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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice......
You don't say how old you are now. If you are an adult then you should do as I am going to suggest. If you are under 18 you will need to ask your mom to get the help I am going to recommend.
First I'm sorry that you had to live through this abuse from your dad. One question did your father ever sexually abuse you. If the answer is yes then I would suggest you make a police report. There is no statute of limitations on sexual abuse. If your father is in Mexico and does reenter the U.S. he will be arrested at the border. Child sexual abuse cannot be tolerated and his arrest for sexually abusing you will be a big help in putting the past behind you.
Rainhourse88 is correct you can never forget something that has happened to you. What you can do is learn how to handle it in a manner that doesn't ruin the rest of your life. I learned this myself very recently when an auto accident disabled me and turned my whole world upside down. I sought therapy with a psychologist for help with what was my new world. She saw something and kept hammering at it. I was reluctant but she finally got it out of me.
I won't go into detail other than to say I learned I came from a dysfunctional family. I spoke to my sister about what I learned and she went into therapy too. We are both much happier today because instead of having these thoughts deeply buried we have learned to deal with them.
This is what I believe you need to do is to speak with a qualified therapist who can help you put what has happened to you in the proper prospective so you can deal with it properly. My sister and I are lucky in that we both have very supportive spouses who also worked with us while we worked with the therapist.
You need to find a good therapist. Someone you are willing to tell your deepest darkest secrets to knowing full well what is said in therapy stays in therapy. I went through two before I found the one I could trust and work with. It took time and it was hard work. The work and time was worth it for I am a happier person today even though my disability forced me to give up a job I dearly loved and had to learn to live in a world I was unaccustomed to.
There is no shame in seeing a therapist for help with what you can't deal with for there are something s you just can't share with mom or your closest friend. Sometimes just talking about something is helpful.
If you do not know any therapists call your insurance carrier they can supply a list of Psychologists that are covered under your health Insurance
I'm a virgin and all of my sexual fantasies include an element of BDSM. Is this normal?
Yes you’re normal. It does not mean you find BDSM sexually exciting it does not mean you want to practice BDSM sex. There are many different fetishes within the sexual norm from BDSM to Spanking. Watching porno films of a particular fetish does not mean one wants to practice that fetish. The same is true with fantasies. Many women have rape fantasies. This does mean they want to be rapes or in any way forced to have sex against their will.
There are and maybe you will at some point what to try and live your fantasy. You may find you may like some form of BDSM or as most do find the fantasy is better than reality.
The advice I give to everyone when they start having sex is this. Sex is a learned experience. Yes the mechanics is inbreed but learning about your partners likes and dislike is something that needs to be discussed before you commit to a long term sexual relationship. Sex is also a 50/50 relationship where no means NO and stop means Stop. Communication between partners is very important. Don't just do something and see his reaction. Find out first and if he says yes then do it. If he says stop while you’re doing it you stop. It works both ways if he asks you to do something and you say yes but as you get into it you find you don't like it or it’s painful and say stop he has to stop.
How do you give a 14 year old a boner without touching him
You really don't have to do much to give a 14 year old male an erection. If he has entered puppetry he will get an involuntary erections many times a day just because of the new hormones floating through his body. Just looking a girl he finds attractive will give him an erection. She doesn't have to do anything more than a bit of flirting with him.
I have no interest in anything. I'm disabled. So - at least for me - life is meaningless, because all life is is waking up, going to school/work, playing with your hobbies and then you go to sleep and repeat the same cycle all over again.
I have looked into finding interests for years, but I just am not interested in *anything*. I'm disabled, so I can't drive anywhere or go to work/school.
So what do I do when life is meaningless? Do I just lay here and wait for death?
(I'm done seeing therapists and taking prescription drugs, by the way. I have cooperated and put forth plenty of effort with multiple therapists, but it only made me feel worse. And I've been prescribed a multitude of different medications, but they only make me feel dizzy and drowsy.)
Wow your disabled just like me. You don't say how disabled you are as there are degrees of disablement. I'm somewhat fortunate that I can get around to some degree. I can walk with a cane but not far. I can drive a car if I absolutely have to but with what causes my disability it had better be an emergency for I could be a danger to others if pain were to strike while driving.
Given all of that I still manage to stay busy during the day. I was disabled in a car accident the only innocent involved and the only one injured. This was almost 14 years ago. I could no longer work at the job I loved and my whole world turned upside down. I became depressed.
