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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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What if a boy says to a girl do you want a cookie?

If a girl asked you if you want a cookie, would you still be questioning what it means? Do you actually think he is speaking in secret code? My husband says, guys don't do that, they aren't that smart to think of how to speak in code. Thats a girl thing.

If a stranger on the street walks up to you and offers you a cookie? would you take it and eat it? Likely no. It could be laced with drugs or have something else dangerous in it. If you know the person pretty well, I wouldn't question it. If you see the guy at school but dont know him, perhaps its his way to break the ice to get to talk to you if he's shy. You don't have to eat it, just start talking to him and get to know him.

My boyfriend and I have been officially been together a year. On and off before for two years.. He ordered me a pair of Swarovski earrings I wanted and let me pick a few presents myself with his credit card.. We haven't had the best relationship a lot of fighting etc.. He told me he got me another present that I am going to shit myself when I see it those were the exact words.. And that it was small.. His mom told me she saw it and she was so surprised coming from him and it really came from the heart.... I'm so confused first thing I thought was a ring but I don't know... What else really comes from the heart and I'd shit myself when I see it??

Well hey, earrings are a small item.
Why did you feel the need to put in the phrase " We haven't had the best relationship a lot of fighting etc.." I'd be asking myself that rather than wondering what the gift may be. I know nothing about him and you and whether your constant fighting is due to making common mistakes in relationships that can be helped by both of you seeing a relationship expert for some training and teaching if you think he's the one to be with. If the fighting is what occurs as a natural result of the two of you being too mismatched, then I would question whether the money being spent on me, was just to buy my love.
Giving gifts may be his 'love language' of the basic 5 types of ways to show you love someone and that is okay but then I don't know that, can only guess here. If there wasnt constant fighting, I'd have no concern whatever the gift or how many he gives. Your inner voice may be trying to tell you something or maybe he's perfect for you.
If it is a ring, you'll need to decide if he's the one you want to marry. He could be referring to the amount of money spent on other things like showing mom a key to a brand new car he bought you or a plane ticket for a fancy vacation like the Bahama's or something. Who knows. You'll find out in a couple of days. Merry Christmas

im asking this to Dragonflymagic i once asked a question on how to get plastic surgery and i want to edit the answer i got so how can you do if you have any edit buttons on this site at all please post them to me thank you and i hope you ll get this in your advice colum real fast .

Okay let me get this straight. Lets say someone asks me if its a good idea to have sex at age 10, and I say no and explain why. Now that person doesnt like my answer and if editing is allowed, goes in and changes my answer to read, "Sure, you can have sex at any age, even if your younger than ten."
At that point, my answer isn't my words anymore. Right? If someone were asking questions and got 5 answers and went in and changed all of them to say exactly what the person wanted to hear in the first place, then all that was happening, was someone writing in who wanted someone to agree with them, not give their personal advice. Thats negates the purpose of the advice column in the first place.
You are not obligated to follow the advice of everyone that writes an answer. Just choose the one that rings true the closest for you and ignore the rest. No one is barred from giving advice here. There is advice coming from some teens that are very intelligent and have some real good advice and I like reading their answers to others. There are young people who haven't as good a clue what to advise and some answers are pretty lame. But you don't have to follow them. Just know that some will have less of a clue than you and have the smarts to ignore them. Even I don't give the best advice at times or someone else covers an important point I forgot. But none of us that I know of have an counseling degree's or other degree's to make us experts and that warning is stated in Terms of Service.
This is no button to edit what someone else wrote. There is no button to delete what you or anyone else posted. Once on there, its on for good.

hello there---

over the summer i met this guy lets call him J. At first i was dating my now ex boyfriend so i didnt pay much attention to J until later on in July. He made me feel like the most beautiful and wanted person in the whole world. So much so that i even invited him over my home.

I met J online, over tumblr through a video game and we video chat regularly. I knew what he looked like, not who he was. He claimed he loved me, I thought he was nuts. That is until i developed strong feelings for him. As of now we are dating, long distance, about six hours away from each other.

My mother knows who he his, but not KNOW who he is... if that makes sense. She claims I dont know him, that he is a rapist, etc etc.. the man still lives with his parents, i've seen him four times. Any sex we have had was of my free will.

My whole family actually has no idea we are dating. Simply due to the fact that i met him online. I see him in secret whenever he travels north. His family knows about me and they love me without knowing me because their son is happy. Why cant my parents be the same?

18/f, J is 23/m, my mother is 44, father is 50

I'm older than your dad with 3 daughters ranging from 21 to 27. While parents may seem over protective or not care about you being happy, actually the daughters happiness and well being really are foremost in our minds and will cause us to act the way we do out of our live experiences. We have a little more experience in gauging people and their character and intentions than our kids do. However, our kids need to learn how to be able to pick a good partner themselves. The perfect blend is finding someone yourself, and using the parents as a sounding board to ask them their opinion and advice as you are asking here. You will have to overlook mom freaking out by uttering extremes like he is a rapist. But my oldest when she was your age, without consulting us went out with a guy about 10 yrs older. He forced her to have sex and she was so ashamed to tell us that it wasnt until about 6 yrs later she confided in me. If she had told me her ideas of going on a date, I would have given her some precautionary ideas to keep herself safe.

