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I don't want to live here anymore.
I am a sixteen-year old girl and I really hate my family. I usually have good days at school, but once I hit the steps of my home, all my happiness washes away. What's the problem exactly? Well, a lot of things, but mostly my mother. Let's start with her.
My mother and I both have a very violent past. My father abandoned us both when I was ten, and he would often abuse her and he cheated on her a few times. We used to be very close when I was a kid, but not much anymore. She is very nit-picky, bitchy, and forceful. She always complains that no one appreciates her, that no one cares about her, that no one ever helps her. I'll name a few examples. Yesterday, it was my six month anniversary with my boyfriend. It was my special day and I was really excited. I put on my favorite jeans, a nice shirt, and boots. She came in and said those jeans were ugly, and I said, "Well, I like these jeans." She got pissed and started crying about how no one loves her and I simply said I wanted to choose my own outfit. She threw a fit and slammed the door and the rest of the day, I couldn't even enjoy my day because she made me feel like shit. She always does that. She makes me feel so ugly and negative all the time by telling me I'm selfish and I am disrespectful. Also, I risk my education to watch her kids. I always skip school to help her out, and the next day she gets pissed at everyone because no one helps. I think it is unfair. I bust my ass for her. I take up all my after school time cleaning the house for her and she doesn't ever notice. She threatens me all the time. Once, I woke up at 5 a.m. and found cat poop on my sheets. I put the sheets aside and went back to bed with new sheets. The next morning, I told my mom, and she told me that I am a scumbag and I should've washed my sheets right away. At 5 a.m.? I told her I needed my sleep and I didn't have time for that, and I put them aside to wash them in the morning. She started freaking out when I told her she didn't need to yell at me for that, she pulled my by my hair into the bedroom and told me she would bash my head through the wall and smash my phone onto the floor if I said another thing. I was really upset that day and I called my boyfriend and we left.
I hate it here. I am constantly yelled at, bitched at, never appreciated, and a victim to abuse and negativity. I don't have a very good self-confidence because my mother always brings me down. She wants me to be what she wants, not what I want. She complains I'm lazy and I don't try hard enough. She never appreciates what I do for her. I can't ever be in a tired mood or not in the mood to talk to anyone. She expects me to be in a good mood all the time. When she found out I had sex for the first time, she told me I was a slut. She took me to therapy and a doctor because she thought I was sleeping around with everyone. She does her best to restrict me from sex all the time. I can't even talk to her in a mature way about it. Because my boyfriend and I are always alone, we do have sex, but responsibly. If I'm responsible about it, why does it matter if I'm doing it or not?
My family fights a lot. My stepdad is very uncaring and often acts like a douchebag. He is selfish and never respects my mother. This house is haunted with constant yelling and screaming. I stopped it once, because there was slamming of glass and crying and pounding and my little brother was crying. I talked to my parents the next day and we agreed to fix it. That's just it. Nothing got fixed. We all agreed to have a nice talk and we did, and nothing ever changed. My mom never goes through with anything.
How much more of this do I have to take? I have posted advice on this before, but most of them involve calling child support and such. I don't want to do that. I don't want my sister and brother being taken away as well. I've wanted to get out of here for a long time. My boyfriend told me my mother is an asshole and she doesn't have the right to treat me this way. He doesn't like my parents because they always make me cry. I've always wanted to move in with him even if we're both young. I don't want to live here anymore, but I doubt I could get the change I want, because I have no job or license. Please help. I need guidance. I don't deserve any of this. I'm a good kid..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm 15 and i go though the same things with my family. I don't exactly hate them, but i get along with them either. My mom remarried after my dad left her, my brother, and myself. My step dad is rude and easy to like. Me and my mom don't ever get along. What usually helps me is when i just go to my room and just text people. When they yell at me, i usually block them out and just pretend to listen. I constantly have to remind myself that one day it will be better for me! Read a Bible... You may not be into all that kinda stuff, but i promise you would be suprise how God can work in your life. You don't have to go to church EVERY Sunday and pray EVERY second of the day, but when your feeling alone Jesus will be your rock(:
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Okay real world answer to you thoughts about moving out. Until you are 18 if you leave home without parental permission you are a runaway. The police will find you and take you home which would most likely will make things worse for you.
Some of the things you wrote about fall into the category of child abuse. Child abuse is something I can advise you on how to handle and how to get fixed. You skipping school to care for you step-siblings is wrong. That is you parents job not yours.
There is an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline to help people like you find the proper help in your hometown. Call them tell them exactly what is happening to you. Everything you tell them is confidential. They will advise you as to what steps you can take to protect yourself. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
You can also talk with a trusted teacher or school principal. If they feel as I do that you have or are being abuse by law they must report this to the proper agencies. These agencies will see to your safety and the safety of your step-siblings. No parent has the right to abuse their children in any manner be it mental or physical abuse.
For more immediate help if you feel you are being abused you can always call 911. Even if you parents were to call back and tell them everything is fine and officer would have to come to the house to check for themselves. Child abuse or allegations of child abuse are taken very seriously.
One other thing or place you can go to is your local fire station. Fire Stations across the country are Safe Havens for children. If the fire fighters are not there on the front of the station is a Red Call box. Pick up the phone, it is a direct line to the dispatchers. Tell the dispatcher you are in trouble and need help. They will summon the fire fighters to the station.
You have the right not to be abused and there are many ways to get help if you need it. I think I know why mom is now the way she is. I'll just say this that the agencies that are there to protect you will also help mom get back to who she was before your dad walked out on you.
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Your mom seems to be in a bad place that she can see no way out of. You say your stepfather shows her no respect, you and her are always arguing and fighting - it sounds as if she's very confused and upset.
You are suffering too, trying to hold everything together with no help or support from anyone.
I think this situation might have something to do with age, yours and your mom's. She can see you growing up and inevitably away from her, you're no longer her little girl. The relationship with her partner is not good but its all she's got andthere's a long, lonely old age ahead of her onc e her children have gone.
She's trying to stop you growing up and away from her by stopping you having sex; she knows deep down it'll happen anyway, but to be seen as in control maybe all she feels she has left.
Is there anyone you can talk to about all this? A teacher, doctor, family friend, social worker, counselling or mediation service, advice worker, anyone in a position of authority really, who can do something positive to help.
You all need a massive boost to your self-esteem so you stop disrespecting eacf other and treat each other properly.
Hope this helps, keep in touch if you think I can help further. Best wishes X.
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Okay first I want to say you have not been with your boyfriend long enough to move in with him. Relationships change when you live together. I know it seems we two will never split up but you have to think of if you were to leave you probably would not be able to return and then you would be homeless. Second if there is abuse in the home you and your siblings may be better off reporting this abuse to the police or a counselor at school. To me it seems like your mother is suffering from PTSD. Post Dramatic Stress. Coming out of a stressful relationship can be tough I was raped 7 years ago and I still suffer and always will my therapist says. Little things can trigger it. Maybe sit down with just your mother alone. make her a meal or something. Explain to her that you are sorry about everything (even if you did not do anything) Explain to her you think seeing a therapist for depression could help her or maybe one for the family to talk to. Its not just you going threw this situation its the household I assume you are the oldest child. You need to look out for your siblings in these situations maybe take them outside till the situation calms down.
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