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I slept with my married boss
Ive been staying at work later than usual some nights, drinking with my boss. We've always talked about hooking up but bever did so. Last week, we had a little too much and actually went through with it and had sex. The thing is, I thought I'd feel a lot worse about it than I do. I don't feel guilty or ashamed at all. Is that weird? I'm not sure if something has to be wrong with me to not care that I slept with not only my boss, but a married man at that. I need opinions. I know there will be negative comments towards me, but that's ok. I want your honest opinion on what you think about this situation. So maybe i can understand why I'm ok with this. Thanks
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First read Sex at Dawn: prehistoric orgins of modern sexuality.
The negative comments are from people filled with self doubt and fear. It is unfortunate we live in societies where our religions spread fear while lying about love. Our governments and other social institutions do the same. Our brains are wired to avoid fear, so we respond strongly to these fear messages.
Stats: 80% of men and 60% of women have extramarital affairs. Only a 50% divorce rate, likely lead by those who answered you before.
We are sexually designed to be promiscuous and told this is wrong. This is like the fools who tell you humans are not designed to walk on only two legs. Wrong again.
I was forced to be a sex slave (nonconsensual ) and had hundreds, perhaps thousands of married partners. I have seen many couples who are in a deep emotional pair bond who are able to have sex with others and never have a problem. It is when you have an insecure partner or a weak emotional bond that the trouble starts.
Is this sex? Is this love? Could you submit to his wife as the alpha female, should this relationship get deep and long term?
Yes, there is something wrong with you, you are thinking for yourself. Society wants you to follow its rules and no independent thinking. By not being properly upset you are disturbing the well ordered society; feeling neurotically insecure, taking drugs, paying psych counsellors and helping divorce lawyers buy a new car.
I hope you didn't enjoy the sex as well, didn't you get the memo? Sex is bad, wrong, dirty and disgusting and only bad women like it. Oh my.
I'll need to consult my husband and ten lovers to see if they have anything to add. Now if you'll excuse me, I seem to have misplaced my own guilt.
I find the older leader types make better lovers, in general. How was yours?
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Recently, my boyfriend cheated on me. Because of my current position, I have zero sympathy for cheaters or homewreckers, like yourself.
You acted like a fucking moron. Brutal language, yes, but this is the truth. Sleeping with your boss was a dumbass move and would have been even if he was not married. You acted unprofessionally and now must deal with the consequences. If word gets out around the office, which it probably will, there's a very could chance you will lose your job. You will at least lose the respect of your fellow coworkers. The best thing you can do right now is prepare for the worst. Start working on your resume in the event that you may lose your job.
You should probably also apologize to your boss. Tell him you realize you acted foolishly, and you regret what happened, even if you really don't. You need to do what you can to gain your boss' respect back, as it's doubtful he has any left for you. If your boss does confess to his wife, you need to prepare to speak to her in a mature manner. Remember, you and your boss were the ones that ruined her life- she has every reason to be pissed. Be as tasteful as possible in this situation and apologize profusely if you are contacted.
And for the love of God, grow a damn conscience. You probably feel no remorse because it's never happened to you. Remember that karma exists, and you are most certainly going to get yours.
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Zane and I agree on many things we give answers to on this website. His answer to you is spot on to your question. There are so many things here that are wrong that I too can only advise that you find some other place to work. And that you learn from this mistake; that sleeping with someone that has authority over you is wrong. Sleeping with a married man is wrong.
Put yourself in the position of this mans wife. How would you feel if you learned that your husband was sleeping with some young thing like you from work. Now add to that being the center of attention in a possible divorce action brought by her. Women who commit adulteryare no longer emblazoned with scarlet letters though we might as well do so for the amount of scorn they receive.
There is no upside her for you or him. Both of you knew this was wrong but you did so anyway. If there is any up side to be had it would be to tell him this was a one time thing and it won't happen again. You also tell him that any future romantic gestures by him or demands to stay overtime with just him, will be considered sexual harassment and reported as such.
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I'm not sure if you are the same person that asked about this awhile back.
However, I'm still going to stick with my answer.
It is wrong to sleep with anyone who has high authority over you, Your boss didn't sleep with you he took advantage of you. Yes, Even if you consented. It's just as bad as a teacher sleeping with a student or even a therapist sleeping with a patient. In this case, You are a coworker.
You just put your job on the line. I'll give you a few reasons you should be feeling pretty shitty about what you did.
1, This man is married, He has a family. How do you think his wife would react if she ever found out? What if this man has kids?.....You don't feel bad at all coming between his marriage. Imagine how the children would feel if somewhere down the line it lead to a divorce. You were both in the wrong but you allowed yourself to be THAT person that came in between a marriage.
2, You are a coworker, As a boss he has say on whether to let you go or not. Sure, Everything may be all peaches and cream right now but sleeping with your boss...You gave him one more reason to hold something over your head vice versa. It was clearly inappropriate and an immoral thing to do.
3, You should of known better then to let your boss take advantage of you, You stated that you don't feel bad or guilty at all which tells me that you took maybe very very little thought into the fact that it was wrong. You knew it was wrong but you went and did it anyway. You've put yourself in a situation where you are the coworker that slept with her boss. If it ever gets around to coworkers again fingers will be pointed at you and your boss. Fire doesn't put out fire, Only water does. In this case you just added more fire to the pit.
If you don't feel guilty and ashamed at all after I pointed this out too you then I'm going to have to say that stupidity has gotten the best of you.
The best thing I would say you could possibly do for yourself now is look for another job....
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