I did internet dating to meet my 2nd husband. Meeting someone online no matter in what venue is a dangerous thing however I had age on my side and some experience on how to spot problems and judge character. Even so, I agreed to meet at a coffee shop and many turned out to be creeps even though online they seemed okay. I also got to the 3rd date with a couple before they let their real self show and what I saw was behavior I would not tolerate and thats the last they saw me. However I did find my 2nd husband there.
Living with the parents and sneaking off to meet him occasionally is not a good way to get to know a person. The less time spent around each other to get to know each other means it is easier to keep certain things about himself hidden. Dating and relationships have many stages they go through, the attraction stage, at which point you start talking and if they are interesting to talk to that prompts the two to want to hang out together and date, then the dating becomes serious enough that it becomes a committed relationship with both saying they want to only see each other and at some stage they begin to live together. Its at this last stage where all the things hidden can no longer be hidden. You're gonna see what he's like at his best or worst...when depressed, sad, angry, had a bad day, sick etc.... Sometimes we don't discover any problems that would kill the relationship until we get to the last stage. Based on the steps to getting to know someone in dating, and knowing someone on line for months or years doesnt count, I'd have to say mom is right to say you don't really know him. So when you do meet with him keep that thought in mind and try to find out as much as you can about him in each meeting. I hope you're on reliable birth control since you're being sexual with him. Don't count on just condoms, they can fail too easy.
There are many reasons for saying I love you too early. It could actually be true, or the person is saying it cus they think its what you want to hear, and want to make you happy whether they truly feel that way or not.
Or a guy can be saying it to get into your pants.
Or a guy may be needy and looking for a mommy figure in a partner as a replacement for his mommy. He feels a need to be taken care of. The fact that he still lives at home may be an indication of it and it may just be a coincidence. Keep it in mind and if after a while it seems like he leans on you too much and wants you to do everything for him, then he isn't capable of being an equal partner in a relationship. There could be many other pointers to give you. We'll just have to wait until you experience something that troubles you and you write us with those specifics. Good luck and stay safe.

Is it okay for a girl to give a guy her number without him asking? If it depends, what does it depend on? Is it creepy to just come out of the blue with it, or is there a specific way to do it?

Yes its okay for a girl to give a guy her number without him asking. However I would give a number to a guy would was already showing an interest in me that I also liked in return. He may just be too shy to ask for it himself.
If there is a guy you are crushing on, best to know if he likes you in return before offering to give him your number, cus thats pretty awkward if he's not interested.
So it would seem the thing to determine first is if there is any interest. A guy seeking you out for conversation, finding reasons to come stand close to you or sit by you, are signs that he is probably interested.
Find a way to start up a conversation with him and somewhere during the convo, offer him your phone number, weaving it into the normal conversation. Start off with asking if he's seen a particular movie thats out. Ask what kind of movies he likes and offer info on you too like your favorite type of movies or you could start with talking about music or something that is happening at your school. Once he's shared what his favorite music, movies are. Ask him if he has pets. If you do, you might offer to send him a pic of your pet and one of you too if he'd like. You could text it to him later. Write down your number and hand it to him along with a piece of paper and pen for him to write down his for you. That way both of you have each others number. If one conversation doesn't offer an opportunity to weave in an excuse to ask for his number and give him yours, then wait for a future one. It could be as easy as "Hey I am going rollerskating/iceskating this Saturday and my parents said I could ask some friends too come along. Would you like to go? Here's my number so you can call me and let me know if your parents say yes or wanna talk to my parents. Just starting imagining scenerios in your mind and you'll soon have the perfect way to give him your number

It's hard to discuss some issues with him about his daughter. Remember he is defensive when it comes to her. He has told me over and over she is first in his life and he lives for her. He's a great dad but he is so scared to make her be more responsible such as clean room...make her own bowl of cereal. When he ask her to clean her room she complains, cries and makes him help her...so, he does. I don't know what to do. It seems everytime he ask her to do something she becomes argumentive with "why" questions and sometimes pour on the tears to make him feel he's mistreating her. Im frustrated to no end. Like I said, his sister warned me in my early relationship with him that he spoils his daughter. She's ten and she makes him lay down at bedtime with her...she cant go to bed like normal children her age she has to have her dad with her. When he tells her to brush her teeth before bedtime she makes him brush with her. I never seen such. My children(who are grown) were cleaning their room...making their beds...had chores around the house but he doesn't make her cause she gets upset unless he helps her.

geez, that's scary hearing the extreme to which the daughter controls the dad. Without her mom around, she is pouring all her emotional needs into Dad to be fulfilled. Sounds pretty needy, actually the both of them. Almost as if he can replace his need for what he is missing with the ex wife, with his daughter. Let me guess,.....she left him? Maybe he misses her if thats the case and daughter reminds him of her and so he lavishes anything she wants and will do whatever she says. Thats a whole parcel of trouble coming down the road which If I were you, I wouldn't want to be around to witness.

Young kids and teens who have no one parenting and setting boundaries, will use their control to get into all sorts of mischief.
Lets hope none of this comes to pass but easily I can see her dating and getting sexual early and pregnant,
or hanging out with the bad crowd and stealing, doing drugs, generally becoming a juvenile delinquent, or
With that un-natural bond between her and Dad, the two of them could possibly begin having sex together if she pushes herself hard enough on Dad, its an easy step from demanding he lay down for a while a bedtime, to that.
I am sorry to hear that it is this bad. You are definately never going to be the main lady in his life. He needs some serious counseling and parenting help but likely doesn't even see nor would admit he needed help.

