|
adult son, narcisstic and controling father, i am mom age 77
how to cope with adult son and his wife, living 200 miles away, father is controlling and narcissistic, i am the mother, caught inbetween,father wants son and wife to live in our town and be there for us, i am 77, husband is81,
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I understand how your husband feels. He is scared and needs some help. I am sure he is stubborn most men are. It is difficult moving. Especially with today's job market. I am sure if your son thought he could manage living in the same town you all live in than he would.
]
This is a tough question as it involves quite a few things that have to be considered in order to comply with your husbands demands.
First variable: If your son is married his first responsibility is to his wife and children. Uprooting his family to move closer to you and his father involves a number of problems. The number changes based on the ages of his children.
Second variable: You sons ability to find work proper housing, and good schools for himself and his family. While the last two are somewhat easy the first at this time is harder to do given the present economy.
Third variable: 200 miles today is not the distance it was when you and your husband were raising your family. 200 miles is less than a 4 hour car ride or a 1 hour plane ride away. With Internet and other forms of communication now available your son can communicate with your doctors probably better than he could or equally as good as if he lived in town with you.
Fourth variable: Even if your son lived in town with you, certain things you might want him to do for you may have to be left to community agencies for the ragged as his work might make him unavailable. Things like doctors appointments, grocery shopping. Their are services to the ragged available to help with these things at little or no cost to you. This is what you have paid taxes for for all these years.
My in-laws lived 200 miles away from us, something that worried both my wife and I. At one point I had an opportunity to take a job that would allow us to move it with my father in-law. He flat refused the notion of us doing that. He told us our life was where we lived and he was right.
We managed with the help of cousins. When it was necessary for us to make a trip up to care for him or take care of something for him, we did. We did the same for my wife's Aunt who was as much a mother to her as her owns mother was.
Fact is as long as you and your husband are healthy I feel you will manage well without your son living close to you. My father in-law and Aunt lived in to their 90s without us being their except for the usual visits and the occasional emergency trips which with a couple of exceptions turned out to be non-emergency once we got there.
I understand how you husband feel that he desires to have family care for him in his old age. My feeling is he will live much longer if family is not close by to care for him.
]
I think the father is right it's appropriete to have family close to you at this age in life and I would try and make them live closer to you and I would explaine your reasonings towards them.
]
More Questions: |