My therapist suggested I find things that interest me that I can do from home. This answer questions on topics I am knowledge able in is one of those things. I write not to be published but to exercise my brain and personal enjoyment. I am also well known in my community as the go to person for getting things done from the County Government. Why, because I became active in politics via the WEB. When I write to any of my representatives I no longer get boiler plated replies. They respond with answers or fix what needs fixing. The Internet has opened a whole new world of interests for me that allow me to involve myself in things without leaving home.
Now I do enjoy some things outside the house and we select those based on how I feel on any given day and how my disability is affecting me. One thing I enjoy is fine dining. Using Google maps we select restaurants based on close in parking or ones that over valet service. This has worked out very well and once a month my wife and I have a date night.
There are also many places we could go that offer wheelchairs for use while visiting. I'm not ready to commit to using a wheel chair though I do go shopping with my wife for groceries and use one of the motorized carts they provide.
I have found life does not really change just because of a disability. Life is always about what you put into it. You did not say just what your disability is. You were able to contact us so you have your mind and the ability to use the Internet; this is a good start. What you need to do know is evaluate what you able to do and see what aids you need to do that. What will the Internet bring into your life to occupy your day? Use the Internet to expand your horizons. You may even think about becoming an advisor on this site. Life does not have to stop just because you are disabled you just need to make some adjustments to move forward.
My grandma recently had a stroke and she's very confused and speaking baby like. My aunt went up to the hospital with some forms for her to sign so she could get power of attorney. My grandma has two kids left which is my mom and my aunt. My aunt is not responsible, she steals money from my grandma, does drugs and she's been writing checks using my grandmas name while she's in the hospital. My mom is way more responsible and I have a cousin that has also been looking out for my grandmother. My aunt just wants to be in control of everything so she can spend grandmothers money and live somewhere nice. When my grandma gets out of the hospital, my aunt is forcing her to live in her house which is not suitable to live in. Can my mom and cousin take my aunt to court?
Anything signed when someone is not of sound mind is invalid. You will need to find a lawyer and take your Aunt to Court to nullify the Power of Attorney or file charges against her. The court may want charges filed against her depending on how she spent any of your grandmothers money.
If you cant afford an attorney you would need a letter from her treating doctor or the nurses caring for her that she was not of sound enough mind to know what she was signing if the paper was signed in the hospital. You then go to the clerk of the court to ask how to file charges and request a court appointed attorney. You also request an emergency hearing so that your Aunts Power of Attorney can be suspended until the court renders a judgment.
Of course if you can afford an attorney this can all be do by the attorney better and faster. Any cost involved can be reimbursed from your grandmother when the in the judgment of the court your Aunt committed any fraud or theft from your Grandmother. The court can order full restitution top your grandmother of any funds spent that were not spent in the best interest of your grandmother.
My dermatologist is no longer accepting my insurance and I just started accutane this month. I can't get another dermatologist available now. Can my doctor prescribe me accutane until I find another dermatologist?
The fact that your doctor no longer accepts your insurance does not mean you have to find another doctor unless you want to. Many specialists have stopped taking insurances as they feel the reimbursement by the insurance companies is too low. All this means is if you are seeing an out of network doctor or a doctor who does not accept their insurance that you pay out of pocket then submit the claim to the insurance company for reimbursement.
Short answer to your question is yes your current doctor can continue to treat you until you find a new doctor you will just have to pay him/her up front.
I love I'm Georgia. My mom does not have legal guardian ship.
I'm not a lawyer and I am not familiar with the laws in the state of Georgia. If you are receiving any social services I would ask them this question as they may be your guardian. With your IQ score I'm somewhat certain someone is responsible for you and you should know who that person or agency is.
I will say this I understand your desire to have sex. Your body is telling you that it wants it. Your boyfriend is being very responsible and respectful in not taking advantage of you. You need to do so in return by finding out first if someone or agency has any guardianship over you. Then ask them if it is legal for you and your boy friend to have sex.
If no one is responsible for you, which I doubt. Then see a legal aid lawyer and find out what the law says in this instance. You need to know if you legally can consent to having sex. If so have the lawyer provide you with the appropriate law so you can show your boyfriend.
Before you have sex you need to see you doctor and get on some type of birth control medication and make sure to take it as directed. Then makes sure you boyfriend wears a condom as well. The birth control medication will keep you safe from pregnancy. The condom prevents the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus. These are a must before you have sex.