After so much time with him, during which you probably hoped things would get better, I know that likely your heart got attached. As painful as it will be to part with him, it seems that it is very irritating to you now as is and the situation can become a different kind of painful shortly down the road if you stay. I guess you are in a situation of a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

So you'll have to decide which pain and misery you'd rather live with, the parting ways which you will get over in time and the troubles with the out of control unhealthy relationship between dad and daughter which you will face for the next 8-10 or more years depending on how long she decides to live with Dad.
I truly feel badly for you. If you ever need someone to talk to dear, you can write me. Hope your Holidays are wonderful

im 18 and a girl. i hate feeling horny almost everyday. if i do this will the feelings go away? i hope so cause i dont need to feel horny as i cant see myself in a relationship for years. at least 5-10 years. so theres no reason for me to be horny. i feel so dissapointed with myself every time i cave into the urge.. like once every 1-2 days. but if going cold turkey for a month will solve it i'll commit to it

Avoiding masturbating is not going to make it go away, if anything it'll be more intense.
Masturbating does not cause it to occur or occur more often. You are normal. The only thing to take care of the feelings is to masturbate if you are not ready to find someone you trust for just a friend with benefits situation. Lots of guys may not be ready for a commited relationship but need a sex partner too. If you were you, I would devote more time to masturbating, and read up on how to and toys may help with that. achieve better more fulfilling orgasms. Having orgasms is good for our health in many ways, lowers stress for one. So there is nothing wrong with taking care of our need for orgasms and good sex before we are ready for a relationship....you just have to be very careful about a partner. Insist on both of you being screened for STDs. Rely on something other than condom for prevention of pregnancy. The most cost effective, especially if you are waiting 5-10 yrs to get into a relationship is the IUD which lasts 5-10 yrs depending on the brand. Read up on them, one is hormonal based, the Mirena and the other is not, copper based, the Paragard. Good luck dear

recently a brand new teen saga called the Mortal Insterments got popular and everybody from 13 to 18 liked it im 24 almost 25 and i really cant get into it becuase it looks like the next Twilight and im glad Twilight is not popular nomore so when will the Mortal Insterments stop being popular and what is the last book if you know tell me .

Wikipedia has lots of info even on this series. Heres what i found doing a search which you can too dear.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mortal_Instruments_%28series%29

The article says the last book (City of Heavenly Fire) is scheduled to come out May 27th 2014.

We have been together 3 yrs now and living together one year. He has a 10 yr old daughter. I have raised my daughters already they are grown and married. I also helped raise my grandson who is now the same age as my boyfriend's child. Here's the deal...I encourage his daughter to be more responsible such as getting her homework done...cleaning room etc. He's not very good at staying on top of her to do these things. She was pouring milk for cereal the other day and I said "be careful...don't pour too much"...and he said I was riding her too much. I feel like a third wheel. My boyfriends sister warned me that he spoils his daughter too much. Anyways...any suggestions?

It's usually in the living together stage of a relationship that we discover the nitty gritty about each other that can make for waves in the relationship or cause major problems. Take a good look at him and the relationship. Is this the only issue in the entire relationship? You haven't been keeping a blind eye to other issues? If this is the only problem, then do as suggested have a talk and see what compromising he's comfortable with. If talks don't go too well but he's okay with seeing a relationship counselor, then go for that. If you have not been willing to admit to other issues, it might be time to face up to those too. Are you really with the right guy?
I know that from parenting classes, books even tv shows...that if both parents/even step parents, aren't on the same page and providing a united front, there is a great likelihood of the child becoming out of control and trying to get away with all sorts of things which can bring lots of problems to the household.
Hopefully that will never happen with this child. But you must be mentally prepared that it could happen. If he is unwilling to make any compromises now, at some point in the future when more years with him have been invested, it may become critical to the relationship to come to a compromise regarding how to handle his daughter or it may affect your relationship with him.
So I'd do whatever I could to work things out now.

When I used to be a child I had this voice in my head that used to tell me what to do and that if I didn't do it something bad would happen. It told me that I have to walk up and down the stairs in an even number which meant I had to walk up and down twice. It always told me to do certain things in an even number, like turning on the lights or other simple stuff. The thing is that it still scared me and really stressed me out. I am 18 now and it's not there anymore. But now I always have this inner voice telling me all sorts of bad things. I'm not sure if it's actually me and my low self esteem or if I have some sort of a problem. I don't feel like the voice is me talking. I can't control anything it says and it's like it's always there whispering bad things in the back of my head. I can't literally hear it though, it's like an inner voice. It doesn't really tell me to do things but it's still a burden. For example It tells me that somebody doesn't like me and then I ask them if it's true. And afterwards I HAVE to ask "are you sure?" and if I don't I feel like exploding. I literally have to ask at least twice.

I'm also the girl that asked the eating disorder question, ( http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=616124 ) I don't know if this might be related in any way. I do have a voice telling me that I have to be thin but I feel like that's me talking.

Do I have a problem or is this normal?

