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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

okay so umm im 13 and sometime when my gf and i are watching tv and it gets boring so i tell her to take her clothes off (no ones home so dont worry)and then i tell her to relax and then i go "down there" and start licking and then i go faster but she starts screaming and kicking and it gets on my nerves but she says it feels great so why is she screaming because i dont scream when she gives me "you know" so why does she do it

If you don't know why she is screaming then your too young to be having oral sex. In fact your too young to be having sex of any kind to begin with.

Your going to end up getting some girl pregnant because oral sex is going to lead to intercourse. Once you get some girl pregnant you ruin any chances you have to go to,college, as you have to fins away to support that child for,the next 18 years.

My advise keep your tongue and your penis where they belong. If you need sexual relief, masturbate.

I'm 13/f and I've had my boyfriend 16/m for about 2 years. Yes, I know he is really old for me. Recently he asked if he could come over to my house so I let him in when my parents were out at night. We started making out but then he tried to strip me! I said that I wasn't ready and made him go. Now I feel like he is slipping away. He's flirting with other girls. I don't know if I should have sex with him or not. I'm worried about stupid things like what if the condom breaks, or he goes too hard, or what if I'm no good? But the one thing that haunts me the most is what if my parents found out? Should I do it?

I'm not sure what is more important here the fact that your bf is to old for you or you feel you will lose him if you don't have sex with him. If you were 23 and 26 the age difference would e no big deal. At 13 and 16 it is a big deal because the difference in maturity. No matter how mature may be for your age he has 3 years more maturity then you do. You will eventually catch up with him and that is when a difference in age becomes less & less.

You two may know each other for years and dating for some of that. But if he is saying or indicating by his actions that you either have sex with him or he is gone. Then it is lust he has for you and not love. Teenage boys are hard wired to find sex when they enter puberty. Theft confuse lust for love. It is all hormonal.

Don't give up your virginity to keep a boy. First it's to precious to give away like that. Second he won't appreciate the gift you are giving him. Third you will end up just being a notch on his gun belt not someone he respects, and boys can't keep secrets. Before you know it every boy in school will know you had sex. You will become very popular, but only if you have sex with them. This is a reputation you don't want.

Think before you act, you are way to young to be having sex.

hi adviceman49 how old are you??

I never give out my exact age but I am a child of the 60's

Okay. I have noticed for a while that my left boob is bigger than my right. But today when I was looking I noticed that there was a significant difference, like it looked maybe 1/2 a cup to a cup size larger than the right. Is this normal?? Is there anyway I can either shrink it or stimulate the other to grow more??

18/f

It is perfectly normal for one breast to be slightly different in size or shape then the other. It is not normal for one breast to be a full cup size different than the other. There is a medical term for this which escapes me at this time.

Check with your doctor. IF there is no other medical reason other than the term I can't remember, it is fix able. Breast enhancement surgery will fix the problem. Insurance will most likely cover this as it is a medical problem and not cosmetic elective surgery.

I have always seemed to come across to people as hard faced-fiesty , but deep down I'm just a big softy , and no one gets to know that side of me because they see me and think I'm someone different- but they don't know the childhood I went through- is there anyway I can change this?

A first impression is always hard to change especially if it is one that will turn people away from you. If you make a bad first impression you have to change yourself which is also hard to do for in your case if I'm reading you correctly it is a defence mechanism.

Lest' start with changing you as this is the hardest to do. Yes you are on the defensive and for good reasons I'm sure. You don't want to be hurt,again. No one likes being hurt and that is probably why you are as you say hard faced-feisty. You can learn to unlearn this behavior but it will take hard work and you will not be able to do it alone.

You will need the help of a good clinical psychologist who you feel comfortable enough with to open up to and tell him/her what hurt you in the first place. This may take meeting several psychologists before finding one you are comfortable with. When you do and you unburden yourself you can then learn to not only properly deal with what hurt you but how to trust people again. What we are, I believe is that you have trust issues about trusting people not to hurt you. These issues can be dealt with in therapy.

