|
Is this normal?
I'm a virgin and all of my sexual fantasies include an element of BDSM. Is this normal?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Quite agree! Nothing to worry about here. It's a fetish. Something which appeals to us sexually. Possibly just the idea. Possibly actually doing it. A pair of consenting adults in a relationship might try some fun on a BDSM theme. To whatever limits they agree, or discover they both enjoy. Or it might just remain something you find arousing personally and never try. This one is all rooted in a 'control' thing. Loosely tying someone's wrists, for instance, (with a soft tie they could easily shake off if they wanted to) can give one partner the feeling of being in control, the other a feeling of being 'helpless to resist'. This power-game does not imply any degree of dominance-submission in the whole relationship. And it may well be the guy who enjoys being helpless! It's not an uncommon fetish and there are outfits and toys in adult/sex shops to make things as elaborate and showy as you wish. The whole 'theatre' experience. Harmless fun for couples who 'like' and a harmless fantasy for people who just like the idea. Those who 'don't like' can tend to see role-play like this as a bit silly and pointless. More likely to make them laugh than to make them feel horny! Others might find the idea shocking and not natural. Especially if they fail to grasp the 'fantasy' aspect of it as a sex-game and feel it might suggest an abusive, over-controlling relationship outside the bedroom. If you indeed find you become someone who enjoys such things, make a mental note NEVER to use any toys or accessories which could restrict the breathing of you or your partner. This could prove a disater. Rare, but it has been known.
]
Yes you’re normal. It does not mean you find BDSM sexually exciting it does not mean you want to practice BDSM sex. There are many different fetishes within the sexual norm from BDSM to Spanking. Watching porno films of a particular fetish does not mean one wants to practice that fetish. The same is true with fantasies. Many women have rape fantasies. This does mean they want to be rapes or in any way forced to have sex against their will.
There are and maybe you will at some point what to try and live your fantasy. You may find you may like some form of BDSM or as most do find the fantasy is better than reality.
The advice I give to everyone when they start having sex is this. Sex is a learned experience. Yes the mechanics is inbreed but learning about your partners likes and dislike is something that needs to be discussed before you commit to a long term sexual relationship. Sex is also a 50/50 relationship where no means NO and stop means Stop. Communication between partners is very important. Don't just do something and see his reaction. Find out first and if he says yes then do it. If he says stop while you’re doing it you stop. It works both ways if he asks you to do something and you say yes but as you get into it you find you don't like it or it’s painful and say stop he has to stop.
]
More Questions: |