Dear, all of us have an inner voice. Some have learned to ignore it and no longer hear it, like an example of hearing our conscience talking.
Others have learned to hear, actually hear words from the heavenly realm, from God or our angels.
Others have what they can determine are their awake mind conscious thoughts, and then also can tell when another thought, usually linked to our emotions or feelings are coming from another part of ourself that is almost like a separate entity, our subconscious mind.
Too many never get to understand and know and befriend their subconscious mind and both are working for the good and the best of the person involved.
The two minds can be at odds with each other, fighting each other. There are two reasons, one being the conscious mind has consistantly never listened to the warnings or fears of the subconscious mind and go on with plans much to their own discomfort and displeasure.
The other would be if there were any mental conditions that haven't been diagnosed and treated such as schizophrenia and others. My brother had schizophrenia and heard voices all the time telling him negative things to do. Once on medication, he didn't get the negative thoughts anymore. If something isn't working normally in the brain, then unfortunately, the thoughts that you pick up in your mind are going to be distorted, untrue and have no real purpose to them and medication can help to correct the imbalance.
If you aren't seeing a psychologist or mental health specialist or a counselor, I would advise that it is a good thing to see someone. If in highschool or college and still on parents insurance, I'd get that done as soon as possible. Once you know what type of on going treatment is needed, then you should stick with it. I can't say whether synesthesia is related to that. In itself, having two of the senses connected so they sense at the same time, like words having flavors, is not something negative. Something else is causing that. I have a daughter who developed severe depression after childbirth. It was there before but she didn't realize until afterwards and talking to mental health. All of a sudden she was bombarded with feelings of imagining killing her newborn or herself, things that she knew were wrong to think and so she was distressed just from having the thoughts. She was okay once on medication. Lots of people have issues with mental health these days. Its pretty common. So no will will think you odd or strange for needing to see a professional. And by the way, yes any voices inside your head will usually be heard to sound like your voice does when speaking out loud.

Good luck dear.

My boyfriend and i have broke up for about three months and in thsie three months ive been trying to pull him back. Hes had serious family and friends issues lately and so last week when i spoke casually with him like asked him about his day and ask other stuff for a conversation i slipped up in my just friends act and asked him about us. We got into an argument and it ended with him telling me that hes tired of eerything right now and hes over me and doesnt have feelings for me anymore.hes also told me in the past that hes tried to move on but the way i keep messaging him it makesit harder for him he also said that the way ive been talking to him like constant wuestions in order to keep the conversation going because he always gives short replies. After two days of not talking because i was hurt and i needed tome to calm myself my friend tol me on monday that he had laid his hea on this girls lap. This girl was the one that has tried to pull him away from me when we were firdt together andafter we roke up she asked him to homecoming and flirts with him. He used to like her but it turned out that she used him as a self esteem booster. So when my friend told me about that i freaked out and talked to my boyfriend. I asked hun how was his day and if the stress has gone down at alll. Then said that i thought that it would go down if i stopped talking to him. He told me that it doesnt work that way and then after a while he told me he had a speech tomorrow and had to go to sleep and say talk later or whatever. Does this mean tjt hes okay tlaking to me? What should i do about that girl because i dont aver the right anymore but he goes to a different school so i cant do much. What can i do to get him back completely. Before when we saw each other two times a few weeks ago in person we seemed as if we never broke up except for some awkward moments we ven went go the piint where we were itimate with each other and htold me he missed me and loved me still. I am so confused! Theres i slim chance hed come back to me iknow but i want him back and movingon is the very last resort for me. I havent been pleading for him back.

At your age, boys and girls are only just learning all about dating and relationships and since there is no manual that explains the hows and whys of it, it can be hard to understand.
You ask me what you can do to get what you want...him. But there is no guaranteed path you can take to make it happen. All I can do is provide some information about some basics on relationships, the purpose of dating and what you have no power over to change. It may not be what you want to hear, but the sooner you learn this, the sooner you have a chance of having a healthy fulfilling relationship with a guy. And it may not end up the one you are crazy about.
In junior high and high school and sometimes college yet, dating is all about being a social thing, to see seen with a guy you like. You feel like you have to have a person dating you to be normal. While thats okay to do, thats not the real purpose behind dating. Dating does not mean that either person have made any commitment or promises of any kind to the other person. Dating is a process in which you get to know the other person more than what is attractive on the outside. During time spent together, you find out things about a guy that you do/don't have in common or character faults such as a guy being controlling, needy, uncommunative, physically or verbally abusive, and you must drop that guy like a hot rock. You mentioned getting intimate with him. Thats the second point I want to go over. YOu know now the purpose of dating which means there will be break up if its the wrong person for you, or you are the wrong person for him.

Two things are important foundation in a solid, happy relationship, being each others best friend, and having sexual chemistry together. This chemistry can be felt first by glances at each other. On a scale of 1 to 10, it feels like 10, and that would be due to something called NRE, New relationship energy. This is important dear, pay close attention. NRE will last only a short while, depending on how often the couple sees each other, it can last only weeks, or may be drawn out over 2,3 months or maybe longer, some cases up to a year. NRE is that feeling like your head is up in the clouds and your heart forever doing somersaults. A couple has to spend enough time together to discover if there is enough romance/a spark/that chemistry with each other because NRE can make it feel like a ten at first but after it wears off, you are left with a 5 which is kinda middle of the road in how strong a connection there is. Or it may in actuality be a 1 or 2 or non existant. As people discover things in this and the previous mentioned area of personality traits, hopes dreams, beliefs, morals, that sort of thing, either it draws them closer as they have a connection, or one or both will lose interest in the other because it is not there.
Sexual chemistry= a pheromone connection. You cannot change your pheromones anymore than you can change your bone structure. Given this information, I hope you understand now that just because someone is initially interested and says things that sound encouraging, does not mean they won't eventually discover that they are with the wrong person for a relationship. While they may still like and respect you as a person, there isn't enough to base a relationship on.

Take into account now that guys are still learning what they like and want. They may not have any idea why they got bored with one girl, and until they figure out the stuff I am telling you, or ask someone and want to learn, they may keep making the same mistakes.In dating the goal is to pick up something from each person who was dated, what you liked and didn't like and to look for the negatives in people who seem attracted to you, if they exhibit those negative traits, back away from them and don't accept dating. You don't need to date a person as you get better at spotting some of the major things to avoid. Some of the subtler stuff you will discover in the process of spending time with the person.

