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What should i do?
My boyfriend and i have broke up for about three months and in thsie three months ive been trying to pull him back. Hes had serious family and friends issues lately and so last week when i spoke casually with him like asked him about his day and ask other stuff for a conversation i slipped up in my just friends act and asked him about us. We got into an argument and it ended with him telling me that hes tired of eerything right now and hes over me and doesnt have feelings for me anymore.hes also told me in the past that hes tried to move on but the way i keep messaging him it makesit harder for him he also said that the way ive been talking to him like constant wuestions in order to keep the conversation going because he always gives short replies. After two days of not talking because i was hurt and i needed tome to calm myself my friend tol me on monday that he had laid his hea on this girls lap. This girl was the one that has tried to pull him away from me when we were firdt together andafter we roke up she asked him to homecoming and flirts with him. He used to like her but it turned out that she used him as a self esteem booster. So when my friend told me about that i freaked out and talked to my boyfriend. I asked hun how was his day and if the stress has gone down at alll. Then said that i thought that it would go down if i stopped talking to him. He told me that it doesnt work that way and then after a while he told me he had a speech tomorrow and had to go to sleep and say talk later or whatever. Does this mean tjt hes okay tlaking to me? What should i do about that girl because i dont aver the right anymore but he goes to a different school so i cant do much. What can i do to get him back completely. Before when we saw each other two times a few weeks ago in person we seemed as if we never broke up except for some awkward moments we ven went go the piint where we were itimate with each other and htold me he missed me and loved me still. I am so confused! Theres i slim chance hed come back to me iknow but i want him back and movingon is the very last resort for me. I havent been pleading for him back.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
At your age, boys and girls are only just learning all about dating and relationships and since there is no manual that explains the hows and whys of it, it can be hard to understand.
You ask me what you can do to get what you want...him. But there is no guaranteed path you can take to make it happen. All I can do is provide some information about some basics on relationships, the purpose of dating and what you have no power over to change. It may not be what you want to hear, but the sooner you learn this, the sooner you have a chance of having a healthy fulfilling relationship with a guy. And it may not end up the one you are crazy about.
In junior high and high school and sometimes college yet, dating is all about being a social thing, to see seen with a guy you like. You feel like you have to have a person dating you to be normal. While thats okay to do, thats not the real purpose behind dating. Dating does not mean that either person have made any commitment or promises of any kind to the other person. Dating is a process in which you get to know the other person more than what is attractive on the outside. During time spent together, you find out things about a guy that you do/don't have in common or character faults such as a guy being controlling, needy, uncommunative, physically or verbally abusive, and you must drop that guy like a hot rock. You mentioned getting intimate with him. Thats the second point I want to go over. YOu know now the purpose of dating which means there will be break up if its the wrong person for you, or you are the wrong person for him.
Two things are important foundation in a solid, happy relationship, being each others best friend, and having sexual chemistry together. This chemistry can be felt first by glances at each other. On a scale of 1 to 10, it feels like 10, and that would be due to something called NRE, New relationship energy. This is important dear, pay close attention. NRE will last only a short while, depending on how often the couple sees each other, it can last only weeks, or may be drawn out over 2,3 months or maybe longer, some cases up to a year. NRE is that feeling like your head is up in the clouds and your heart forever doing somersaults. A couple has to spend enough time together to discover if there is enough romance/a spark/that chemistry with each other because NRE can make it feel like a ten at first but after it wears off, you are left with a 5 which is kinda middle of the road in how strong a connection there is. Or it may in actuality be a 1 or 2 or non existant. As people discover things in this and the previous mentioned area of personality traits, hopes dreams, beliefs, morals, that sort of thing, either it draws them closer as they have a connection, or one or both will lose interest in the other because it is not there.
Sexual chemistry= a pheromone connection. You cannot change your pheromones anymore than you can change your bone structure. Given this information, I hope you understand now that just because someone is initially interested and says things that sound encouraging, does not mean they won't eventually discover that they are with the wrong person for a relationship. While they may still like and respect you as a person, there isn't enough to base a relationship on.
Take into account now that guys are still learning what they like and want. They may not have any idea why they got bored with one girl, and until they figure out the stuff I am telling you, or ask someone and want to learn, they may keep making the same mistakes.In dating the goal is to pick up something from each person who was dated, what you liked and didn't like and to look for the negatives in people who seem attracted to you, if they exhibit those negative traits, back away from them and don't accept dating. You don't need to date a person as you get better at spotting some of the major things to avoid. Some of the subtler stuff you will discover in the process of spending time with the person.
Another thing to be aware of is that everyone tries to look their best and be on their best behavior so that also means suppressing any bad habits or tendencys until they get real is comfortable with a person. Basically, it takes a lot of personal energy to keep the mask of a false identity in place for more than a certain amount of time. So you may come across guys who seem to be really nice and sweet, all your friends and family are impressed but after 6 months he verbally abuses you and starts pushing you around. As soon as something like that crops up and is not a one time occurance but a pattern, then you drop the guy.
I came across the following information written by a male relationship expert this is the only stuff he posted for free, the rest is for sale in a book but I feel this is plenty good information.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection for you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or going to a movie. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
And lastly my dear, whether this other girl is right for him or not, who's to know. They both may not know either. If she's wrong for him, he'll eventually dump her too. Can yWhy some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection for you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or going to a movie. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag,
a user or controller. Leave immediately.
Lastly, you worry about this other girl. There is nothing you can do about who he dates. He's decides he isn't interested in you by the fighting and the short answers on the phone. Issues and troubles in the family will not over time be related to a breakup, only an excuse for one. In fact some personal family problems or tragedies can pull a couple closer as they seek solace and some semblance of normalcy in their life. Is it a good idea to keep calling and trying to talk to him? No. I remember the male relationship expert saying that makes a female look too needy, always needing too much contact from a guy in relation to the amount of interest he has for her. He is probably being polite in talking to you but doesn't want to date and doesnt feel comfortable being level with you and telling you the truth due to how desperate you act and how upset you get. Teens have written before wondering how to break up with someone they think might be prone to getting depressed enough to commit suicide. A break up is no reason for suicide but teens don't always make the most sound decisions and that brings me to another point. The frontal lobe of your brain responsible for good decision making will not be fully formed until your mid twenties so until then...you and all other possible guys you might end up dating are basically winging it, not really knowing the best decisions and actions to take. Some teens are very aware of how depressed other teens can get and he may be decent enough to not want to freak you out to the point you lose control. If you can come to a state of mind where you understanding what I have shared, are ready to move on and let him go, then he may be able to be honest with you. There has to be a natural calmness and peace about it. Make a list of the traits in him you did like and look for them in the next guy. In letting him go, it gives him a chance to date other girls. In the end, he may decide in comparison that he doesnt like what he found in them and come back to you but that isn't very likely although it does happen.
I hope I covered everything. If you have any more questions, just write me again dear.
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