about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Well my girlfriend has herpes on her lips. And she wants to.give me a blow job,though she hasnt got no out breakes or anything. Can she still give me a blow job and not contage me. Or she still can no metter with.or without the outbreaks? I need to know...

I agree with Zane. Even if you were to wear a condom it is possible that her herpes could spread to you. Condoms do not stop the spread of all STDs.

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Hi, my bf jz gave me fingering yesterday night and he scratched on my virgina accidentally. So it bleed, I thought it will stop but still the blood continue to bleed until today. It looks like period but the blood is kinda fresh (or maybe it is just my imagination). So I thought I am pregnant because of my previous period is a bit unusual, coz my period usually is heavy flow but it was a bit blood only everyday. So i tested, and the result is negative. Today is my 19th day of menstrual cycle and I get heavy bleeding. I was wondering if it's injured caused by fingering or it is just another period that comes early. Please help... I am so worried that I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Unless your bf had semen on his fingers you cannot get pregnant from fingering. Semen from your bf has to enter your vagina and find the egg to make you pregnant.


What is possible is that your bf when fingering you tore or possibly dislodged your hymen if you are a virgin. If so you may need to see a GYN to have the doctor finish removing your Hymen and repair any damage he may have done in tearing it.


This would not be unusual and may have been necessary if your Hyman was torn during first intercourse. Every female is different and some do need medical intervention when their Hyman is broken.


By the way just because your Hymen may have been broken and may need to be removed does not mean you are no longer a virgin. You are by definition a virgin until you have sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is defined as a penis penetrating your vagina. You lose your virginity what that happens for the first time.

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I'm 12 years old and I really want a facebook so I can socialize with friends and see pics of my friends I no longer get to see since they live somewhere else. They say they dont want me to have a facebook but for no good reson. How can I convince them to let me getba facebook what are some good things about it and what can i say to them that will let me get a facebook. I really want one! ALL my friends have it. I need help. Tthanks I rate 5s

Pook is right about the age requirement for facebook. You have a year to think about how to convince your parents to let you on facebook.


A bit of advice about parents. When I was your age, back in the dark ages, as I am now old enough to be your grandfather. If I said to my mother "Joey does this or Joey has that." My mothers standard answer would be; "Just because Joey jumps of the Brooklyn Bridge doesn't mean you have to as well." I grew up in New York and the saying was common among our parents.


What the saying means is that your parents are not interested in what your friends parents allow their children. Your friends parents may not even be aware that your friends are on facebook. It is an honor thing when you sign up for facebook and you tell them you are old enough to be on their network.


I proud of you for being truthful with your parents and asking them if you can. There are many children that don't ask and just join. When facebook finds out the close the account and ban them from facebook for a time. You should be proud of yourself for your honesty.


As for facebook itself; their are some adults on facebook that should not be on their. They are child predators. You cannot tell who these people are. They pretend to be your age and make friends with you or try to. Facebook tries hard to find these people and get then off of facebook. They unfortunately don't find them all.


This is what worries all of us as parents about social network sites. We worry about these people stalking our children. We worry that our children can be hurt by them. We also worry that facebook puts everything you say out their in cyberspace forever and for everyone to see. This can harm you years later. This is what we as parents worry about and is behind your parents saying no for now.

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It is too expensive but I am a mess without it. Emotionally, I have been a wreck for the last month... which is the longest I have been off of it in 11 years. I have no health insurance & no way of getting any for a long time from now. I enrolled in a program that takes so long to get approved for a decent price we can afford. Should I stick it out & make sure my regular shipments to my doctor arrive so I can stay on them consistently or you think it is best to take any samples my Doctor has , even if I run out again before my regular supply is shipped to him?
Thanks :)

If I am understanding you correctly; the manufacturer of the medication you are taking is shipping the medication to your doctor for you free of charge. This medication is either not being shipped in time to reach your doctor before you run out or is getting lost in shipment. One other possibility is someone in the doctors office is not realizing this medication is dedicated to you and putting it into the doctors sample stock.


