ChOcOLoLo's advice column

askChOcOLoLo

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I hate my life. Here's a little bit about it.
I have un diagnosed a.d.d or adhd, i'm 14, I ive in the stupidest town ever, i suck at everything i do, i hate my family, i do not work up to my potencial, i'm ugly, i'm too skinny, i'm not allowed to have ''too much fun'', i'm not allowd to have a girlfriend, i'm constantly depressed, i dont have any friends because i'm too much of a ''geek'', i get many racist jokes cracked about me every day.

i just dont know what to do, i just got in a big fight with my parents and I didn't realize until now, just how much i HATE my life.

please help me.

Hey there! Life will always have it's ups, including it's downs--there's no doubt to that. But it's all up to us on how we take these happenings. We can either see them as a way to grow and advance in life--or something that will bring us down. And if we don't grow through these experiences or hurt, we aren't necessarily living. Someone once said that "Life is 10 percent of what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it." So really, life is not WHAT happens to us, but really HOW WE VIEW LIFE. And because you are the owner of your life, the first thing to do is accept yourself, and when you see something you don't like, get up and change it. Look at both your weaknesses and strengths that make you as person, and when you find something you'd want to change, change it. Only YOU have the power to change these things in your life. Don't sit down and mope about what you don't have and hate yourself for your past mistakes. If you want to be a person that works up to their potential, get to it and start working your best. If you want to have more friends, go out there and start being a person who's more open and have more friends. And if you also want to stop sticking to the negative side of life, then it's about time doing so. Everything is your decision, and most espeically, life is what you make it.

I really hope everything will work out, and if you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox. Take care....

Q: im wanting to help my partner lose weight because i'm worried about his health.
I'm not a cook so i need some simple recipes that i can cook and that are healthy.
if you know of any please can you give me the ingredients and method. thank you

hey there!
possible food recipies you could use for your partner could be fruit smoothies for each breakfast, containing strawberries, milk, and a favorite nutritonal milkshake mix. Also,a combination of carrot and apple juice can also help, especially when drinkning them for every breakfast, lunch and dinner, and they can also help greatly in digestion. The carrot and apple juice can be created through a juicer--one in particular: the Jack Lalaine one, for its really convenient.
Your partner could also focus on including more fruits and vegetables in his diet, for example, a salad packed with tomatoes, cheese and a moderate amount of dressing. It makes a superb, delicious meal =D.

Q: What song can I sing to audition for my schools musical? I do not have a very good voice, so I am only looking to be in the chorus (I have been in it the past, so yes, it is possible to be in the chorus even if you don't have an amazing voice). I am a 16 year old female, who cannot sing very high at all. I would like something that is easy & will sound good on my voice. I would like something from a Broadway show, or Disney. (preferably A MUSICAL PLAY). THANK YOU!

Hey there, two cool songs you could sing which are both from Broadway are:
1) Someone Like You-Jekell and Hyde
2) Once upon a Dream also from Jekell and Hyde.

Just make sure that when you sing, you use much strength, and this strength comes from inhaling air into your stomach and singing through your diaphram. Also, don't think that you can't get the high notes because I've learned that it's "all in your head." hehe Just keep on sticking to it and practicing, and I'm certain, everything will come out beautifully. Take care, and I wish you the best of luck.

Q: 14/female
ok like i reallly hate my life. But i live in a semi good neighborhood with a good famliy (mom, dad and sister) in a good house and everything but like nothing ever goes my way. Like i dont think im that pretty.. im 14 and only had 1 boyfriend (which only lasted 2 weeks ) and all my other friends have had manyy boyfriends and like all my friends that are girls are prettier than me in my opinion. and i dont really have a bestfriend. i used to but now someone else is her bestfriend. So now i just have like friends, but only like 4 really close friends. I'm naturally a very nice person.. but you know what they say: nice people finish last. Also, im a bit of a pushover. People sometimes just "walk all over me" and i cant really stand up for myself. I am very self-conscious about myself and im not that confident.
But then i think about the poor people or homeless people who probably have 20 times worse life than me and it makes me feel bad that i complain about my life when i should be thankful. So my question.. do you think my life is good or bad? is there anything i can do to improve my life? or should i be thankful instead?