I am a 27 year old female, but I have disabilities with a very low iq of 69 and my boyfriend says that if he has sex with me he can be charged with Saturday rape is this true?
This is very possible and would depend on the laws in your state. At 27 you have the body of an adult with all the adult egress. With your IQ you have the intellectual age of someone much younger. The law may deem that you are legally unable to consent to sex therefore having sex with your boyfriend would expose him to charges of rape by your guardian or others.
I am a 27 year old female and I have a date with this guy that I have been talking to for a week in the phone he seems like a really sweet guy and I think I am going to like him and I already can't seem to get off the phone with him . We are going to church at my church and then out to eat afterwards, but the thing is I don't know how to bring it up to my dad's side of the family mainly my aunt because he is black and they don't believe in interracial relationships. How do I go about introducing him to my family he is already talking about wanting to meet them .How do I explain to him that they don't agree with interracial dating?
Obviously you do not agree with your family which is good. I would suggest, since he is asking to meet your family that you tell him about how certain members of your family feel about interracial relationships. I'm sure this won't be something new to him and he may have some suggestions on how to handle the situation.
Your family is going to see you walking into church together and leaving together. It would be better if you addressed the elephant that is going to be in the church before you get there by telling them beforehand. You say your Aunt is the main concern. Being your Aunt she is one of your parents’ sister. Whichever parent your Aunt is sister to is the one you should go to and inform of your new relationship and ask how to approach your Aunt.
IF I was your father and my sister was the concern. I would tell you to let me handle your concern. I would know my sister best and know how to tell her and to tell her it is none of her business who you date. You’re 27, an adult and free to do as you please, which by the way is all true.
How can I find out if my husband is on sex chat or sexual dating sites
If he doesn't erase the history on his computer you can see where he has been surfing. Click on the URL you don't recognize and see what opens. The only other way would be to go on the different websites to see if you can find his profile.
On most dating sires you can surf them though in order to chat you must join. In order to join you must complete a profile. Sex chat websites are different on some you can be anonymous and just chat in groups. In other you must join for a fee which may just be a chat site or Webcam sites were women pose in front of a camera naked or partially naked and perform to what the viewers ask for. Sometimes the webcam performers are a couple.
For the pay for chat lines you can go on the web and check statements on-line going back a year or more to see if there are charges to the chat or webcam sites.
Hello, I will try to make this as brief as possible. 25/female. I wouldn't say this is an abusive per se relationship but I wasn't sure what other category to put it in.
Through my own fault and life I guess throwing me a really hard lesson, I ended up in a really sticky situation that is slowly turning into a nightmare for which my actions and maturity don't seem adequate. This is why I need some advice. I am now for two years working in a huge company overseas that is a bit eccentric in the way they do things. What do I mean by this is that they like to personally get to know their employees, they invest a lot in their employees and they keep a close tab on them.
In this company the owner saw something in me and recruited me right out of college to train me in different parts of the business. I started out as a project assistant to an up and coming young man who was hired a few months before me but has shown great progress and was given this project. He was way more knowledgeable than me and I started learning from him.
The company is a multi national and we started working together on this project and traveling around the world. At first I was his assistant then through my own efforts and his recommendation I was promoted after a year to be his partner.
Now the terrible lesson and I know this is why all the advice tells you not to do this, but nevertheless we are young and here we are... we fell in love. Hard.
Its one thing to see someone attractive every day. Its another to travel the world with them and accomplish goals and have new experiences. Never mind the fact that this person is an amazing fit to your personality like a glove and you are 23 - 25 years old. Basically it was a perfect situation for a year and a half that sounds like out of a movie. We were really in love.
But we are also really young. And after the first year and a half we were brought back to the country where the company is located because there was a branch of one of the businesses that was in crisis and we were brought in to work on it as a team. So stop the traveling, a steady, stressful position, and we now had to live together in company housing (we had separate rooms but a shared kitchen, common area, everything else).
Now I think its important to mention that we kept the fact that we were in love a secret because we didn't want the company to separate us and we weren't sure what the policy was. There are married couples working in the company so I'm pretty sure its okay but we didn't want to risk it.
I don't know what happened, if the position we were put in was too stressful, tedious day to day, its been almost another year here. And the ease of how we worked so well, life I guess, really got to us because we are just not on the same wavelength anymore. We broke up about 6 months ago. He had cheated, I stopped seeing him the same way, and just... it didn't work out.