If any of what I assume is correct the first thing to do is make sure the staff at the doctors office is understanding that this medication is for you and not the doctors sample inventory. Also ask the doctor to try and monitor the arrival of your medication as it has been known to happen that employees self medicate themselves or family members with medication sent to the doctor. So make sure your doctor is aware you are not receiving your medication on time.


Next either you or the the doctors office manger should call the manufacturer to see what date they are shipping the medication and by what method. Even the Postal Service has computer tracking of parcels shipped with them so a package can be tracked from the time it leaves the manufacturer to the time the letter carrier or other service delivers. This will tell you if the medication is getting to the doctors office in time. If it is not then the manufacturer may be willing to adjust the ship date of your medication.


If the medication is shipping with enough time to reach the doctor and tracking proves that it is reaching the doctor in time to be given to you. Then the problem is in the doctors office. Once it is learned where the problem is something can be done to correct it. In the mean time you need to stay on medication. If the doctor gives you samples of your medication or an other to tide you over trust your doctor to know what he or she is doing and take the medication you are given.

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Hey. 13/F. Just the other day my grandma came in the room with out knocking. And I was busy putting on a pad coz I was on my period. And I don't know wat to do ? My door was close. And I don't know how to tell my mom plz help

I understand how you feel. It sometimes is hard for us adults to realize are children are growing up and we need a gentle reminder.


What i would suggest is you try to get mom a lone for a minute and tell her what happened. You start by saying something like; Something a little embarrassing happened with grandma the other day I need to talk to you about. Then tell her what happened and explain why you were embarrassed. Then ask mom if she would talk with grandma and the rest of the family about knocking and waiting to be invited in before coming in.


If mom asks why tell her the simple truth. You need privacy to change or try on clothes and things. To do things that girls like to do in private that brothers and sisters don't need to see to tease you about.


That should be enough to get mom on your side.

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I like this 17 year old, but my parent's won't allow me to date him. My heart is set on him and i can't just let him go.. I really like him and he really likes me... What should i do?

You have heard from people your age. I'm more your grandfathers age and maybe I can put this in prospective for you. This won't make things any better but at least if you understand why your parents feel as they do there will be less tension between you and them and that is something grandparents do for their grandchildren.


IF you were 24 and he was 27 your parents would be helping you look for a wedding dress if you were this certain about him. But your not, you are 14 and he is 17 and even though the age difference numerically is the same. Your maturity levels are way, way different now then if you were older. This is where the problem lies for your parents.


At 17 this young man is far more experienced in dating and what his expectations are when dating a girl. Girls his age are far more experienced in dating boys his age and can handle his expectations better than you can. Yes I am talking about sex, something you are far to young to be participating in.


Your parents are not disbelieving in you when you say you love him. The thing is they are old enough to know and have gone though the age you are now to know this boy is only your first true love. Meaning you are just as in love with him as your are in the romance of being in love. I'm sure right know your shaking your head and saying old man you don't know me and you don't know what your talking about.


Fact is if I was your mothers father I could probably attest to the fact that I watched your mother go through a very similar situation when she was your age with her first true love and he wasn't your father. All girls and boys have their first true love. Some of the relationships last longer than others. Most if not all do not last into marriage.


Because of the age difference and your lack of dating knowledge and dating maturity your parents are very concerned this boy could take advantage of you. This is a real concern. Your young and your in love and you want to please this boy. You might just let things go further than you would with a boy your own age. A boy whose maturity level and yours are on par with each other.


I had a similar problem with my son when he was 17. He met and started dating a 21 year old girl. The problem wasn't quite the same as your parents are looking at, yet I still had my concerns. Fact is she did not realize just how young my son was. They met when my son was returning from basic training in the Army. He entered on an early enlistment program and spent the summer between his junior and Senior year in High School doing his Basic Training. He was in Uniform so she took him to be older.


My concern was not with sex. She was old enough to know how to protect herself and to keep my son at bay if he pursued sex. My concern was alcohol. She was old enough to drink legally he wasn't.