Another thing to be aware of is that everyone tries to look their best and be on their best behavior so that also means suppressing any bad habits or tendencys until they get real is comfortable with a person. Basically, it takes a lot of personal energy to keep the mask of a false identity in place for more than a certain amount of time. So you may come across guys who seem to be really nice and sweet, all your friends and family are impressed but after 6 months he verbally abuses you and starts pushing you around. As soon as something like that crops up and is not a one time occurance but a pattern, then you drop the guy.

I came across the following information written by a male relationship expert this is the only stuff he posted for free, the rest is for sale in a book but I feel this is plenty good information.

Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you

1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection for you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or going to a movie. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

And lastly my dear, whether this other girl is right for him or not, who's to know. They both may not know either. If she's wrong for him, he'll eventually dump her too. Can yWhy some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you

1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection for you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or going to a movie. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag,
a user or controller. Leave immediately.

Lastly, you worry about this other girl. There is nothing you can do about who he dates. He's decides he isn't interested in you by the fighting and the short answers on the phone. Issues and troubles in the family will not over time be related to a breakup, only an excuse for one. In fact some personal family problems or tragedies can pull a couple closer as they seek solace and some semblance of normalcy in their life. Is it a good idea to keep calling and trying to talk to him? No. I remember the male relationship expert saying that makes a female look too needy, always needing too much contact from a guy in relation to the amount of interest he has for her. He is probably being polite in talking to you but doesn't want to date and doesnt feel comfortable being level with you and telling you the truth due to how desperate you act and how upset you get. Teens have written before wondering how to break up with someone they think might be prone to getting depressed enough to commit suicide. A break up is no reason for suicide but teens don't always make the most sound decisions and that brings me to another point. The frontal lobe of your brain responsible for good decision making will not be fully formed until your mid twenties so until then...you and all other possible guys you might end up dating are basically winging it, not really knowing the best decisions and actions to take. Some teens are very aware of how depressed other teens can get and he may be decent enough to not want to freak you out to the point you lose control. If you can come to a state of mind where you understanding what I have shared, are ready to move on and let him go, then he may be able to be honest with you. There has to be a natural calmness and peace about it. Make a list of the traits in him you did like and look for them in the next guy. In letting him go, it gives him a chance to date other girls. In the end, he may decide in comparison that he doesnt like what he found in them and come back to you but that isn't very likely although it does happen.
I hope I covered everything. If you have any more questions, just write me again dear.

i remember watching that show as a kid and i found that episode called Here Kitty Kitty Kitty on youtube but the problem was it was in spanish i would like to watch it in english if you have the english verson could you post it to youtube and post me a link to it so that i can watch it thank you .

I am not familiar with that show soIf you have a you tube account, meaning you need to have a google email, I wouldn't know what to be searching for on you tube.
It would be better if you do the search yourself.
Just put in a search for You tube, original site and when that comes up, in the search bar above put Here Kitty Kitty Kitty and do a search. Anything that people may have posted will be there. If it doesn't show it is not on you tube. You might have to do a search on the web to see if DVD's of the show are available for purchase.

Hi, I'm a sixteen year old girl, around 98 pounds, no health issues. I have severe health anxiety and depression problems. I go through left arm pain sometimes, and it scares the crap out of me! I always think its because of a heart attack. I'm having no chest pain, very light arm pain. It comes and goes. No shortness of breath, no sweating, no "sense of doom" . My shoulder and arm just ache for a minute then goes away after I stop thinking about it. Also goes away after I sleep. Do you think there's a reason to worry, or should I continue to ignore it? (I have been to the doctor and she said my heart sounded fine and I have normal blood pressure)

I had that experience one period of my life. Exactly the same as you mentioned. I was seeing a Chinese trained American naturopath/acupuncturist.
When a went to her with these symptoms and she checked me out, the first thing she asked was, "Okay, tell me whats going on in your private life because this kind of pain is caused by extreme stress."
It is not related to having a heart attack but mental and emotional stress can eventually lead to cauMy guess is you shouldn't be with the current boysing a real physical illness or disease.
You're young so you're not at that point yet. Best thing to do is get counseling for and medication for your depression. Your healthy anxiety issues are obviously caused by your mind dwelling on the topic. The thing is to stop these negative thoughts as they appear, negative thinking can be stopped. However in light of the fact you also have depression, it may be very difficult to find any success in stopping these thoughts and replacing them with positive ones just by sheer effort of willpower and concentration. It also takes lots of time and focus and dedication to pulling it off.

What may be easier is to see a hypnotherapist for this. These fears and anxieties are generated by your sub conscious mind and hypnotherapy goes straight to dealing with the subconscious and replacing the negative thought process, or desires or addictions with the wanted one.

Your subconscious is where all your emotions and feelings are stored, even the good ones like joy and happiness. But fears, anger, sadness also come from there. There is such a thing as having a healthy fear about something which causes you to take care to not be reckless and endanger yourself. But a fear can also grow out of control and be all consuming as yours is worried more than you should be about your health.
Talk to the parent about getting some professional care if you are not currently getting any. If you're on medication and its not helping, you need to see Dr. to try a different one.

Good luck dear.