The thing is we still had to live and work together and that was a problem. At first it was okay, but I was very hurt by everything and I tried to distance myself from him. Not be home as much, try to not go to the same places on the weekends, we had to see each other every day after all. We kept it profesional at work always. Cordial. And just as I finally felt like I was starting to get over the situation, I felt more free and less affected, it turned into a nightmare.
We cannot work together anymore. Lately the last month or so I feel as though we just do not get along no matter what. Constantly fighting, yelling, even crying. I know he is more stressed now than before but I don't know what has changed in our dynamic. He started treating me with this attitude that I was his inferior because technically I did start as his assistant but he never treated me like this before. And I had to do what he said and not allowed to question it. And everything that went wrong if I was present he would look for a way to yell at me for it. So in turn I think I became very emotional and hurt because this was the person I loved and my best friend. We had no one but each other for a whole year and a half traveling and I trusted him with my life. And now this is happening.
I already asked the owner to please move me from the position. To find me a different project, or at least from the same house but because he doesn't know the reason since he never knew we were together, and this guy specifically prohibited me from telling him because he thinks it will affect his job and look bad on both of us, the owner told me for the moment he needs me here in this company the most and that this is what I need to be doing.
I don't know what to do, I know that Ive lost some of my power because of becoming emotional but I just cant take the yelling and how bad he makes me feel. And its not like its even personal he is even dating someone else but no matter what I do or how we try to interact we end up fighting and fighting and I end up crying and its super unhealthy especially to work like this. So I cant move, we tried talking about it and just do not see eye to eye, and its becoming harder for me to be around him because I don't feel like he is open to anything that I say or do anymore.
Whats the best way to handle a situation like this? How do we open the channel of communication to be able to get along? What should I say to him or how to act next time he explodes at me?
Truth is he is very stressed lately but that is not an excuse to treat someone badly. How can I come out of this with my happiness and be the bigger person?
Please any advice welcome....
(and please do not advise me to quit my job I need one more year of experience to be able to apply for my masters degree which was my plan all along, and starting over in another company would mean losing all I have accomplished in this one)
No one can forbid you to do anything that affects you personally. You say in the beginning of you message; “company overseas that is a bit eccentric in the way they do things. What do I mean by this is that they like to personally get to know their employees.” Based on this statement I believe you need to tell them what has been going on and let the chips fall where they may.
There are two reasons for this advice. First and for most is your health both your physical and mental health. What is happening is not good for either and another year of this will take its toll on both. Second and almost as important is what is happening between you will eventually if not already affect the work both of you are doing. If the work is affected the owners will take notice. When that happens it will be too late to make excuses. So my advice is it is better to tell them now before it hurts you in ways that will hurt you more than if you go to them first.
Hi,
I might be a bit old for this site. I don't know. I use to come here in my childhood.
I have a personal question and need advice.
I grew up a foster child and from a dysfunctional family.
From the three families, I think I was raised well over all and turned out pretty decent. I'm an introvert so I'd say I'm good at reading people and have a good gauge for what people think.
Throughout my years since childhood I've made friends and lost those friends. Not entire loss for some; some just have grown apart.
I had in my opinion some very close connections. Some of those people wouldn't as much have me as a Facebook friend now.
How could I have been so close at one point in my life and they not care or wonder about me now?
How do you have close connections with people and not want to maintain them later on like family?
Was their interpretation of the friendship lacking love?
I sincerely don't get it.
I loved my friends. Genuinely did and do. My heart doesn't change in that regard. I don't believe in superficial relationships.
Maybe I don't do friendship right?
Sometimes I feel it could be my reputation.
Not that I'm into anything bad, albeit I have had some bad roads at one time.
I see some of those friends with only attractive people as their Facebook friends. I have scars and less wealth. My lip is sort of disfiguring, although some say I only notice it. I can't afford the masks they put on their faces or the adornments they put on their bodies.
Maybe my way of thinking is it like as that last sentence?
Could it be my lack of family or friends that makes people not want to add anything to my low status of relationships? Or in my culture popular psychology is presented with false truths about people when it comes to their lack of relationships? For example, she has no friends therefore something is wrong with her?
For the record, I do have somewhat friends. We'd be closer if I had transportation. I some friends that hold lower status. I guess maybe people have bias to that so I don't take pictures with my lower status friends. I know that sounds bad and it is. There's a secondary reason. I don't want the whole reflection that I'm like them because some of them are sort of into something I don't do. Like I said, I don't really do anything bad.