These are just two things parents worry about. Then their is your overall safety that concerns us. It's tough being a parent today. We want are children to grow and experience the world, to do so we have to place restrictions. One of those restrictions is drawing a line on who and when you can date. It matters not be you boy or girl.

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It's my mums birthday coming up but I don't know what to get her. So, as a little gesture I thought I'd get some ingredients and cook a three course meal for her, my step-dad, myself, and my sister. One problem. I have no idea what to cook! Something with not too much prep and I kinda want the three courses to go together... meat for main maybe? lemony thing for pudding? I don't know. :D Any suggestions welcome... :D

I love to cook and learned to do so watching the different cooks on TV. It is not all that hard just star slow and easy and work your way up.


If you are a beginning cook the basic rule I would suggest is to keep it simple. Plan a meal with the Entree that has minimal ingredients. This will keep the prep time to a minimum as well.
Your mom is going to enjoy whatever you prepare for it is the effort and the gesture she will love.


First: You want to center your meal around your Entree. So go online and type the following phrase into your search engine; "easy recipes for beginning cooks" This will return a number of websites for you to look at. Some will offer only the main course and others will give you an entire meal plan.


Steaks, Chops and Chicken are the easiest to prepare. Just remember with chicken you must cook it until it comes to a proper temperature which depends on what your cooking as to how you tell. If you are cooking a whole chicken you take the temperature at the thigh and it should be 185.


For your first course there are a number of ways to go. Salads are easy to prepare and there are a number of different ways to prepare a salad with any number of different ingredients. Prep time is minimal. Here again ideas can be found on the web by typing in "salad recipes".


You could also go for something like shrimp cocktail using precooked and shelled shrimp purchased at the supermarket. Steamed clams are also easy to prepare.


Soup goes with just about any main course. Soup can be prepared using any variety of canned or prepackaged soups. Lately I have found the the organic offerings or all Natural offerings of soups are more tasty than the condensed or standard variety. They are a bit more expensive though.


Dessert: This course could cause you the most time in the kitchen. If you want to prepare something yourself I would suggest a packaged Brownie mix or if your more adventurous; you could try a packaged cake mix. must follow the directions on the package. It would be a help if you or mom have a mixer of some type should you decide on the cake mix.


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I don't remember when, I remember it was within about a month ago, but I went out without gloves one night and I didn't put on lotion. Then, when we've been out for about 2 hours, I was in the car and I noticed that my skin had a bunch of tiny pink cracks and you could see that they were fresh. They stung when I touched them. So, when I went home, I put lotion on to soothe it. Then, a while later when it sunk in, I washed my hands with really hot water that stung (now I know it was a horrible mistake) and after that I noticed that I had burned my hand with the hot water. So, the morning after that I woke up and my hand was still bright red and I was worried so I put a little bit more lotion on it. It stopped hurting, but it was still red. Then in about a week's time, I noticed my hand slowly turning from hot, red and sensitive to warm, covered with tiny scabs, and dry.

So my questions are;
What should I do to get rid of all of the tiny scabs?
Should I just wash my hands with only cold water?
Should I keep putting lotion on it every morning?

Thank You for answering in advance!

I'm not a doctor and I can't make any diagnoses, no of us can.


If it was cold enough that you needed gloves and you where outside long enough; then what you may have is a slight case of frostbite. I really can't say for sure but it sounds a bit like this is what happened to you.


Since you compounded the problem by possibly giving yourself a burn on top of what might be frostbite; I am not going to make a recommendation for a home remedy. I suggest you make an appointment to see your family doctor or with a dermatologist. The fact that you are still having scabbing and your hands are sensitive tells me medical intervention is need. Especially if you want to prevent scaring.


If you are really concerned and there is more to this than what you have told us you could go to a hospital Emergency room or a 24 hour walk-in clinic. From a medical standpoint your hands are considered part of life and limb emergencies that would be covered by insurance; so are your eyes.


If you have burned your hands or if you have suffered a mild form of frostbite as I suspect these may need medical intervention. Frostbite and burns if not treated properly can turn very bad, very fast.


