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he's never mine to begin with..
Me and this guy started the same time in the company that we're working for. We go on the same floor but he's on another depertment, more on the far end of the floor. We became instant friends since he's my seat buddy on our orientation.
We have settled on each of our units, and have our own set of friends, but we regularly have lunch and dinner together. Even go home together. We even always talk and flirt over our communicator system.
We have never really defined our relationship. But I really like him, cause he's really funny, sweet, and nice to me.
I have this friend of mine, who also belongs to the same unit as I am, who also have a secret crush on him.
I know that I shouldn't have any issue about it, and there isn't any issue about me and my friend yet, but it really pissed me off. I also discovered that they're chatting as well on the communicator.
I really felt jealous, like my head is going to explode, and my fingers is getting numb, and like my breathing goes heavy.
They've been chatting regularly and it's just breaking me apart.
I tried to ask him if he's alrady seeing someone, or flirting with someone. For which he all denies. I cannot ask him about her, and I can't ask her about him, because I know it's not my place.
We still talk regularly, have lunch and dinner, and go home together. Nothing actually changes, though maybe there is, me.
I don't know what to do, on how to deal with all of this? On how can I remain at least friends with both of them.. I want to trust him that nothing's going on. But I can't demand any assurance from him. And I can't really stop him from seeing someone. How can I do this and carry on?
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HI hon. I wanna refer to the feeling of jealousy cus many people see it as a negative thing to be avoided. All it is, is like one of the warning lights on a cars dashboard advising you of something that needs to be taken care of (gas running low, a door not completely latched, etc)
So it is an indicator to check out something. In this case I think you already may have a clue.
Paraphrased in short from Wikepedia:
Jealousy is negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.
So you probably already fear that you may be losing your chance with him and your title: he's never mine to begin with indicates how unsecure this situation is. Well the only way to handle fear is to face it. And that means taking the advice of the previous advice giver, in talking to him. All the time he spends with you is a pretty sure thing that he is very interested in just you. The fact that he is a friendly, outgoing person means that he will be his normal self and talk casually to any people male and female he comes into contact with, and with co workers a work friendship. Men can have friendships with females where it ends there at just friendship and have an involved relationship with one woman who lights his world. A good key to think of is the amount of time he spends with any one female on his own time. Looks like thats you so far with his lunches and dinners and travel home time. If he answers that he is interested, then your relationship becomes one of committment to date only each other. At that point if you have any issues, write us again and we'll see if we can help.
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You should pull him aside and ask him if he sees a relationship, other than friendship, with you. If he says yes,which I think he might by the way you guys spend time together, then ask him if you guys could talk about it in private later over dinner or whatever. Tell him how you feel. I dont think theres anything going on with your friend and him, and if he says he wants a relationship, or to date, then let go of the worry you have about him and her.
If he says he doesnt see a relationship with you then just say good I like it the way it is now too. He might not want to date someone from work ...but I have a feeling he likes you!!
All you can do is try otherwise youll regret it. Prepare yourself for either answer but dont let it get you down if it doesnt turn out how you want because at least you tried. Then maybe you could make him jealous by spending time with another guy :p ..or maybe you guys will actually start getting more serious. But you wont know til u try. Good luck!
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Tell him you want more.
Ask him to be in a relationship with you.
Clearly, this is what you want. Clearly, you aren't actually satisfied with the current arrangement between you two.
That's fine, but it's time to be honest about that. It's not her crush that is making your miserable, it's the fact that you want a kind of relationship with this man, that you don't currently have.
You are right: You don't really have a place to inquire about her feelings or their friendship. What you DO have a place to do is tell him about your true feelings and desires.
Stop just trying to 'cope'. You aren't just friends with this guy, you have a romantic connection and you want something more. Stand up and ask for what you want.
Yes, that means taking the risk that he'll end it entirely, but if you don't speak up soon, your own fears and anxiety will end this any way, so bite the bullet and at least try to get what you actually want.
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