Am I right? People only care about people if they first meet their standards when it comes to the surface?
Is the world like a rating system like on the show Dark Mirror season 3?
Is maybe my score too low so people wouldn't even considering engaging with me?
I have always had rejection issues. Maybe that, too, has something to do with it.
What should I do? What should I change?
You have asked a variety of questions on the same topic. You are in part over analyzing the question. The key word in your question is childhood. Childhood friends, friends made in high school are just that. When we all graduate from high school we all tend to go our separate ways. Many of us go off to colleges in different parts of the Country. Some of us join the military and a few stay home and co to the local community college while a few try to find work and remain as they were in high school.
For those who have gone off to college or the military the saying; “You can never go home again,” is very appropriate. When you leave home your world expands. Just leaving high school causes your world to expand. The problem is you expand in different directions and no longer have anything in common. You make new friend who have nothing in common with your old friends.
When I finished high school my parents could not afford college for me. The military draft was still active and the Vietnam War was on. I joined the Air Force and went to college on base after my work shift. I would come home on leave during the holidays when my friends would be home and they were different. I was forced to grow up much faster than them. I was seeing things they would never see or ever deal with. Even after my hitch was up I came home and joined the fire service. Here again I had to deal with things no one should ever have to deal with. Those of my friends that were still living in the area could understand why I did what I did and I could not understand where they were coming form. We drifted apart eventually I moved to another state which had better paying opportunities in my chosen career.
To sum up it is not you; it is not them it is just life.
I've had symptoms of severe anorexia for a while (never diagnosed, but lost a bunch of weight), and now I need to gain a bunch of weight before my next pediatrician appointment in the summer. Right now I'm 5'5 and 68 lbs and last year I was 92 lbs. I just recently stopped doing 4 hours of cardio exercise every day, about two weeks ago. And I was also on "high restriction" for a few months, eating only 500 calories a day, sometimes less. Last week I was more like 600-800 calories, and yesterday I got up to 1000, maybe a little less. Where should I go from here? Would it be safe to eat more than 1200? And should I continue to increase? (How much?) Any other advice?? I really don't want to go to the hospital. Thanks in advance!
The fact that you realize you have a problem is a good start. But self-diagnoses and treatment is very bad and dangerous.
You do need to see a doctor for being that much underweight and taking in so few calories you may have done harm to your body that you may not be aware of. One of the reasons the body stores fat is so when on an occasion you do not take in enough calories for the body to maintain itself it makes it up from the stored fat.
An example would be if you normally need 2200 calories in a day but you have a very active week and only take in 1800 calories a day for most of the week. Missing 400 calories one day is no big deal but missing 1,200 to 1,600 calories in a week the body is going to dip into its reserves. If there is no reserves the body will shut down systems it feels it does not need to maintain starting with the system it feels is least important. In a woman it is her reproductive system and you may stop getting periods. If it needs to shut more systems down it continues to shut down in order until only the brain is surviving for that is the primary mission of the body to support brain activity.
Your doctor needs to see if any part of you has been harmed and if so what needs to be done to repair the damage. Next you need to gain wait in a supervised manner. I doubt seriously you will be hospitalized unless you have done serious harm to yourself in which case it is the best thing for you.
Your doctor will probably refer you to a nutritionist who will but you on a specific high calorie diet along with concentrated high calorie formula supplements.
Please listen to what I have written here. I do not wish to scare you but I have watched as a good friend agonized as his daughter died from Anorexia. It is a killer and it is not the type of disease you overcome on your own you need professional help. Please if you are an adult see your doctor immediately. IF you are a minor talk to your parents and have them take you to a doctor immediately.
Female, 15, NZ
Hi, so I had my first day at school for this year today and I am unhappy with the class I'm in. It is filled with the stereotypical guys in the back of the class that get into trouble and yell things out all the time, while making more shy people like me really uncomfortable. I've dealt with people like that before in my class but these guys are very disruptive. Then there are the 'popular' girls who don't really want to know who you are unless you go to parties. Then there are the very few who want to learn in the front, but I'm not like that either... it's super hard for me to explain. I like socialising with people I feel are a bit more approachable, but when there are those who are unapproachable, I can get a bit shy. I just know that this year I will not be able to have fun in class and I will dread going to class everyday. I don't want school to be like that. I asked the coordinators if I could change my class, through an email. I told them that some of the people in my class make me uncomfortable because I've had a 'bad history' with them. They told me to see them tomorrow... I think they'll definitely want to know why why and why I want to move classes. But I just feel like my real reason isn't valid enough, and I don't know how I would explain it to them. Is this reason valid? What should I say to them? Or should I just suck it up and tell them I've given it some more thought and realised that I will be ok to stay in my class?