My advise is to seek medical treatment as soon as possible.

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My boyfriend and I fool around ALOT. and i like ir really rough.. and he was pounding me really hard with his fingers and i was LOVING it... but when he pulled his fingers out they were COVERED with cum.. like an inch worth.. is this normal? i'm not a virgin and he has been my only sexual partner..

What you are calling cum is your own lubrication. Both the male and female excrete lubricant during sex. Without lubricant it would be very painful for you if your boyfriend was to try and penetrate you with his penis or even his finger.


Dry penetration of a vagina causes injury and is what cause injury to a women who is raped. Since she is not a willing participant the initial penetration is hurtful and damaging to her until and unless the male excretes some precum to lubricate with.


The amount of lubricant or cum, both are proper ways to label this, says you were very excited by your boyfriend. Being excited by your partner causes you to lubricate so as to accommodate him. This is all very normal.

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is there a state or federal age restriction on the purchase of condoms?

There are no governmental age restrictions on the sale of condoms to minors. Minors in this instance is anyone under the age of consent, which varies from state to state or the age of 18.


By law condoms are suppose to be displayed in the aisles for self service selection. Some store owners object to this for various reasons and have them displayed behind the counter at the register. At a drugstore you might have to go to the pharmacy counter to ask for them. You should not be refused the purchase for any reason. The reason they are not on display is to discourage young people by requiring them to ask for them.


If you don't wish to ask for them just go to another store.

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I'm 11 years old in fifth grade (I know I'm young don't say anything about that please) I am a cheerleader and I do softball I have been doing that for a while now but I don't see changes in my body shape I don't eat alot but I'm not on a diet can anyone tell me how long I should exercise a size and how long it will take days weeks months i need answers just to say I'm 5'3 and way 112.2 Im not skinny but slim but all my friend user be fat but they force there sect to throw up I don't want todo that cuz its bad please help..

At your height your weight is absolutely perfect. If anything you might want to ask the physical education teacher for ways to tone up certain parts of you body so that they are trim looking.


To give yourself and eating disorder to try and look like something you need not look like. Is not only wrong it is life threatening. As Zane said eating disorders cause damage to different organs in the body. When these organs get damaged they fail. If not caught early enough the failure of one organ leads to the failure of another until you die.


My wife's co-worker lost his daughter to Anorexia a few years ago. She was a Porrima Ballerina. She stopped eating to keep her weight down to an unreasonable level. She was in treatment for her disorder, unfortunately it was to little to late.


It is not worth it. We are what we are. Even the Super Models are not the healthy people they appear to be. Make up covers a lot of faults and airbrushing corrects those faults on photos.


In order for our bodies to operate properly they need food. Three well balanced meals a day and exercise. Given your height and weigh I would say you are doing the right thing to maintain a healthy body. Continue with what you are doing as you are now entering puberty and your body will be undergoing many changes. For those changes to be what you want them to be you need to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

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What age do most girls loose their virginity? i am 13 is that ok?

What is your hurry to give away the most precious thing you have to give to a man? Why do you want to give this to someone who will value it only as a notch on his belt? Your virginity is not a party favor to be given to the first boy who says I love you.


First of all: teenage boys do not know the difference between love and lust. When they hit puberty they are hard wired to find sexual relief. To them lust and love are the same. Next; once you have sex with one boy he has to tell someone. Usually he tells his best friend, who tells someone else. Before you change your panties again it is all around school that you put out and you become very popular. Whether you have sex with any of these other boys or not they will say you did to protect their image. Now you have a reputation as being easy. This is not something you want.


Sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting adults. It cannot be beautiful if you are trying to hurry so as not to be discovered. Then their is also the worry of pregnancy and STDs. We must get literally 20 to 30 letters a week from girls your age worried that they are pregnant.


At 13 the only birth control that is available to you are condoms. Condoms when worn properly are only 85% effective and they do not stop the transmission of all STDs. Do you know how a boy should properly wear a condom?