I'm a seventeen year old girl. I'm just a bit curious about this. You see there's this guy that since two years ago likes to bother me a lot - not in a really mean sort of way. He gives me nicknames acting as if I'll bother me but they're nothing like "four eyes" or anything like that. He still does it but not to a high extent as he used to - which was what bothered me quite a lot. He even bothered me about supposedly "liking" my sister. I played along thougg I did make it clear that I wasn't going to let guys near my little sis. I think my friends once started trying to hint something becuase they mentioned the fact that my sister is almost like an identical copy of me. I don't really have any experience with boys in that matter - I have boys as friends, just never had a boyfriends - and can't really tell. Just wondering if he actually does have a crush on me - I'll let it be clear that I don't like him that way.

You could safely guess that since he takes the time to interact with you in such ways that there is an initial interest and attraction to you. Whether that can fully develope to really liking the person takes more time spent hanging together such as dating. If you enjoy the friendship but dont feel attracted romantically then just continue on as you have been. If he gets brave enough to ask you out, then tell him, you value his friendship but don't have romantic feelings in return.

I'm a 22 year old female and I recently developed what should be an innocent school crush. After all I have a boyfriend, and under no circumstances would I leave him for this guy. Yet it feels like I'm back in my high school days, when it seemed like every guy I liked did not like me back.

I attended a private high school in a wealthy area, and some of the girls there were drop dead gorgeous. When I first started there, I was an awkward 14 year old girl and although I tried to turn myself into another one of those girls it never worked. Most likely because they remembered the person that they started high school with, and to them that's who I still was in at least some aspect.

Since then, the braces came off and my hair looks very nice. I actually tend to get more unwanted attention from men than desired.

Every time I see this guy I get reminded of how physically attracted I am to him. This is something that I lack with my boyfriend or any other guy that I dated, since I tend to go for personality and I often find it better that way. I find me wanting him to do things for me like tutoring me in my pre-calculus class, since he got through calculus... and other things, like little fantasies.

We're both in relationships with other people, and no matter what, it doesn't matter. I really don't need to know whether or not I'm his type. I don't need to know if his girlfriend's really pretty or if she's unattractive. Whether he's sexually active, or intends to stay a virgin until he's married. I just find him physically attractive, intelligent, open-minded, funny and I enjoy his company. This does not mean that I desire to engage in sexual intercourse with him, or to kiss him... or do anything else that would mean cheating on my boyfriend.

I also find my feelings about him wearing Abercrombie & Fitch rather lame. Most of the guys that I had a crush on in high school wore that name brand, and they always turned out to be the world's biggest douches. So, somehow that makes me associate him with the losers that I used to like back in high school.

The thing is that he's someone that I've decided I would miss too much to just lose touch with. I told him that I'm going to miss him after we finish philosophy class together, and I asked him if he wanted to keep in touch. He said that I'm a good friend too, and he definitely would, but that he'd be busy because he's taking 20 credits with his girlfriend next semester (something that I don't think is a good idea but would never tell him).

Why do I have these types of feelings?

NOTHING about him is telling me that he's at all like the guys that I knew back in high school. Instead, he always says hi to me, we engage in long conversations before class and when I asked him if his little sister was his daughter (even though I knew she wasn't) he didn't get mad at me. So really there's nothing that tells me if we were both single and I started flirting with him, that he wouldn't allow me to. I sincerely doubt that he's at all like those assholes who dissed me back in high school, so all of these thoughts really make no sense.

I think this might have something to do with the fact that I'm not used to making a lot of close friends. Other than my boyfriend, my best friend is one of my ex boyfriends who I've known forever. I know a few people who I can call and who probably schedule a day to hang out with me if I asked, but I'm rather socially awkward when it comes to making friends.

Hello dear.

What comes to mind with your agonizing and spending so much time on the subject is that it is possible
that you are not being totally honest with yourself to begin with, you might be lying to yourself.

We all have done that at some point to some degree or another. It's best described as your conscious mind trying to talk your subconscious mind into believing something you plan for or desire to do is the best thing for you. So that's when you end up in a quandry, going over every little detail, every thought, even comparing to your past. It means your conscious mind and subconscious minds are not on the same page here.
From what I pick up from your writing, your subconscious mind is what connected to the physical/romantic feeling attraction. It is a pheremone thing and your subconscious mind instinctively knows this is very important in a relationship for you and so it won't let it rest and brings up these feelings over and over.

Your conscious mind registers the fact that you are in a dating relationship with a boyfriend where the only things you specifically said about him was: " ...how physically attracted I am to him, This is something that I lack with my boyfriend"

What that tells me is that he may feel safe, comfortable, stable for a long term relationship, comfortable is like an old worn shoe...comfortable is two people who can be best friends. And you are wise to pick up on the fact that it is important to have this as a foundation for a long term relationship. But that is only one part of it dear. The other half of that foundation for a happy successful long term romantic relationship is chemistry...that spark/pheromon connection is just as important.

We try to lie to ourselves. My first husband was someone who was my sexual mismatch because of lack of this connection. It did not end well. I'd be glad to share more details if you write to me so you can see for yourself what will happen to relationships that lack this type of physical attraction and passion.at

If your subconscious mind is already unsettled and unhappy about the choices you are making, it's time to be honest with yourself. I think, like me, you are willing to ignore the obvious, the initial feelings of attraction because you haven't tasted fully of it yet as I hadnt. (you mentioned not feeling it with any past boyfriends)
So you are saying you are willing to settle for less, a good man with whom you have no sexual cravings or desires, no passion behind the kisses and maybe as in my case, no orgasms ever by him, I had to masturbate to get any. Having experienced what 30 yrs of marriage to someone like that is, being sexually mismatched and both of us miserable but stubbornly sticking together for no particular reason at all other than maybe not wanting to feel like we failed at something... I feel strongly and will advise any young lady to wait until she can find both in one man.....
Both the best friend and the passionate lover and be attracted to both aspects of him. I will not say that this one person you feel it with, just because he's the first one you felt it for, might be the right one for you. I think all your subconscious is screaming at you is, "Don't deny us the passionate lover part in a relationship. I will only be happy with that. Don't drag me along any longer in non passionate relationships"

If you're no longer in high school, its time to realize dating is no longer cus its the social thing to do, dating is for discovering what you like, need and want in a partner long term ... possibly marriage some day.