Please give me some advice on this ASAP, as I see them tomorrow. It would be appreciated greatly! Thank you for reading.
All you really have to say to them is that the atmosphere in the class room is such that it is not contusive to a good learning environment for you. If they ask why you tell them about the boys in the back who are disruptive you know from past experience.
Should they ask for another reason you can add that it would be better for you if you were in a class that you had some friends in. It appears from what you have written that in this class you do not have anyone you can count on to work with.
While I am not a psychologist it does sound like you might suffer from a form of social anxiety problem. It would be well worth it to be tested for this and treated for it now while you are young then later in college or when you go out into the work force.
Talk to your parents about this. The first step is to see your family doctor for a complete physical and to explain that you might be suffering from a social anxiety disorder. This way the doctor will know what organic reasons to test for. IF all is negative then some talk therapy with a good psychologist should be all that is needed to help you with this.
Social anxiety is not a mental disorder. Many of us suffer from some form of this. Generally it is caused from something that has happened to us in the past that we have buried and not dealt with properly. Working with a psychologist you can bring that problem out and learn to deal with it properly and go on to have a better life.
I know this for I have been through this.
So there is this guy that I work with and we have been flirting a lot for the last few weeks. We had a conversation about liking each and both us not wanting a serious relationship. My question is it possible to work with someone and fool around and not catch feelings?
Any time you date someone, become friends with benefits or have any type of relationship with a work mate of the opposite sex out of the office. There is always the opportunity that the relationship will have a negative impact on your office relationship. While the out of office relationship blossoms everything in the office may be great or it may not depending on if one of you is in a managerial position. Then the others in the office may feel that favoritism is being played. This is why many companies have a no fraternization policy between management and employee.
Then of course there is the possibility neither of you are in management and the relationship withers of its own accord or maybe one of you helps it wither. In this case or scenario you try to be adults about seeing each other and working together daily but management notices the chill in the air. They tell you to get your act together or one of you has to go. The one that will be let go is the one that has the least responsibility. Only you know the answer to that question.
The above is the reason why office romances or relationships are never a good idea. You cannot fool around with someone and not get feelings for them in some manner especially if the fooling around becomes a friends with benefits situation
I'm a 29 year old woman and I went to get a massage today. I've been getting massages since 2010 and have been to the particular spa I went to today multiple times in the past and have always had a good experience there. However, today something happened that made me feel uncomfortable and violated.
I'm pretty certain that today was the first time I'd ever gotten massaged by a man. When massaging the upper part of my chest, he ran his hand across on of my breasts. It was just an accidental boob graze, it seemed deliberate and he did it very slowly like he knew what he was doing. I feel like some people would say that it was just part of the massage, but I've never had that happen to me during a massage before ever. I've had therapists boob graze me before, but it's always been just the top part of my breasts while I had a blanket over myself and their hand was on the outside of the blanket. This time his hand was underneath the blanket on my bare breast and ran almost all over it. And that wasn't all that happened.
I wore my panties and he ran his hand underneath them and touched my rear end. Again, not just an accidental graze, but a deliberate, long lasting touch. He intentionally put his hand underneath my panties several times. I've always heard that massaging the butt was normal, but it should be outside of the panties and blanket. It seems like I heard somewhere else that wearing underwear let's the therapist know that you don't want to be touched there.
All of that was one thing, but he also repetitively ran his hand into my vagina. I thought I'd let him know that I was uncomfortable, but he kept doing it. I wish I'd have tried harder, but I was just so surprised and embarrassed. I don't know what to do. Am I making too much of this or am I right to feel violated?
You were violated and depending how much of an incident you want to make of it her is what you can or could do.
1. You could go to a lawyer for advice as the Spa is responsible for the actions of its employees. There is recourse through the courts for you if you can prove this happened. It is going to be your word against his; other customers are going to need to come forward to back up your claim.
2. Call the Spa and speak with the owner and lodge a complaint about this therapist. Advise the owner you’re considering filing a formal complaint with the police.