Hey there! Life is not at all that bad. It's all in the perspective, and the way you take happenings that occur in life. A person once said: "Life is 10 percent of what happens to me, and 90 percent of how I view these happenings," and so, it's all in the perspective. If you wish to have a good life, make it so. If you want to begin standing up for yourself, get up and do it girl! Don't just sit around and feel sorry for yourself, and be angry at how life doesn't treat you well. When you immediately begin to realize that your life is in YOUR hands, and YOU alone are in the driver's seat, you're immediately going to get what you want for yourself, and meet the expectations you want to see yourself achieve.
And secondly, stop comparing yourself to other people. If you go through life this way, you're never going to see you for YOURSELF, because you're always seeing yourself in the images of other people. It's time to wake up and stop underestimating yourself, be the person you want to be, and live your life. Not the lives of the people around you. When you immediately begin to accept and realize YOUR own beauty and talents, you're gonna steer far ahead.
I know of a lot of people who are going through a lot of trouble, and I'm really inspired at seeing them smile and carrying on their lives, and making it work for themselves. And so, it's all up to you. Do you want to continue hating life, and keep on sitting and complaining? Or do you want to get up and know that you can do things, and you will do them? "First accept yourself, and when you see something you don't like, change it."

Q: Hey! Me & my friends are making a video of pictures for all the seniors. What are some songs to use in the background for like graduating & just senior stuff?

Hey there! Possible songs could be:

"Music of My Heart"-Nsync and Gloria Estefan
"Graduation"-Vitamin C
"Hard to Say Goodbye"-Boyz II Men
"From this Moment On"-Shania Twain
"100 Years to Live"-Fighting for Five
"Remember Me This Way"
"Stay the Same"-Joey McIntyre

If you like Hawaiian Music, you can also chose:
"Good times together" by Kapono, which is really cool, and "Friends" by Na Leo Pilemehana.

These songs are just the "slow" kind of songs, but what you could also do is add fun and upbeat music that you guys used in your class cheer, or something that brings back memories and symbolizes something fun which happened in the past. If you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox. Take care!

Q: hey is it true that when you sleep you're supposed to take your bra off?

hey there! yes it is true that you should take off your bra before you go to sleep, because some people believe that it can contribue to breast cancer or other health problems if left on while sleeping in the future. however, it's mainly up to your discretion.

Q: okay well my friend went out with this guy and she treated him really bad, she played games with him and didnt really act like she liked him and they finally broke up cus he couldnt trust her cus she was always lieing to him && flirting wiht other guys and a few..weeks--maybe?--he started talking to me and we started liking eachtother and after a few weeks of talking and getting to know eachtoehr a little better, he ask me out and i said no cus i think my friend still likes you, but i talked to her and she said it wouldd be okay, so he asked me out again and i said yes this time and she was okay with it until after a few weeks,about 2 or 3 maybe, after i had started to really like him. she started getting mad at me and spreading rumors about me and everytime she saw him she would try to be all over him adn kiss him and all that and he'd be like get off of me i have a gf, and she would be like who cares about her? and she talked really bad abotu me behind my back but then around me shed be like ohh i love you! like she wanted to figth me at one point and then she took my best friend from me...and she doesnt like me anymore but she'll be all nice to me when she needs a ride somewhere or something ... so what should i do? i mean i want us to be friends but i dont want her to go on talkign about me behind my back. and dont say to break up with him cus we've been going out for a while now and i love him a whole lot. so please tell me what i can do to get her to stop spreading rumors about me and about him to break us up!

hey there! OMG. What kind of friend is that? She treats a guy badly, at the same time, spreads rumors about you, and doesn't care that you are in a relationship with this guy. AHEM, what kind of friend is that? The best solution to this problem is to end your friendship with this girl. All she's going to do is hurt your relationship and your reputaion more, and at the same time take advantage of you. And for all those stupid rumors she's spreading? Don't beleive them, and don't react to them because they're not true anyway, and she just wants to stab you in the back because she's just jealous of you. Seriously, don't consider her your friend anymore, and if it gets worse, be the mature person and don't turn around and start spreading rumors about her, because you'll be stooping down to her level--a very low place to be in.

Q: how do i center text on myspace?

hey there! in order to center text you just place: text here.

If you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox!