Now, how do you undo a first impression. They say a first impression is a lasting impression, it is not a never ending impression. You can change a first impression, in your case, by letting your guard down a bit. Letting people you know see the softy side of you. The fact that you are writing to ask this tells me you have one, probably a big softy side. Just how to let it show through is something I would have to know you better to help you with.

Talk with people not at them. Laugh at their jokes. Let them be right even if they are a little bit wrong on a subject. Invite them to go shopping or to get their nails done with you. Anything that lets them see you as you really are.

For the rest a professional therapist is your best answer. I hope I have been of some help to you.

I sometimes out of no where get very strong chills that make me really cold and makes me shake so badly that it makes my body hurt. What can it possibly be?

We are not doctors and we cannot make diagnoses. Whatever is causing chills could be just about anything. I know it is early but there is some type of Flu going around. Did you get a Flu shot this year.

If this is something that is a sudden onset you need to check in with your doctor. IF your doctor cannot see you today or tomorrow then I would suggest going to one of the 24 hour clinics that are available.

Where do exactly to insert penis into vagina. Ww are married and our ages are 26 and 24

Could you really be 26 & 24 and be asking this question. I have my doubts about your age. If you are 2 & 24 try renting a porno video or google your question.

I was saving myself untill marriage to have sex which I thought just meant penetration of penis in vagina. I didn't really know about anything else cause I wanted it to be a surprise for me.
Please dont laugh at my agge. I'm in my early 20s. I've only had one boyfriend but he never did anything to me apart from kissing & outside foreplay, which I was fine with.
I was at a temporary job, my supervisor who is 45 liked me & I started to like him back. My parents were against it from the start. So I stayed with my friend for a while & met up with him sometimes. I stayed at his house one night & he knew I wanted to be a virgin untill marriage. But he asked to finger me. I didn't really know what it was so I asked him will I still be a virgin & he said yes. I said ok & let him, then I started bleeding & he said its ok, its only foreplay.
My friend asked my how it went & I told her what happened and she said I'm not a virgin anymore because of the fingering. We didn't have actual sex.
The guy said when he was at school fingering was foreplay & he didn't know.
Then a few months later anotherr guy did it me but this time I quickly pulled his finger out.
Now I feel sick & disgusting cause I embarrased my family. I cant even look at them without feeling disgusted in what I did.
The bleeding doesn't help. I got over the first guy & thought I could carry on into another relationship but this guy tried/did the same thing.
I don't think I am a virgin anymore cause of this & now I feel hurt & used. I feel sick all the time cause I know this will be with me forever.
I disappointed my dead grandparents on both sides & all of my family. I just dont know what to do because I can't change this. Sometimes I feel normal & sometimes I don't.
I think fingering is losing virginity. So girls, please take my advice & NEVER let a guy finger you. Now I feel like I'm going to be a slut on my wedding night. I've always been a good person & I just dom't understand why this happened. I was weak in saying no. How do I get the courage to say no next time?

The true definition of virginity is you have not had sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is defined as the penetration of the female vagina by the male penis. This has not happened to you so you are still a virgin.

Now in today's politically correct society and the right wing portion of that group have given virginity a new meaning. Their meaning of virginity goes almost all the way back to the Victorian age. When a women was totally devoid of sexual knowledge. She did her wifely duty, bore children but received no pleasure. Today they preach total abstinence. No sex play, meaning no fingering, no oral sex or anal sex. Total purity or your not a virgin.

To me a virgin is a women who is going to give herself to a man in a way no one else has known her. He is to be the first to penetrate her and make love to her. This is a gift her mate/husband will cherish as much as she does in giving herself to him.

