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Is fingering still virgin?
I was saving myself untill marriage to have sex which I thought just meant penetration of penis in vagina. I didn't really know about anything else cause I wanted it to be a surprise for me.
Please dont laugh at my agge. I'm in my early 20s. I've only had one boyfriend but he never did anything to me apart from kissing & outside foreplay, which I was fine with.
I was at a temporary job, my supervisor who is 45 liked me & I started to like him back. My parents were against it from the start. So I stayed with my friend for a while & met up with him sometimes. I stayed at his house one night & he knew I wanted to be a virgin untill marriage. But he asked to finger me. I didn't really know what it was so I asked him will I still be a virgin & he said yes. I said ok & let him, then I started bleeding & he said its ok, its only foreplay.
My friend asked my how it went & I told her what happened and she said I'm not a virgin anymore because of the fingering. We didn't have actual sex.
The guy said when he was at school fingering was foreplay & he didn't know.
Then a few months later anotherr guy did it me but this time I quickly pulled his finger out.
Now I feel sick & disgusting cause I embarrased my family. I cant even look at them without feeling disgusted in what I did.
The bleeding doesn't help. I got over the first guy & thought I could carry on into another relationship but this guy tried/did the same thing.
I don't think I am a virgin anymore cause of this & now I feel hurt & used. I feel sick all the time cause I know this will be with me forever.
I disappointed my dead grandparents on both sides & all of my family. I just dont know what to do because I can't change this. Sometimes I feel normal & sometimes I don't.
I think fingering is losing virginity. So girls, please take my advice & NEVER let a guy finger you. Now I feel like I'm going to be a slut on my wedding night. I've always been a good person & I just dom't understand why this happened. I was weak in saying no. How do I get the courage to say no next time?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
first off when you get fingered your not suppost to start bleeding wtf?
your still when beacuse thats not real sex
did you even want this to happen?
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You know, the conscience is an interesting thing... I suppose the best question to ask, and you have already answered it: Do you still feel like a virgin?
You have said no.
Next thing to figure out is WHY you don't feel like a virgin?
It seems to me that you are one of the few people out there these days who aren't just making up justifications for what they want to be able to get away with now and lie to their future spouse about later. You actually "feel" the real reason for the concept of virginity, even if you haven't been able to find the words.
Rather than have me duplicate the explanation I gave just the other day; would you mind terrible looking at my answer to this question?
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... If that sound like what you feel in your heart, then there you have your answer.
Is this unforgivable? Absolutely not. People do things that make them feel ashamed. Your future spouse will probably have done something they aren't particularly thrilled about either.
The key to overcoming any ill feelings you have and any baggage it will create between you and other people, is to be honest. If they can't deal with something, or you can't deal with something they have done... you want to know about it now and not ten years after you get involved.
As far as getting the courage to say no... well, if it is something you don't want, and you have said no... but the person keeps going then SCREAM for help.
Report the person as a rapist.
As far as you not saying no... well, let me ask you this question: Are you 100% sure you didn't want to be sexual with this person in any way?
If you can say yes to that, then perhaps it is time to talk with a therapist and see why you put yourself in positions to be taken advantage of.
I am not saying that this is your fault. I am saying that if you fear intimacy with a person, and then become intimate with them... it is either rape, or something is missing in the thought process that lead up to the event.
For things like that, a trained professional has a better chance of helping you.
I suppose the thing that strikes me about this whole situation is the same thing we see many times over here:
People seem to believe that foreplay is a standalone thing, and it isn't.
Foreplay prepares the body for sex. If you are willingly entering into to foreplay, you are telling your body that you are ready to have sex now... and once your hormones are all ready for the act, the thought of saying no isn't really there anymore for most people.
So you see... don't say no to sex anymore... say no to FOREPLAY if you aren't ready for what comes next.
Engaging in foreplay and then expecting yourself to make rational decisions is like playing with fire. You WILL get burned.
Once you start making that decision... you will make it easier to forgive yourself for what you feel bad about now. Why? Because you will finally know WHY you did it, and you can own it from here on out. You will know what to do to prevent yourself from feeling this way again.
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Only you can determine if you are a virgin or not. Everyone has their own idea of what a virgin is. I'd say you are still a virgin. Maybe not completely innocent, but still a virgin.
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You will be a virgin until you have sexual intercourse. Fingering does not mean you are no longer a virgin.
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The true definition of virginity is you have not had sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is defined as the penetration of the female vagina by the male penis. This has not happened to you so you are still a virgin.
Now in today's politically correct society and the right wing portion of that group have given virginity a new meaning. Their meaning of virginity goes almost all the way back to the Victorian age. When a women was totally devoid of sexual knowledge. She did her wifely duty, bore children but received no pleasure. Today they preach total abstinence. No sex play, meaning no fingering, no oral sex or anal sex. Total purity or your not a virgin.
To me a virgin is a women who is going to give herself to a man in a way no one else has known her. He is to be the first to penetrate her and make love to her. This is a gift her mate/husband will cherish as much as she does in giving herself to him.
While your friend has a right to her opinion. Her opinion is not based in fact. So yes, you are still a virgin.
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Well I just want to say that you still are a virgin because you didn't preform any type of intercourse so don't worry. I know that you wanted to wait to do that till you were married but minds do change. It is totally up to you what you want to do next time. If you want him to then go right ahead but just remember its your choice and he cant pressure into doing something that you don't want to do. Another thing to remember is no matter how many people do that to you, you are still going to be a virgin until you have sex.
Hope I helped.
Wishing you the best.
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