Q: 16/m.-will rate- we met in a chat room, along with id say about 20 other kids. this was before the summer of 2003 and you know we were mostly from the same general area, east coast, but a few random people from cali n stuff. well anyways we all became pretty good friends, guys and girls all between 8th grade[where I was in at that time] and seniors and somehowI knew there was something different about one of them. well I thought you know: she didn’t notice me, she lives too far, blah blah blah. until I decided to, along with one of the guys there who was older, play a prank on her that id ask her out, and when she said no pretend to wanna kill myself.
at first it was hilarious, but then once I realized I hurt her feelings, I knew somethin was wrong
because I liked her as a friend nothing more, because I really didn’t know but I knew she liked me more than that so she felt terrible and then I felt bad too and I was like: wow I guess I must really care
so I told her everything n she told me everything how we felt n stuff. from then on we were...I guess u culd say closer friends. I asked her out everyday as a joke, n she always sed no and then I actually got serious, so I convinced her to believe me. after like 3 weeks and around august
she came around and sed yes. now ur thinkin, wtf is that, thats beyond insane.
she actually doesn’t live too far and yeah I know, we wer young n had no idea what we wer getting into it wasn’t like you know, something real, just for fun I guess. since then
shes been i guess... my 'gf'. now 2 things
1. she knew what i looked like and were i lived
2. i didnt know where she lived, or what she looked like. even crazier right? We actually met for the first time in person 3 days ago, still cant believe we pulled it off. Well what I wanna know is…would you consider this to be real love or a real relationship, why or why not. thanks

hey there! it's actually all up to you. do you love her, not like an infatuation for a person online or something, but where you actually accept her for herself, no matter how far she lives or even if you have only met her in person now? That may be true love, but overall, it's all about you.

Q: Hey Normie! This is Steven, or sbloemeke accoriding to my screenname. I really like your advice, and I was wondering if you have AIM or something?
Thanks!

Hey Steven! I really like your advice too! =D My aim is: FliPiNaYgrLz. Take care always, and I hope to hear from you soon!

Q: I'm a senior and I just cannot get into school this year. I already have 7 absences and school has barely been going on for 2 months. My skipping school doesn't get in the way with my grades though. All through high school I've been in honor classes and gotten nothing less than a B. What it is messing with though is me graduating or not. They only let you make up a cretin amount of EAs and at the end of the semester I might have too much. I need to get over this senioritis. What can I do?

Hey there! It's all in perspective. If you have the confidence and the good attitude to do well in school, all you have to do is just walk the path. If you really want to make it through this school year--(the best school year of your four years of high school life) make it through! I also felt that I had started my sophomore year on the wrong foot, but I realized later that it was the way I saw things that made everything so stressful and hard on me. It's all about the attitude, completely about the attitude. So, if you see things as difficult and boring, then your entire year will be difficult and boring, and you will get the same unpleasing results that you don't want. First have the expectations for yourself in mind, then have the good attitude that makes sure that you get there. So it's time to shape up that attitude, in order to shape up that progress! I wish you the best of luck, and if you need anything else, just hit me up in the inbox. Remember, it's all about the attitude.

Q: Well see about 8 months ago I wouldnt care for you know like when My mom yells at me and then I met this guy that feels like he changed my life....but then we broke up and now my friends are worried that I will go back to being my oldself....they like the kinda new me... what do I do???

Hey there! Changing is entirely up to you. The people who come into our lives my influence us, but it's always up to OUR decision and chose if we want to change ourselves. Because of your boyfriend in your life, he really helped you and changed you, but just because he's gone for the time being doesn't mean that you HAVE TO change into that former person you once were. It's not what happens to us, but how we handle them that changes us into better people. And so, don't think about what other may people think if you change or do not change. It's only about you. Ask yourself, do you like this person you have become?? If so, go with it and be yourself. It's about who you want to be, not what others may want you to be. Take care always, and if you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox.

Q: can someone please help me out. i found a layout that i like except when i put in all the codes my entrys are far away from the about me part. if you know anythin wit web designnin for xanga can yoi help me out. thanks.

Hey there! A place where they give really great layouts on xanga is: http://www.xanga.com/bebelayouts. Also, there are a lot of layout providers on xanga, and you can find them by searching them on your xanga page by typing: "Layout Providers" under blogring. If you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox..Take care!

Q: Me and my friend Paul are practically brother and sister! We've always been tight but over the summer it seemed as if we were getting feelings for eachother that werent normal 'friendly' feelings. He invited me everywhere with him. We went to the beach to watch fireworks, i joined him for dinner, and almost every weekend we hung out at his house watching the stars and talking. i never feel uncomfortable around him and i can tell him anyhing. Were both strong christians and believe that God will lead us in the direction we need to go. But I just dont know ...
is this Love? :-\

Hey there! Yes, it is love hehe. Because you guys are already friends, you guys can easily be yourselves around each other, trust each other and accept one another which is a strong foundation for a successful relationship. Just remember to always be yourself, and when the time comes, be honest with yourself and tell him how you feel, or he will tell you how he feels. Take care always, and I wish you the best of luck!

