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how do I change peoples first impressions of me
I have always seemed to come across to people as hard faced-fiesty , but deep down I'm just a big softy , and no one gets to know that side of me because they see me and think I'm someone different- but they don't know the childhood I went through- is there anyway I can change this?
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A first impression is always hard to change especially if it is one that will turn people away from you. If you make a bad first impression you have to change yourself which is also hard to do for in your case if I'm reading you correctly it is a defence mechanism.
Lest' start with changing you as this is the hardest to do. Yes you are on the defensive and for good reasons I'm sure. You don't want to be hurt,again. No one likes being hurt and that is probably why you are as you say hard faced-feisty. You can learn to unlearn this behavior but it will take hard work and you will not be able to do it alone.
You will need the help of a good clinical psychologist who you feel comfortable enough with to open up to and tell him/her what hurt you in the first place. This may take meeting several psychologists before finding one you are comfortable with. When you do and you unburden yourself you can then learn to not only properly deal with what hurt you but how to trust people again. What we are, I believe is that you have trust issues about trusting people not to hurt you. These issues can be dealt with in therapy.
Now, how do you undo a first impression. They say a first impression is a lasting impression, it is not a never ending impression. You can change a first impression, in your case, by letting your guard down a bit. Letting people you know see the softy side of you. The fact that you are writing to ask this tells me you have one, probably a big softy side. Just how to let it show through is something I would have to know you better to help you with.
Talk with people not at them. Laugh at their jokes. Let them be right even if they are a little bit wrong on a subject. Invite them to go shopping or to get their nails done with you. Anything that lets them see you as you really are.
For the rest a professional therapist is your best answer. I hope I have been of some help to you.
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I totally agree with AdviceMistress they have a really good point. Try opening up more or if there is someone that looks lonely or so just go up and talk to them and maybe they will introduce you to there friends. Dont worry even thought there are alot off people out there that do not listen well of just decide to not get to know the best of you there are some people like me that will try and hopefully get to know other people. You should never be alone and you should always have some friends. Try making new friends.
Hopefully I helped.
Good luck.
blr51697 :D
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I guess just try opening up a little bit. I was told I was intimidating at one point because I didn't smile. Rumors went around that where I was from I wasn't someone you wanted to mess with. And although it was great that people didn't pick on me or anything it was hard talking to people. Just try to smile a bit more and be friendly. Come out of your shell and it will help believe me. I started making a lot more friends when I came out of my shell. Good luck!
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