3. Consider filing a police report, something I recommend you do. The police will investigate by talking to other women he has massaged. If they find a pattern of his abusing women they will make an arrest. If they do follow the advice in number 1.
You are correct the wearing of your panties is a signal to the therapist you do not wish to be massaged there or massaged over the blanket but not hand to skin. His putting a finger in your vagina is a form of rape. A massage is not consent for him to finger you hence you have a charge of rape you can bring as well as sexual harassment
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I suffer from chronic lower back pain for which a massage is part of my treatment. The pain goes into my butt and down my thigh. My therapist must massage my butt and when she does she is careful to fold the blanket to cover my privates both when I am on my stomach and back. I prefer a woman therapist for their smaller hands and each has been very careful to protect my modesty when working in that area. Your therapist for whatever reason violated you modesty and in fact raped you.
My advice would be to go right to number 3 and file a police report. Let them investigate.
Long story short two years ago my mom took me into a car dealership to get a car so I could go to work and drive myself to college. Well I was young and stupid (I think I had just turned 18) and she let me pick a car that costs me $321 a month in financing fees + $110 in insurance fees. Well now it's four years down the road and I'm always struggling over how to pay it as I'm a full time college student who lives way from home.
I have a job, but it doesn't pay that much and they're always delaying sending me my paycheck (I'll think they're going to cut it one week and they don't do it until the next week and then I have to wait another week to get the paycheck). Obviously this a problem of it's own, but I can't really get another job that will work with my crazy school hours.
I'd been paying it fine for a while but I had to ask my mom for money twice early last year for it and now I'm running low on money again due to getting really sick and winding up with some hefty medical bills I had to pay.
I CAN skip a payment, but my mom has to be the one to take the skip payment form in for me because it's a small chain of banks and the nearest one to me is an hour and 45 minutes away (in the town where she lives). She never wants to do it for me and screams at me about being irresponsible and how it's going to ruin my credit. Well I called the bank and they said it doesn't get reported to the credit bureau as long as I use their skip payment form (it just gets added on to the end of my loan). My mom didn't believe the lady and said she didn't know what she was talking about. This has happened multiple times.
I get so pissed about it and we fight over it all the time and it's caused a lot of tension between us. I really feel like it was her fault for letting somebody who had just turned 18 pick out a brand new car that was way too expensive for them to possibly afford on their own. I mean she was with me and she didn't stop me, she just let me do it! I know some of you will say she was trying to teach me a lesson about life, but this is a very expensive lesson. I wish I had a used car like all my friends and only pay $200 instead of $431 every month! Even better I wish I didn't have a car. I wish I had a scooter or something.
I wish I could sell the stupid thing, but it has some damage on the front end I couldn't afford to fix when somebody backed into me in a parking lot and left without leaving a note or anything. My insurance wouldn't cover it. It's also now well below KBB and I don't have enough money to buy myself anything else to replace it.
It tortures me every month as I struggle to pay it and my only saving grace is living on campus and having the majority of my bills for that paid through scholarships.
There is a lot to learn about owning a car and insurance as well as medical bills and health insurance.
Let’s tackle the health insurance first. If your mom has health insurance through work and has a family policy you are covered on it until you are 26 living at home or at college. This is covered under the ACA (Obama Care) which is still in effect.
Don't let your mom fool you on this as it is easy to find out simply by calling her employers Human Resources Department and finding out if she has family coverage and who the insurance company is. If she does have family coverage ask for a claim form be mailed to you and submit your bills to the insurance company and make sure you have them send the check to you at school. Call their claims department to make sure this can be done this way.
IF you're not covered check with your school you may have student health insurance under that you are unaware of. Some schools added automatically to tuition.
Now for the car; let’s start with the bank. You have a four year old car you purchased at 18 which would make you now 21 or 22. Time to stand on your own two feet and cut mom out of the picture. You will be surprised if you do as I suggest how soon mom calls and asks why you are not calling and asking for her help.
1. Call the loan department at the bank and ask if you can fax the skip payment for to them. Explain to them it is a hardship to get it to them as you are an hour and a half away. I'm fairly certain a fax copy will be sufficient.
2. While you have the loan department on the phone ask them if it is possible to renegotiate the loan for a lower rate. If you’re not upside down on the loan, meaning the book value on the car is less than the value of the loan they should allow you to renegotiate the loan for a payment you can afford. Do not say anything about the damage unless asked.
