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Other Mum's approval but my own hate me
I am 20/F. I love my boyfriend's mum and we get on very well despite only knowing each other 4 months or so. I met a mum of 2 20 something boys at college and we get on so well that I sometimes see her as an adopted mum.
The problem is my own mum and stepmum view me as some 'problem'. Mum hasn't spoken to me in months and had caused me to move 4 times in 6 months and has got my benefit taken from me.
I recently moved in with my dad and stepmum and she was fine at first but with me being unemployed she really pressurised me and with the stress I have been through I was in tears asking her to back off a little.
Since then she has made things more difficult for me and it feels like she is going out of her way to do so. Despite promising to help me in every way she has started to give me the silent treatment and ignoring my existance even when her six year old mentions me.
I am away for a week and plan to try and sort things out before I go and hope things calm down while I get work experience at a local shop. The problem is she thinks I haven't been doing enough job hunting despite 2 interviews in 2 weeks which is more than many people get as for months I have only received rejection emails.
I can't understand how other mums think I am a nice person but my own mother and mother figure seem to hate me over misunderstandings, despite me explaining myself and apologizing and trying to make amends.
If I can't make things up here I am scared I will have to move out again but I have no family left and my boyfriend still house shares with his wife so I can't go there and he has already said his parents can't take me in.
I have been awake all night trying to figure all of this out. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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It's difficult sometimes talking to your mom and I'm sure sometimes it sounds like she's not listening. I have always butt heads with my mom and even to this day I do.
When I was a teenager I always thought she was out to get me. I never thought anything I did was good enough and sometimes I would just stop trying. It's never been completely easy with my mom. She would always say to me that she pushes me because she wants me to be happy and to be successful. I love my mother more than anything. She has given me a home, food, and love. All the things that I need to survive. She has given me everything and more. Do we have fights? Of course. Do I get mad at her? Of course. At the end of the day though she is still my mother.
My boyfriend's mother I absolutely love being with. We talk and we have such a great time. She even gives me advice sometimes as well. I don't know what it is but there is this 'looking glass affect' that has occurred when I talk to my boyfriend's mom. And I appreciate my mom so much more because of it.
Maybe talk to your boyfriend's mom and see what she says and maybe she has some insight or advice for you. I understand getting a job right now is hard and you're doing the best you can. I'm sure your mom doesn't hate you she is probably just aggravated. Your mom wants what's best for you and maybe she doesn't say it all the time but it's true.
Keep your head up and do the best you can. No matter what anyone says don't let anyone rain on your parade. Good luck on the job search and stay positive!
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You have not actually stated what the real problem is between you and your mother and step-mother is. If I were to guess at this I would say the problem resides in the next to last paragraph of you writing: "have no family left and my boyfriend still house shares with his wife so I can't go there and he has already said his parents can't take me in"
It would appear from what you wrote that you are dating a married man. Given your mom and dad are divorced this I am using may be the root cause of your mothers displeasure as well as your step-moms. As I said you did not state what the problem is so I am guessing.
Since I am guessing I am not going to offer a solution at this time. Write us back with what you feel is the true problem between you and your mums'
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Have you talked to your father about all this? If you haven't I certainly would and see if he can tell her to back off. If you can then try to have a meeting with your father involved. Your stepmother is over the line, She as a co parent should be supporting you not making your life miserable. Another option is to sit down with her and let her know how her actions are effecting you in a more stern but calm manner.
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