While your friend has a right to her opinion. Her opinion is not based in fact. So yes, you are still a virgin.

plse can a virgin girl get pregnant when the sperm has entered her vagirna

Yes, that is the only way a girl/women can get pregnant. As to the unasked question; How much sperm does it take? In actuality it only takes one. But that one has to survive a long journey and a hostile trip. That is why there are so many in the male ejaculate.

It does not matter how much sperm enters you be it a little or a lot. Just that one of the sperm is strong enough to make the trip to the egg and you are fertile at the time. So if a boy cums on you near your vagina it is possible for the sperm to get inside you even though you are still technically a virgin.

I'm a current worker at a hospital I only work 2 days in there. I want to transfer to another position which is secretary. In the job application it asks me why i want to transferred and i really don't know what to say because i hate the department where I'm working at. which is in a cafeteria. what are some things i could say? for example i need more days instead of saying i hate that place. Please help. I would appreciate it.

Be as truthful as possible as it easier to remember the truth. If you have the secraterial skills so state them. You can also say the added hours of the position are something you desire. this section of the application is an opportunity to promote yourself so do so. Tell them why you feel you are the best canidate for this position.

Do not put down anything you cannot back up as this could endanger what you have.

can a vergin girl get pregnant

Yes. If you want more of an answer explain why you are asking.

hey i am 13 and i think i might be pregnant cause i am getting really sick and i am getting cramps please help me so i now if i am

I think your the girl who's question I just answered.

First makes sure your pregnant. You can buy a home pregnancy test kit. It is possible you are not pregnant and what you feel is nerves for having sex and are know scared that you are pregnant.

If you are then as I wrote in my answer before:
"How you tell them is easy, you just open your mouth and say the words. Probably the best time to tell them would be during dinner.

It is not the telling them that is the problem it is the reaction to you telling them that is going to be the problem. For that I do not have any answers.

What I do know is they are going to have questions, lots of them. The most important among the questions is who the father is? How old is he? Did he in anyway force you to have sex? How far along in your pregnancy are you? I'm sure your parents will have more questions but these are the big ones. Answer all of the questions truthfully as lying at this point is not going to help anything.

There will be a lot of crying, you and your mom. A lot of screaming, you and your parents. You should try to avoid the screaming as it will not resolve anything."

If you are not pregnant, I hope you are not, then a lecture is appropriate NOW. YOU ARE 13 YEARS OLD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HAVING SEX. Your body may be capable but you are not capable of understanding all of the consequences of adult male/female interactions. You do not need to have sex to keep a boyfriend.

Boys are hard wired from puberty to seek out sex. Their hormones demand relief. They confuse lust with love. Any boy who tells you either have sex with me or I'm leaving does not love you, does not respect you and most of all does not DESERVE YOU.

Sex is not a commodity you trade for companionship. Sex at the right time is a lovely thing between two adults who are looking at making a commitment to one another. Not two children, yes you are still a child, who tomorrow or next week will be with someone else.

Hopefully you are not pregnant. If so let this be a lesson to you. Remember the next time a boy wants sex how scared your are right now. Tell him no and keep your clothes on, especially you pants and panties.

how can you tell your mam and dad you are preg but you are only 13

How you tell them is easy, you just open your mouth and say the words. Probably the best time to tell them would be during dinner.

It i s not the telling them that is the problem it is the reaction to you telling them that is going to be the problem. For that I do not have any answers.

What I do know is they are going to have questions, lots of them. The most important among the questions is who the father is? How old is he? Did he in anyway force you to have sex? How far along in your pregnancy are you? I'm sure your parents will have more questions but these are the big ones. Answer all of the questions truthfully as lying at this point is not going to help anything.

There will be a lot of crying, you and your mom. A lot of screaming, you and your parents. You should try to avoid the screaming as it will not resolve anything.

A lecture is probably appropriate at this point but I'll leave that to your parents.

Okay I WILL see a doctor about this soon, (looking for a new oen!) but for right now I just want your opnions please.