Q: 16 male. I honestly think I am going insane. Things just have been building on me my entire life, and they are starting to just break through to the point where I cannot control my own emotions anymore.
It's like last night, everything inside me just exploded. My mom works on pit crew for my band, and she asked me to help unload the truck. Well, I happen to be the only person who uses the truck that has to unload because she is there. It always makes me a bit upset when she asks, but not like last night. Don't mention this, for it is not the issue. If you do, it is a 1.
What happened to me after scared me. I suddenly had flashback after flashback, showing me how un-normal I am. I have overprotective parents, first off, and began wishing things like they'd stop. I am a quiet person, and I wished that I could speak more. I have not had a girlfriend, I wished I could. I wanted my friends to be a bit closer to me. I wanted somebody to actually be interested in what I say, instead of blatently nodding. I wanted my sister back from her present self where she is dating a guy and is so rebellious that I can no longer stand it.
AKA, I wanted to finally be normal. And it has caused so much depression in me these past days... I feel like my life is going south, and I cannot even look north.
What do I do?

Hey there! I kind of feel like I'm in the same situation too right now, but the best thing to understand is that you are not un-normal. I feel that its the expectations you have for yourself that are really pushing you, and when you feel that you cannot achieve them, you don't feel good about yourself. But the best thing is this: Always give your best and know that everyone is not perfect, so forgive yourself for the mistakes that you do committ while reaching to achieve those expectations. Making mistakes is all a part of living, and if we don't grow and learn from our mistakes, we're not really living. So, although we all have expectations that drive us, it's okay if we fail--all you have you have to do is laugh and pick yourself up again.
Secondly, for all those things you wish could be better can only be changed by one person:YOU. And so, it's time to stand up and work for the things you want, and in this process, do not sit and worry about the past failures you have made. It's all about you, the present and the future. Take care always and God Bless...If you need anything else, you can just drop something in my inbox.

Q: lately ive been crying alot .... my dad died like 4 years ago.... this guy that i like that french kissed a few times just told me that he only likes me as a friend....my hair was really long and now its up to my shoulders and i hate it..... I think im really ugly but everyone else says im pretty...... im pissed off at my cheerleading coach... my mom is being really bitchy to me..... i wanna loose weight(i weight 105 pounds and im 5'1 i no that doesnt seem like heavy but i have extra fat that i wanna loose)

*****can someone help me with all this like the guy i like how can i get him to like me and what can i do about my extra fat and just give me advice*****

hey there! don't worry about anything...everything will always work for the better. =D My dad passed away 3 years ago too, and I also cry, but its best to remind yourself that he's in a better place now and no matter what, he's always going to be there, and he's going to be guiding you. a friend once told me, "it's all in perspective. if you have the attitude to get to your destination, all you have to do is walk the path", and so it goes for all the things that take place in life. it's not what happens in life, but how we take them that matters, and so for all the things that happened, try to take them in a positive perspective and see that no, life is not permanenetly miserable, but these moments strengthen us as a person. For instance, you think that you are ugly, but you are probably IMAGINING it and everyone else knows the truth, hehe. If comparing yourself to others, STOP because it will only make you underestimate yourself. I'm also about 5'1, and no girl, I think you don't need to lose weight---you're in perfect shape! So remember, just be more positive with what's happening, and you'll see that everything is not so bad as it seems to be.

Q: I just started a new job in the clothing department of a superstore. I want my coworkers to like me, what could I do to accomplish this?

hey there! i think the best thing to know first is that not everyone can like us, and it's okay if someone choses not to.=D It's up to us to be ourselves, and bring out our individual personalities, and some may like it, some may not, it's no matter. But in order to be well-aquainted with your co-workers is to just be friendly, greet them everytime you see them, and when someone's talking about something you know well about or can relate to, comment and say things like, "oh, yeah, i watched that movie too!" hehe. Also, when there's like this gathering, or when everyone is talking story, don't shy away and not join in the conversation. Always remember to be yourself, and try not to think too much of what other people may think because it can make you grow into a people-pleaser, and instead of having more friends, people may take advantage of you. So remember to be yourself, and be friendly with your fellow co-workers. If you need anything else, just hit me up in the inbox. I wish you the best of luck!