3. Talk to your car insurance company and find just what type of out exactly what insurance. The bank requires you to have a certain amount of Liability insurance and collision as well as fire and theft. The collision insurance is the insurance that fixes the car when you’re at fault in an accident or if someone damages your car and leaves without telling you. On this insurance there is a deductible meaning the fix, something of the repair is your cost, the insurance pix up the rest. Ask the insurance agent what your deductible is.
Do this yourself for if you’re on moms’ policy and the insurance company pays out a claim they can raise the rates. If mom did the leg work on this she may have told you the insurance company refused to fix your car. Verify this for yourself. No insurance company refuses to fix your car if you have the proper coverage which you must have for the duration of the loan.
4. While you are talking to the loan company and you have found out you can fix your car but need money for the deductible. If the loan value on the car is more than the car is worth ask if they will loan you the amount you need over the amount you owe.
5. You can call the credit companies to get a copy of your credit report or simply go to freecredit.com to view your credit rating. This will tell you if your right or mom is.
I know college is trying and you probably don't have a lot of time to spend. From what you have written I believe you need to stop being dependent on your mother as the information she is giving you if she is giving you the information you have written is wrong or you did not understand her. Doing it yourself will allow you to get the information first hand and to ask questions from the proper source. Doing it now will also prepare you for going out into the world better prepared then you are now.
Thank you so much. I just can't talk to mom because she gets upset every time I mention it. I can't talk to dad or grandmother either because they are both decieced. I didn't want to mention it to my dad's side of the family because i didn't want a fued to start. I had no where to turn ,but here.
Your welcome I'm glad I could help. I hope you will seek the help of a qualified psychologist for I know doing so will make your life much better. You may not get answers to your questions but getting help to deal with them in a better way is what will make your life better.
We are always here to help in anyway we can. Call upon us any time.
I lived in Georgia at the time and still do. My dad died when I was 12 from a long term illness. He also also had mental health issues from what I heard from his family. They say I just have to overlook what he did because of his mental health . I don't feel like this is an exucse.
You're right it is not an excuse and you should not overlook it. When this occurred 23 years ago parents had a different view on how molestation affected young children. Your mom and your adult relatives she may have sought advice from may have said just forget about it. Forget it happened and don't talk about it and you would forget it happened.
As we now know that is the wrong thinking. You should have gotten some therapy to help you understand what happened and to deal with it properly. The how and why of why your grandmother allowed your father to live so close to you I can't explain other than the fact his parole officer must have had to approve of it.
Talking with a psychologist as I have recommended will probably not get you the answers you seek but will help you deal with this question in a healthy manner as well as dealing with the molestation Your health insurance will cover part of the cost for the visits. in a better way than you are.
i am 14 as well and i've been so insecure about panty lines since the 6th grade. I absolutely hate them and they make me feel feel uncomfortable.Its something that would just make me feel a lot more confident and less embarassed. I even cut up my normal underwear attempting to make thongs. Yea some of my friends wear them. It influences me in a way. I want them for me and not to show off to friends or boys. Im not like that and i never will be. Im a straight a student at the moment and a competitve soccer player. My parents trust me and i trust them. Why do they think the type of under wear i wear will make me magically a slut? My friend bought me some thongs and just normal under wear from PINK. They were super cute. Before this, i didnt know my parents felt so strong about thongs and i thought it was ok since so many of my friends wear them. My mom was moving over my laundry and found a thong. She got very upset thinking i was hiding it from her. I told her my friend got them for me and she thought i was lying. I started crying because i wasn lying and if i knew how she felt i would have told her about it. I was so happy to not feel so insecure about my panty line and she took them away from me.
You make some good point. The problem is you are 14 and your mom has made up her mind concerning her feelings about thongs. You are as they say between a rock and a hard place fro trying to have a discussion with mom on the subject is futile as she will just cut you off. Am I right on this.
My son when he was a teenager found a unique way to have a discussion with me or at least force me to hear him out. He sent me emails with his, mostly, well thought out reasons for why I should consider his view or reason.
It is obvious mom has her mind made up. I would suggest you take a page from my son and sit down and write mom a letter. Make sure you run your spell checker as you don't want to give mom something to debate. You want her to read you side of the story. Be specific as you were with us. Then print the letter out and leave it on the table when you leave for school or put it in her purse for her to find when she goes to work.
My son got through to me, he did not always win his battle but he won more than he was losing before he started to write to me. YEs parents can be hard headed and I was at that time.