So for the past few months I have felt very off. I have had a lot of clear vaginal discharge, (my doctor said not to worry about that if it was clear and didn't smell/burn) When I went to the doctor a month ago to get a pap done, it hurt extremely bad...Two doctors tried doing the pap smear and couldn't because I said it hurt too bad...I have had one other pap before done and I don't remember it hurting that bad.

The discharge now comes and goes but today when I went to the bathroom I bled. My period just ended a week ago and isn't supposed to start for a lil while. AND I'm on birth control.

I have been extremely bloated and will fill up on the smallest snack. Also, I do nothing but sleep. I feel groggy ALL the time. :( I try so hard to eat right and exercise but I always find myself falling asleep in the middle of the day.

I went to the doctor to talk to her about it, and when something about pap smear came into discussion with the receptionist, I got very emotional and couldn't keep myself together, and just left :(

Advice and opinions really appreciated...its driving my crazy..

19/f

No you should see a new doctor right away. I believe you know something is very wrong with your uterus and the doctors you have been seeing have not been able to properly diagnose you.

I had a problem several years ago after a car accident left me with chronic back pain. I received several varying diagnoses that made no sense and did not relieve my pain. I am fortunate that I live in an area the has several of this countries best teaching hospitals. One of which is associated with the countries leading trauma hospital.

I called the hospitals patient referral line. I don't know it was luck of the draw or if it was by my symptoms but I was assigned to the head of the Neuro recovery team for the trauma team. It took this doctor all of 5 minutes to properly diagnose me after he had reviewed my medical records and MRI. My problem does not have a surgical correction though with a proper diagnoses a proper treatment plan was made and I now do not suffer like I was.

I tell you this to prove what I am going to suggest to you. Since you are not getting a satisfactory diagnoses if there is a level one trauma center near you or a medical school with teaching hospital or a teaching hospital itself. Go to one of these and ask to see the head of the Gynecology department.

These hospitals have several things going for them. They tend to attract the best staff doctors for as a trauma hospital they tend to practice the most interesting medicine. As a teaching hospital the staff doctors are actually challenged by their students. Medical students are always challenged to go looking for the extreme diagnoses or as I say the pickle in the Herring barrel. Local doctors do not get challenged enough and treat the the everyday or the norm.

Insurance will cover your visit to the doctors I'm suggesting just as they have for the ones you have already seen. When it comes to many things I feel I deserve the best and these doctors are generally the best. Don't you feel you deserve the best too?

Every hospital has a patient referral line. Find a hospital like the ones I described and call them today.

alright i have a strange problem with my period. everytime my husband and i have sex my period starts. sometimes i let in run its course and it stops few days after. other times we will have sex during my period and it will also make it stop. its odd and im not sure what to think or do about it. normally i would have a period from around the 20th to the 2nd or 3rd but now its all the time. I have been feeling nauseated, cranky and tired. I have two children and have been pregnant 5 times. i have lost two children to miscarriage and a set of twins to a tubal pregnancy. so i know the symptoms of pregnancy. could there be a reason for any of these things or is my body just messed up. btw i have been checked for STDs and i am totally clean so that cant be the cause. someone help what the hell is wrong with me?

I'm obviously not a women, since no one else has answered your question I will. First none of us are doctors so we cannot diagnose anything. Even if we could we can't examine you over the web. You need to be examined by your gynecologist.

I'm a little confused by what you wrote as it does not make sense: "everytime my husband and i have sex my period starts. sometimes i let in run its course and it stops few days after. other times we will have sex during my period and it will also make it stop." To bleed after sex with your husband would tell me he may be hitting your cervix causing you to bleed. But sex during your period causing it to stop makes no sense.