Lastly; while your physical body may be capable of the act of intercourse you and your body are not mature enough yet to be having intercourse. A boy can literally get off using a knot hole and some visual stimulation. A girl needs more. A girl needs comfort and security, love and affection to enjoy sex. Sex is not a party favor. Not something you do in a parked car or the basement hoping you are not discovered. This is not what sex is meant to be and not what you as the female will enjoy in this manner.


Sex at the right time and with the right person is worth waiting for. The right person will cherish the gift of your virginity even if you two don't end up getting married. TO cherish this gift he has to be a lot older than 13 or 14 years old.

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I physically feel an ache in my chest and a burning in the pit of my stomach, accompanied by nausea. I feel jittery (probably from lack of sleep.) I haven't been sleeping well, infact from friday night to last night Ive only had 2 hours of sleep. I'm having a bit of a nervous breakdown do to, having to explain to a unknown person on the bus about what gender I am and in their words, "why I go to extreme lengths to make it difficult to read." That bothered me the most, then I was called out to be a liar and mentally ill, as well as homosexual. Which are in no way remotely tied to the reasons I dress androgynous. I accept the fact that God made me as the sex he intended to. Is it so wrong to want to view myself as either male or female? I just feel like I'm the child that was caught playing with the wrong gender inrolled toy, and yelled at to reinforce the roles I need to take up on as being born of that gender. Now I don't want to leave my home. I feel like all eyes are on me, and like they all for some reason are either 1 disgusted or 2 dissaprove. Please, any "possitive" advice welcomed. I feel pretty jaded from everything, and it seems like I just worked up the courage to feel comfortable in my own skin and finally be able to dress how I want, but now in a fracture of a second it just all seized to exist...

It is unfortunate that we as a whole tend to reject and scorn that for which we do not understand. While we have become much more liberal, as a society, towards Gays and Lesbians when it comes to other Gender identities we may as well live in the stone age.


I apologize for the person(s) who addressed you and called you a liar. They had no right to speak out on something they were totally ignorant of. You have as much choice at picking your sexual identity as they had at picking there's. This is how you were born. This world would be a better place of we were more tolerant of others.


Forget about this person and what others in the future may say. We are becoming more tolerant. To become more tolerant we need to learn about differences in all people not just sexuality. To do so we need to interact and learn from them.


I know what happened hurt you, you shouldn't have been hurt as the person who spoke up was an intolerant ass. We need people who are different, for any reason to be strong and come out and teach the rest of us the how and the why. So we can understand and be more tolerant.


It is not just sexuality that we are intolerant of. For example the Wright brothers were considered to be fools with their flying machine. Today the majority of the public has no problem stepping on a plane and in a few hours being halfway around the globe. As we learn we become more tolerant. Gays and Lesbians have been teaching us and we have become more tolerant. We have a long way to go but we are in a better place today then a decade ago.


If you are comfortable with who you are; to hell with everyone else. Go out and enjoy life. If someone asks; educate them.


I hope I have helped.

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I am a sixteen-year old girl and I really hate my family. I usually have good days at school, but once I hit the steps of my home, all my happiness washes away. What's the problem exactly? Well, a lot of things, but mostly my mother. Let's start with her.

My mother and I both have a very violent past. My father abandoned us both when I was ten, and he would often abuse her and he cheated on her a few times. We used to be very close when I was a kid, but not much anymore. She is very nit-picky, bitchy, and forceful. She always complains that no one appreciates her, that no one cares about her, that no one ever helps her. I'll name a few examples. Yesterday, it was my six month anniversary with my boyfriend. It was my special day and I was really excited. I put on my favorite jeans, a nice shirt, and boots. She came in and said those jeans were ugly, and I said, "Well, I like these jeans." She got pissed and started crying about how no one loves her and I simply said I wanted to choose my own outfit. She threw a fit and slammed the door and the rest of the day, I couldn't even enjoy my day because she made me feel like shit. She always does that. She makes me feel so ugly and negative all the time by telling me I'm selfish and I am disrespectful. Also, I risk my education to watch her kids. I always skip school to help her out, and the next day she gets pissed at everyone because no one helps. I think it is unfair. I bust my ass for her. I take up all my after school time cleaning the house for her and she doesn't ever notice. She threatens me all the time. Once, I woke up at 5 a.m. and found cat poop on my sheets. I put the sheets aside and went back to bed with new sheets. The next morning, I told my mom, and she told me that I am a scumbag and I should've washed my sheets right away. At 5 a.m.? I told her I needed my sleep and I didn't have time for that, and I put them aside to wash them in the morning. She started freaking out when I told her she didn't need to yell at me for that, she pulled my by my hair into the bedroom and told me she would bash my head through the wall and smash my phone onto the floor if I said another thing. I was really upset that day and I called my boyfriend and we left.