As for going back to bring up things you worried about and were concerned about in high-school, that's a mental game you're playing with yourself, putting up the false flags as far as this guy you have physical attraction to. You are doing everything in your ability to hide, mask or distract your subconscious mind from that fact that this is very important to you. He's in a relationship so he's off limits. If he ever becomes single, date him a while to see if alls okay or there are some things about his personality you can't live with. The lesson to take away from this experience is that you need to be honest with yourself and able to admit that having someone with whom there is mutual passion is just as important as having them for a best friend. Good luck dear and you can write me anytime to talk in further detail if you need. Just tell me a piece of your story so I remember who you are.

Me and a old friend of mine used to give orel sex to eachother when we was like 13 we both have a serious relationship with girls but for some reason I can't quit wanting to do it again. But don't know ho w to go about asking him about it cuz I would lose everything if anyone found out. It's also kinda odd cuz we havnt really talked in a few years and we are both 21 now and I am afraid he might have grew out of those thoughts now.

You could be right and it might have been more of an exploring your sexuality thing when you both were young. There's no way to know unless you ask him. Although since you haven't talked in years, if you start up convo again with him, i wouldn't make that the first question you ask, leave it for a later conversation asking something like, Hey do you remember when we were young and used to.....
and then ask him if he grew out of it or if that still interests him.

However, I think before you take any action like that, you decide what you really want, and who you really are inside and be able and ready to accept it. What I am trying to say is, you mentioned being fearful of losing "everything" if anyone found out that you have an interest in men.
I assume by the statement "serious relationship" that you truly have a sexual interest in the female and are not attempting to force yourself into a mold of desiring females sexually when you don't, or trying to deny and cover up that you desire both. Only you know what is truly your desire. Don't lie to yourself. Be honest and own up to it, you may be Bi-sexual. While in general, it is no one's business to know what your sexual preferences and lifestyle is, it is entirely important to be open and honest with anyone with whom you are also sexual or have a serious relationship that may lead to being sex partners.
Keeping it hidden is a bad choice for several reasons.
She may be totally straight and not want to share you with another female or male.
Oral herpes and other things can be passed to the genital so theres always a possibility that you contract something from the guy and pass it to her or from her and pass it to the guy.
Secrecy builds walls and tears down trust in a relationship. Yes if you tell the truth, you may lose her but she should have the choice to decide and not find out by accident at which point there'll be more hurt and pain and fighting and perhaps hatred between you and her. All that can be avoided by being willing to be truthful up front and risk losing her. I can tell you right now that the statistics are that the majority of women are straight hetero sexual and nothing else and they will not want their partner to be anything else. I used to read up on statistics for polyamory, under which you find hetero sexual people with other hetero sexual partners, bi sexual women and bi sexual men who have other partners than their marriage partner or domestic relationship partner. The best guess is that only one in every two hundred people is polyamorous in one way or the other.

Before continueing on with the girl, you may want to take time, while not in a relationship with her, unless you're willing to come open and talk to her about your feelings here,
and take that time to go explore your sexuality with a grown male to see if this is something you are really drawn to and greatly wish and desire as much as you desire women. If so, then you need to be open and honest with a female from the start. You may find yourself needing to search on the web for local bi-sexual or polyamorous sites where you can meet people. Some areas of the country will be more likely to have these hidden alternative sexual communities. Some of the bigger metropolitan cities will, but its least likely in the bible belt area of the U.S.

If you take time to explore men whether it works out with your friend or not, and you can discover that it was interesting in fantasy but in reality, it didn't do anything for you, then continue on with a strictly female partner only and never look back.

If you wonder why you should give it a try now, its because you have grown and matured a lot since then. You were basically an older kid/young teen compared to a young adult now. And don't be disgusted with yourself. Exploring your sexuality is an important thing to do, no matter what age. If you are single unattached, its easy, but it's complicated when you are in a relationship.

i read the answer to delete a question and you said that you can edit answer is that possible is there like an edit button on this site that you can edit with no registration if so i would like to see it and Dragonglymagic i hope this appears in your advice colum as a private question or to the open forum .

Yes, you are using the way to send private message to me so no one else will see this.
From the instructions I read that the creators of this site have posted in FAQ's, the advice columnist can go in and change/edit their answers but they can't delete them. The person to whom the answer is given cannot go in and delete them. So that means you can't delete an answer given to you.
If you are an advice columnist, you can go to your own advice column and look for an answer you have given and you can change it. Mostly what I change is typing errors or when I see that my old pc acted up and posted one paragraph twice...so I go in quick and clean it up so it readable and not confusing.

Happy Holidays to you!

As a baptist faith. What do they think of suicide?