Before this turns into something worse I suggest you see your OB/GYN. Only your doctor can tell you for certain what is wrong. Constant bleeding is a marker of something serious so don't hem and haw about this. Call your doctor today

I love his personality but Im not attracted to him physically at ALL. I don't want to sound shallow but that's how I feel. I could talk to him for hours on the phone and laugh and have a great time but when I look at him I just don't feel like I could kiss him. I feel like the most I could do is cuddle and hold hands. I feel horrible and I wish I could be physically attracted to him but I'm not. What should I do?

A long time ago there was a song that addressed your problem though it had to do with the women not the man.

I believe that as you get to know this person a love interest may grow that will supersede the physical attraction you feel you need for kissing and etcetera. If you can cuddle and hold hands with him, talk and laugh with him; then there is something there beyond physical attractiveness.

Physical attractiveness is what attracts us to one another. Mind you I did not say beauty or handsomeness. Physical attractiveness only holds us together so long, insert dumb blond jokes here. You have to go behind the exterior and find out what lies beneath the outer cover. To judge someone by their looks is the same as judging a book by it's cover.

It appears to me you two have found a relationship that can last but is lacking the romance as you are still hung up so to speak on the exterior. The only advice I can give you is not to worry about the exterior. Many good things, as you are finding, are found in shall we say, poor packaging. Don't worry about what others may think. Worry more how you feel. Does he love you? Will he stay with you? Is he relying on his looks to get by?

Good looking people, both men and women, tend to rely on their looks to get by. Good looking people tend to split up faster and more often because they have their pick of the field.

Looks, even men, can be sutley changed by changing the way he cuts his hair. Changing eye glases for contacts and a change of clothing style.

While I can't decide for you I can ask you this; Do you really think after what I have written this is a man you want to throw away?

I am 20/F. I love my boyfriend's mum and we get on very well despite only knowing each other 4 months or so. I met a mum of 2 20 something boys at college and we get on so well that I sometimes see her as an adopted mum.

The problem is my own mum and stepmum view me as some 'problem'. Mum hasn't spoken to me in months and had caused me to move 4 times in 6 months and has got my benefit taken from me.

I recently moved in with my dad and stepmum and she was fine at first but with me being unemployed she really pressurised me and with the stress I have been through I was in tears asking her to back off a little.

Since then she has made things more difficult for me and it feels like she is going out of her way to do so. Despite promising to help me in every way she has started to give me the silent treatment and ignoring my existance even when her six year old mentions me.

I am away for a week and plan to try and sort things out before I go and hope things calm down while I get work experience at a local shop. The problem is she thinks I haven't been doing enough job hunting despite 2 interviews in 2 weeks which is more than many people get as for months I have only received rejection emails.

I can't understand how other mums think I am a nice person but my own mother and mother figure seem to hate me over misunderstandings, despite me explaining myself and apologizing and trying to make amends.

If I can't make things up here I am scared I will have to move out again but I have no family left and my boyfriend still house shares with his wife so I can't go there and he has already said his parents can't take me in.

I have been awake all night trying to figure all of this out. I just don't know what to do anymore.

You have not actually stated what the real problem is between you and your mother and step-mother is. If I were to guess at this I would say the problem resides in the next to last paragraph of you writing: "have no family left and my boyfriend still house shares with his wife so I can't go there and he has already said his parents can't take me in"

It would appear from what you wrote that you are dating a married man. Given your mom and dad are divorced this I am using may be the root cause of your mothers displeasure as well as your step-moms. As I said you did not state what the problem is so I am guessing.

Since I am guessing I am not going to offer a solution at this time. Write us back with what you feel is the true problem between you and your mums'

im havin a hard time in my life and the only way i see out is to kill myself no one listins to me im unhappy the people around me make me happy but thats just not enof i need to talk i heard if u talk about ur feelins they go away but no one listins to me i cut myself because it takes away the pain but only for a little while in 16 and nothing to show for my life so far if you where to ask anyone who know me to name one thing in good at they wouldnt replay because they know and so do i im a failure i know it every one knows it

What I do for recreation is I am a member of a volunteer rescue Squad which is part of the county fire department. It is a rather strange recreational activity but it allows me a break form the norm which is the definition of recreation.