I hate it here. I am constantly yelled at, bitched at, never appreciated, and a victim to abuse and negativity. I don't have a very good self-confidence because my mother always brings me down. She wants me to be what she wants, not what I want. She complains I'm lazy and I don't try hard enough. She never appreciates what I do for her. I can't ever be in a tired mood or not in the mood to talk to anyone. She expects me to be in a good mood all the time. When she found out I had sex for the first time, she told me I was a slut. She took me to therapy and a doctor because she thought I was sleeping around with everyone. She does her best to restrict me from sex all the time. I can't even talk to her in a mature way about it. Because my boyfriend and I are always alone, we do have sex, but responsibly. If I'm responsible about it, why does it matter if I'm doing it or not?

My family fights a lot. My stepdad is very uncaring and often acts like a douchebag. He is selfish and never respects my mother. This house is haunted with constant yelling and screaming. I stopped it once, because there was slamming of glass and crying and pounding and my little brother was crying. I talked to my parents the next day and we agreed to fix it. That's just it. Nothing got fixed. We all agreed to have a nice talk and we did, and nothing ever changed. My mom never goes through with anything.

How much more of this do I have to take? I have posted advice on this before, but most of them involve calling child support and such. I don't want to do that. I don't want my sister and brother being taken away as well. I've wanted to get out of here for a long time. My boyfriend told me my mother is an asshole and she doesn't have the right to treat me this way. He doesn't like my parents because they always make me cry. I've always wanted to move in with him even if we're both young. I don't want to live here anymore, but I doubt I could get the change I want, because I have no job or license. Please help. I need guidance. I don't deserve any of this. I'm a good kid..

Okay real world answer to you thoughts about moving out. Until you are 18 if you leave home without parental permission you are a runaway. The police will find you and take you home which would most likely will make things worse for you.


Some of the things you wrote about fall into the category of child abuse. Child abuse is something I can advise you on how to handle and how to get fixed. You skipping school to care for you step-siblings is wrong. That is you parents job not yours.


There is an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline to help people like you find the proper help in your hometown. Call them tell them exactly what is happening to you. Everything you tell them is confidential. They will advise you as to what steps you can take to protect yourself. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.


You can also talk with a trusted teacher or school principal. If they feel as I do that you have or are being abuse by law they must report this to the proper agencies. These agencies will see to your safety and the safety of your step-siblings. No parent has the right to abuse their children in any manner be it mental or physical abuse.


For more immediate help if you feel you are being abused you can always call 911. Even if you parents were to call back and tell them everything is fine and officer would have to come to the house to check for themselves. Child abuse or allegations of child abuse are taken very seriously.


One other thing or place you can go to is your local fire station. Fire Stations across the country are Safe Havens for children. If the fire fighters are not there on the front of the station is a Red Call box. Pick up the phone, it is a direct line to the dispatchers. Tell the dispatcher you are in trouble and need help. They will summon the fire fighters to the station.



You have the right not to be abused and there are many ways to get help if you need it. I think I know why mom is now the way she is. I'll just say this that the agencies that are there to protect you will also help mom get back to who she was before your dad walked out on you.