I used to attend 3 different types of churches over my life and I know they believe the same as Baptists, all the Christian churches, no matter the denomination believe the same...that people who commit suicide are not allowed into heaven.
That is a scare tactic used in attempt to get believer to behave a certain way, the same as saying we have one life to get it right or we go to Hell. Hellfire and brimstone is another scare tactic. You may not agree with me, but it never made sense to me that the God I felt I knew was so cruel and unloving. A parent may not like it when their child disobeys or does wrong, no matter how great their wrong or sin. But a parent will love their child, just not love their sin. And loving parents always give their children as many chances as they need to finally wake up and get it right.
So, no..I don't believe we have one life only. I believe we reincarnate. As with that belief, if someone was killed by an accident, or intentionally by another or oneself, the only bad thing is that they didn't have the rest of this life to work on whatever they were here to learn. But they get another chance to. So if a person wanting to escape a life they can't bear figure suicide gets them out...haha the jokes on them, cus they will have to come back to complete the lesson they never got a chance to complete cus of a life cut short. All that happens is a prolonging of the learning and experience process.
Think of life as school from Kindergarten through college. Dropping out of high school could be compared to committing suicide. Sorry cant think of a better analogy. Once we pass one grade level as a soul, we go on to the next. We are not passed on to the next level if we did not satisfactorily pass the current one. Nope, we repeat grades. So as to suicide, it's best that no one choose that option, cus the painful life we try to escape doesn't stop until the experience we're meant to go through is fully experienced, or the trait we want to learn is completely learned. Suicide is only a temporary stop in the experience cus we are born into another body and go through the same thing again.
I know you only wanted to know what Baptists think. But they will tell you to not think for yourself and study what other beleifs say. Many other beliefs are more like what I just shared.
You have to decide for yourself, what your inner self is saying is right. And then, stick with that.

My mom tried to dye her gray hair and now she has a bald spot in the middle of her head. The dye made her hair more gray too and didn't even color it. It looks like maybe her hair is burned off, idk. What can she do?

If mom never had female balding beforehand and this spot is there now right after a hair coloring, then you can pretty count on it being caused by that.

I colored my hair a lot when I was younger just for the fun of it. However after one time I left it on too long, it burnt my hair so that chunks were coming off the ends with each stroke of hairbrush. In a panic, I turned to a professional hairdresser friend who said to stop using a brush. Use a comb and even then, limit the amount of combing, limit the amount of shampoos, anything action that you could take involving the hair, don't do it. Let it rest. Nothing could be done but wait for the hair to grow out. She told me that once it was grown out two inches, she'd take 2 inches off the bottom all around to get rid of the worst of the burnt hair.
I never did perms or coloring of my hair after that, not even professionally. Even the milder stuff is still not good for you.

What awful timing with the holidays coming! The best thing to do is cover up with a hat. She could wear a Santa hat indoors as part of her festive get-up so others don't see. I don't know how brittle the rest of her hair is and she wouldn't want more breaking off in trying to cover it. But if it seems pretty stable for the hair around the spot, she might look for ladies hair piece, either on a comb or clip on, that come in various shades and combo's to match ever hair coloring. To get the best shading and real human hair, may be expensive. I once bought an add on ponytail type piece to wear for a wedding. and I got at at one of those booths at the middle of a mall. It wasnt expensive and came close but not exact to my hair coloring. No one noticed.

Whatever she does, she should NOT recolor at this point to change the color just because it isn't what she wanted. She risks losing ALL of her hair and being totally bald by applying any coloring again now. She should talk to a beautician to find out how long she must wait to color again and if she doesnt like the color, she may want to retain the help of a hair dresser at that time who can use something not as harsh to help change to color. This is not the time to try to save money and do it your self.

Recently I've been feeling quite empty and I have cut myself on my leg with a razor. There's a lot of them. The problem is that my boyfriend is coming over in a couple of days and if he sees them he will flip, maybe even break up with me. Don't get me wrong, he's really understanding, but he thought I wouldn't be stupid enough to do it. Also I lied and told him that I wouldn't do it. I NEED to get rid of them NOW. Any suggestions as to what I can do? Bearing in mind these are fresh cuts and they they haven't yet started healing. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks.

There's no way to make cuts disappear fast. Your body heals on its own time schedule. Ointments might prevention infection. Many write in also asking how to get rid of the scars once it's healed and agains thats hard to say what might work on one person, for it may not work as well on another. Vitamin E on scars/to diminish them but I've not heard anything about putting that on fresh wounds.

If you can't learn how to be open and honest to share what you are going through, you won't be ready to see a professional to deal with the mental/emotional hurts that are causing the stress/pain/depression which makes you want to cut in the first place. If you can't be 'REAL' with him, especially if you are in a relationship, then this secret will always be between you , keeping you both from growing any closer, because whether he is aware of it or not....you are. And your actions as you are now asking "how to hide it or heal it instantly" are the very things that may keep this relationship from ever getting any closer. Some day you will hopefully be in a long term relationship or marriage with a man who is your best friend, and his love is unconditional...meaning you don't have to meet any ideals or quota's to earn his love and respect. He'll be a person who will encourage you to reach to be always the best that you can be, supporting you in following your dreams and hopes, not tearing them down.
This may be one way to find out what he is made of, see if he will be loving and understanding and want better for you and willing to lend his strength, encouragement and support or not be understanding, despite the fact that you lied. A person hurt emotionally may lie, not because they indeed to be false to another, but the core intent is to protect oneself, although this isn't a good way to go about it.

I vote for coming clean with him and letting him know what is going on. You may or may not want to go as far as sharing some of what your inner turmoil is. That is a trust you need to build up over time with him and I dont know how long you've been dating. What I do recommend is going to see a professional counselor. THis will take some time as they need to get to know you and you to gain trust in them before you can begin to work on your issues.

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