The downside of this, call it a hobby for now, is I unfortunately, have met to many people who feel as you do. By to many the number could be 1 or it could be 1001 the number doesn't matter. What matters is you. You're 16 and you really haven't yet had a chance at life to be so down on yourself to want to end your life.

I do understand how you feel and why you feel as you do. Please trust me when I say things can and will get better. There is no way you can be a failure at 16. You say you are happy around people. I understand this, we all are happiest when we can interact with others.

Right now you are depressed and you have some valid reasons for being so, some of them you are not even aware of. Your a teenager and society places a lot of stress on teenagers today. Stress that they really do not need at this time as they are dealing with the internal stressors brought on by puberty.

All teenagers go through this. Some handle it better than others. When you add the external stressors such as being told things like, "act your age," "you need to start thinking about college," you need to get better grades if you want to get into a good college and this is usually followed by, "your old enough to get a job so get one".

Have I come close to some of what your experiencing. If I have you are not a failure you are suffering from teenage depression and this is something doctors can treat. By treating your depression they will also be helping with your cutting for as the fog of depression lifts your cutting will stop.

The worst thing about depression is we see things all wrong. This is why you feel like a failure when you really are not. Depression causes us to perceive things wrong. The deeper your depression the worse you will perceive things.

You do not need parental permission to ask for help. what I would like you to do is go to a phone and dial 911 or the emergency number for where you live. Tell the call taker you have been cutting yourself and are thinking of ending your life. They will stay on the phone with you until help arrives.

The help sent will be the police and fire rescue. Someone like me will come in to talk with you and take you to a safe place where you can get help. The police are there to help you not hurt you. They are not going to arrest you. If it is like where I live the police will give you a choice of riding with them or in the ambulance with the firefighters to the hospital, whichever is more comfortable for you.

You've taken the first step, which is the biggest step by writing to us. Now take the next step and call for help.

me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months and we love each oter...im two years old than him and in my last year of high school.. we r not thinking about sex or nothing like that.. but, we want to say together how do we do that and is it still right..

I know this is not the question you asked but this is the information you need in order to stay together. This comes under the part of your question, "is it still right.."

For right now while you two are both 15 & 17 you do not have any problems being together. A problem does come up, depending on the age of consent in your state, when you turn 18. If your boyfriend is still 15 when you turn 18 and the age of consent is 16, as it is in most states, you run the risk of dating a minor.

Some states have a escape clause of sorts in the law allowing for a 2, 3 or 4 year age gap between a minor and a young adult such as yourself. Not all states have this law. You need to find out what the age of consent is in your state, also if they have a clause to cover an age gap and what it may be.

When you turn 18 you are legally an adult. If he is still considered a minor it makes no difference that you are in a platonic relationship. Under the law you can be charged with statutory rape and other offences against a minor. I'm not saying it will happen. What I am saying is all it takes is one person, someone who has a grudge against you maybe, reporting this to the police. Once they investigate it is then their option to charge, not to charge or to turn it over to the prosecutors office for a decision.

You and your boyfriend are not a case for which this law was written. The law is on the books and as I said all it takes is one person making a police report to bring a whole lot of unwanted trouble for both of you. So investigate and then decide how best to proceed. If your love for each other is true you can be apart and reconnect when it safe for both of you to do so.

If a girl who is 13 hugs her boyfriend goodbye that is slightly taller than her and then kisses him on the neck is that slutty? It depends on the kiss, right?

What do you guys think?

Kissing is never slutty. Kissing is a show of affection. So go ahead and kiss your boyfriend and don't worry about what other people think.

At you age everyone is still trying to figure out right from wrong when it comes to boy girl interaction. Best rule of thumb that I can offer you. If it is something you would not be embarrassed to do in front of mom & dad then it is nothing to worry about regardless of what anyone else may say.

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