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Ive been staying at work later than usual some nights, drinking with my boss. We've always talked about hooking up but bever did so. Last week, we had a little too much and actually went through with it and had sex. The thing is, I thought I'd feel a lot worse about it than I do. I don't feel guilty or ashamed at all. Is that weird? I'm not sure if something has to be wrong with me to not care that I slept with not only my boss, but a married man at that. I need opinions. I know there will be negative comments towards me, but that's ok. I want your honest opinion on what you think about this situation. So maybe i can understand why I'm ok with this. Thanks

Zane and I agree on many things we give answers to on this website. His answer to you is spot on to your question. There are so many things here that are wrong that I too can only advise that you find some other place to work. And that you learn from this mistake; that sleeping with someone that has authority over you is wrong. Sleeping with a married man is wrong.


Put yourself in the position of this mans wife. How would you feel if you learned that your husband was sleeping with some young thing like you from work. Now add to that being the center of attention in a possible divorce action brought by her. Women who commit adulteryare no longer emblazoned with scarlet letters though we might as well do so for the amount of scorn they receive.


There is no upside her for you or him. Both of you knew this was wrong but you did so anyway. If there is any up side to be had it would be to tell him this was a one time thing and it won't happen again. You also tell him that any future romantic gestures by him or demands to stay overtime with just him, will be considered sexual harassment and reported as such.

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can you tell if your hymen is already broken just by looking at the vagina

A gynecologist would most definitely be able to tell. As to whether you, your mother or boyfriend/Husband would is hard to say.

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I play with my butthole alot, why is this?

Without further information as to when and why you do this it is hard to say. Knowing how old you are also would help.


What I will say is there are a lot of nerve endings back there and it just may be that it feels good and something you have come to enjoy or even find comfort in. Unless it becomes an obsession I would not worry.

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For the last 9 years my wife and I have been going down a rocky road for our relationship. I was a selfish prick to her and my two daughters. I would go off and go drinking with my buddies, I would refuse to help her in any way shape or form, and I would take full on advantage of her services. I felt that since I was the sole provider then I can do what ever I want. About two years ago she had an affair and it was a huge wake up call for myself. I started to turn myself around, quit drinking, and be there for her more. Then one day, something snapped inside of me. All I could do is think about the affair, every time I looked at her I would get so angry at her I couldn't even stand it so I would go to the bars with my buddies and go drinking to drown out the anger. I did this for six months straight with now break. During this time she was working real hard to make things right but I would simply ignore her. I got so tired of her trying to make our marriage work and I got so tired of being angry that I told her that I want a divorce. Well after I said that I went out of town on business and that gave me time to think about what I said and what I really want in my marriage. I contacted her and I told her that I have been doing some thinking and that I want to make our marriage work and turn our situation around. Well its been almost a year and my wife still is shut off from me and she keeps telling me that if she opens up a little she feels I will go back to my old ways. I have seen the errors of what I have done and I truly love my wife. She is my everything. I would love it if I could get her to open up, but everything that I try gets shut down, she turns me down for dates, she refuses to touch me, she refuses to talk to me. I figured she would just up and leave but she hasn't. Is she punishing me for what I have done? Is she feeling guilt for the affair? How do I get my wife to open up after nearly a year of her being shut down?

To answer your questions first. I think a little of all the above and who would blame her.


As to getting your wife to open up to you; What you two most desperately need is a neutral ground where both of you agree what is said their stays their. Something like a trip to Vegas only more structured.


This will work if both of you want to save your marriage. The neutral ground I speak of is the office of a good marriage counselor. Going in you both need to agree, in front of the counselor that you will be open and forthright. That everything said their stays their unless the counselor says otherwise.


You've taken a big step here by admitting to us you are mostly responsible for the problems in your marriage. My question is this; have you ever told your wife this? If not find away to tell her as this is something I think she needs to hear. In fact it may be a good lead in to asking her to go to marriage counseling with you.


The thing is we all make mistakes in life. If we are sincere, and I think you are. Then we can usually find away to correct those mistakes. It appears you may have seriously hurt your wife in a form of abandonment. She then sought comfort where she could find it. You found out about the affair and turned yourself around for awhile. Then as you say something happened, this is when you should have sought counseling.


