Lindsay or skill as good as Suzanne."
Stagefright: I can't share my writing with anyone (not even my parents) or perform in front of anyone without freezing up. I am amazing in my bedroom alone, but when the time comes to show off or audition I'm terrible and shaky and quiet.
So what can I do to help myself?
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Well being a writer and being an actor are completely different creative jobs. One is for introverted people and the other, more for extrovert types who revel being in a large crowd/centre of attention.
It takes years and even decades to get to the level Lindsay Lohan is at, even when she began her acting career.
I think its good to have ambition-just make sure you're not getting all wrapped up in this idea of being a celebrity/famous, and that you're doing it because you love it. As in-you get singers that want to do it to be famous, and you get others who are perfectly happy playing in clubs and gigging. Be the latter.
So you need to establish who you are, and build up your confidence. You see, the two industries you have picked are probably the two most competitive to get into & secure a job. But as with any job, a little self knowledge goes a long way.
If I were you, you need to develop a USP. A unique selling point. Something that makes you stand out from all the thousand other wannabee actors and writers out there. Volunteer in your chosen work sector. So you could voluntarily teach in a drama group. Or you could voluntarily write fiction for a local magazine? Something that makes you seem like you have a genuine interest in the industry and not just yourself.
I'd also tell you to do very well at school. Many people view drama etc as not needing many qualifications. This is false, and I believe is why many actors struggle to find a job/career. To say that you have excellent grades etc. (like Emma Watson) shows you can think analytically. More importantly, it shows employers you have knowledge of the outside world and are intelligent. This will also make you feel a more rounded, confident person.
In terms of self esteem issues-you are 14. The worst of it is now. Nothing lasts forever, and I was terrible too at you're age (I'm 18 now).
Whilst you're still young and not in the critical stages of your education, I'd spend every waking minute trying to gain confidence in your abilities.
One thing you may like to try is volunteering. Guiding/drama groups or whatever-but if you do something like a teaching role, it'll build your confidence up no end. Expectant faces will be waiting for you to say something-there's no time for stage fright. So yeh, it'll make you feel amazing afterwards. I volunteer as a public speaker for a charity-something I never thought I'd achieve-but I can honestly say I've flourished because of it.
That's how I overcame any doubts about my abilities, and learnt how to express myself. Just think how much you want it, and how angry you'd be if shyness let you down. And go for it.
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Whether you truly have an issue with weight or thats just how you see yourself but its not true...I'll never know. I can only suggest that dieting and exercise are not enough. There are so many toxins in our environment today that are harmful to our body and our body decides to store them in layers of fat cus it doesn't know how to get rid of it.
Actress Suznne Somers wrote a book whose title doesnt really convey what the book is about...how to lose toxins and takes in less toxins so you can lose weight. Her book is titled 'Sexy Forever' She had the money to go see the best doctors to help her with issues and what she discovered she felt every average person should know, not just those who don't have the money to pay for good doctors to give the advice. So check that out.
Other than your weight, how do you feel about the you inside of you...the creative mind, the talents, personality? Do you feel other than shyness or feeling fearful that there's people with more talent than you so no one is going to want to hear or see what you have to share?
If that sounds like what you feel, then welcome to the club. Everyone feels that. I am in my fifties and finally writing a book that I know I will get published at some point.
What I have learned over my life is that people have different tastes in what appeals to them in art in a gallery, poems, book genre's, same for movies. I knew it but I had to see it for myself. I went to an art fair where you followed a map on this particular weekend to drop in on the art studios of artists at their homes. I saw some paintings I liked and other stuff I didn't even consider a talented art, at least not for the price they had listed, it looked like something a kid in kindergarten could do with ease and yet, there stood another grown up with her friend, ooohing and ahhing over how beautiful it was.
Your personal style and flavor that you lend your writing or acting will be uniquely yours. Some people will like that. Some will respect the talent but it won't be their personal taste. Sometimes it takes someone who can make a good critic to give you a few kudo's. Lets say you show a piece of what you have written to an English teacher. You don't have to be there. He/She can look it over and you don't have to be there, and just write their comments in a note back to you. this works easily if its something sent via computer. I have read parts of my book out loud off my pc to a friend who is an ex grammer english teacher. At one point she laughed at a funny point in the story. She is truly amazed how entertaining it is. That means the world to me to have someone who is an avid reader, writes teaching material and does edit peoples writing for them and she loves the story.
What a person looks like on the outside has nothing to do with the mind that creates a written piece.
As for acting, no one looks blemish free and as good as hollywood portrays. Clothing styles, and prints can hide alot and draw the eyes attention away from something about the body they want less attention on and create more attention on part that they do want attention on. Do yourself a favor and look up on line search for "celebrities without makeup". So many look way plainer in real life than you would think. Before and after pics are given. There a very few natural beautys who look better without the makeup job. One had a really wide nose that looked really skinny once makeup was applied the right way. Freckles disappear, wrinkles lessen or disappear but thats just for photos and film, in real life, its still there. Take someone like Nicole Kidman, she is short, and has a small chest. But there are roles she's had and wardrobe they put her in that make her look like she's get a good size chest.
What directors look for is someone with talent and good stage presence, not going by looks becasue makeup and wardrobe can change that.
If you find this freezing up and terror take over other parts of your life, you may want to go see a hypnotist who will make the suggestion to your subconscious mind to be a confident person with great self esteem.
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First, you need to start loving yourself and feeling good about you. All those kids at your school are just stupid asswipes so don't listen to them. Big, curvy girls are beautiful too so dont feel like you have to be skinny to feel good. Just be healthy and stay fit. Eat right and work out dont do anything drastic or unhealthy to make yourself skinnier. And this isnt about what other people think of you, its what you think of you. Are you doing the best you can? Are you putting yourself into your work? You may not be the best or as good as other writers or actors but its okay, you just have to be the best you. I love to write too, and tbh i think i suck at it, but its okay im putting myself into it, my thoughts and emotions, making it how i want it to be. And for now thats all that really matters. As you get older and mature youll writing will improve. Just read and write and study your vocab and grammar and youll get better. You dont have to show anyone now, do it when youre ready and feel confident. Or post the story online as anonymous and see how people think of it then, theyre more likely to be honest about it. Theres websites like wattpad and fanfiction. Also for the acting thing, maybe you can join an acting class or camp and thatll make you come out of your shell. And yeah i hope that helped.And if you ever write a story id be happy to read it. I love reading stories from other young writers like me, its so cool. Okay well good luck!
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