Q: i really like this guy but im preddy shure he has a gf. i have a very good feeling hes like in love with me, and ive got a really good feeling that im like in love with him. everytime i see him i cant help grinning because when he sees me or talks to me i just forget all my problums... annyway, i think he knows hes not supposed to like me so hes starring at me the hole entire time im not stareing at im but when i look at him he pretends he hadnt been looking at me for 5 min streight. im fine with him starring at me. but, im starting to kindof get obset(?) and confused about it, and i was wondering if you guys could help me find out what to do about it. and please do not say "move on" im tired of moving on pleaze help i rate well

Hey there! The best thing is to not assume things. Assuming will leave you feeling confused in the end. Confirm if he has a girlfriend, and if he has, I truly advise you to move on. Because if he is really taken, then it is wrong for him to look at you in a certain way, or for you to entertain those feelings for him. Try to place yourself in "the girlfriend's position". How would you feel if this boy, who you really liked, had feelings for someone else?????
But if he does not have a girlfriend, then the best thing is to tell him how you feel. Because you guys talk and hang out with each other, that's a really great start, and you guys can already be yourselves around each other. Just hang out more, and when the time comes, I know he will or you will have the courage to say how you feel.
And I really do ask you to be the responsible one here. If he knows that he's not supposed to like you and he has a gf, then you should clearly show him that. I wish you the best of luck, and if you need anything else, hit me up in the inbox...
hearts, normie

Q: Ok.. im sorry if this gets long and confusing, but i really need help & ive got a lot on my mind.. so this will get long!!

So theres this boy, and i like him so much! the thing is.. we went out before.. and he was so great! then we broke up about 2 months later because his feelings werent as strong for me as he thought. but i still like him. we talked about going out but he didnt think it was a very good idea, but he did like me. ( we go to different schools, by the way. ) we see each other every monday, wednesday, and friday. and i think thats good enough? ever since we broke up we've been best friends.. and that makes me like him even more. about 4 months after we broke up, he asked me out again. he said for sure his feelings were strong. so i said yes, because i was madly in love with him!! he had a dance at his school, he asked me to go but i couldnt because of cheerleading practice. so i came home and checked my messages on my cell fone and one of my good friends that goes to his school called me. i called her back right away. she told me so much stuff! like the boy danced with another girl.. that didnt really bother me. but then she said they made out and he went to her house afterwards. i was crying so much!! i called his cell fone and the GIRL answered. [ to make it all worse, it was the girl i hate because she did the same exact thing with my old boyfriend. ] so me and the boy talked and he denied everything. i could not believe him. this was about 2 weeks ago. but i still love him so much!! see, thats the thing. after all he did and after all the pain i went through.. i keep on loving him. i keep on begging for him! it sucks =( i cry so much about it but theres nothing i can do.

so my question is :
what should i do!? follow my heart and still crush on him.. or give up on him?!

I LOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCH

hey there! i really think that you should still be friends with him, but give up on him and you being together, because after all of this, and knowing that you really liked him, turned around and did this to you. this guy only seems to be playing on your feelings, just trying to see how far he can get while knowing that you like him, but maybe not having the same strong feelings. there are many other boys out there, and look you're still 13, so you should still go on living, and know that your special someone will come in time. Don't set your heart on this one person when you're still very young because you never know, and for sure this guy is not the best one for you.

Q: Ok well i have been best frineds with this guy forever like since we were babies and i am in love with his sister. she is absolutly beautiful. i see her all the time and sometimes she acts like we r friends and others like she completely hates me. do i tell her how i feel and risk ruining my friendsip with her bro or just keep quiet? her bro is kinda protective

Hey there! The best thing to do is tell your friend first. Just be honest with how you feel, and know that true friends will always understand where each other is coming from. You guys have been friends for a really long time, and I am sure that he will understand how you feel.

About his sister, just keep talking to her and be kind to her. The best thing is to be friends with her first because you guys can easily be yourselves around each other. And girls are always like that. They may have these moments were they seem completely normal then absolutely incomprehensible hehe.Just don't be intimidated. Girls like guys who are willing to keep trying, even if it seems like they keep pushing them away. On the outside she may act like this, but on the inside she may just want to test you, and feels the same way. So don't be intimidated! Remember also to be honest, and be yourself always! Take care and Good luck!