Your wife has every reason to reject your offer. I believe though if you go to her with a sincere offer and apology for the past, she will see the sincerity. If she does then hopefully she has enough spark left that she will join you in saving your marriage.


Good luck.


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how to cope with adult son and his wife, living 200 miles away, father is controlling and narcissistic, i am the mother, caught inbetween,father wants son and wife to live in our town and be there for us, i am 77, husband is81,

This is a tough question as it involves quite a few things that have to be considered in order to comply with your husbands demands.


First variable: If your son is married his first responsibility is to his wife and children. Uprooting his family to move closer to you and his father involves a number of problems. The number changes based on the ages of his children.


Second variable: You sons ability to find work proper housing, and good schools for himself and his family. While the last two are somewhat easy the first at this time is harder to do given the present economy.


Third variable: 200 miles today is not the distance it was when you and your husband were raising your family. 200 miles is less than a 4 hour car ride or a 1 hour plane ride away. With Internet and other forms of communication now available your son can communicate with your doctors probably better than he could or equally as good as if he lived in town with you.


Fourth variable: Even if your son lived in town with you, certain things you might want him to do for you may have to be left to community agencies for the ragged as his work might make him unavailable. Things like doctors appointments, grocery shopping. Their are services to the ragged available to help with these things at little or no cost to you. This is what you have paid taxes for for all these years.


My in-laws lived 200 miles away from us, something that worried both my wife and I. At one point I had an opportunity to take a job that would allow us to move it with my father in-law. He flat refused the notion of us doing that. He told us our life was where we lived and he was right.


We managed with the help of cousins. When it was necessary for us to make a trip up to care for him or take care of something for him, we did. We did the same for my wife's Aunt who was as much a mother to her as her owns mother was.


Fact is as long as you and your husband are healthy I feel you will manage well without your son living close to you. My father in-law and Aunt lived in to their 90s without us being their except for the usual visits and the occasional emergency trips which with a couple of exceptions turned out to be non-emergency once we got there.


I understand how you husband feel that he desires to have family care for him in his old age. My feeling is he will live much longer if family is not close by to care for him.

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I'm confused so much and so depressed! I want to kiss my friends,but when i think of guy on guy i want to puke. I look at girls and think their hot, but don't feel really attracted. What am I gay, bisexual, straight, or something else?

First let me say I don't like putting labels on things especially a persons sexuality. I will say why below.


To answer your question, since yo did not give your age, I believe you are a young teenager. What I think is that you are like millions of other teenagers who are trying to define their sexuality. This is puberty at its finest, with all the new hormones floating around in your body it is easy for a teenager, boy or girls, to be confused at first. Many teenagers will be more than confused they may even experiment with their sexuality.


Experimenting with their sexuality does not mean they have to label themselves as being gay, straight or bisexual. You may end up being any of the above. This is something you should put off deciding until your hormones are well under control, which will be closer to the end of puberty. Something that occurs between 18 to 21 years of age.


As to labels: I don't like labels, they are a major source of problems especially when it comes to sex. For instance should you feel you're gay. If you are still in school and decide you gay and label yourself as such. You are leaving yourself wide open for gay bashing. Why? Because teenagers are the worst when it comes to prejudices. They have been, for the most part, taught to be intolerant to Gays, lesbians and bisexuals. For them that means more than just ignoring those that are. They Seek them out and make their lives miserable or outright look to hurt them.


If you are Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual at this time in your life; their is nothing wrong with this. But it is not a time to label yourself as such. Though I truly believe that most teenagers at this time in their lives who are questioning. What they are really doing is seeking answers and have not yet defined their sexuality. I use the word defined as you or anyone else do not chose the gay life style. Being gay is not a choice it is something you are born to. This is something that just now the medical field is just recognizing so it will take time for the population at large to understand.


For now my advise is not to label yourself; just explore and find where you are most comfortable with your sexuality.

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